Women and the Middle Years
‘GUESS who comes out on top in the happiness charts,’ said Redbook magazine. Their survey of 52,000 women showed that the happiest women are middle-aged.
This shouldn’t surprise you. A young woman’s expectations in life are often so naive that she is unprepared for life’s ravages. The older woman, however, already knows what it’s like to be smitten by disappointment—and how to bounce back from it. From a wealth of experience, she employs strategies that help her avoid the pitfalls of youth.
Still, “turning 40 can be frightening,” admits one woman. “You’re young, but you know you’re going into middle age.” So much stress is laid upon youth in Western culture that many are naturally apprehensive about aging.
The onset of menopause, for example, concerns many. For it heralds not only a period of some physical discomfort but also the end of childbearing. Should this be dreaded?
Childbearing can indeed be rewarding. (Psalm 127:3) So it’s only natural for some to feel somewhat saddened when this part of life ends. But many middle-aged women frankly do not want the commitment of time, energy and emotion that having another baby would entail. As the book After Forty says: “The pause that depresses some often refreshes others.”
What, though, of any that grieve over the end of childbearing—who feel empty and lonely? If the life of a person has centered solely on raising children, middle age can be agonizing. Jesus Christ showed, however, that there is a loftier purpose in life than merely raising children. Once a woman exclaimed: “Happy is the womb that carried you and the breasts that you sucked!” But Jesus replied: “No, rather, Happy are those hearing the word of God and keeping it!”—Luke 11:27, 28.
For those whose life revolves around serving God and who have “sown” appreciation for godly values and principles, life does not seem empty when childbearing years pass. Jehovah’s Witnesses, for example, view the years of their life, including the middle years, as an opportunity always to expand their sacred service to God. They know that there is “something better than sons and daughters”—a good relationship with God and the promise of his blessing.—Isaiah 56:3-5.
“I’m Losing My Youth!”
One woman admitted: “When you begin to show a few wrinkles, you’re extremely aware of them. You begin to feel, ‘I’m losing my youth.’”
Yes, “beauty disappears.” (Proverbs 31:30, Today’s English Version) But self-esteem should not rest solely on fleeting physical assets. Your real charm is not your outward appearance. Rather, it is “the secret person of the heart in the incorruptible apparel of the quiet and mild spirit, which is of great value in the eyes of God.” (1 Peter 3:3, 4) If you have cultivated this inner beauty—mildness, compassion, hospitality, generosity—you remain beautiful, regardless of age!
True, you shouldn’t neglect your physical appearance. So-called middle-age spread, for example, can often be prevented—at least controlled—by proper diet and exercise. And you can dress tastefully “with modesty and soundness of mind.” (1 Timothy 2:9) The book Prime Time frankly warns: “A girlish dress and hairstyle only make a middle-aged woman’s face and figure look older, but a more adult dress and hairstyle complement her ripe appeal.”
One woman in her 50’s reminds us, though: “A dress, a hat or a blouse will not make a woman feel better if she doesn’t think much of herself. You have to feel beautiful inside!” So don’t fret when your face gets more lines or wrinkles. For as one man put it: “A face that shows struggle, experience, growth and change, plus the potential for still more change and development, is a beautiful face, a truly youthful face.”
Women Who Are Alone
What, though, of women who must face the middle years alone? If a woman hasn’t cultivated real friendships or has no meaningful way to spend her time, loneliness can consume her. Rose, on the other hand, is a single woman who has learned one of the secrets of combating loneliness. “Give of yourself,” she says. “If you want to receive, then start giving. Try to get acquainted with people. You’ll be surprised; in time they respond.” Another woman likewise suggests: “Invite people to your home. Have a little get-together, even if it’s just cake and coffee.” “The generous soul” is often blessed with enduring friendships!—Proverbs 11:25.
While much more could be said, it is apparent that your earlier years to a great extent shape your middle years. Yet the menopause, loneliness and even the loss of physical beauty can all be successfully hurdled. And even if you now see a need for a change in your values, it is never too late to change, never too late to start “sowing” properly.
[Pictures on page 5]
Physical beauty fades . . .
. . . but inner beauty gives lasting charm