Weddings That Are Honorable in the Sight of God and Man

“A marriage feast took place in Cana . . . Jesus and his disciples were also invited to the marriage feast.”​—JOHN 2:1, 2.

1. The account about Jesus in Cana draws attention to what?

JESUS, his mother, and some of his disciples knew the joy that an honorable wedding among God’s people can bring. Christ even made one wedding outstanding by performing his first recorded miracle there, adding to the pleasure of that event. (John 2:1-11) You may have attended and enjoyed weddings of Christians who want to serve Jehovah as happily married people. Or you may look forward to having such a wedding yourself or to helping a friend to make his or her wedding a success. What can contribute to that outcome?

2. What information does the Bible contain about weddings?

² Christians have found that the advice in God’s inspired Word is very helpful when a man and a woman plan to get married. (2 Timothy 3:16, 17) Granted, the Bible does not outline exact procedures for a Christian wedding. That is understandable because customs and even legal requirements vary according to location and era. For example, in ancient Israel there was no formal wedding ceremony. On the wedding day, the bridegroom brought his bride to his own home or to his father’s. (Genesis 24:67; Isaiah 61:10; Matthew 1:24) This public step constituted the wedding, without the formal ceremony common in many weddings today.

3. To what event in Cana did Jesus contribute?

³ The Israelites recognized that step as constituting the marriage or wedding. Thereafter, they might share in a celebratory feast, such as that mentioned at John 2:1. Many Bible versions render that verse something like this: “There was a wedding in Cana.” But the original-language word is well rendered “marriage feast” or “wedding banquet.”a (Matthew 22:2-10; 25:10; Luke 14:8) The account makes it clear that Jesus was present at and contributed to a feast linked to a Jewish wedding. A key point, however, is that what constituted such a wedding back then differs from what is common now.

4. What type of wedding do some Christians choose, and why?

⁴ In many countries today, Christians who want to marry must meet certain legal requirements. Once they do so, they may wed in any legally accepted manner. That could be in a small, simple ceremony that is conducted by a judge, mayor, or minister authorized by the State. Some choose to marry in such a way, possibly asking a few relatives or Christian friends to be present as legal witnesses or just to share in the joy of this important occasion. (Jeremiah 33:11; John 3:29) Similarly, other Christians may choose not to hold a sizable wedding feast or reception that would require considerable planning and cost. They may arrange, instead, for a quiet meal with some close friends. Whatever our personal preferences in this regard may be, we should recognize that other mature Christians may have viewpoints different from our own.​—Romans 14:3, 4.

5. Why do many Christians want to have a wedding talk when they marry, and what does it feature?

⁵ Most Christian couples choose to have a Bible-based talk at their wedding.b They recognize that Jehovah originated marriage and provides in his Word wise advice on how marriage can succeed and bring happiness. (Genesis 2:22-24; Mark 10:6-9; Ephesians 5:22-33) And most couples want Christian friends and relatives to share in the happy occasion. Yet, how are we to view the great variety of legal requirements, procedures, and even prevailing local practices? This article will consider situations in various regions. Some may differ considerably from what you know of or from what is done in your area. Nevertheless, you can note certain common principles or aspects that are important to God’s servants.

Honorable Marriage​—Legal Marriage

6, 7. Why should we be interested in the legal aspects of getting married, and how might we manifest this?

⁶ While Jehovah originated marriage, human governments have some control over the actions of those getting married. This is appropriate. Jesus said: “Pay back Caesar’s things to Caesar, but God’s things to God.” (Mark 12:17) Similarly, the apostle Paul directed: “Let every soul be in subjection to the superior authorities, for there is no authority except by God; the existing authorities stand placed in their relative positions by God.”​—Romans 13:1; Titus 3:1.

⁷ In most lands Caesar, or the civil authority, determines who is eligible to marry. Thus, when two Christians who are Scripturally free choose to get married, they conscientiously comply with local law. This may involve obtaining a license, using a State-authorized marrying agent, and perhaps registering the completed marriage. When Caesar Augustus required a “registration,” Mary and Joseph complied, traveling to Bethlehem “to get registered.”​—Luke 2:1-5.

