An Evening in a Japanese Home

By Awake! correspondent in Japan

ARE you interested in meeting different people, learning about their customs, and seeing how they live? Then, come along with me, for we have been invited to dinner by a Japanese family. Along the way I will try to explain a little about what to expect.

But first, we will pick up a small gift. That would be expected of us. A box of wagashi (Japanese confectionery) or senbei (rice crackers) would be appropriate. However, since it is summer, let us choose a nice basket of fruit. We can get it at the fruit stand, already made up with wicker basket, wrapping paper, and ribbon, just for this purpose.

Upon Our Arrival

The whole family is at the front door to welcome us. The excitement of the little ones tells us that this is a special occasion for the family. Look! The slippers have been neatly set out at the doorstep​—a typical Japanese gesture of welcome. The Japanese people do not wear their street shoes in the house. Not only does this serve to keep their houses cleaner but it also prevents the harm that shoes can do to the easily damaged heavy straw matting (tatami) used in most Japanese homes.

So we leave our shoes here in the genkan (porch area) before we step up into the house. See! Grandma is already turning our shoes around and lining them up for when we leave. If your shoes need a bit of polish or dusting off, it is not unusual for that to be done, too, before you leave.

“The Dessert Comes First?”

The above is a typical response of most foreigners when they see the tea and sweets put out before dinner. Those brown jellylike edibles that look like chocolate fudge are made from sweetened beans and are called yōkan. They are delicious with o-cha (green tea).

But before you eat the yōkan and drink the tea, refresh yourself with the chilled, moist hand towel the hostess is offering to you. It is called an o-shibori, literally meaning “squeezed out.” In the winter, guests are served steaming hot towels.

Notice the beautiful garden and fishpond outside the sliding glass windows. Almost every Japanese home has some type of garden, regardless of whether the people are rich or poor. Many Japanese will spend up to half again as much on the garden as they do on a new house.

The way the rocks, dwarf pines, and other plants are arranged makes the garden look like a natural mountain scene in miniature. The waterfall and the tranquil pool filled with large, colorful carp are designed to help you relax and enhance your enjoyment of the evening. Later on, the host will usually show visitors the rest of the garden.

The room we are in is a special one. It is the o-kyakuma, or guest room. See that slightly elevated alcove? It is called a tokonoma. In years gone by, one could find the samurai’s [Japanese warrior’s] armor and the family Buddhist altar there. Nowadays it is a decorative place where valued vases, hanging scrolls, and other family heirlooms are displayed.

Since you are the honored guest, no doubt you will be seated closest to the tokonoma. Notice the expertly carved post at the side of the tokonoma. The post is called a tokobashira. It is made of ebony or sandalwood, which is polished and lacquered in such a way as to bring out its natural grain and beauty. A single post may cost a thousand dollars or more!

Dinner Is Ready

Our hostess has just announced that dinner will shortly be ready. But she wonders if you would like to take a bath first. No, it is not that she thinks you need one, but the Japanese find a hot bath before dinner most refreshing. Usually the guest is invited to go in first. You don’t feel like taking a bath before dinner? That is all right, but at least take a look at the o-furo, or bath.

Even though there are still public bathhouses, most Japanese homes now have their own o-furo. It is a deep tub made of wood, tile, or plastic and is equipped for burning wood or propane, which heats the water to about a hundred degrees Fahrenheit [40° C.].

The Japanese bath differs from the Western bath in that a person washes himself with soap and rinses this off before stepping into the tub to soak in the hot water. In this way the whole family uses the same bathwater, just heating it up a little before each use. The tub is so deep that when a person sits down in it, the hot water rises clear up to his neck. It is very relaxing and a must before going to bed on a cold winter night.

A Banquet of a Meal

Our host calls and says it is time for our meal, or I should say banquet. Look at all the food spread out on the table! It is so colorful and delicately arranged. In Japan the meal is a work of art, where the eye appeal is almost as important as the aroma and the flavor. That bouquet of colorful morsels in the black lacquered tray is the Japanese favorite, sushi. Each piece is a carefully shaped lump of rice with a little sugar and vinegar and topped with a red or white piece of raw tuna or other delicacies of the sea.

Another dish that has been prepared is broiled tai, or red snapper, artfully arranged on the plate in a half-moon shape, with the fish’s head and tail intact. The soup is a piping hot broth made of a seaweed base with cubed chunks of soft tofu in it. And, of course, there is plenty of rice for everyone. A fresh green salad is also on the table, and fruits prepared Japanese style complete the menu. What a treat!

Polite Conversation

After the meal comes the green tea, to accompany our conversation. But what should you talk about? Well, the Japanese are keenly interested in you and your country. They also want to know what you think of them and their country, of the meal, and of Japanese food in general. They are delighted if you take an interest in Japanese things and learn a few words in their language.

Now the hostess may say, “O-kuchi ni awanakute gomen nasai,” meaning, “I’m sorry the meal did not suit your taste.” She is merely asking for reassurance that you did like the meal. So, tell her, “Oishikatta desu!” (It was delicious!) Another of the guests might add the compliment, “Gochiso samadeshita,” meaning literally, “Thank you for running fast [between the kitchen and the dining room] to serve us.”

You will find that to the Westerner the Japanese may appear to be vague when they talk about themselves and reluctant to be specific on certain subjects. For example, if you asked the wife how she met her husband, she may answer by simply giving an embarrassed giggle. Or you may admire a beautiful vase and inquire about the cost. The answer will probably be, “Chotto takakatta desu.” (It was a little expensive.) Vague? Perhaps. But that is polite Japanese conversation. So we will have to learn not to be overly familiar or inquisitive in what we say and ask.

A Delightful Evening

All too soon it is time for us to take our leave from our gracious hosts. As we put on our shoes on the porch, the hostess and her mother bow deeply to us on their hands and knees, with their heads to the floor. They also insist that we take some of the leftover food home with us in the large, brightly colored furoshiki, or kerchief. They include, as well, a small present for each of us.

As the whole family comes out for a final sayonara, perhaps you are thinking what I am thinking, ‘What a pleasant evening!’ Think of the time and work involved in preparing the meal. As guests, we were made to feel truly welcome, in fact, special. How thoughtful of them! Their satisfaction no doubt comes from knowing that they have made us very happy.

Aren’t you glad you came along for the visit? You may feel that you know the Japanese a little better now. Well, you will have to come again soon and learn a little bit more about this unique country and its hospitable people.