When a Spouse Is Unfaithful

“I wanted to die when my husband said that he was leaving me for a younger woman. It all seemed so unfair, especially when I remembered the sacrifices I had made for him.”—Maria, Spain.

“When my wife suddenly left me, it seemed that something died inside me. Our dreams, our hopes, and our plans had been destroyed. There were days when I thought I was free from anxiety, only to find myself back in the depths of despair.”—Bill, Spain.

MARITAL unfaithfulness is devastating. True, some mates have found that they can forgive a repentant spouse and rebuild their relationship.a But whether the marriage survives or not, those who discover that their mate has been unfaithful invariably suffer intense agony. How can such ones deal with their fragile emotions?

BIBLE VERSES THAT CAN HELP

Despite the heartache, many innocent spouses have found comfort in the Scriptures. They have learned that God sees their tears and shares their pain.—Malachi 2:13-16.

“When anxieties overwhelmed me, you comforted and soothed me.”—Psalm 94:19.

“As I read that verse, I imagined Jehovah soothing my pain tenderly, as a compassionate father would,” recalls Bill.

“With someone loyal you act in loyalty.”—Psalm 18:25.

“My husband had not been loyal,” explains Carmen, whose husband had been unfaithful for months. “But I could trust in Jehovah’s loyalty. He would never let me down.”

“Do not be anxious over anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication . . . let your petitions be made known to God; and the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts.”—Philippians 4:6, 7.

“I read this text over and over again,” says Sasha. “As I prayed more and more, God gave me peace in my life.”

All those quoted above felt like giving up at times. But they trusted in Jehovah God and drew strength from his Word. Bill put it this way: “My faith gave meaning to my life when everything else seemed to have collapsed. Though I walked for a time ‘in the valley of deep shadow,’ God was with me.”—Psalm 23:4.

a For a discussion of whether to forgive or not, see the series in Awake! of April 22, 1999, “When a Mate Is Unfaithful.”

How Some Have Coped

Meditate on comforting scriptures.

“I read the book of Job and then the Psalms,” explains Bill, “underlining every passage that seemed to fit my own circumstances. I realized that these Bible writers had experienced the kind of pain and anxiety that I was feeling.”

Find consolation in music.

“When I could not sleep at night, I listened to music,” Carmen remembers. “This was a great source of comfort.” Daniel says: “I learned to play the guitar and found that the harmony needed for the music helped me recover my inner peace and harmony.”

Talk about your feelings.

“I was not used to talking about my feelings,” Daniel says. “But I had some good friends, and I reached out to them every day. I unburdened my feelings on them, both in writing and in conversation. That really helped.” Sasha says: “The help of my family was crucial. My mother was always there for me. If I wanted to talk, she was there to listen. My father also made me feel secure, and he helped me recover at my own pace.”

Persist in prayer.

“I prayed constantly,” says Carmen. “I felt that God was near to me, listening to me, and helping me. Through this terrible time, I drew closer to God.”