Our Twenty-Year Project—Being Parents
As told by Norman C. Pearcy
MANY young couples look forward eagerly to the birth of their first child. Others view it with mixed feelings, since the baby will mean a great change in their lives.
We were in the latter situation, for the arrival of our first child altered our lives greatly. We were sharing in work that we would not be able to continue and still have the time and means to care for and support a family.
From the beginning we realized that to leave a child’s guidance to mere chance is unwise. Years ago we had read something to the effect that the extent to which you are prepared to compete with other influences for the companionship of your growing child will be the true measure of your love for him. As my wife and I look back, we can testify that sometimes the competition gets pretty stiff. But now that our twenty-year project is about complete—our children are aged nineteen and twenty—we can testify that the result is well worth the effort.
First, though, let me tell you briefly what led up to our marriage and the beginning of our twenty-year project.
MARRIAGE AND FAMILY
In 1948 I became a “pioneer,” as Jehovah’s Witnesses call full-time teachers of the good news of God’s kingdom. Two years later I joined the Witnesses’ headquarters family in Brooklyn, New York, to share in the production of Bible literature.
The following year, in 1951, I went to the graduation exercises of Gilead School, where missionaries of Jehovah’s Witnesses are trained. One of the students, Marianne Berner, remained in New York city for a few weeks before leaving for her assignment, and we became acquainted. After more than three years in Yokohama, Japan, she returned in 1955 to attend an international assembly in New York city. I proposed marriage, and Marianne became my wife and life-long companion.
We were offered the opportunity to serve in the circuit work, visiting and aiding congregations of Jehovah’s Witnesses in southern Illinois. These congregations were a source of great joy to us, and our desire was to spend our lives in full-time service. Eventually we hoped to return to serve with the headquarters family in Brooklyn. However, soon we learned that we were going to become parents, a prospect we didn’t really view with enthusiasm since it would alter our plans so drastically.
During the final talk at our next circuit assembly, I said in a humorous vein that my wife had heard my talk “Advancing to Maturity” and apparently thought I had said, “Advancing to Maternity.” We settled in California where our daughter, Cynthia, was born. Then came our son, Gregory.
PURPOSEFUL TRAINING
Our children came to be a great joy to us, and we determined to do our best in rearing them. But how would we guide and discipline them for the next twenty years? We remembered the example of young Samson’s father, who requested Jehovah’s guidance in rearing his boy.—Judg. 13:8.
Each week, even from their infancy, we showed our desire for God’s direction by studying the Bible with our children. This, we found, was more difficult than studying with others, because it is the easiest study to put off. Also, we made a daily practice of discussing a Bible text with them while at the dinner table.
In addition, we used dinnertime as an opportunity to teach the children the alphabet, thus preparing them for school. In the first grade Greg had a reading problem. Every day we spent an hour with him, helping him to improve. Our close contact with the teachers showed them that we truly were interested in our children’s progress.
From the time of their birth we took Cynthia and Gregory with us to all the congregational meetings and assemblies, knowing that there they would receive the best influence. (2 Tim. 3:15) As they grew older, we helped them to prepare to comment at meetings. At first they would say just a few words, but we made sure that they understood the paragraph from which they were answering. On the way home from public Bible talks, we would ask what they remembered.
Our efforts to teach them paid off, for deep impressions were made on their young minds. To illustrate: When Greg was only four we were studying about Abraham, and how, as a test of his faith, he was told to offer his only son, Isaac, as a sacrifice. We explained that both Abraham and his son were willing to obey, Jehovah. Then, as an example, I said: “So you see, Greg, it was as though Jehovah told me to take you out in the backyard and offer you as a sacrifice.” Next I asked, “If that were to happen, what should I do?” Greg unhesitatingly replied that I should obey Jehovah.
Later we overheard Greg saying his prayers. He closed his eyes, bowed his head, and said: “Jehovah, if you tell Daddy to take me out in the backyard and sacrifice me, it is OK with me.”
No wonder Jesus said that those who would enter the Kingdom of the heavens would need childlike qualities. We could see that Bible truths were reaching our children’s hearts, and they were being motivated to obey.
When Cindy was seven we helped her to prepare to offer the Watchtower and Awake! magazines at people’s doors. Each day, on coming home from school, she would knock on the back door and give her presentation. Then came the big day, when she went to a stranger’s home. She was met with resentment, and began to cry. Back at the car, my wife explained that Jesus and his apostles often were not accepted by the people either, and that, like them, we should not give up. And Cindy hasn’t.
In 1966 my wife again enrolled as a pioneer, arranging to spend a hundred hours a month teaching the Bible in people’s homes. We felt that if the children were to grow up with the desire to enter this vital work, they would have to see that we, too, held it in high esteem. That summer I was invited to serve again, temporarily, as a circuit overseer in our area, and our whole family was able to share.
On Saturday I overheard eight-year-old Greg making arrangements with others about his own age to work in the door-to-door preaching activity. He was closely following the example he had seen me set just minutes before. This emphasized to me the importance of setting the right example.
HANDLING VARIOUS SITUATIONS
As the children grew, questions came up regarding such things as grooming, styles of clothing, dating and parties. We tried to teach them to use good judgment, while we stood by to offer guidelines.
