Young People Ask . . .

Why Are My Parents Overprotective?

You say you’re old enough to stay out late on weekends. They say you have to be home early.

You want to see that new movie all the other kids are talking about. They tell you that you can’t see it.

You say you’ve met some nice kids you’d like to go out with. They say they’d like to meet your friends first.

WHEN you’re a teenager, it sometimes feels as if your parents have a choke hold on your life. Every “I want to” you make seems to be followed by an inevitable “No, you can’t.” Recalled one young girl: “When I became a teenager, my parents started putting all kinds of restraints on me, like coming in by midnight. I really resented it.”

No part of your life seems safe from the ‘prying eyes’ of your parents. “My dad questions me about how I get my money and where I spend it,” complains 18-year-old Billy. “If I make it, I feel I should decide how to spend it.” Fifteen-year-old Debbie has a similar grievance: “My dad always wants to know where I am, what time I’m going to be home. Most parents do that. Do they have to know everything? They should give me more freedom.”

In all fairness, though, most youths manage to get their way at least a fair share of the time, and likely you’re no exception. Still, there may be times when your folks seem to forget that you are growing up and treat you more like a toddler than a teenager. From where does this compelling urge to protect come?

“Mental Distress”

Doubtless you have long ago figured out that the protective urge pretty much goes along with the job of being a parent. When Mom and Dad aren’t busy putting a roof over your head, clothing or feeding you, they are often grappling with how to teach, train and, yes, protect you. And if your parents are Christians, they take seriously the Bible’s command to ‘bring you up in the discipline and mental-regulating of Jehovah.’ (Ephesians 6:4) So their interest in you is far from casual. They are responsible before God for the way in which they bring you up. And when something seems to threaten your well-being, they worry.

Consider Jesus Christ’s parents. Once, after a visit to Jerusalem, they unknowingly left for home without him. When they became aware of his absence, they made a diligent​—if not frantic—​three-day search for him! And when they finally “found him in the temple, sitting in the midst of the teachers and listening to them and questioning them,” Jesus’ mother exclaimed, “Child, why did you treat us this way? Here your father and I in mental distress have been looking for you.” (Luke 2:41-48) Now if Jesus’ parents suffered anxiety, think of how often your parents must worry about you!

Power Versus Experience

Another reason parents are so inclined to protect is the fact that their perception of you, your friends and the world we live in is likely quite different from yours. As Solomon once noted, young people are full of “power” and energy. (Proverbs 20:29) They see the world as brimming with opportunities to explore and develop their potentials. But in doing so, they do not always use the best judgment because they are “inexperienced” and lack “shrewdness.” (Proverbs 1:4) Adults, though perhaps lacking in “power,” often see the world through the eyes of experience. They well know the pitfalls and dangers of life and want to help you “ward off calamity.”​—Ecclesiastes 11:10.

Take, for example, that never-ending conflict over what time you should come home. You perhaps see no reason to be restricted in this way. But have you ever looked at matters from your parents’ point of view? The school-age authors of the book The Kids’ Book About Parents tried to do so. They admit: “We know that parents get worried and angry when kids are out past their curfew.”

Indeed, these youngsters compiled a list of what they call “the fantasies that must go on in parents’ heads about what their kids are doing if they are not home at the proper time.” Included in this list were such things as ‘doing drugs, getting in a car accident, hanging out in parks, getting arrested, going to porno movies, selling dope, getting raped or mugged, winding up in jail, and disgracing the family name.’

At face value, it seems almost amusing that some parents jump to such conclusions. ‘I’d never do such things,’ you proudly assert. But is it not true that many young people​—perhaps some of your schoolmates—​are doing just such things? Should you therefore resent the suggestion that keeping both late hours and the wrong kind of company could be harmful for you? Why even Jesus’ parents wanted to know his whereabouts!

Understand Your Parents’ Feelings

True, not all of your parents’ restrictions may seem so reasonable. Some youths even say that their parents’ fear of harm coming to them borders on paranoia! But there are reasons for this. The Bible tells of a young man named Benjamin and how circumstances required that he and his brothers make a trip to Egypt. His father’s reaction? Says the Bible: “But Jacob did not send Benjamin, Joseph’s brother, with his other brothers, because he said: ‘Otherwise a fatal accident may befall him.’”​—Genesis 42:4.

Now Benjamin was a grown man, likely in his 30’s. He could easily have chafed at being treated this way. After all, why would a “fatal accident” be any more a threat to him than to his ten older brothers? Nevertheless, he apparently understood his father’s feelings. Benjamin was the second child of Jacob’s beloved wife Rachel. She had died giving birth to him. (Genesis 35:17, 18) You can therefore imagine the intense attachment Jacob must have had for this son! Too, Jacob was under the misconception that his other son by Rachel, Joseph, had suffered “a fatal accident.” Though perhaps not entirely rational, Jacob’s reactions were at least understandable.

At times your parents may likewise seem to go to unnecessary lengths to protect you. But remember, so much time, energy and emotion have been invested in you. The thought of your growing up​—and even eventually leaving—​may disturb and frighten your parents.a Wrote one parent: “My only child, a son, is nineteen now, and I can hardly bear the idea of his moving out.”

Yes, your growing up may seem a cruel reminder to your parents that they are aging, and that their job as parents is seemingly coming to an end (although it really is not!). One parent said: “At first you think you have lived your life and are now ready for the scrap heap.”

Hence, the tendency on the part of some parents is to smother or overprotect their children. It would be a real mistake, though, to overreact to this situation. One young woman recalls: “Until I reached the age of about 18, my mother and I were very close. . . . [But] as I got older we started to have problems. I wanted to exert some independence, which she must have seen as a threat to our relationship. She, in turn, started to try to hold on to me tighter, and I reacted by pulling away more. I realize now that I was partially at fault.” Far better it is to cultivate “fellow feeling” and try to understand your parents. (1 Peter 3:8) A young girl named Kathy explains that doing so ‘helped her to be more considerate of her parents.’

You, too, will do well to be more considerate of your parents, and try to cultivate some mutual understanding. Remember, not all youths have parents that care enough about them to look out for their welfare. And if yours are the caring sort, be happy. It means you are loved.

[Footnotes]

[Picture on page 16]

Many teenagers feel that their parents fence them in