Winning the Battle!

When you first meet Lee, an articulate, outgoing, and slightly overweight young woman, it is hard to believe that five years ago she almost died from anorexia. But when you begin to talk to her, you are deeply impressed with the mental changes she had to make​—some very difficult—​to defeat this deadly eating disorder. “It was not just a battle with food,” she explains.

Since eating disorders are the result of underlying emotional problems, the battle to overcome them is fought in the mind. Trying to develop a different set of values is one of the first steps to recovery. All of us have certain established values, things that we consider important. This shapes our viewpoint of ourselves and directs our response to stressful problems. Those with eating disorders must change their values, which means developing a different mental attitude.

“By your new attitude of mind be transformed,” urges the Bible, “so that you can find out what God’s will is​—what is good, pleasing, and perfect.” (Romans 12:2, An American Translation) Yes, one’s attitude must be molded by God’s view of what is pleasing. Our Maker knows us intimately. He is certain of what will bring us lasting happiness. Just what does he consider important?

Focus on Real Beauty

God values what we are inside. “The secret person of the heart,” when adorned with a quiet and mild spirit, “is of great value in the eyes of God.” (1 Peter 3:4) Yet, we live in a world where women are commonly evaluated by their appearance. But how unwise to adopt this same standard, for what if today’s thin-is-in mentality changes? A hundred years ago in the United States, plumpness was chic. In 1890 one ad urged: “Respectfully tell the ladies get plump with . . . ‘Fat-Ten-U’ foods which are GUARANTEED to make the Thin Plump and Comely.”

“I had always measured others by their physical appearance,” admitted Lee, who then made some changes in her attitude. “But now I learned to value Christian qualities in others and in myself. I now try to develop likable qualities. I realize how superficial it is to judge myself and others by physical appearance.”

Maintaining the right attitude about looks is not easy. We may need to avoid constant association with those who are obsessed with their weight or who harp on physical appearance. “It is a constant struggle to fight society’s pressures and keep the right attitude,” admits Lynn, who successfully recovered from bulimia. “I didn’t automatically have the right attitude, but I had to make myself think the right way.” This change in thinking also affects the type of things upon which we build our self-esteem.

Reject “Empty Glory”

Many people with eating disorders build their self-worth by striving for perfection or by totally dominating their hunger. The self-centered praise they find for themselves is in reality vain or empty. God’s Word tells us to do nothing ‘out of egotism, but with lowliness of mind consider that others are superior.’ (Philippians 2:3) The original Greek word for “egotism” literally means “empty glory,” or praise that is hollow. So those who do things out of egotism try to draw attention to themselves for reasons that are void of any genuine or lasting value. They glory in things that are empty.

For instance, Lee said: “I felt special because no one could make me eat.” Yet she admitted: “I believed if I was only thinner, I would feel better about myself. But when I took off more weight, I still felt bad about myself.”

Lee then revealed a major turning point in her recovery. “I realized,” she said, “that to God I was like a tiny drop in a bucket, so why did I have to be the greatest? One doesn’t have to be the best. It’s okay if others are better than you in certain things.”

Yes, Lee learned to ‘consider others as superior.’ Actually, others do have certain abilities and assets that are superior to ours, even as we may excel in certain things. Yet, that does not mean that others are of intrinsically greater worth than we are or that we are of greater worth than they are.

Since those with eating disorders ardently desire to feel good about themselves, they must focus on what brings real self-esteem. “Rather than trusting in my looks for praise,” confided Melissa, a recovered bulimic, “I found that accepting God’s values and respecting his view has given me a greater sense of self-worth.” Yes, just as the Bible says: “Charm may be false, and prettiness may be vain; but the woman that fears Jehovah is the one that procures [genuine, not empty,] praise for herself.”​—Proverbs 31:30.

Friendship With God

The proper “fear of Jehovah” is not a morbid apprehension of divine punishment but is a dread of displeasing God because he has become our Friend. “Happy is the man in fear of Jehovah, in whose commandments he has taken very much delight,” states Psalm 112:1. As God’s friend, one can find pleasure in obeying His laws. This gives strong motivation. But how does God view the matter of eating disorders?

God’s Word tells us to respect our bodies, a precious gift from God. (Romans 12:1) The apostle Paul listed ‘uncleanness of every sort and greediness’ as things displeasing to God, noting that there are ‘things that take place in secret by unbelievers that are too shameful to relate.’ Among these things likely was the custom of some Roman banqueters of relieving themselves by vomiting during a feast and then returning to continue eating greedily. (Ephesians 5:3, 5, 12) The apostle wrote: “I will not let myself be brought under authority by anything.” (1 Corinthians 6:12) Thus, to enjoy God’s favor, we cannot allow food and dieting to dominate our life.

Since there are several types of eating disorders and different degrees of involvement, the seriousness of one’s conduct in God’s sight may vary. Yet, the desire to be a friend of God will move one to overcome eating disorders. “The biggest thing in my recovery,” said Ann, “was realizing that I couldn’t practice this habit and please God.” But what if there are some setbacks in one’s fight?

“The guilt that came with bulimia is indescribable,” admitted Melissa. “Nights and days when no one was around, I cried and cried, begging God for his help and forgiveness.” How comforting to know that God “will forgive in a large way” and will show “mercy to those fearing him.” (Isaiah 55:7; Psalm 103:13) Even if our hearts may condemn us, “God is greater than our hearts and knows all things.” (1 John 3:20) He sees more than our weaknesses. He knows the depth of effort we are putting forth to break free and the progress we are making.