8. How binding is marriage, and what policy of Jehovah’s Witnesses reflects that understanding?

⁸ When two Christians marry in a way that is legal and recognized, that union is binding in God’s eyes. Hence, Jehovah’s Witnesses do not repeat a marriage by having multiple legal ceremonies, nor do they renew marriage vows, such as on a couple’s 25th or 50th wedding anniversary. (Matthew 5:37) (Some churches ignore a legally approved civil marriage ceremony, claiming that it is not really a proper marriage unless a priest or a clergyman performs a ritual or declares the couple man and wife.) In many lands, the government authorizes a minister of Jehovah’s Witnesses to solemnize marriages. If that is possible, he would likely want to do so along with a wedding talk at the Kingdom Hall. That is the local place of true worship and an appropriate location for a talk about this arrangement, which Jehovah God instituted.

9. (a) In the case of a civil marriage, what might a Christian couple choose to do? (b) How might the elders be involved in the wedding plans?

⁹ In other countries, the law requires that a couple marry at a government office, such as city hall, or before a designated civil agent. Christians often choose to follow up that legal step with a wedding talk at the Kingdom Hall on the same day or the next. (They would not want many days to pass between the civil ceremony and the Bible talk, for they are married before God and man, including the Christian congregation.) If a couple who will have a civil marriage desire to have a talk at a certain Kingdom Hall, they should beforehand seek the permission of the elders forming the Congregation Service Committee. In addition to confirming that the couple have a good reputation, these overseers will make sure that the timing of the wedding will not interfere with the regular meetings and scheduled programs at the hall. (1 Corinthians 14:33, 40) They will also review any preparations of the hall that the couple may request and decide whether there will be an announcement made about its use.

10. If there must be a civil marriage, how would this affect the wedding talk?

¹⁰ The elder giving the wedding talk will strive to make the discussion warm, spiritually upbuilding, and dignified. If the couple were first joined in a civil marriage, he will make it clear that they were married according to Caesar’s law. If marriage vows were not exchanged in the civil ceremony, the couple may want to do so during the talk.c If that civil ceremony included vows but the newly married couple want to say vows before Jehovah and the congregation, they would do so in the past tense, showing that they were already “yoked together.”​—Matthew 19:6; 22:21.

11. In certain places, how does a couple get married, and with what impact on the wedding talk?

¹¹ In certain places, the law may not require a couple to get married in any ceremony, even before a government agent. The marriage occurs when they present a signed marriage registration form to an official. Thereupon, a marriage certificate is registered. In this way the couple are looked upon as husband and wife, this being the date of their marriage. As noted above, the couple who are thus married may want to follow that registration right away with a Bible-based talk at the Kingdom Hall. The spiritually mature brother selected to give the talk will inform all attending that the couple are married by reason of the registration that just took place. Any vows would be handled in accord with what is outlined in paragraph 10 and its footnote. Those in attendance at the Kingdom Hall will rejoice with the couple and benefit from the counsel given from God’s Word.​—Song of Solomon 3:11.

Customary and Civil Marriages

12. What is a customary marriage, and what is advisable after such a marriage?

¹² In some countries, couples enter into what may be called a customary (or, tribal) marriage. This does not refer to two individuals just living together, nor does it refer to a common-law situation that may have a degree of status in some locales but is not a full legal marriage.d We are speaking of a marriage entered into according to the publicly recognized custom of the tribe or area. This may involve the full payment and acceptance of a bride-price, by which the couple are legally and Scripturally married. The government views such customary marriage as valid, legal, and binding. Thereafter, it is usually possible to record or register the customary marriage that occurred, and upon doing so, the couple may receive an official certificate. Registration can offer protection for the couple or for the wife if she becomes a widow and for any future children. The congregation would urge any who enter such a customary marriage to register it as soon as possible. Interestingly, it seems that under the Mosaic Law, marriages and births were officially recorded.​—Matthew 1:1-16.

