How to Be a Wife Your Husband Loves
ONE of the greatest human needs is to be loved. Observed one perceptive physician after forty years of medical practice: “Whether they think they do or not, all people, you, I, every human being wants love.”
This desire and need for love is particularly strong in women. They thrive on love, and usually look forward to marriage in order to realize its fulfillment. Unfortunately, however, many wives are disappointed. The love of their mates soon cools off; husbands cease to heed the Bible’s counsel: “Continue loving your wives.” (Eph. 5:25) What can you, as a wife, do to prevent this from happening? How can you be a wife that your husband loves?
Beauty of face or form, while perhaps a factor in attracting your husband, will not alone make you desirable to him. Of greater importance are unseen qualities that spring from a good heart. A cheerful disposition, an even temper, modesty, friendliness, gentle kindness, sympathetic understanding—these are things that will endear you to your husband.
God created man and woman and designed them for their roles as husband and wife. So he knows best what makes a wife appealing to her mate. And notice where God’s Word says a wife should place emphasis relative to her appearance: “Do not let your adornment be that of the external braiding of the hair and of the putting on of gold ornaments or the wearing of outer garments, but let it be the secret person of the heart in the incorruptible apparel of the quiet and mild spirit.”—1 Pet. 3:3, 4.
Can wives actually put on this priceless, precious garment—“the incorruptible apparel of the quiet and mild spirit”? What is required to do so? The Bible shows by next saying: “For so, too, formerly the holy women who were hoping in God used to adorn themselves, subjecting themselves to their own husbands, as Sarah used to obey Abraham, calling him ‘lord.’ And you have become her children, provided you keep on doing good and not fearing any cause for terror.”—1 Pet. 3:5, 6.
What particularly endears a wife to her husband is her willing subjection, cooperating with him and supporting his decisions. Although beloved Sarah may not have personally liked her husband’s frequent decisions to move from place to place, she supported Abraham in whatever he did. This cooperative, helpful spirit is more beautiful in a husband’s eyes than any costly, bejeweled clothing that a wife might wear.
Women were designed by God for this role as assistants and supporters of their husbands. After creating man and giving him an assignment of work, God said: “I am going to make a helper for him, as a complement of him.” (Gen. 2:18) How beloved and precious is the wife that fulfills her role by working along with her husband, helping him to accomplish what he has to do!
Today a wife generally is not directly involved in her husband’s secular work. Nevertheless, sympathetic understanding of the problems, trials and tensions your husband experiences in today’s highly competitive world can be of tremendous aid to him. You can supply him invaluable emotional support by being a willing listener to his triumphs, his disappointments, his mistakes and his fears. He will love you for the understanding and interest you show.
What will also make you a wife your husband loves is capableness in handling the many tasks necessary for the smooth operation of a household. Of such a capable wife, the Bible says: “Her value is far more than that of corals. In her the heart of her owner has put trust, and there is no gain lacking. She has rewarded him with good, and not bad, all the days of her life.” (Prov. 31:10-31) Skill in cooking, in managing a household and in keeping a clean home—these are things greatly appreciated by a husband, and they are certain to endear you to him.
But there is a need for caution, for feelings of love can turn to resentment if a wife assumes too much and operates independently of her husband. A young wife observed: “I used to congratulate myself for the smooth way things were going. The children came to me for all decisions and permissions—it was just second nature to them. I was so accustomed to it that I wouldn’t think to say, ‘Ask Daddy.’”
What was the result? Why, her husband began to feel more and more left out. “Finally, he exploded, and I was shocked to find out how bitterly he resented it,” the surprised wife explained. Wisely, she took corrective measures. “I made an abrupt effort to change,” she said, directing the children on more important issues to look to their father as head of the house, and relations in the family soon improved. “Underneath, I was really glad,” she concluded.
This underscores the fact that a wife’s role is properly that of helper to her husband. She should not push ahead and handle family matters without his approval, or independent of his direction. For you to be truly loved by your husband you must imitate godly Sarah, who subjected herself to her husband Abraham. Should a husband tend to shirk his manly responsibilities, a discreet wife will tactfully help him see that it is his place, and not hers, to be the man of the house.
A wife who desires her husband’s love will especially keep in mind the importance of God in her life: “The woman that fears Jehovah is the one that procures praise for herself.” (Prov. 31:30) This fear of God does not involve fanatical, superstitious worship, nor will it allow your ministering to others to prevent the performance of family obligations. Rather, it means living a Bible-based faith—being kind, considerate, generous, forgiving, and helping others to know and serve Jehovah God. Such genuine expressions of love for other persons will usually be returned, and that by your husband, too.