How Far Would You Go to Save Face?
CAN you see a connection between committing hara-kiri and “keeping up with the Joneses”? Or between going deeply in debt for a lavish religious ceremony, and refusing to admit defeat in an argument? The connection is that each of these things is probably motivated by a desire to save face.
What is saving face? In the Chinese language, the word “face” has the connotation of “honor.” So to save face means to “preserve one’s honor, or self-respect,” especially when threatened with “shame.” Is this wrong? Well, maintaining self-respect is not necessarily wrong. When Jesus commanded us to ‘love our neighbors as ourselves,’ he implied that there would be a certain amount of concern for our own selves. (Matt. 22:39) Having self-respect helps us to keep ourselves clean, reliable and honest. Who wants to be thought of as dirty, unreliable and dishonest?
Saving face goes beyond that, however. It suggests that our reputation or honor is the most important thing. In Japan, for example, according to one observer, “shame has a place of authority . . . that a ‘clear conscience,’ ‘being right with God,’ and avoidance of sin have in Western ethics.” To avoid shame, or to save face, a person would be ready to make sacrifices, just as a Christian would make sacrifices to keep a clear conscience. At one time in Japan, some even committed hara-kiri, a very unpleasant form of suicide, when they were threatened with shame. Would you go as far as that to save face?
WHAT PEOPLE DO FOR “FACE”
In the East, some people still commit suicide when they feel their “face” is threatened, although usually no longer doing so by means of hara-kiri. They make other sacrifices, too. On a Buddhist feast day, in some areas, it is common for families to spend their whole week’s food allowance on one ceremonial meal so as not to lose face before their neighbors. In other places, a man may take a visitor out to the most expensive restaurant in town to entertain him. The man probably cannot afford this, and likely the visitor would rather eat in the home. But the host feels that he has to do this in order to save face.
In one land, it is the custom that when a man’s daughter gets married, he provides a furnished house for the newlyweds. The father gains “face” if he furnishes it very well. Hence, some individuals go deeply in debt to do this. Usually, the bridegroom will give a dowry for his new wife. To gain “face,” the young man may also go in debt to give a large dowry. However, the bride’s father, who is possibly already in debt after having provided the furnished house, will likely give the dowry back. He would not want to lose face by accepting the money.
Would you go that far to save face? Many do. There are other ways, too, that a person can be affected by a desire to save face. In one Oriental country, when a person wishes to become a Christian, he is often accused of losing face for his family by “joining a Western religion.” Of course, Christianity is not a “Western religion,” but that is the way it is viewed there. While not wanting to cause unnecessary offense, obviously it is not wise to refrain from doing what we know is right for considerations of “face.”
A WORLDWIDE TENDENCY
The tendency to want to save face is seen not only in the Orient; it is world wide. Take, for example, what is called “keeping up with the Joneses.” Consider a man who owns an automobile that is perfectly suited to his needs. One day his neighbor buys a new, expensive model. The man, who was quite satisfied with his vehicle before, now becomes dissatisfied. Why? He is ashamed of it. His neighbor’s new one makes his car look old. So he buys a new automobile that he neither needs nor can afford. His motivation, being ashamed in front of his neighbors, is quite similar to that which drove certain Orientals to commit hara-kiri.
Then again, have you ever felt angry when someone offered you counsel or correction? Did you think to yourself: “That’s not fair! Who is he to be criticizing me anyway? He’s not so great himself!” You were justifying yourself. Why? Because your pride, or honor, had been touched.
Sometimes a person may make a big sacrifice in an effort to save face. Perhaps he commits a serious sin. He cannot bring himself to admit this to others and have the matter cleared up. When the wrongdoing comes to light anyway and mature Christians discuss it with him, he denies the whole thing. Because of shame or stubbornness, he is even willing to separate from the Christian congregation, thus endangering his relationship with his Creator and his hope of everlasting life. Would you go that far to save face?
Then, what if someone sins against you? Is it easy for you to extend forgiveness? Or do you demand “justice”? Sometimes a Christian may commit a sin against another. The offended person presents the matter to the congregational elders, and the sinner is reproved and restored. But the one sinned against cannot forget the matter. He thinks the elders were too lenient and feels that his personal injury was not taken seriously enough. Why does he reason this way? Could it be that his sense of injured dignity is more important to him than the restoration of an erring brother? In other words, does his “face,” or honor, demand that the sinner be made to suffer?
Many other examples could be mentioned. Have you ever met someone who refuses to admit that he is wrong, even when the facts are crystal clear to everyone else? Or do you know an individual who dislikes taking suggestions, who acts hurt and offended when he makes a suggestion that is not accepted by others, or who is stubborn and immovable in his opinions? Are you acquainted with someone who is overly proud of his prestigious job or his higher education, or, contrariwise, is ashamed because he does not have such an education? All these characteristics can be manifestations of a concern for “face,” or personal honor.
Hence, a Christian does well to ask himself: “How far would I go to save face? In fact, how should I view the whole matter of saving face?”