13. After a customary marriage, what is appropriate as to a wedding talk?

¹³ The couple legally united in such a customary process become husband and wife when that marriage occurs. As noted above, Christians entering such a legal marriage may desire to have a marriage talk, with wedding vows, at the Kingdom Hall. If that is done, the speaker would acknowledge that the couple were already married in harmony with the laws of Caesar. There would be only one such talk. There is one marriage, in this case the legally valid customary (tribal) marriage, and one Scriptural talk. Keeping the two aspects as close together timewise as possible, preferably on the same day, contributes to honoring Christian marriage in the community.

14. What might a Christian do if both a customary and a civil marriage are possible?

¹⁴ In some lands where customary marriage is recognized as legal, there are also provisions for civil (or, statutory) marriage. A civil marriage is usually carried out before a government agent, and it may include both taking marriage vows and signing a registry. Some Christian couples prefer this civil marriage to a customary one. There is no legal need for both; each procedure is legally valid. What is said in paragraphs 9 and 10 about a wedding talk and vows applies here too. The main thing is that the couple are married in a way that is honorable before God and man.​—Luke 20:25; 1 Peter 2:13, 14.

Maintain Honor in Marriage

15, 16. How should honor be involved in a marriage?

¹⁵ When a problem arose in the marriage of a Persian king, a chief adviser named Memucan gave advice that could have a positive effect​—‘that all the wives give honor to their husbands.’ (Esther 1:20) In Christian marriages, that does not need to be decreed by any human king; wives want to honor their husbands. Comparably, Christian husbands assign their mates honor and praise them. (Proverbs 31:11, 30; 1 Peter 3:7) Linking honor to our marriage should not come only after many years. It should be manifest right from the outset, yes, from the wedding day on.

¹⁶ The man and the woman​—the husband and the wife—​are not the only ones who ought to show honor on the wedding day. If a Christian elder will deliver a wedding talk, that too should be marked by honor. The talk should be addressed to the couple. As part of honoring them, the speaker will not feature humor or folk sayings. He should not include overly personal observations that might embarrass the couple and the listeners. Rather, he will strive to be warm and upbuilding, highlighting the Originator of marriage and His outstanding advice. Yes, the elder’s dignified wedding discourse will contribute to a marriage that brings honor to Jehovah God.

17. Why is there a legal aspect to Christian weddings?

¹⁷ You likely noted in this article many points about the legal details of marriage. Certain aspects may not directly apply in your locality. Yet, all of us ought to be aware of how important it is that wedding arrangements among Jehovah’s Witnesses manifest respect for local laws, for the requirements of Caesar. (Luke 20:25) Paul urged us: “Render to all their dues, to him who calls for the tax, the tax; to him who calls for the tribute, the tribute; . . . to him who calls for honor, such honor.” (Romans 13:7) Yes, it is fitting that Christians, right from the wedding day, honor the arrangement that God has in place for the present.

18. What optional feature of a wedding merits attention, and where can we find information on this matter?

¹⁸ Many a Christian wedding is followed by a social gathering​—a wedding feast, a meal, or a reception. Recall that Jesus chose to be present at one such feast. If there is such a gathering, how can counsel from the Bible help us to ensure that it too will bring honor to God and reflect well on the newlyweds and on the Christian congregation? The following article will consider that very matter.e

Prove Your Faith by Your Life Course

“Faith, if it does not have works, is dead in itself.”​—JAMES 2:17.

1. Why did the early Christians give attention to both faith and works?

AS A whole, the early Christians proved their faith by how they actually lived. The disciple James urged all Christians: “Become doers of the word, and not hearers only.” He added: “As the body without spirit is dead, so also faith without works is dead.” (James 1:22; 2:26) About 35 years after he wrote that, many Christians were continuing to prove their faith with appropriate works. But sadly, some were not. Jesus commended the congregation in Smyrna; yet, to many in the congregation in Sardis, he said: “I know your deeds, that you have the name that you are alive, but you are dead.”​—Revelation 2:8-11; 3:1.

