“Kilio”​—An African Way of Mourning

“MANGAZA is dead!” These stunning words brought grief into the lives of four suddenly orphaned youths. They had lost their mother! Yet their grief was soon to be greatly compounded.

Why? Because three of Mangaza’s children​—Emeli, Richard and Ernest—​are Jehovah’s Witnesses. Their faith would not permit them to follow the long-established funeral customs of Zaire​—traditions rooted in superstition and belief in immortality of the soul. How did these three Christian youths respond to pressures to conform? Their experience not only is faith strengthening but also provides an interesting look at African mourning customs.

A Break With Tradition

The youths immediately made a courageous decision. Richard contacted the elders of the local congregation of Jehovah’s Witnesses and asked them to speak with Mangaza’s oldest brother. For not only was he owner of their house but, by custom, was obliged to arrange the kilio​—the Swahili word for mourning.

The elders kindly explained that the funeral itself would be taken care of by the local congregation of Jehovah’s Witnesses. However, they would not interfere with any local traditions family members wished to carry out.

Words for the Dead

The mortuary to which Mangaza was brought was soon filled with relatives and friends. All, especially close relatives, were crying loudly, for if a person didn’t cry, others would think that he was responsible for the death. You see, in Zaire death is not accepted as natural unless the person is very old. Occultism is often thought the cause of death. So at times the relatives would call out to the “spirits” of dead family members, “She is coming now!” or, “Please receive her well!”

Mangaza’s children could not entirely avoid this emotion-charged atmosphere. Customarily, women who are relatives stay very close to the casket. Therefore Emeli said: “I didn’t want to upset the family by staying home at this moment. So I asked some Christian sisters to accompany me to the morgue. We would stay there for a short while, go out, and then return after a few minutes. This helped me to keep my emotional balance.”

At the Funeral Site

The funeral itself posed other problems for Mangaza’s Christian children. As the casket was carried from the mortuary to the graveside, family members and friends formed a procession of singers and dancers. Said Ernest: “We didn’t go along in the procession as that would identify us as part of the traditional system of mourning.”

At the graveside a minister from the local congregation of Jehovah’s Witnesses gave an encouraging talk from the Bible, highlighting the Christian hope of the resurrection. Mangaza’s children and their Witness friends now left the graveside. However, the rest stayed for their customary “messages” to the dead. Everyone listens carefully to these messages so as to determine the “killer” or the reason for the death. A message such as, “Excuse me, please, for once having offended you,” or even, “If it was my fault to let you die, come, then, and take me away, too, today” could be viewed as a confession of guilt!

The “Kilio”

For one week now the mourners practice the kilio. Since Mangaza’s brother owns the house, there is little her children can do but watch as he prepares the kilio. He begins by emptying the house of all furniture. Soon the relatives descend upon the home, the men sitting around a fire outside on chairs and stools and the women sitting on the floor of the house on sackcloth. Close female relatives are placed in the corners of the house to dream and have visions. Again, they are trying to find out the ‘cause of death,’ even if the medical reason is already known.

Fortunately Mangaza had long ago told her children: “If I die and you have a dream or message seemingly coming from me, don’t believe it! In such a case, it will be coming from invisible, wicked spirits.” She added: “If I die, it is up to you all to stay faithful so we can see one another in the resurrection.” “These words,” said Ernest, “helped us very much during the funeral and kilio week.” Richard added: “It made it easier for us to stay firm and not compromise.”

Avoiding compromise during the long kilio week was not easy, though. Emeli tried to separate herself as much as she could from the other women in the house and talked instead with fellow Christians who visited all week long. “That helped me to stand firm and not be influenced by the others,” she said.

While kilio is supposed to be a week of mourning, at times the gathering took on the appearance of a carouse. Heavy eating and drinking are supposed to help you forget the sad death. “We never drank with the rest or even served the beverages,” said Ernest, “since that would have been considered a participation in the kilio.”

Needless to say, not all were happy with this firm stand. In fact, one relative who traveled a long distance by air to attend the kilio promised to beat up any Jehovah’s Witness he found present. “But when he saw the large number of them who had come,” said Ernest, “he never did do what he had planned.”

Now came evening. According to custom, no one is allowed to sleep in a bed. Said Emeli: “The first two nights I stayed the night with a Christian sister. But when the guests at the kilio got used to my not being there with them on the floor, I started sleeping in my own bed again.” Similarly, Richard and Ernest would leave the house late at night and stay with a friend. “We left one by one,” said Richard and Ernest, “so as not to draw too much attention, and would come back early every morning so as to spend the day with the family.”

The Seventh Day

This is a special day of the kilio, a day of joy to end the week of mourning.

The mourners usually sing and dance around a fire, in some cases even hiring an orchestra. They will now bathe (for the first time in a week), change their clothes and even sleep in a bed. The joy spree goes on for 24 hours.

Close family members choose their kaniki, or mourning clothes (usually of black material), which they will wear for the next year. The women shave their heads, indicating that the kilio is over. “That was another thing we couldn’t do,” recalled Richard, “since the Bible says, in Deuteronomy 14:1: You must not ‘impose baldness on your foreheads for a dead person.’”

Finally the day came to an end. The fire was put out, friends returned to their homes, and relatives remained to discuss property settlements. Mangaza’s older brother decided to keep the house in which Mangaza’s family had been living. “But,” said Ernest, “he said that if only one of us became a Catholic again, he would let us live in the house. We therefore prayed to Jehovah for a solution to this problem.”

Rather than compromise their faith, Emeli, Richard and Ernest decided to find their own place to live. They now live close to a congregation of Jehovah’s Witnesses and thus continue serving their God “with spirit and truth.”​—John 4:24.

What You Can Do

Funeral customs vary the world over, and because many are contrary to Bible teaching a Christian would not wish to participate in such. It is therefore wise to inform relatives of your stand on such matters. And, like Mangaza, you parents do well to teach your children the Bible and let them know how matters should be handled in case of your death.

There is also much that you can do to help the bereaved. Emeli recalled: “Our Christian brothers really encouraged us. They were always around; they were polite; they greeted all; they talked with us in an upbuilding way. They did not stay very long each time when they came, but we always had good friends at our sides all the time during this hard period.”

So with a right understanding of the condition of the dead and a firm hope in the resurrection even death can be coped with. And while kilio​—mourning African style—​does little to ease the sting of death, the sure hope of the Bible does!