Are Your Children Christ’s Disciples?

“These words that I am commanding you . . . you must inculcate them in your son.”​—Deut. 6:6, 7.

1, 2. (a) How do some parents feel about raising children? (b) What reasons are there for being interested in better child training?

WHY even take time pondering that question in our title? Why not simply provide what Caesar’s law demands​—food, clothing, shelter, a secular education—​and then allow the child to decide religious or ethical matters for himself when he is old enough? You would not be alone in following this course.

² But there are good reasons for asking the question. Has the increase in violence robbed you of a sense of security? Has the growth of dishonesty saddened you? Has the mushrooming of drug abuse and immorality been at least somewhat disturbing? Have the resultant tax increases affected you? If so, then in view of the involvement of youths in these problems, you have good reason at least to wonder if better child training would not have helped.

3. What indicates that most children can be trained to be what their parents want them to be?

³ Make no mistake about it. Children usually can be trained to be what their parents want them to be. Researchers in child development have learned that most of a child’s personality has been established before he enters school and that such personality traits are not thereafter easy to alter. The Creator of man, in his Word the Bible, says: “Train up a boy according to the way for him; even when he grows old he will not turn aside from it.” (Prov. 22:6) Fundamental principles governing conduct inculcated during childhood usually are not forgotten even though one might temporarily turn aside to wrongdoing because of imperfection. This thought is incorporated in Jesus’ illustration of the prodigal son who asked his believing father for his inheritance and then “traveled abroad into a distant country, and there squandered his property by living a debauched life.” (Luke 15:13) What brought him back? For one thing, he remembered his father. Not just the material provisions that his father always made but his father’s love of spiritual things. He said: “I will rise and journey to my father and say to him: ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you.’” (Luke 15:18) Yes, right training during childhood is a major factor in shaping a child’s life.

4. (a) Why is planning necessary in child training? (b) What should the goal be?

⁴ To be successful, of course, such training must be planned. Parents must know what they want and what it will take to accomplish it. It is good to have in mind a picture of the desired end result and to discuss it together. (Prov. 21:5; 15:22) The goal here should be to produce an adult able to think for himself, one devoted to righteousness, knowing God, having the will and determination to serve God in imitation of Jesus Christ, and finding pleasure in doing things for other people. But when training is left to chance, the result is as stated at Proverbs 29:15: “A boy let on the loose will be causing his mother shame.” This can be avoided when parents use their authority with loving concern for the child’s lasting welfare.

THE ROD OF AUTHORITY

5, 6. (a) What must parents keep in mind regarding disciplinary measures that they have to take? (b) How does Jehovah set the example in the exercise of parental discipline?

⁵ One having authority must eventually render an account to the one delegating that authority. Thus parents have a heavy responsibility in rearing their children in that they must answer to God for the trust placed upon them. As Psalm 127:3 reminds parents: “Look! Sons are an inheritance from Jehovah.” So the apostle Paul counsels: “You, fathers, do not be irritating your children, but go on bringing them up in the discipline and mental-regulating of Jehovah.” (Eph. 6:4) Doing this includes teaching your children that, in harmony with Jehovah’s will, Jesus left a ‘model for us to follow his steps closely.’​—1 Pet. 2:21.

⁶ In Israel, a rod was an instrument of chastisement. In 2 Samuel 7:14 Jehovah said concerning King David’s successor: “When he does wrong, I will also reprove him with the rod of men and with the strokes of the sons of Adam.” Also, to the members of spiritual Israel, the apostle Paul writes, in 1 Corinthians 4:15-21: “You certainly do not have many fathers; for in Christ Jesus I have become your father through the good news. . . . What do you want? Shall I come to you with a rod, or with love and mildness of spirit?” The book of Proverbs says: “Do not hold back discipline from the mere boy. In case you beat him with the rod, he will not die. With the rod you yourself should beat him, that you may deliver his very soul from Sheol itself.” (Prov. 23:13, 14; 22:15) How this parental rod of authorized chastisement is used is a serious matter. Parents are accountable to God, who gives the authority to chastise, to use the “rod” properly. Failure to do so may well result in death to the child, as the proverb states, as well as divine disapproval of the parents. Jehovah himself sets the example in the proper exercise of fatherly authority to discipline, as pointed out at Hebrews 12:7, 9, 10: “God is dealing with you as with sons. For what son is he that a father does not discipline? Furthermore, we used to have fathers who were of our flesh to discipline us, and we used to give them respect. Shall we not much more subject ourselves to the Father of our spiritual life and live? For they for a few days used to discipline us according to what seemed good to them, but he does so for our profit that we may partake of his holiness.” Jehovah disciplines his people, not because he is irritated, but “for our profit,” that we may have his approval and live. He expects Christian fathers to do likewise toward their children, with a view to their becoming true disciples of his Son.