2. What should Christians ask themselves about their faith?

² Accordingly, Jesus encouraged those in Sardis​—and by extension all who would later read his words—​to prove their first love for Christian truth and to be awake spiritually. (Revelation 3:2, 3) Each of us can ask himself: ‘How about my deeds? Do my actions clearly show that I am doing my best to prove my faith by all I do, even in the areas not directly related to the preaching work or congregation meetings?’ (Luke 16:10) Many aspects of life could be considered, but let us deal with just one: social gatherings, including those that often follow Christian weddings.

Small Social Gatherings

3. What is the Biblical position about sharing in gatherings?

³ Most of us appreciate being invited to a gathering of happy Christians. Jehovah is “the happy God,” who wants his servants to be happy. (1 Timothy 1:11) He had Solomon include in the Bible this reality: “I myself commended rejoicing, because mankind have nothing better under the sun than to eat and drink and rejoice, and that it should accompany them in their hard work for the days of their life.” (Ecclesiastes 3:1, 4, 13; 8:15) Such rejoicing may be at a family meal or at some other small social gathering of true worshippers.​—Job 1:4, 5, 18; Luke 10:38-42; 14:12-14.

4. A person who arranges a gathering should be interested in what?

⁴ If you are arranging such a gathering and are responsible for it, you should think through what is planned, even if you are inviting just a few believers for a meal and friendly conversation. (Romans 12:13) You will want to see that “all things take place decently,” guided by “the wisdom from above.” (1 Corinthians 14:40; James 3:17) The apostle Paul wrote: “Whether you are eating or drinking or doing anything else, do all things for God’s glory. Keep from becoming causes for stumbling.” (1 Corinthians 10:31, 32) What are some aspects needing particular attention? Considering such beforehand can help to ensure that what you and your guests do will manifest your faith in action.​—Romans 12:2.

What Will the Gathering Be Like?

5. Why should the host give careful thought to whether he will serve alcoholic beverages and have music?

⁵ Many hosts have faced the issue of whether to serve alcoholic beverages. Such are not needed for a gathering to be upbuilding. Recall that Jesus provided a meal for a sizable group that came to him​—he multiplied bread and fish. The account does not say that he miraculously provided wine, although we know that he was able to do so. (Matthew 14:14-21) If you decide to serve alcoholic beverages at a gathering, be moderate as to how much there will be, and make sure that there are appealing alternatives for those who prefer them. (1 Timothy 3:2, 3, 8; 5:23; 1 Peter 4:3) Definitely refrain from making anyone feel pressured to drink something that might bite “just like a serpent.” (Proverbs 23:29-32) What about music or singing? If your gathering will include music, no doubt you will carefully select the songs, considering both rhythm and lyrics. (Colossians 3:8; James 1:21) Many Christians have found that playing Kingdom Melodies or even singing such songs together contributes to a good atmosphere. (Ephesians 5:19, 20) And, of course, check on the volume regularly so that the music neither stifles enjoyable conversation nor disturbs any neighbors.​—Matthew 7:12.

6. How can a host show that his is a living faith when it comes to conversation or other activities?

⁶ At a social gathering, Christians may talk about various subjects, read some material aloud, or relate interesting experiences. If the conversation strays, the host can tactfully redirect it. He should also be alert that no one person dominates the conversation. If he sees that developing, he can judiciously speak up and provide for variety, perhaps by drawing out the young ones or introducing a subject that invites varied comments. Both young and old will be delighted with this aspect of the gathering. If, as the organizer, you guide matters wisely and tactfully, your ‘reasonableness will become known’ to those present. (Philippians 4:5) They will sense that yours is a living faith, one that affects all phases of your life.

Weddings and Wedding Receptions

7. Why does planning weddings and related gatherings merit consideration?

⁷ One special occasion for rejoicing is a Christian wedding. God’s ancient servants, including Jesus and his disciples, willingly shared in such happy events, including associated feasting. (Genesis 29:21, 22; John 2:1, 2) In recent times, however, experience has clearly shown that planning the social activities linked to weddings calls for special effort if they are to reflect good judgment and Christian balance. Yet, these are normal aspects of life that give a Christian opportunity to demonstrate his faith.

8, 9. How do the practices at many weddings bear out what we read at 1 John 2:16, 17?