Never weary of turning earnestly to God, seeking his forgiveness no matter how often you have to approach him about the same weakness. If you are sincere, he will give you a cleansed conscience because of his undeserved kindness. (Romans 7:21-25) “Through it all,” affirmed Melissa, “God was a true and dependable Friend who heard my prayers.” Not giving up is a key to winning the battle!

Handling Painful Emotions

To win the battle, one must learn to handle negative feelings rather than resorting to food as a tranquilizer. Often, obtaining relief requires telling someone about such feelings. For instance, her father’s teasing her about her weight led to Mary’s bulimia. “It was really my fault because I didn’t tell anyone how bad I felt about his teasing me,” explained Mary. “I would just go into my room and cry.”

But expressing such feelings is not easy for a person obsessed with pleasing others. Yet, the book Bulimia: A Systems Approach to Treatment states: “Recognizing feelings of anger and learning to express them in a safe and appropriate manner are major issues in recovery from bulimia.” How fitting is the Bible’s advice: “Be wrathful, and yet do not sin; let the sun not set with you in a provoked state”! (Ephesians 4:26) When angered or pressured to say yes when you really feel like saying no, ask yourself: ‘How can I be honest and straightforward without being caustic?’

Remember also that the Bible does not describe a woman’s role as simply being a people pleaser. Faithful women of God, while submissive to their husbands, were at times properly open with their feelings. They showed initiative and chose ventures that were not always easy. (Proverbs 31:16-18, 29) Of course, there is the risk of failure when pursuing an unfamiliar endeavor. Those with eating disorders are often terrified of making mistakes and appearing foolish. But everyone makes mistakes! “The righteous one may fall even seven times, and he will certainly get up,” says Proverbs 24:16. Learning to profit from mistakes and failures is vital for recovery and for prevention.

At times, painful emotions involve what happened in the past. While memories of those experiences may still pain you, strive to ‘show yourself attentive toward Jehovah’s acts of loving-kindness.’ (Psalm 107:43) Surely, there were some good times when you could see evidence of God’s goodness and love. Try to focus on these. Even if you were terribly victimized, it does not mean that you deserved such mistreatment, nor does it determine your worth as a person.

Get Help!

A person trying to overcome an eating disorder needs to confide in someone he or she can trust. Don’t try to go it alone. Lynn explains what was a major turning point in her recovery: “One night I brought my mother to my room. After crying for ten minutes, I finally blurted out that I was bulimic.” She adds: “My parents were so understanding. Mom helped me to be patient and not to expect an overnight recovery. Dad gave practical suggestions and prayed with me. If I hadn’t opened up, I would have missed all this help.”a

Having the support of others is often essential for full recovery. Avoid isolating yourself, especially when you feel vulnerable. (Proverbs 18:1) When she gets upset, Lynn no longer turns inward. She says of her recovery: “Mom and I would go for a walk and talk about the upsetting problem. Instead of returning to bulimic behavior, I would do something, such as calling a friend, rather than isolate myself.”

Within the congregations of Jehovah’s Witnesses are persons who have been helpful to some who were trying to break free of an eating disorder. “I could no longer help myself,” admitted Ann, who had reached her lowest point in her struggle with bulimia. “So I poured out my heart, revealing the problem I had kept secret for ten years.” Christian friends were very supportive. “My pride had kept me from seeking help, and it almost cost me my life. The relief was beyond words. With the help of my friends, I made a full recovery.”

In some cases help is needed from professionals who specialize in treating eating disorders. Usually, a medical evaluation is the first step. The help available may include various types of talk therapy, nutritional counseling, and perhaps the use of medication. In extreme cases hospitalization may be required. Likely a doctor or a hospital would know of any such specialists in your community.

Reasonableness and Hope

“The doctor assured me that if I just ate balanced meals, my metabolism would return to its normal state, and I wouldn’t get fat,” explained Lynn. “And that’s exactly what has happened.” Thus, how wise is the Bible’s recommendation: “Let your reasonableness become known to all men.”​—Philippians 4:5.

Success in losing excess weight can be achieved by consistently cutting back on the amount of fats and refined foods, such as sugar and white flour, and increasing the intake of fruits, vegetables, and whole grains. Moderate exercise is important too.b Because of genetics, age, and other factors, however, some people are heavier than what may be fashionable.

Lisa, who overcame a long battle with dieting and bulimia, reached a sound conclusion: “I do not feel that the victory is in losing weight. I think the victory is in achieving moderation in all things, even if that means weighing more than this world dictates is fashionable.” However, as one develops a reasonable view of physical appearance, he or she may seek weight loss, not solely for appearance’ sake, but to avoid the health risks associated with obesity.

Instead of constantly trying to reduce to fit into smaller sizes, a person can wear clothes that are becoming and that also fit comfortably. Try to keep occupied with wholesome activities rather than daily weighing and measuring yourself. If you are battling bulimia, make sure that you remove all extra food you may have stashed away, and when food shopping, have someone go along. Strive to eat meals with others. Work to maintain a reasonable schedule, and take necessary time for leisure activities.

Above all, cultivate a purpose in life. Focus intently on the Bible’s hope of a coming new world of righteousness. God will soon rid the earth of the many frustrations that lead to eating disorders and end forever this 20th-century plague.​—2 Peter 3:13.

But what can a parent or a spouse do to help someone in the family who has an eating disorder? A later issue of Awake! will consider this.

[Footnotes]

[Pictures on page 10]

Learn to reject the world’s propaganda that your worth depends on your looks