Young People Ask . . .

Why Don’t My Parents Show More Interest in Me?

“Whenever I ask my mother for five minutes of her time,” laments one teenage girl, “she’s always too busy.”

CHRISTINA was 16 years old​—unmarried and pregnant. Though remorseful over her predicament, she was also bitter. “My mother never bothered to explain these things to me,” she sobbed. “She simply never had the time to be interested in what I was doing.”

Is that the way you feel sometimes​—that your parents simply aren’t interested in you? You may not be inclined to act out your frustrations the way Christina did. And you know that having neglectful parents is no excuse for misconduct. Even so, you may feel deeply hurt if they neglect you. Although you are nearing adulthood, you may still feel a strong need for parental love and support. To be ignored by your parents can make you feel abandoned. “Whenever I ask my mother for five minutes of her time,” laments one teenage girl, “she’s always too busy.”

It is no surprise, then, that according to one survey, 25 percent of youths “feel they don’t have enough time with their parents.” One youth said: “I wish I could be closer with my parents and be more open with them.” Even when youths and parents are together physically, they may be apart emotionally. There may be no significant communication.

Why They Seem to Ignore You

Imagine: You have waited all day to talk over some problem with your mom. But as soon as she gets home from work, she flops into a chair and becomes lost in the TV evening news. When you attempt to engage her in conversation, she brushes you away with an irritated, “Can’t you see I’m trying to relax?”

A cold, unloving parent? No, parents seldom neglect their children on purpose. But we are living in “critical times hard to deal with.” (2 Timothy 3:1-3) And your parents may find themselves under more stress than ever before. They may be so tense, frustrated, or exhausted that they simply may not have the energy to spend quality time with you. This may especially be true if you live in a single-​parent family. So unless your folks hear a word of complaint from you, they may simply assume everything is fine.

Parents can also be preoccupied with other concerns. If your father is an active Christian, he may carry a heavy load of congregation responsibility. (Compare 2 Corinthians 11:28, 29.) And while she may rarely talk about it, your mother may well be distracted by increasing health difficulties. Do you have brothers and sisters? Then your parents may also be busy caring for their needs.

Admittedly, some parents are battling such serious problems as alcoholism and are unable to respond to the needs of their children. Yet others may simply not know how to show an interest in their children. After all, children learn love from their parents. (Compare 1 John 4:19.) And perhaps your folks were raised by parents who failed to take an interest in them.

Then there is the fact that some cultures virtually ignore the needs of young people. In certain parts of Africa, custom dictates that at mealtimes fathers, mothers, and children eat separately. With what effect? Recalls Collin a 14-​year-​old African youth: “It was difficult to feel emotionally close to my parents. I felt I was groping through life all on my own.”

Pitfalls to Avoid

Whatever the reason for your parents’ seeming neglect, it can still leave you feeling hurt and angry. Some youths respond by being uncooperative or disobedient. Others decide that rebellion is the only way to draw attention to their plight. But like Christina, mentioned at the beginning, rebellious youths often do little more than hurt themselves in the process. “The renegading of the inexperienced ones is what will kill them,” warns Proverbs 1:32.

On the other hand, it accomplishes little simply to ignore the situation​—especially if it is causing you deep hurt. “Have you shown yourself discouraged in the day of distress?” asks Proverbs 24:10. If so, “your power will be scanty.” Emotional wounds can be even more real than and as painful as physical wounds. (Proverbs 18:14) And when they are allowed to fester, they can continue to cause pain in adulthood. Consider a young man named Johan. “When I was growing up,” recalls Johan, “my alcoholic father was never available when I needed him most.” He adds: “He was too absorbed in his own problems to pay much attention to me.” As an adult, Johan suffered long periods of depression and feelings of guilt.

With the help of some good friends, Johan was able to begin rebuilding his self-​esteem. Nevertheless, his experience underscores the value of trying to find positive ways to cope with the situation you are facing at home.

Cultivate Their Interest in You

Suppose that Dad or Mom seldom initiate a conversation with you. You can begin breaking the awkward silence by showing some interest in them. (Matthew 7:12; Philippians 2:4) Volunteer to accompany them if they are running an errand. Ask if you can help them out in some way, perhaps by preparing a meal or by cleaning up. In time you can begin sharing your concerns, such as what is going on in school.

At times, though, you may have some serious problems to discuss. It may do you little good to approach Dad when he is sprawled out on the sofa, relaxing after a tough day on the job. Try to find the “right time”​—when he is reasonably relaxed and cheerful—​to discuss matters. (Proverbs 15:23) He’ll probably be much more likely to take an interest in your problems.

However, what if your parents fail to respond to your best efforts?a Proverbs 15:22 reminds us that “there is a frustrating of plans where there is no confidential talk.” Yes, you may need to tell your parents (in a kind and tactful way, of course) that you feel they are not showing enough interest in you and that this makes you feel hurt and unloved. Maybe you would simply like some commendation once in a while, or you would appreciate some help with your homework.

Your parents will probably be surprised to learn that you feel this way. They may be quick to assure you of their love and perhaps even apologize for giving you the wrong impression. Oftentimes parents will make a real effort to change once a problem has been brought to their attention.

On the other hand, perhaps your discussion will reveal that there have been some misunderstandings on your part. Maybe you simply haven’t noticed some of the various ways they have shown an interest in you. Whatever the case, talking matters out is an important step toward improving things at home.

Filling the Void

What if you still do not get a favorable response from your parents? Understandably, this would be quite painful. Nevertheless, there are other options open to you.

For example, try finding someone​—preferably a person older than you—​who can help fill the void left by your inattentive parents. As Proverbs puts it, there exists a friend “that is born for when there is distress.” (Proverbs 17:17) Look for that kind of friend. But be selective as to what counsel you accept, making sure it is in your best interests and in harmony with God’s Word.

Another source of help and support is the local congregation of Jehovah’s Witnesses. There you can find spiritual brothers and sisters, fathers and mothers who will take a real interest in you and help you thrive spiritually and emotionally. (Mark 10:30) Collin, the African youth mentioned earlier, found such friends. Feeling a need for guidance, he began attending the meetings of Jehovah’s Witnesses. He was soon befriended by congregation members who made him feel loved and wanted. In time his parents and siblings also began attending Christian meetings.

More than likely, your parents really do care for you but simply need to be more aware of your needs. Take the initiative, and let them know just what those needs are! Who knows? Maybe you’ll find that they are far more interested in you than you ever imagined.

[Footnotes]

[Picture on page 23]

Parents today often feel too stressed and tired to deal with their children’s problems