⁸ Many people who neither know nor care about godly principles view a wedding as an occasion for extremes, or perhaps one where extremes are excused. In one European magazine, a new wife said this about her “royal” wedding: ‘We rode in a four-horse parade carriage followed by 12 horse-drawn cabs and a coach containing a band playing music. Then we had an exquisite menu and excellent music; it was superb. Just as I wanted, I was queen for the day.’

⁹ While practices may vary from land to land, those sentiments simply bear out what the apostle John wrote: “Everything in the world​—the desire of the flesh and the desire of the eyes and the showy display of one’s means of life—​does not originate with the Father, but originates with the world.” Can you imagine a mature Christian couple wanting to have a “royal” wedding with a lavish fairy-tale reception? Rather, their outlook should take into account that “he that does the will of God remains forever.”​—1 John 2:16, 17.

10. (a) For a reasonable wedding, why is planning essential? (b) How should decisions be made about those invited?

¹⁰ Christian couples want to be both realistic and reasonable, and the Bible can help them. Significant as the wedding day is, they know that it is just the beginning of the married life of two Christians who have everlasting life ahead of them. They are not obligated to have a large wedding feast. If they do choose to have a gathering, they will want to calculate the expense of the gathering and consider its nature. (Luke 14:28) In their Christian life together, the husband will be the Scriptural head. (1 Corinthians 11:3; Ephesians 5:22, 23) So the groom is primarily responsible for the wedding reception. Of course, he will lovingly consult with his wife-to-be on such matters as whom they want to or are able to invite to the wedding feast. It may not be possible or practical to invite all their friends and relatives; hence, some decisions may have to be made with modesty. The couple should be able to trust that if they cannot invite some fellow Christians, these will be understanding and will not be offended.​—Ecclesiastes 7:9.

“Director of the Feast”

11. What role can a “director of the feast” play at a wedding?

¹¹ If a couple choose to host a gathering to celebrate the wedding, how can they make sure that the occasion remains dignified? For some decades now, Jehovah’s Witnesses have appreciated the wisdom of including an aspect mentioned in connection with the gathering Jesus attended in Cana. There was a “director of the feast,” certainly a responsible fellow believer. (John 2:9, 10) Similarly, a wise groom will choose a spiritually mature Christian brother for this key role. Having ascertained the groom’s wishes and tastes, the director of the feast can follow through on details both before and during the gathering.

12. What should the groom consider regarding the use of alcoholic beverages?

¹² In line with what was discussed in paragraph 5, some couples choose to exclude alcoholic beverages from the wedding feast lest the abuse of such mar the happiness and success of the occasion. (Romans 13:13; 1 Corinthians 5:11) Yet, if they include alcoholic beverages, the groom should see to it that these are served or made available in moderation. There was wine at the wedding Jesus attended in Cana, and he supplied wine of fine quality. Interestingly, the director of that feast commented: “Every other man puts out the fine wine first, and when people are intoxicated, the inferior. You have reserved the fine wine until now.” (John 2:10) Surely Jesus did not contribute to any drunkenness, for he viewed such as reprehensible. (Luke 12:45, 46) In expressing surprise at the quality of the wine, the director made it clear that he had observed instances when some wedding guests did get drunk. (Acts 2:15; 1 Thessalonians 5:7) Hence, both the groom and the trustworthy Christian he designates as director of the feast ought to make sure that all present follow the clear directive: “Do not be getting drunk with wine, in which there is debauchery.”​—Ephesians 5:18; Proverbs 20:1; Hosea 4:11.

13. What should a couple consider if they arrange to have music at a wedding feast, and why?

¹³ As is true of other gatherings, if there is to be music, due attention should be given to the volume so that it allows for easy conversation. One Christian elder noted: “As the evening progresses, when conversation becomes more animated or dancing commences, sometimes the volume of the music increases. What began as background music may become loud and hinder conversation. A wedding reception offers an opportunity for pleasant fellowship. How sad it would be if loud music spoiled this opportunity!” Here, too, the groom and the director of the feast need to act responsibly, not relinquishing to musicians, whether hired or not, the control over the nature and volume of the music. Paul wrote: “Whatever it is that you do in word or in work, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus.” (Colossians 3:17) When the guests go home after a wedding feast (or, reception), will they remember the music as reflecting that the couple were doing everything in the name of Jesus? That should be the case.