THE FATHERLESS BOY

7, 8. (a) Describe Jehovah’s concern for the fatherless boy. (b) Why was a household with no father a tragic thing?

⁷ The manner in which Jehovah commanded the Israelites to care for fatherless boys impresses upon us the good that a godly father can accomplish within the family circle. Note Jehovah’s loving concern for such bereaved ones: “You must not pervert the judgment of the alien resident or of the fatherless boy, and you must not seize the garment of a widow as a pledge. And you must remember that you became a slave in Egypt, and Jehovah your God proceeded to redeem you from there. That is why I am commanding you to do this thing.” (Deut. 24:17, 18) There is no mistaking God’s recognition of the void that existed in such a bereaved household.

⁸ A household with no father was tragic in many ways. The father was the one who would provide material necessities. He could protect them against those who might steal, defraud or otherwise oppress. He would provide the son with fatherly guidance and counsel, companionship and love. So, in the absence of the father, the Law provided reminders of the need for special concern.​—Ex. 22:22-24.

9. (a) How was the attitude toward ‘fatherless boys’ an indication of the spiritual condition of the nation? (b) What does one’s view of such afflicted ones have to do with Christianity?

⁹ The expression “fatherless boy” was even included when God was describing the degree of faithfulness of the entire nation of Israel. When the nation became spiritually impoverished and began to pervert justice, the fatherless boy would be one of the first to feel the bad effects. Thus Jehovah caused the prophet Jeremiah to write: “If you will positively make your ways and your dealings good, if you will positively carry out justice between a man and his companion, if no alien resident, no fatherless boy and no widow you will oppress, and innocent blood you will not shed in this place, and after other gods you will not walk for calamity to yourselves, I, in turn, shall certainly keep you residing in this place, in the land that I gave to your forefathers, from time indefinite even to time indefinite.” (Jer. 7:5-7) God’s view on this matter has not changed. One way to identify true Christians today is to note their care for bereaved ones. At James 1:27 it says: “The form of worship that is clean and undefiled from the standpoint of our God and Father is this: to look after orphans and widows in their tribulation, and to keep oneself without spot from the world.”

10. (a) How might a boy today have a father and still, in a sense, be a fatherless boy? (9) What part do parents have, then, in their children’s becoming Christ’s disciples?

¹⁰ Is it possible for a boy today to have a father and still, in a sense, be a fatherless boy? This could, unfortunately, be true. If a boy finds it necessary to go alone to Christian meetings, though his father really could be with him, then the boy is fatherless on at least that occasion. If, to receive any training at all in the Christian field ministry, the boy must look to someone else, then he is fatherless in that area of his life. The same is true in other ways. But what a fine thing it is when the Christian father shoulders his responsibilities: taking the lead in family Bible study, providing for recreation, making himself available for consultation when problems arise, and personally giving training in caring for responsibilities around the home so as to lay a good foundation for shouldering responsibilities later in life. Practical instruction in the whole scope of Christian living is needed. Children do not automatically become Christ’s disciples simply because their parents profess to be such. They need personal help. The father who is a helper at all stages in a child’s life is, indeed, a blessing.

YOUR DAILY ROUTINE

11, 12. What does Deuteronomy 6:6, 7 say concerning worship, and how can application of that counsel affect the members of our families?

¹¹ In Christendom, those who are still churchgoers usually listen to a brief sermon on Sunday, and children have a brief weekly session in Sunday school. This is expected to care for the religious needs of the family. How does this compare with what Jehovah outlined for the family circle? Deuteronomy 6:6, 7 says: “And these words that I am commanding you today must prove to be on your heart; and you must inculcate them in your son and speak of them when you sit in your house and when you walk on the road and when you lie down and when you get up.” From this it is obvious that worship of Jehovah was to be a way of life and that discussing his purposes was to be done on appropriate occasions throughout one’s daily routine.

