Single Parents Coping in Today’s World

“The woman who is actually a widow and left destitute has put her hope in God and persists in supplications and prayers night and day.”​—1 Tim. 5:5.

1-3. (a) What did one widow write? (b) Has there been an increase in single-parent families, and what are some of the problems these face?

“I AM a 28-year-old widow with two children. I am very depressed for I don’t want to raise my children without a father. It seems like no one even cares about me. My children see me cry often and it affects them. I know I can’t go on feeling like this, but what should I do?” This letter expresses a common plea from some who are facing many problems​—single parents.

² Worldwide reports show a rapid increase in single-parent families. In 10 years the number has almost doubled in the United States, and has more than doubled in Canada. They make up about one tenth of all families in Australia and Great Britain. It is estimated that two out of every five children now living in the United States will spend some of their life in a single-parent family.

³ There are many reasons for this increase. Wars and car accidents have robbed many homes of a father. As family life decays, desertion, divorce and separation have become commonplace. Some unwed mothers, rather than having an abortion or giving up their child for adoption, have chosen to rear the child instead. A single parent must cope with many problems. Loneliness, rearing children, making a living, sexual desires and managing a household are just a few.

CHRISTIANITY BRINGS RELIEF

4. What conditions during the first century produced many single-parent families?

⁴ In the first century, during the infancy of Christianity, the ravages of war, sickness and moral decay likewise produced countless widows and fatherless children. Divorce or abandonment was often the rule. Usually children of tender years were left with the mother who now had to bring them up alone. The world of the Roman Empire was a heartless society that despised the weak. So widows were subjected to harsh abuses. Some even turned to prostitution for support.

5. In what two ways did Christianity help?

⁵ Christianity brought a real change. It showed compassion to the less fortunate. But even beyond this, by its teachings, single parents were infused with the moral strength to break free from the vices of the time. Instead of producing shameless women, Christianity produced women who were self-controlled, chaste, who loved their families. Even non-Christians recognized the difference, as one of these exclaimed: “What women the Christians have!”

6. What Christian principles can help single parents, as well as all Christians, to cope with today’s pressures?

⁶ What Christian principles helped? The apostle Paul, in offering counsel about widows, said that the exemplary widow “has put her hope in God and persists in supplications and prayers night and day.” He indicated that a widow not less than 60 years old could be placed on the list for assistance if, among other things, “she diligently followed every good work.” (1 Tim. 5:5, 9, 10) Here, at least three principles stand out: (1) Trust God now and anticipate the hope of eternal life that he has promised; (2) maintain a close personal relationship with God; (3) keep involved in beneficial work. We shall see how these three principles, if applied, genuinely help not only single parents but all Christians to cope with today’s pressures.

COPING WITH LONELINESS

7. (a) Why is loneliness especially difficult for some single parents? (b) How does the principle suggested at 1 Timothy 5:10 help?

⁷ One single parent sighed: “When I come home and see those four walls, and especially after the children are in bed, loneliness really comes over me.” Yes, loneliness is often the biggest problem a single parent faces. Though becoming closer to the children helps, many yearn for adult companionship. Keeping involved in “every good work” is one time-tested remedy. First-century Christian widows ‘entertained strangers, washed the feet of the holy ones [through personal acts of service] and relieved those in tribulation.’ (1 Tim. 5:10) Noting this, one 68-year-old modern-day Christian widow took to visiting other nearby widows and rest homes whenever she got lonely. She said: “I find that by making these visits, keeping up my housework and taking care of my spirituality I don’t have time to be lonely.”

8. (a) Why does Kingdom preaching help us fight loneliness and depression? (b) Does it really work?

⁸ Kingdom preaching is a “good work” commanded by Jesus, a work that can relieve loneliness and depression. (Matt. 24:14; 28:19, 20) One lonely and depressed single parent who had become withdrawn was urged by her friends to get started in the house-to-house witnessing. She did. At her first door she was invited in by a badly crippled, yet unusually cheerful, woman. How could she be so happy? “It is because I have my life, my dear. I am alive,” was her jovial reply. This was a turning point for the Witness, who reasoned: “I have my health, the love of the congregation, two fine children and, above all, Jehovah. Why should I be unhappy?” Helping others spiritually can prevent our becoming self-centered and giving in to self-pity. Teaching others keeps our own hope alive and fresh; so we continue to “put [our] hope in God.”​—1 Tim. 5:5.

