Those Turbulent Teens
TEENAGERS are surrounded by erotic messages. Sex sells anything from shoes to jeans. Modern music is filled with sexual overtones. On television glamorous adults go from one sexual encounter to another. But is this proper?
A major American newspaper said that the “massive infusion of sexual content” in prime-time TV is a “disturbing and profoundly irresponsible programming trend.” The Journal of the American Medical Association called it the “exploitation of adolescents by the entertainment and advertising media.”
You must make sure that your children know that not everyone lives that way. Even if, as is claimed, half of America’s 17-year-old girls have already had sex, that still means that the other half have not. As former U.S. Secretary of Education William J. Bennett said: “Not ‘everybody’ is doing it, and we might wish to give those youngsters—half of our seventeen-year-olds—support and reinforcement, too.”
He pointed out that in a survey taken at Grady Memorial Hospital in Atlanta, Georgia, U.S.A., 9 out of 10 girls under the age of 16 “wanted to learn how to say ‘no.’” Can you help your children become convinced that, not just a weak and uncertain reaction, but a positive and unequivocal no is the only right response to any immoral suggestion? Can you help them realize that people who are worthwhile will respect them for this? As a teenager named Emily told a California, U.S.A., newspaper: “The people that are most respected don’t have sex.”
You should help your young ones realize that sex is a powerful force—so powerful that it has produced the entire human race. This does not mean, however, that it cannot be controlled. Rather, it means that like a high-powered sports car, it must be used properly, according to the rules of the road. Ignoring the rules on a winding mountain road can lead to disaster. Ignoring the God-given rules of sexual behavior will have similar results. How can you help your children, whom you love so much, to recognize this fact?
Teach Them That Chastity Has Value
Discuss with your teenager the fine Bible example of the beautiful young Shulammite maiden. She could proudly say: “I am a wall, and my breasts are like towers.” Morally she was like the unscalable wall of a fortress with inaccessible towers. And in the eyes of her prospective husband, she was like one “that is finding peace.” Yes, peace of mind undisturbed by the agony of regret is a rich benefit of chastity.—Song of Solomon 8:10.
But how can a youth remain morally firm, like a wall? Before such matters ever come up, you must be sure that your maturing youngster knows the need for taking precautions by avoiding circumstances that can, and often do, lead to immorality. For example, they should know that just as drunk driving can lead to disaster, so disaster can be courted at a teenage party where others have brought alcohol or where no responsible adult is present.
Likewise, help them to appreciate that being alone in a house (or an apartment) with another young person of the opposite sex is opening the door to temptation. Youths need to see clearly the moral danger of allowing anyone to whom they are not married to put his or her hand on their private parts, including the breasts. Explain to them that seduction often starts with the sexually stimulating touching of such body parts.—Compare 1 Corinthians 7:1.
You must help your beloved children to realize that genuine love means infinitely more than sex and that sex outside of marriage is wrong. Some youths engage in sex before making the commitment of marriage. They may have sex with a number of partners without ever getting married. Then, as the years pass and they realize they really need a marriage mate, they find themselves lonely and abandoned. True, no one ever required a commitment of them, but no one ever made a commitment to them either.
Your sons and daughters should know that their virginity is far too precious to be discarded like wastewater. Help your child to see that the full enjoyment of sex can only come within the sacred arrangement of marriage. In beautiful, poetic language, the Bible says: “Drink water out of your own cistern, and tricklings out of the midst of your own well. Should your springs be scattered out of doors, your streams of water in the public squares themselves? Let your water source prove to be blessed, and rejoice with the wife of your youth.”—Proverbs 5:15, 16, 18.
As loving parents, you must make a particular effort to teach these facts. This is a special challenge today, for pregnancies among those who are not married are commonly accepted. Lillian, an obstetric nurse, says that she is no longer surprised to see terror in the eyes of a 15-year-old unwed father as a proud grandparent thrusts into his arms the newborn son that he is neither prepared, willing, nor able to accept.
One television commentator pointed out that many “very young single women with children but no husbands” are often unable to finish school, to work, or to give their children a proper upbringing. These teenage mothers, he said, are “trapped in their own personal tragedies. . . . Poverty is almost inevitable and tends to perpetuate itself in a horrible cycle.”
Your Own Example
Your own behavior will have a strong effect on your children. Sometimes this may be true in more subtle ways than you realize. What happens when a father has a roving eye? Or when a mother says, “What a hunk!” as an eye-pleasing man walks by? Are such parents encouraging their teenagers to be chaste? If physical features are what you particularly admire, should you be surprised if your children place fleshly attributes ahead of morals, kindness, true love, or the person’s dedication to God?
Teaching your young ones what they need to know about sex therefore encompasses far more than you may have thought. It includes your attitude, the spirit you create in the home, your willingness to teach your youngsters early, as well as the example you set. Obviously, all of this requires time and effort, but the reward is great!
You Still Haven’t Taught Them?
But what if your children are nearly grown, and you still haven’t discussed these things with them? You could simply say: “I really made a mistake in waiting so long to talk to you about these things, but I so want you to have the best life possible that I just have to try now.”
Indeed, it is better to discuss these matters with your children when they are older than never at all. Moral instruction of your young ones is a vital responsibility and a privilege. Ron Moglia of New York University said: “Any parent who relinquishes the right to talk to his child about sex is giving up one of the most wonderful experiences he can have.”
If you have recently come to appreciate God’s moral requirements and your children know that you have not lived by them in the past, be sure they understand why you have now changed. You might suggest that they read this magazine and then arrange to discuss the information. You should never be put off by the young person who says: “Oh, I know all that!” Neither schoolyard myths nor peer-group stories nor even experience with the mechanics of sex is a substitute for sound moral guidance. The truth is that ignorance can lead to disaster.
Training your children may require a major effort, but the reward can be magnificent! As the Bible states, simply and clearly: “The righteous is walking in his integrity. Happy are his sons after him.”—Proverbs 20:7.
[Picture on page 9]
What does television teach about sex?
[Picture on page 10]
Ignoring the rules of driving often leads to serious problems, and so does ignoring the rules of godly behavior