¹² How good it is when one’s first thoughts on awakening are of Jehovah and of his Son! Are there better things to talk about in starting the day’s activities than God’s doings? Worship of Jehovah cannot be separated from the daily routine of life. When the speech and conduct of parents reflect the conviction that this is so, the children will grow in appreciation of the fact that God sees each thing they do and is interested in how they do it, that it is important to be an imitator of God’s Son in everything that they do. God and his Son are then in the child’s thoughts at all times, not only when special times are set aside for worship. They will be looking for Jehovah’s blessing on each task performed and will seek the direction he gives through the Holy Scriptures. When a child receives this kind of training, it will most likely be true that “even when he grows old he will not turn aside from it.”​—Prov. 22:6.

13. Why is it important to keep God in our thoughts at all times?

¹³ But how easy many persons find it to go about their daily routine and leave God out of their thoughts! Allowing oneself to do this, however, could in time cause one to become like those of whom Jesus said: “As they were in those days before the flood, eating and drinking, men marrying and women being given in marriage, until the day that Noah entered into the ark; and they took no note until the flood came and swept them all away, so the presence of the Son of man will be.” (Matt. 24:37-39) But the apostle Paul wisely encouraged keeping God in mind throughout the day no matter what we are doing. He said: “Therefore, whether you are eating or drinking or doing anything else, do all things for God’s glory.” (1 Cor. 10:31) He gave the same kind of exhortation to the Colossians: “Whatever you are doing, work at it whole-souled as to Jehovah, and not to men.” (Col. 3:23) That is what a disciple of Christ does. Are you teaching your children to do that?

14. Give an example of how God can be brought into the discussion as father and son work together in some daily routine.

¹⁴ Do you and your son occasionally work together on the family car? What relationship does this part of the daily routine have with the Bible? Well, the car had to be engineered and manufactured in harmony with laws established by the Creator, and you must continue to recognize those natural laws if you are to keep it operating effectively. Periodic tune-ups and adjustments, lubricating and oil changes all are necessary because of God’s laws. Do you remind your son of these things as he works? Another matter: Does governmental Caesar have certain safety laws governing automobile operation in your state? Must the tires, lights and brakes measure up to certain standards so that accidents can be avoided and lives protected? How important is it to conform to these requirements? At Romans 13:1 we are told: “Let every soul be in subjection to the superior authorities, for there is no authority except by God; the existing authorities stand placed in their relative positions by God.” Are you impressing these thoughts on your son as you work together?

15. Give an example of how God can be brought into the discussion as mother and daughter work together on some constructive project.

¹⁵ Do mother and daughter ever work together in making a dress? What connection does this have with the Scriptures? Well, what style will it be? Will it be in harmony with 1 Timothy 2:9, 10, which says: “I desire the women to adorn themselves in well-arranged dress, with modesty and soundness of mind”? With what will you trim it, and what accessories will your daughter wear with it? The rest of that same scripture says that women who reverence God should adorn themselves, “not with styles of hair braiding and gold or pearls or very expensive garb, but . . . through good works.” Possibly if one does not always wear the most expensive garb, one will learn reasonable economy and “have something to distribute to someone in need.” (Eph. 4:28) There are many Scriptural principles that your daughter can learn as you work together to get the daily work done in the home, ‘doing all things for God’s glory.’

16. (a) What kind of language should both parents and children use, and why? (b) Though we cannot be reading the Bible and Bible literature all the time, what can we do?

¹⁶ What kind of language do you use in daily association with your children? Disciples of Jesus know that proper use of the tongue is important. (Matt. 12:36) The Bible admonishes: “Let a rotten saying not proceed out of your mouth, but whatever saying is good for building up as the need may be, that it may impart what is favorable to the hearers.” (Eph. 4:29; Titus 2:6-8) No matter what the subject, the ideas expressed should be in harmony with the inspired guidelines recorded by the apostle Paul, when he said: “Whatever things are true, whatever things are of serious concern, whatever things are righteous, whatever things are chaste, whatever things are lovable, whatever things are well spoken of, whatever virtue there is and whatever praiseworthy thing there is, continue considering these things.” (Phil. 4:8) It is true that we cannot be reading the Bible or Bible literature all day long. But, in imitation of Christ, we can always be thinking, speaking and working in harmony with the Scriptures. Reflecting this outlook, Psalm 119:97 says: “How I do love your law! All day long it is my concern.”