When Cindy was about fifteen, she wanted a certain kind of “hip-hugger” pants that girls were wearing to school. My wife began quietly to watch the kind of girls who wore these. Without saying why she wanted to know, she asked other young people in the congregation what they thought of youngsters who dressed that way. They said that the girls who did were often those with loose morals.
Marianne told Cindy what she had observed, and why we had decided that she should not be identified with such girls. Cindy was given the opportunity to express herself as to whether she agreed or disagreed with our decision. Happily, this settled the matter. It also taught her about the impression our clothes can give.
When Greg was about fourteen he began to resent being a “boy,” very much desiring to be recognized as a “young man.” He became close friends with a fine young Witness who was nineteen. However, this association led Greg to want the same independence the older boy had. He began to develop an aloof, independent attitude. We started to limit this association, and Greg asked: “Why? Do you think he is bad association?”
We explained that the association was not bad, but the situation might not be good for him. I gave him the opportunity to express himself—to say what he thought. I said: “If you don’t agree, or if you think we are wrong, or that we don’t have the right perspective, please say so.”
After a silence, Greg said: “No, I agree. I just wanted to know why.”
Once when we were traveling in the car Cindy very naïvely returned a smile to a passerby on the freeway. The boy, unknown to us, followed us home and, through others, learned Cindy’s name. Before we knew it, an acquaintance began to bloom. We had quite a time showing her that this boy did not have her welfare in mind, but was merely attracted to her physically.
We have greatly appreciated the provision of the fine articles in The Watchtower on the problems young people face. Some of these we read over and over with our children, discussing the pros and cons of certain courses of action. Then, as parents, we firmly made decisions, setting our young ones an example of respect for Jehovah and his written Word.
TEACHING PRACTICAL SKILLS
I had a small maintenance route, and when he was thirteen Greg began to work with me before going to school, from 5:00 to 8:00 a.m. At fifteen Cindy started to learn bookkeeping under the guidance of a Witness friend of ours. We also stressed cooking, sewing and other practical skills. Greg, too, learned to cook, and I taught him the carpet-laying trade.
All of this involved a very heavy schedule, and we decided to finish the youngsters’ schooling through a correspondence program. This provided them time to learn a trade, as well as to get their needed secular education. To motivate Greg, we prevented him from getting his driver’s license until he had completed school. He finished the four-year high-school course in two years, and then joined Marianne, Cindy and myself in the full-time pioneer activity.
IMPORTANT FEATURE OF TRAINING
When Greg was fourteen and Cindy fifteen, we decided that, in keeping with long-range family goals, it was time for them to see the world headquarters of Jehovah’s Witnesses in New York. But that was 3,000 miles away, and our funds were limited. We discussed the matter as a family and were determined to go, even if we had to mortgage our home. But again, we found that Jehovah’s hand is not short. A friend came and said that she wanted to do something for us. She handed us her oil-company credit card, telling us to use it for all our gasoline on the trip.
Our children were very impressed by Bethel, and by the fine and loving people who volunteer their time to provide us with spiritual publications and instructions. It was a great joy for my wife and me to renew old acquaintances with many of these faithful persons who have worked so diligently in Jehovah’s service for many years.
A REWARDING PRIVILEGE
Although we at first lacked enthusiasm for prospective parenthood, we can truthfully say that it has been a privilege for which we are grateful. True, it is not easy to rear children in this world, which is filled with so many unchristian practices. Some of its festivities that are rooted in paganism can have appeal to young ones. But we have been careful to help our children so they never felt that they were missing out on anything good.
So when other persons were celebrating Christmas, we took advantage of the days off from school to get a cabin in the mountains and enjoy the snow. I would take Greg fishing from time to time. And we traveled to large Christian assemblies and volunteered together for pre-assembly activity. This enabled our children to make many fine and wholesome friends. They haven’t missed out on anything, except the venereal diseases, out-of-wedlock pregnancies, abortions, addiction to drugs and other such things that are so common among today’s youths whose parents have not given them proper direction from God’s Word.
Our children are well adjusted emotionally, and I believe a reason for this is that we do so many things with them. For instance, each year we have a big party on our wedding anniversary, with gifts for all four of us. We stack these on the piano days in advance, and enjoy a special meal together. It is not just our anniversary, but it was because of our wedding that the children came along—so it is their party too.
Our children have found pleasure in many activities not enjoyed by others, such as preparing and delivering Bible talks. When Cindy was about ten she gave a student talk before a large group at our circuit assembly. My wife made her a costume and Cindy presented the information as if she were a little first-century girl explaining a Bible point to another little girl who lived at the same time. Also, both children have been thrilled to participate in our larger district assembly programs.
We feel that we have enjoyed satisfying, full lives. We have watched our children develop, rejoicing at the growth of their abilities as fine young teachers of the Bible truths we hold so dear. Now, with two more capable adults serving Jehovah in our family, we look forward to further joys and privileges in the service of our God.
[Picture on page 251]
I taught Greg carpet laying
[Picture on page 252]
My wife taught Cindy to sew