14. Christians should fondly remember what about a wedding?

¹⁴ Yes, a well-arranged wedding can be fondly remembered. Adam and Edyta, who have been married for 30 years, commented on one wedding: “You could really feel the Christian atmosphere. There were songs praising Jehovah but also some other fine entertainment. Dancing and music were of secondary importance. It was pleasant and upbuilding, and everything was in harmony with Bible principles.” Clearly, the bride and groom can do much to show that they are proving their faith by their works.

Wedding Gifts

15. What Bible counsel can be applied in regard to wedding gifts?

¹⁵ In many lands it is common for friends and relatives to give a gift to those getting married. If you choose to do so, what might you bear in mind? Well, recall the apostle John’s comment about “the showy display of one’s means of life.” He linked such showiness, not with Christians who manifest their faith in actions, but with ‘the world that is passing away.’ (1 John 2:16, 17) In view of John’s inspired observation, should the newlyweds identify to all the giver of each gift? Christians from Macedonia and Achaia made contributions to brothers in Jerusalem, but there is no indication that their names were publicized. (Romans 15:26) Many Christians who give a wedding present would want to remain anonymous rather than attract undue attention to themselves. In this regard, review Jesus’ counsel found at Matthew 6:1-4.

16. How can newlyweds avoid hurting others’ feelings when it comes to wedding gifts?

¹⁶ Identifying the givers of gifts could lead to “stirring up competition” as to which is the better or the more costly gift. Thus, wise Christian newlyweds will refrain from publicly announcing the names of gift givers. Announcing the names of the givers might embarrass others who were perhaps unable to afford to give a gift. (Galatians 5:26; 6:10) Granted, it is not wrong for the bride and groom to know who gave a certain gift. They could possibly learn that from an appropriate card that accompanies the present but is not read publicly. When buying, giving, and receiving wedding gifts, we all have a chance to prove that even in such a private matter, our faith is affecting our actions.a

17. Christians should have what goal in regard to their faith and works?

¹⁷ Proving our faith certainly involves more than living morally, attending Christian meetings, and sharing in the preaching work. May each of us have a living faith that affects all that we do. Yes, we can show our faith by deeds “fully performed,” including those in areas of life discussed above.​—Revelation 3:2.

18. How can the words at John 13:17 prove true in connection with Christian weddings and gatherings?

¹⁸ After Jesus set a fine example for his faithful apostles by the lowly act of washing their feet, he said: “If you know these things, happy you are if you do them.” (John 13:4-17) In the locality where we live today, it may not be necessary or normal to wash the feet of another person, such as a guest in our home. As we have considered in this article, however, there are other aspects of life in which we can manifest our faith by loving, considerate actions, including those associated with social gatherings and Christian weddings. That is so whether we are getting married or are guests at a wedding or a subsequent happy gathering of Christians who want to show their faith by their actions.

[Footnote]

How Would You Answer?

How can you prove your faith

• when organizing a social gathering?

• when organizing a wedding or a reception?

• when giving or receiving wedding gifts?

[Picture on page 24]

Even when inviting just a few people, be guided by “the wisdom from above”

Increase the Joy and Dignity of Your Wedding Day

“MY WEDDING day was one of the most meaningful and joyful days of my life,” said Gordon, who has been married for almost 60 years. What makes the wedding day so meaningful for true Christians? It is a day when they make a sacred promise to ones they dearly love​—their mate and Jehovah God. (Matthew 22:37; Ephesians 5:22-29) Yes, couples planning to marry want to enjoy their wedding day, but they also want to honor the Originator of marriage.​—Genesis 2:18-24; Matthew 19:5, 6.

How can a groom enhance the dignity of this happy occasion? What can a bride do to show honor to her husband and to Jehovah? How can others who attend add to the joy of the wedding day? Considering some Bible principles will help to answer those questions, and applying those principles will minimize possible problems that could detract from this special occasion.