SPECIAL PERIODS SET ASIDE

17. Why is regular family study an important factor in training children?

¹⁷ In addition to teaching and training your children during the day’s normal routine, for real success it is necessary to set aside special periods for family study on a regular basis. Regularity in this is as important as is regularity in eating and drinking. Small wonder that we just naturally refer to Scriptural truth as spiritual food, having in mind the strength it gives, the enjoyment in partaking and the continued need for it.​—Matt. 4:4; 5:3.

18. Who should decide what the family will study, and why?

¹⁸ The material to be studied should be selected by the family head. Just as he decides what the family will have with respect to material things, so it is his responsibility to decide what the family will study. He is in the best position to know what the family needs. Additionally, he can inquire as to what the others think will be beneficial and then take this into consideration. Each family will have particular needs on occasion. Articles on drug abuse, conduct with persons of the opposite sex, honesty, associations, kindness, and so forth, might be appropriate, depending on conditions developing.

19. Usually, what will the family find themselves studying?

¹⁹ Generally, the family will find that they will profit much by following the course of study that has been arranged for the congregation, preparing for participation in the meetings. Unless there is a special need in the family, why not focus your attention on the study material that all others in the congregation are thinking and talking about? What a unifying effect it will have and what a fine contribution each one can make to the discussion at the meeting if families prepare at home in harmony with the congregation’s program. Of course, those blessed with more study time can do additional research.

20. If preparing for meetings sounds dull and uninteresting for some, what might be the problem, and what could be the remedy?

²⁰ Preparing for meetings might sound uninteresting to some children. That is because of their viewpoint. The goal such ones likely have in mind is simply to prepare a comment on the study questions. While this might be an acceptable goal to begin with, the real goal should be to grasp the Scriptural subject and then to help others to do so by the comments made. With this objective, study soon becomes a delight to one who is a lover of truth.​—Ps. 1:1, 2.

21. What else can parents do to make the family study cheerful and interesting?

²¹ There are other things that parents can do to make the family study cheerful and interesting. Allowing the atmosphere to be friendly and relaxed will help. No one learns well when he is tense or apprehensive. Young minds will not be as receptive if parents are stern and demanding. While there needs to be sufficient firmness to maintain order and to demonstrate the seriousness of the occasion, yet there is plenty of room for the kind of warmth and loving concern for one another that draws the family together.

22, 23. (a) Why need parents not feel inferior to their children just because of differences in secular education? (b) What can the children beneficially be helped to appreciate?

²² It is true that in some instances the parents do not have the secular education that their minor children are now receiving. Some parents have come from another country, and when their children go through school they master the new language, but the parents do not. In worldly family circles the children under these circumstances often adopt a superior attitude toward the parents. But how can this obstacle be overcome in the Christian family circle as the parents seek to shoulder their God-given responsibility toward the children, “bringing them up in the discipline and mental-regulating of Jehovah”?​—Eph. 6:4.

²³ Parents need never feel inferior to their offspring just because some of the conditions mentioned above develop. Their position of authority in the household is God-given. Furthermore, their years of experience and background in living make them better fitted to support the family materially, to manage the household, and to take the lead in family study and worship. In a parallel situation there might very well be young brothers in their late teens or early twenties in the congregation who can give more polished student talks than some of the older brothers, but this does not qualify them to be elders. Far more is involved in eldership. The same is true of children as compared to their parents within the family circle. Regardless of the education and background of the parents, they ought to schedule the time for family study, and then allow each one to contribute what he is able, for the benefit of others. The children, if they have greater ability in certain directions, can be helped to appreciate that it is not merely intelligence that counts with Jehovah, but humility and depth of devotion. Jesus said: “Whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted.” (Matt. 23:12) Jehovah’s spirit will make up for any lack that a parent might feel. Confidently follow the Scriptural arrangement for family study, irrespective of the different mental abilities of various family members.

