Protect Your Child From Pornography

“It’s not that we didn’t recognize the danger of pornography—because we absolutely did—but we didn’t realize how easily our daughter could be exposed to it.”—Nicole.

In this article

• What you should know

• How to protect your child from pornography

• If your child has been exposed to pornography

What you should know

Children can be exposed to pornography at an early age. Studies show that the average age when children first see pornography is now 11.

Children can be exposed to pornography without looking for it. For example, they might come across pornography while doing harmless research on a search engine or while browsing social media. Advertisements for porn might pop up while they are playing online video games. Pornography comes in different formats, the most common being photos and videos. However, explicitly erotic material is readily available in written form and in audio podcasts, all of which can be streamed or downloaded online.

Another factor to consider is that individuals may send children explicit material electronically, such as through messaging apps. In one study of over 900 youths, nearly 90 percent of girls and nearly 50 percent of boys said they receive nude photos and videos from classmates on a regular basis.

Mainstream pornography is often violent. The most popular and easily accessible pornography frequently contains some level of violence, often toward women.

Pornography harms children. Research shows that children who are exposed to pornography are more likely to do the following:

• fall behind in school

• experience anxiety, depression, and low self-worth

• view sexual aggression as normal behavior

The bottom line: Children are vulnerable to the harmful effects of pornography, and parents are in the best position to protect them.

Bible principle: “These words that I am commanding you today must be on your heart, and you must inculcate them in your sons and speak of them when you sit in your house and when you walk on the road and when you lie down and when you get up.”—Deuteronomy 6:6, 7.

How to protect your child from pornography

Educate yourself. Consider when and where your child is more likely to be exposed to porn. For example, does he have unsupervised Internet access during breaks at school?

Learn the safety features of hisa cellphone, and become familiar with the apps he uses and the games he plays. For example, some messaging apps have a “disappearing” message function that allows an explicit message, image, or video to disappear after a short period of time. And an increasing number of online video games allow players to view pornography and even engage in virtual sexual acts within the game.

“I say this from experience: If your child has a smartphone, you as a parent should know how to use it, how to protect it with parental controls, and how to monitor what your child is doing with the device.”—David.

Do all you can to prevent exposure. Take steps to reduce the risk. For example: Adjust the settings on your child’s phone as well as on all devices in the household to filter explicit content. Activate parental controls. And know all the passwords your child uses.

“I found it practical to enable the parental controls on our devices, restrict the programs my son could access on our smart TV, and know the PIN on his smartphone.”—Maurizio.

“I don’t let my boys watch videos in their room with the door closed. When it’s time for bed, I do not allow them to take their devices into their bedroom.”—Gianluca.

Prepare your child for exposure. “Some parents avoid talking to their child about pornography, convincing themselves that their kid will never face the problem,” admits a mother named Flavia. Other parents may worry, ‘If I bring it up, my child will look for it.’ This way of thinking is flawed. Wise parents will educate their child about the dangers of porn before he is exposed to it. How can you do so?

Teach young children what they should do if they are exposed to explicit content. For example, they can shut their eyes or turn off their device. And encourage them to talk with you about what they saw or heard.b

“We started to talk about the dangers of porn when my son was very young. When he was about 11, pornographic ads started to pop up in a game he had downloaded on his smartphone. The images were accompanied by chat invitations to send pictures of himself. Because we had discussed what to do, he came to me right away and told me what happened.”—Maurizio.

Help older children to resist the temptation to view, listen to, or read porn. For example, help your child prepare a contract that includes family rules outlining what he will do if he is exposed to porn and why he wants to take that action. Have him include in the contract the consequences of deliberately viewing porn, such as loss of self-respect, loss of his parents’ trust, and a damaged relationship with God.c

“As kids get older, help them think beyond the immediate temptation of viewing pornography to the long-term consequences.”—Lauretta.

“If our children understand not only the dangers of pornography but also how Jehovah feels about it, they will be better protected.”—David.

Talk regularly. As hard as it may be to believe, kids actually want to talk to their parents about sexual issues, including pornography. “The overriding message [from kids] is talk early, talk often,” says Dame Rachel de Souza, Children’s Commissioner for England. “Children want an age-appropriate conversation that evolves over time in line with their growing maturity.”

“When I was growing up, there were some subjects that my parents never discussed with me. I wish we had shared in more open and free communication. Now that I’m a mother, I do my best to talk to my children about sex regularly and in a relaxed manner.”—Flavia.

If your child has been exposed to pornography

Remain calm. If you discover that your child has viewed, listened to, or read pornography, try to control your reaction. He may already feel upset, shocked, or guilty about what happened. Reacting in anger will only make him feel worse and may make him less likely to approach you in the future.

Get the facts. Rather than jump to conclusions, ask questions to discern how your child was exposed to pornography. For example, did someone send him the image, or did he find it on his own? Was it an isolated event, or has he viewed pornography before? Did the device he was using have content filters or parental controls installed? If so, did he try to get around them? Remember, your goal is to draw out your child—not interrogate him.

Take action. For example, if the exposure was accidental, you may need to adjust the parental controls and filters on his device.

If you learn that he searched for pornography, provide loving, yet firm, discipline. Reinforce your child’s desire to reject pornography by reasoning with him on scriptures such as Job 31:1, Psalm 97:10, and Psalm 101:3.d And let him know that you will check in with him each week both to monitor his progress and to see if there are additional things you can do to help.