Who Is Responsible?

In many lands, a minister of Jehovah’s Witnesses may legally officiate at a marriage ceremony. Even in places where the legal step must be performed by a civil agent, a couple may want to have a Bible-based talk. In such a talk, the groom is usually asked to reflect on the God-given role of the family head. (1 Corinthians 11:3) Accordingly, the groom has the prime responsibility for what happens at the wedding. Of course, the arrangements for the wedding ceremony itself and for any gathering that may follow are usually made well in advance. Why may this present challenges?

One reason is that relatives on one side or the other may attempt to exert a dominant influence on wedding plans. Rodolfo, who has performed many weddings, notes: “At times, the groom comes under tremendous pressure from relatives, especially if they are helping to pay for the wedding reception. They may have strong opinions as to what should happen during the wedding ceremony and at the reception. This could undermine the groom’s Scriptural role as the one responsible for the occasion.”

Max, who has been performing wedding ceremonies for more than 35 years, observes: “I have noticed a trend toward the bride taking the lead in deciding what will take place at the wedding and at the reception, with the groom having less to say.” David, who has also officiated at many weddings, comments: “Grooms may not be used to taking the lead and are commonly not sufficiently involved in the wedding preparations.” How can the groom effectively shoulder his responsibility?

Communication Increases Joy

For the groom to carry out his responsibility for wedding preparations successfully, he must communicate effectively. The Bible pointedly says: “There is a frustrating of plans where there is no confidential talk.” (Proverbs 15:22) However, much frustration can be avoided if the groom first discusses wedding preparations with the bride, family members, and others who can give sound Bible-based advice.

Yes, it is vital that an engaged couple first discuss with each other the plans and possibilities. Why? Well, listen to some comments from Ivan and his wife, Delwyn, who have been happily married for many years but who came from different cultural backgrounds. Recalling their wedding plans, Ivan says: “I had definite ideas about what I wanted for my wedding, including a reception with all my friends present, a wedding cake, and my bride wearing a white wedding dress. Delwyn, on the other hand, wanted a small, simple wedding with no wedding cake. She even considered wearing something other than a wedding gown.”

How did this couple work out these differences? By kind, honest communication. (Proverbs 12:18) Ivan adds: “We studied Bible-based articles on the subject of weddings, such as those published in The Watchtower of April 15, 1984.a This material helped us to have a spiritual view of the occasion. In view of our different backgrounds, we had to compromise in several areas of personal choice. We met somewhere in the middle.”

Aret and Penny followed a similar course. Regarding their wedding day, Aret says: “Penny and I discussed our different desires for the wedding, and we were able to reach a harmonious agreement. We prayed for Jehovah’s blessing on the day. I also sought the advice of our parents and some other mature married couples in the congregation. Their suggestions were very helpful. As it turned out, our wedding was beautiful.”

Maintaining Dignity in Dress and Grooming

It is understandable that both bride and groom want to be well-dressed for their wedding. (Psalm 45:8-15) They may spend time, effort, and money on appropriate clothing. Which Bible principles can help them to choose what is both dignified and attractive?

Consider what the bride wears for the occasion. While tastes vary from person to person and from country to country, the Bible’s admonition is applicable everywhere. Women are “to adorn themselves in well-arranged dress, with modesty and soundness of mind.” That applies to Christian women at all times, and it certainly includes the wedding day. The fact is that a joyful wedding does not require “very expensive garb.” (1 Timothy 2:9; 1 Peter 3:3, 4) How satisfying when this advice is applied!

David, mentioned earlier, comments: “Most couples endeavor to follow Bible principles, and they deserve commendation. There have been cases, though, when the gowns of brides and bridesmaids were immodest, being very low-cut or see-through.” In his meeting with the bride and groom beforehand, one mature Christian elder helps them to keep a spiritual perspective. How? By asking them whether the attire they have in mind would be modest enough to wear to a Christian meeting. Granted, the style of clothing might be different from regular meeting attire, and what is worn for the wedding may reflect local custom, but the level of modesty should accord with dignified Christian standards. Even if some in the world might view the Bible’s moral code as restrictive, true Christians are content to resist the world’s attempts to squeeze them into its mold.​—Romans 12:2; 1 Peter 4:4.