24. How will parents know if their children are really Christ’s disciples?

²⁴ Are your children Christ’s disciples? Well, if they have not only presented themselves for Christian baptism but also make it a practice to base their decisions on what Jesus said and did, if they do not show love for the unrighteous ways of the world but keep an eye on the goal of always serving the Kingdom interests, if they submit willingly to your authority and enjoy discussing Jehovah’s ways, if they fill your heart with warm love because you see these things in them, you will not have to guess. You will know that they are indeed Christ’s disciples.

Finding Joy in Training Children

1, 2. (a) What experience did King Solomon have in judging between two mothers, and what aided him to judge rightly? (b) How does blood relationship affect what a person does?

DURING the reign of wise King Solomon he was asked to judge between two women, living in the same house, who had given birth to sons. During the night one child died and its mother quietly exchanged it for the live one. In the morning the real mother, detecting that the dead child was not hers, charged the dishonest mother with the theft, and the case came before Solomon. Unable to determine the truth of the matter, Solomon ordered that the live child be cut in half so each claimant could share. The account says: “At once the woman whose son was the living one said to the king (for her inward emotions were excited toward her son, so that she said): ‘Excuse me, my lord! You men, give her the living child. Do not by any means put him to death.’ . . . At that the king answered and said: ‘You men, give her the living child, and you must by no means put him to death. She is his mother.’” (1 Ki. 3:26, 27) Solomon understood the love of parents for children. Not only had he learned this from experience, being a father himself, but he was well acquainted with God’s view of the family arrangement as expressed in the Scriptures.

² A close family relationship is a blessing. When Andrew of Bethsaida learned the identity of the Messiah, to whom did he first go with this good news? “First this one found his own brother, Simon, and said to him: ‘We have found the Messiah’ (which means, when translated, Christ).” (John 1:41) Blood relationship supplies a bond that cannot be denied. Andrew’s was a natural reaction.

3. Why is Christian brotherhood an even stronger uniting bond?

³ There is an even closer uniting bond, and that is the Christian brotherhood. At Romans 12:10 the Bible says: “In brotherly love have tender affection for one another. In showing honor to one another take the lead.” At 1 Peter 5:9 mention is made of “the entire association of your brothers in the world.” At Mark 10:29, 30 fleshly relationships are compared with those that the truth brings, Jesus saying: “Truly I say to you men, No one has left house or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or fields for my sake and for the sake of the good news who will not get a hundredfold now in this period of time, houses and brothers and sisters and mothers and children and fields, with persecutions, and in the coming system of things everlasting life.” Yes, Christians have learned that brothers in the truth have something that even natural fleshly brothers do not have.​—John 13:34, 35.

4. Why can Christian families expect to have a unity that other families cannot have?

⁴ But when your family combines both relationships you are indeed in a favored position. Parents who are dedicated and baptized servants of God have the natural love for their offspring that God implanted in humankind. They also have the opportunity to forge a unity in the family circle that can bring happiness and satisfaction unattainable by other means. They can aid their children to become faithful servants of God; not only will this bring the family closer together but it is the best inheritance they could pass on to the children. Yet today that is not as simple as it may sound.

ANTICIPATING PROBLEMS

5, 6. (a) What will help parents in anticipating problems that may need attention? (b) How can lines of communication be kept open between parents and their children?

⁵ In raising a family, problems will arise. It does no good to imagine that they will not, because they will. So keep your eyes and ears open for any signs of them. When your child comes to you with small problems, it is not wise to turn him aside with quick answers. That is the time to show a keen interest in what is on the child’s mind and to draw him out with questions. Many parents say that they have difficulty in getting their children to talk, to tell them what is on their mind. Might it be because the parents themselves have stifled conversation in the past when the children wanted to talk and needed help? How foolish to kill a conversation with your child just because you do not quite feel in the mood at the time.

⁶ The parent who watches for things to talk about with his children and shows a genuine willingness to discuss just about any subject will not find the lines of communication closing down but will find them constantly open and humming with messages that tell him what he needs to know, and that contribute to warmth and understanding in family relationships. A parent who is willing to listen will usually have children who are willing to talk. But will children go to parents with big problems if the parents do not listen to little problems, assisting in the solving of them and in a way that reflects kindness and understanding? Do you right now have a friend you trust and in whom you have confidence, one you could go to with a serious problem, knowing that he will take time to listen to all you have to say and will not look down on you just because you have the problem? Every child should feel that way about his parents. Do your children feel that way about you? Proverbs 17:17 says: “A true companion is loving all the time, and is a brother that is born for when there is distress.” It is a sad thing when a child must look outside the family circle for that kind of relationship.

