Young People Ask . . .

How Can I Be Happy Living With Just One Parent?

“Kids with two parents can have their own rooms and buy new clothes. But I have to share a room; I hardly ever get the kind of clothes I like. Mom says she can’t afford them. With all the chores I have to do around the house while she works, I feel like a maid​—like I’m being cheated out of part of my childhood.”​—Shalonda, 13 years old.

THE two-parent home is ideal. Two loving parents can usually offer more guidance, protection, and support than can one. “Two are better off than one,” says the Bible, “because together they can work more effectively.”​—Ecclesiastes 4:9, Today’s English Version.

It is no surprise, then, that despite the spiraling increase in one-parent households, many youths feel ashamed to live in such families. They may feel that they aren’t ready to cope with the pressures and problems to which such a life subjects them. What, then, if circumstances beyond your control deprive you of the love and care of one of your parents? Are you doomed to misery? Hardly.

Much has to do with your view of the situation. Proverbs 15:15 says: “All the days of the afflicted one are bad; but the one that is good at heart has a feast constantly.” In harmony with this principle, Dr. Helen Mendes says: “Single-parent families must view themselves as teams and accept themselves as intact families,” not broken homes. She adds: “Such families have an entirely different attitude and outlook on life when they begin to consider themselves as socially acceptable units.” But is it realistic to have such a positive view?

Quality​—Not Quantity

Researchers for the journal Family Relations remind us: “The presence of two parents in a home is no guarantee that love, proper nurturance and wise guidance are being provided.” They also note: “A physically present parent in a home may be psychologically [mentally] absent much of the time.” Hence, your happiness depends, not on how many parents you live with, but on the kind of parent or parents you have in the home and the interest and concern they show in your well-being. As psychologist Richard A. Gardner observed: “Bad parents, whether one or two, cause children to be unhappy; and good parents, whether one or two, help children grow up healthier and happier.” And single parents often make admirable efforts to give their children needed attention.

Seventeen-year-old Melanie says: “It hasn’t been easy since my dad left us. It’s been real hard on my mom because she works now. But we get to our Christian meetings and have regular Bible studies, something we rarely did when my father lived with us.” She adds: “We do more things as a family, and we are very close. Of course, I miss my father, but I’m very happy living with my mom.” If your one parent is putting forth similar effort to raise you in “the discipline and mental-regulating of Jehovah,” you can still thrive and flourish even if your family structure is not ideal.​—Ephesians 6:4.

Making Do With Less

There are some practical concerns that may arise, however. One study indicated that immediately after a divorce, a single-parent household may suffer a 73-percent decline in its standard of living. Understandably, then, money is a big concern in most one-parent families.a

What can you do? You probably have little control over your family’s finances. But you can help conserve and stretch what resources you have by avoiding waste. (Compare John 6:12.) Young Rodney says: “Around the house, I try to be careful not to break or misplace things, since it costs money to repair or replace items. I try to turn off electrical appliances or lights not being used. This helps to lower our electric bills.”

Fourteen-year-old Tony tries a different approach. He says: “Kids in my school demand that their parents buy them designer sneakers and clothes. They refuse to go to school without them.” Tony adds: “I don’t have the latest designer clothes, but I’m neat and clean, and I take care of what I have. My mom’s doing the best she can; I don’t want to make it harder for her.” Such fellow feeling not only conserves limited resources but is a real source of encouragement to a parent.​—1 Peter 3:8.

Cutting back on or eliminating snacks and junk foods may also be helpful. Young Rita observes: “Eating at home may not be as appealing as eating at a fast-food restaurant, but it saves money.” A wise assessment indeed! Other youths donate part of their earnings from part-time jobs to the family fund. Thirteen-year-old Danny gives his mother the money he makes on his paper route. His mother explains: “After I pay the mortgage, the gas, the telephone, the food, and buy the clothes, that’s the money we have to live off. And Danny is really a super kid; he doesn’t really mind.” Cooperating in this regard is one way to ‘honor your parent.’​—Matthew 15:4.

Before you seek part-time employment, though, discuss it with your parent.b A part-time job may interfere with your schoolwork, household duties, and Christian meetings. (Hebrews 10:24, 25) Parents are usually able to work out some means of supporting their children without their children having to take on a major portion of the responsibility. Still, you may have to cope with having a limited income. But remember that while material things and money are useful, Christians are admonished to be content with “sustenance and covering.”​—1 Timothy 6:8-10; Luke 12:15.

For example, your family may have to move from a larger home to a smaller one or to an apartment, requiring that you now share a room with a family member. But you can still be content. And with a little ingenuity, you may be able to retain a measure of privacy. Some families, for example, have built sleeping lofts in the living room, screened from view by bookcases. Simply organizing the available space or using a room divider may likewise suffice to give you at least a sense of privacy.

At any rate, psychologist Richard A. Gardner reminds one-parent youths: “It is important to remember that money​—and the things that money can buy—​are not the most important things in life. It’s . . . things like the kind of person you are and how you treat other people that will determine how happy you are going to be in life.” (Compare Acts 20:35.) Along these lines, the apostle Paul said: “I have learned to be satisfied with what I have . . . so that anywhere, at any time, I am content.”​—Philippians 4:11, 12, TEV.

You may also have to assume a greater share of the responsibility for the functioning of your home than if you lived in a two-parent home. But rather than viewing this negatively, try to see it as a chance both to help your parent and to train yourself for future responsibilities.

How to Handle Overload

Sometimes, though, a youth ends up with more responsibility than he or she can handle. This is particularly likely to happen if you are the oldest child. What should you do? Try talking to your parent and explain how this problem is affecting you. Perhaps you can suggest that the chores be more fairly distributed. For example, some families post a list showing all the chores that each family member must perform. So that no one has to do the more unpleasant tasks all the time, some families regularly rotate the chores among capable family members.

The foregoing suggestions may prove helpful in making the most of your situation. This is not to say, however, that you won’t from time to time wish you had a second parent at home. But a youth named Carrie puts it this way: “You never really get over the pain, but it gets smaller. It’s like a big freckle on your hand. It’s always there, but sometimes you don’t notice it.”

Much has to do, though, with how hard you endeavor to cope with your situation. For in spite of the disadvantages of living in a one-parent home, you can help make your life there a success and a joy!

[Footnotes]

[Picture on page 16]

Making your own lunches is one way to save your parent time and money