“Rather than viewing the clothes or the reception as the most important thing,” says Penny, “Aret and I focused on the ceremony, the spiritual part of the occasion. It was the most important part of the day. The special things I remember are, not what I wore or ate, but whom I spent the day with and the happiness I felt at marrying the man I love.” A Christian couple do well to keep such thoughts in mind as they plan their wedding.

The Kingdom Hall​—A Dignified Venue

Many Christian couples desire to have their wedding ceremony in a Kingdom Hall if such is available. Why do they prefer this? One couple explained their reasoning: “We realized that marriage is Jehovah’s sacred arrangement. Getting married in the Kingdom Hall, our place of worship, helped impress upon us right from the start that Jehovah needed to be part of our marriage. Another benefit of having the ceremony in the Kingdom Hall instead of at another location was that it showed our nonbelieving relatives who attended how important worship of Jehovah is for us.”

If the congregation elders responsible for the Kingdom Hall give permission for the wedding to be held there, the couple should advise them in advance of preparations that are being considered. One way the bride and groom can show due respect for those invited to the wedding is by being firmly resolved to arrive at the scheduled time for the wedding. And they will certainly want to be sure that everything is done in a dignified manner.b (1 Corinthians 14:40) They will thus avoid the outrageous displays that mark many worldly weddings.​—1 John 2:15, 16.

Those who attend the wedding can also show that they have Jehovah’s view of marriage. For example, they would not expect the wedding to outdo other Christian weddings, as if there were some competition as to whose wedding was more elaborate. Mature Christians also realize that being at the Kingdom Hall for the Bible-based talk is more important and beneficial than being at a wedding feast or a gathering that might follow. If time or circumstances will permit a Christian to be present for only one of the two, being at the Kingdom Hall would certainly be preferable. An elder named William says: “If guests are needlessly absent from the Kingdom Hall but are present at the reception later, this shows a lack of appreciation for the sacredness of the occasion. Even if we are not invited to the reception, we can show our support for the bride and groom and give an excellent witness to nonbelieving relatives at the wedding by attending the ceremony at the Kingdom Hall.”

Joy That Lasts Beyond the Wedding Day

The commercial world has turned the wedding celebration into a huge industry. According to one recent report, the average wedding in the United States “costs $22,000, or half the average [annual] income of an American household.” Influenced by commercial propaganda, many newlyweds or their families incur for that one day a burdensome debt that they carry for years. Is such a course a prudent way to start one’s marriage? Those who do not know or do not care about Bible principles may opt for such extravagance, but how different it is among true Christians!

By limiting the size of their wedding to what is reasonable and affordable and by focusing on the spiritual aspect of the event, many Christian couples have been able to use their time and assets in line with their dedication to God. (Matthew 6:33) Consider the example of Lloyd and Alexandra, who have continued in the full-time ministry for 17 years since their marriage. Lloyd comments: “Some may have viewed our wedding as a rather simple event, but Alexandra and I were very pleased. We felt that our wedding day should be, not a financial burden to overcome, but a celebration of Jehovah’s arrangement to bring great happiness to two people.”

Alexandra adds: “I was in the pioneer ministry before we were married, and I did not want to give up this privilege just to have an extravagant wedding. Our wedding day was very special. However, it was only the first day of the rest of our lives together. We applied the advice to avoid concentrating too much on the act of getting married and have sought Jehovah’s guidance in our life of being married. This has definitely brought us Jehovah’s blessing.”c

Yes, your wedding day is a special occasion. The attitudes and actions evident on that day can set a pattern for your married life for years to come. Therefore, rely on Jehovah for guidance. (Proverbs 3:5, 6) Keep the spiritual significance of the day uppermost in mind. Support each other in your God-assigned roles. You can thus lay a solid foundation for your marriage, and with Jehovah’s blessing, you will have joy that lasts well beyond your wedding day.​—Proverbs 18:22.