7. What does presiding over a household in a fine manner include?

⁷ The apostle Paul wrote that an overseer should be “a man presiding over his own household in a fine manner, having children in subjection with all seriousness; (if indeed any man does not know how to preside over his own household, how will he take care of God’s congregation?).” (1 Tim. 3:4, 5) This does not say that, regardless of how much time a father gives to other interests, it is all right as long as he steps in and handles matters when his children get into trouble. No, he needs to preside over his family in a fine manner, watching carefully, anticipating problems, looking ahead to what might develop among those in his charge. Preventive counsel is far better than corrective counsel. A father who specializes in forestalling problems is wiser than one who is satisfied to try to solve them when they crop up. It is true that lawyers build reputations by fighting battles in court. But Christian fathers build fine reputations by presiding in a manner that avoids problems.

GUIDANCE FOR ‘THE UNEXPERIENCED ONE’

8. How can parents aid their children to have the right view toward experience?

⁸ Children have had only limited experience in life, but it does little good for parents to keep reminding them of that fact. On the other hand, if a child is really helped to understand the high value that the Scriptures place on experience and how he personally should be alert to learn from each experience, then the child will likely have the right attitude toward the help the parent is giving and will indeed benefit from the various events that touch his life as the years go by. Actually, all of us ought to be learning from each experience we have. And if the child realizes that his parents appreciate that there are lessons they themselves can learn from various situations, then he will be less apt to resent his own inexperience and be more receptive to the learning process.

9. What do the Scriptures say about those who refuse to learn from experience?

⁹ What do the Scriptures say about experience? They soundly score those who stubbornly refuse to listen and learn from experience, saying: “How long will you inexperienced ones keep loving inexperience, and how long must you ridiculers desire for yourselves outright ridicule, and how long will you stupid ones keep hating knowledge? Turn back at my reproof.” (Prov. 1:22, 23) “Shrewd is the one that has seen the calamity and proceeds to conceal himself, but the inexperienced have passed along and must suffer the penalty.”​—Prov. 22:3.

10. Although young people are lacking in experience, what are some ways to compensate for this?

¹⁰ There are ways in which parents can help to compensate for youthful inexperience. Thoughtful parents can kindly help the inexperienced ones over rough spots without embarrassing the children in front of others. Also, as they teach them the Bible they are equipping them with knowledge that can make one wiser than all the experience of a lifetime. Psalm 19:7 tells us: “The reminder of Jehovah is trustworthy, making the inexperienced one wise.” And Psalm 119:130 adds: “The very disclosure of your words gives light, making the inexperienced ones understand.”

11. Is being young and inexperienced something of which to be ashamed?

¹¹ Being young and inexperienced is not, in itself, something of which to be ashamed. It is just a part of growing up, and one must simply be patient. But when one refuses to acknowledge that one is inexperienced and goes right ahead and commits acts of foolishness or lawlessness, bringing reproach on one’s family and the Christian congregation, this is something of which to be ashamed. The parent who realizes this and skillfully aids his offspring to appreciate it will be richly rewarded as his child makes progress toward maturity.

12. How can parents aid their children to learn the importance of showing respect?

¹² As a person becomes experienced in Jehovah’s ways he will also grow in appreciation of the importance of showing respect. Parents should set a good example in this regard for their children. The father should demonstrate respect for the mother, recognizing that she is a fellow heir of “the undeserved favor of life.” (1 Pet. 3:7) She, too, should show “deep respect for her husband.” (Eph. 5:33) Both of them should have respect for the elders in the congregation living in harmony with the Scriptural counsel: “Be obedient to those who are taking the lead among you and be submissive, for they are keeping watch over your souls as those who will render an account.” (Heb. 13:17) By thus adhering to Jehovah’s ways they show respect for Jehovah and his theocratic arrangement.​—1 Cor. 11:3.

