Who Gets the Child?

AS Paul waited his turn in the steamy New Hampshire, U.S.A., courtroom, his stomach cramped. Weeks earlier, his wife had hustled their two sobbing children from the home. Paul was not about to give up his 7- and 13-year-olds without a fight.

Finally, his court battle was about to end. “It’s all so unfair,” thought Paul as the judge decided one case after another. “This judge, a total stranger, is going to decide where my children are going to live.”

Paul and his wife were one of 1,187,000 U.S. couples who divorced during 1985. This was triple the number of 1960. The surge in divorces is not limited to the United States but is worldwide. Roughly from 15 to 20 percent of divorces involve court battles over custody. In Paul’s case, one court appearance followed another. Tensions mounted. “One day in court with all these things spinning through my head,” explained Paul, “I felt as if I was going to go wild and start grabbing people. I was so frustrated.”

Fortunately, Paul controlled his emotions. Front-page news reports, though, have detailed murder and mayhem spawned in the bitterness of custody disputes. Why do these cases often become such fierce conflicts?

Parental Warfare!

Laws regarding the awarding of child custody vary around the world. In most Western countries the mother and the father have equal rights before the court. In deciding who gets the child, the courts in recent decades have stressed “the best interests of the child.” This allows each parent to contend that he or she is the one best suited for custody.

Though some parents fight in the interests of the children, others are motivated by spite and animosity toward the former mate. The child becomes “the ultimate instrument of pain” by which a parent unleashes anger or frustration. The children can become, as one judge stated, “footballs to satisfy the ‘I’ll show you’ attitudes with which estranged spouses too frequently are imbued.”

Some parents even take the law into their own hands. Parental child snatching has become an international problem. According to estimates, there are as many as a hundred thousand cases in the United States each year! One agency has found that the number of cases doubled during the five years leading up to 1983. The emotional trauma to the children is often great. In her book Children in the Crossfire, Sally Abrahms says: “Child stealing is the heartbreak of the Eighties.”

Justice in the Courtroom?

From ancient times, parents have appealed to the government to intervene in such custody disputes. Wise King Solomon is remembered for his famous decision in settling a child-custody dispute between two mothers. (1 Kings 3:16-28) But wielding the proverbial “sword of Solomon” is not easy for judges today.

When a family is shattered by divorce and both parents want custody, the court must decide. Judges consider such factors as the mental stability of each parent, the wishes of the child, the quality of the relationship between each parent and the child, and their respective abilities to provide a secure environment.

In most cases, however, the child wants and needs a warm relationship with both parents. Thus, the goal of most courts is “to assure minor children of frequent and continuing contact with both parents.” In the case mentioned earlier, the judge considered that Paul’s “life revolves around his children,” whereas his wife preferred “to spend her free time at a local restaurant talking with her mother and friends.” Paul was given physical custody. Still, the need of the children for their mother was recognized in that she was given “liberal visitation rights.”

Recently, however, an ominous trend has developed. To win a case, some lawyers have turned custody disputes into religious controversies. This unethical practice has diverted some courts from their true function of focusing on the best interests of the child. Instead, judges have embroiled themselves in a religious evaluation that is beyond the mandate of the secular court. But what are the consequences?

Some lovers of civil liberties believe that the intrusion of religious issues into child-custody disputes jeopardizes the rights of every child and parent. Since so many families will be shattered by divorce or separation in the years to come, your life may be affected.

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In the United States, as many as 40 percent of all families with children may be affected by divorce or separation in the next decade