9. Will loneliness always go away with hard work? What also helps?

⁹ Yet one widower stated realistically: “Loneliness does not go away with just hard work. Often you have to live with it. It must simply be endured with the help and strength from Jehovah.” Such strength comes when one “persists in supplications and prayers night and day.” (1 Tim. 5:5) Prayerfully recounting our activities throughout the day, and knowing that Jehovah is always there listening and that he cares about the details of our life is truly comforting. Pouring out our heart to him “night and day” helps​—especially at night when, as many report, the problem of loneliness can become serious.

COPING WITH SEXUAL DESIRES

10. (a) When can sexual desires become a serious problem? (b) How does one ‘go in for sensual gratification,’ and to what can this lead?

¹⁰ Many single parents ache for the warm companionship of marriage and the intimacies of the marital bed. Certainly such feelings are not wrong in themselves. The desire to remarry is natural. The problem comes when a person decides to satisfy these “sexual impulses” regardless of the cost. This happened in the apostle Paul’s day. Some younger widows allowed “their sexual impulses [to] come between them and the Christ.” (1 Tim. 5:11, 12) This was serious because, in effect, such an individual was saying: ‘My sexual needs are just too great. I have to do something to give my body relief!’ These bodily or sensual desires gradually became the big thing in life, even bigger than spiritual interests. These desires could build up to the point where one would ‘go in for sensual gratification’ and thus become “dead though she is living.” (1 Tim. 5:6) That person’s interest in spiritual matters would die. The same thing can happen to any Christian (male or female) today. One can commit ‘spiritual suicide’ by ignoring Bible standards of morality, because of being so absorbed in satisfying “sexual impulses.”

11. How can a person ‘deaden his sexual appetite’?

¹¹ Therefore, the Bible urges: ‘Deaden your body members as respects sexual appetite.’ (Col. 3:5) But how? By guarding your mind and heart. If you were trying to diet and control your appetite for food, would you read magazines containing pictures of delicious foods, or would you watch TV shows about cooking? Would you associate with people who constantly talked about food? Hardly! It is the same with “sexual appetite.” One widow frankly stated: “We are in a world that just never stops talking about sex. So I am quite careful about my choices of entertainment and with whom I socialize. A diabetic would surely not want to press his nose to the window of a candy store.”

12, 13. (a) To cultivate a personal relationship with Jehovah, what is needed? (b) Why are “supplications” so important, and how can one work in harmony with these?

¹² However, to keep overcoming these desires, day after day, an individual must develop a close personal relationship with God. Besides personal study and meditation, this requires persistence in “supplications.” (1 Tim. 5:5) Paul not only mentions prayers in general, but says “supplications.” These are petitions to God conveying an intense need. They are earnest pleas, yes, a begging for help, perhaps with “strong outcries and tears.”​—Heb. 5:7.

¹³ Are your prayers for self-control and strength as intense as that? Do you persist in them? Do you pray at the very moment these desires become strong? Are you specific, perhaps revealing to our Father things that you would not confide to another human? Also, do you work in harmony with your prayers? One Christian woman said: “Don’t ask for Jehovah’s help to overcome sexual desires and then constantly think about sex. True, certain times during the month your sexual urges may be very great. Activate your mind by doing something else. Go visit someone. Go for a walk or do anything that will change the subject. Keep as busy as you can during this part of the month.” Another who also saw the value of keeping busy in “every good work” agreed, saying: “Scrub your windows. Scrub your floor. Dig in the dirt. I’ve done it. It works!” When you see Jehovah helping you with this problem​—no, not by performing a miracle, but at least by giving you the strength to cope with it each day—​you will be drawn closer to him.