13. (a) How should a feeling of companionship affect the parent-child relationship? (b) In what way do television commercials sometimes present a twisted view of this relationship?

¹³ When such a fine example is set by the parents, it is not difficult for the children to grasp the principle of respect. They will likely have a high regard for their parents and show them respect in many ways. It is true, as has been said, that parents and their children should be as companions. But this refers only to such things as the relationship of warmth and friendliness that should exist between them and not an actual equality in other ways in the household. Application of Bible principles requires that there be a clear understanding of who is the father and who is the child. In contrast, have you ever noticed on television commercials that children are often shown teaching the parents, showing them up as old-fashioned or needing to be corrected or brought up-to-date? Such advertising encourages a son to put pressure on his father to buy the kind of car the son wants. Or it encourages the daughter to put pressure on the mother to be permitted to buy “new” and “different” clothes, perfumes, deodorants, shampoos and other things that really are not new at all. This is simply a device of the commercial world to benefit itself financially without regard to the bad effect in the home. But the Bible shows clearly that it is the children who are the less experienced ones, and they should be encouraged to show respect for those who have lived longer and have seen more of life.

14, 15. (a) Why should children be taught to do some thinking for themselves? (b) Offer suggestions that might assist parents in their efforts to help their children to develop the ability to think.

¹⁴ Of course, children must be taught to do some thinking for themselves. Someday they will have to make their own decisions, and early training can help in this. The Bible highly encourages the developing of thinking ability, and this is one of the most important matters in which parents can assist their children. They will develop some pattern of thinking; so why not be sure that they learn to reason things out on the basis of what the Bible tells us about Jehovah and his ways. Proverbs 5:1, 2 says: “My son, to my wisdom O do pay attention. To my discernment incline your ears, so as to guard thinking abilities; and may your own lips safeguard knowledge itself.” If you want to help someone to develop thinking ability it is important not to do for the student what he can do for himself. Christians, in presenting the truth to others, have learned the importance of drawing the listener into the conversation, getting him involved, learning what is on his mind, and then getting him to reason and come to right conclusions. These are devices that parents should have in mind in aiding their children to develop thinking ability.

¹⁵ This ability can be developed progressively as the child grows. There are many decisions he can be allowed to make for himself, minor ones. Ask him, “What do you think would be best to do here?” Maybe his answer will show he needs a little more help. Reason with him and get him headed in the right direction. Do not get irritated or impatient. The apostle Paul reached back to his own childhood as an example and said: “When I was a babe, I used to speak as a babe, to think as a babe, to reason as a babe; but now that I have become a man, I have done away with the traits of a babe.” (1 Cor. 13:11) He developed thinking ability as he grew older.

16. How do even worldly people endeavor to prepare their children for the future?

¹⁶ Even some parents who are no part of the Christian congregation realize the value of preparing their children for the future. They do not leave the child’s future to chance and allow him to choose what he wants to do, if anything, later, when he is old enough to do so. For example, they may begin early in the child’s life to prepare him to manage the family business, to care for the family estate or to start a new career. Not when it comes to his financial future, but with respect to religion, something that they regard as of little or no importance, they often say they will allow the child to decide later. So, do not think that the world does not approve of the principle of preparation and training. It does, very much so, but in materialistic pursuits, not in spiritual matters.

GIVING COUNSEL THAT BUILDS UP

17. Is it sufficient simply to give accurate counsel, or is something more needed?

¹⁷ Sometimes, after receiving counsel, persons have been known to say: “I didn’t mind what he said; it was actually true and deserved. I just didn’t like the way he said it.” Of course, in a Christian household counsel should be accepted even if not presented in the most acceptable way. But are there things that a parent might keep in mind so as to make the counsel easier for his children to take? Undoubtedly there are. It is not just a matter of knowing what is wrong and what is needed for improvement, but knowing also how to approach the matter and how to say it.

18, 19. (a) How do time and place enter into the matter of giving counsel? (b) What else will help in making counsel easier to take?

¹⁸ One thing to consider is the time to give counsel. Immediately after a mishap or wrongdoing may often be the appropriate time, but not always so. Waiting until both parent and child are in a more settled frame of mind might be better. Also, the place should be considered. If something amiss happened at the congregation’s meeting place, at someone else’s home or while shopping, it could be that the counsel, or at least any extended counsel, would be best postponed until you arrived home.

¹⁹ The way to say it involves kindness, tact, calmness and reasonableness. You might allow the child to express himself on some points, appreciating that you may not have the entire picture. And you could ask questions to see if he gets the point. A smile might be appropriate if the matter is not very serious and the counsel is being readily received. But on a more serious occasion when firm counsel is needed the smile might give a wrong impression. In all cases one should be sure that the counsel is clearly understood.

20, 21. (a) Why do threats not usually yield the best results in child training? (b) What is a better method?

²⁰ Threats and warnings do not usually produce the best results. Why? Because they may result only in fear of the threatened punishment, not hatred of the wrongdoing. (Ps. 97:10) At Ephesians 6:9, masters are counseled to ‘let up on the threatening, for you know that the Master of both them and you is in the heavens, and there is no partiality with him.’

²¹ The better method is to show the advantage of doing things in Jehovah’s way and, where possible, the reasons why certain things are bad. Optimistically encourage the right course, but at the same time lovingly make clear what the consequences of disobedience will be. There is a difference between threatening and outlining what the consequences of a certain course undoubtedly will be. Notice the inviting manner in which Jehovah encourages the proper course: “My son, if you will receive my sayings and treasure up my own commandments with yourself, so as to pay attention to wisdom with your ear, that you may incline your heart to discernment; . . . in that case you will understand the fear of Jehovah, and you will find the very knowledge of God.” (Prov. 2:1-5) But later on in this chapter, consequences are introduced in a kindly but firm manner: “The purpose is that you may walk in the way of good people and that the paths of the righteous ones you may keep. For the upright are the ones that will reside in the earth, and the blameless are the ones that will be left over in it. As regards the wicked, they will be cut off from the very earth; and as for the treacherous, they will be torn away from it.”​—Prov. 2:20-22.

ASSOCIATIONS

22, 23. How do associates affect a child, and so what should be the attitude of parents on this?

²² Christian parents often find that problems arise when their children begin to associate with other children in the neighborhood or with schoolmates. They must, of course, have some association with outsiders. Complete isolation today is next to impossible and is inadvisable. Worldly associates vary in the degree of unchristian influence that they exert. But parents need to know with whom their children talk and play. While some worldly persons today have certain admirable characteristics, it must be remembered that one who is not a worshiper of Jehovah cannot be said to be good company.​—1 Cor. 15:33.

²³ In a general way one might say that there are really only two kinds of associates. Proverbs 13:20 says: “He that is walking with wise persons will become wise, but he that is having dealings with the stupid ones will fare badly.” Of course, just who it is that are the wise ones is not identified here. But the Bible makes clear elsewhere what kind of wisdom is meant. Psalm 111:10 says: “The fear of Jehovah is the beginning of wisdom.” So worshipers of Jehovah are the wise ones with whom your children should associate. This will help them to become truly wise. The ideal situation is for parents to have such a fine program outlined for their children that little or no time remains for outside associations. Being with the family or other Christians becomes so interesting and absorbing that other associations do not become a temptation. But if they do, then parents should take time to make clear to the child the Bible’s viewpoint on the matter; at the same time they should firmly exercise needed control.

24. Why do the children themselves need to understand what the Bible says about bad associations?

²⁴ Should Christian parents actually be that frank and straightforward in teaching their children about worldly associations? Why not? Children, generally, appreciate being told the truth of a matter so it is not misunderstood. At least a number of them today claim they want older ones to “tell it as it is.” Of course, children should also be taught kindness and tact so as to be able to deal with others in a loving way. But it is not sufficient for the parents alone to be aware of the dangers of wrong associations. If children are to be protected, then they too must know the dangers, and it is the responsibility of the parents to make the point clear.

25. To whom do parents need to look for guidance in training their children, and why?

²⁵ In seeking to build within their children the durable qualities that they need in order to survive the trials that are still ahead for all true Christians, parents should look to Jehovah for strength and guidance. (1 Cor. 3:10-15) Training children so that they grow up to be a source of pleasure to their parents and an honor to God is no easy thing. It requires constant vigilance. But, while it is a responsibility that causes anxious moments at times, it is also a privilege given to us by a loving God that primarily brings joy. There can indeed be satisfaction and joy in training children.