14. (a) What can happen if a person fails to have a close relationship with Jehovah? (b) What can single parents do while waiting for a Christian mate?

¹⁴ Without this precious “intimacy with Jehovah” a person could begin seeking a marriage mate regardless of the cost, perhaps even dating worldly persons. (Ps. 25:14) One who did this admitted: “The real problem was my not being close to Jehovah. When I had a chance to get married, it sounded so good. I forgot the moral standards I’d been taught. Then one day I realized that the man was only interested in himself and not marriage. Then I had to live with a guilty conscience.” True, being single can be hard, but as one divorced Christian woman warned: “There is one thing much worse than being single. It’s being married to the wrong person!” There is always the possibility of finding a mate among devoted Christians, someone “in the Lord.” (1 Cor. 7:39) Some have waited for many years for such a mate. Meanwhile, they have not become bitter or been overwhelmed by their circumstances. They wisely have used the time to develop the qualities that would make them better mates. As one single parent said: “I ask myself, ‘Am I the spiritual woman someone would choose?’ If I’m miserable while I’m single, then I probably would make someone a miserable mate.”

MANAGING A HOUSEHOLD AND REARING CHILDREN

15. (a) What have some single parents done to manage a household successfully? (b) Do you have any additional suggestions?

¹⁵ Though it is a taxing job, many single parents have imitated the capable woman described in Proverbs 31. Although married, she had the general supervision of the household. She saved money by shopping carefully, making her own goods from raw materials and not wasting food, for she prepared a “prescribed portion.” (Pr 31 Vss. 13-15, 19) She started early and worked late. (Pr 31 Vss. 15, 18) She made items and sold them. (Pr 31 Vs. 24) She used “her own hands” to care for chores. (Pr 31 Vss. 17, 19) Today, to learn to use their “own hands” skillfully, some single parents have read how-to-do-it books and have consulted professionals for advice. (Often, after explaining their status, they have received free expert instructions.) Others have told their needs to fellow witnesses of Jehovah who had certain “know-how,” and, when available, these have kindly given assistance. All of this keeps expenses down.

16. Why is it vital to trust in God, and whose example illustrates this need?

¹⁶ Yet, despite all that a widow can do, with times becoming harder, she must trust in God for daily provisions. A good example of one who “put her hope in God” was the single parent who lived in the city of Zarephath in the days of God’s prophet Elijah. By Jehovah’s direction, Elijah asked for her last bit of food, promising her that God would provide. What would you have done? She had enough for one last meal. At least that one meal was something she could count on. Yet, because of her faith, she gave up what was certain for the uncertain. God’s word through the prophet came true. She and her son never lacked food. Similarly today, single parents, along with all Christians, must put confidence in God by seeking his kingdom first and by complying with his righteous standards. Then they will see that he will provide.​—1 Ki. 17:8-16; Luke 4:25, 26; Matt. 6:31-33.

17. What must single parents never forget if they are to rear their children successfully, and why?

¹⁷ The difficult task of being both “mother” and “father” to the children and rearing them properly can be accomplished only if the parent never forgets what should be of highest importance in the home. Note the Bible answer:

“Better is a little in the fear of Jehovah than an abundant supply and confusion along with it. Better is a dish of vegetables where there is love than a manger-fed bull and hatred along with it.” (Prov. 15:16, 17)

The true value of a meal is not what is on the table, but what is in the heart of those who eat together. Love and a wholesome fear of God are what really count.

18. (a) What have some single parents done to have money and yet have the time to care for their children? (b) What else do you feel can be done?

¹⁸ To have the time to help their children to develop an awe for God and yet have needed money, some single parents, often with their children’s help, have sold their own homemade goods or have performed services at home.a Others have taken advantage of any government assistance to which they have a legal and moral right. A number have lowered their living standard to get by on part-time work, like one Christian woman with four children. She said: “I wanted to be with the children as much as possible. It was bad enough their not having a father without depriving them of a mother too.” Of course, not all may be able to find such convenient work. But by confiding in the children, explaining why secular work is necessary and by spending as much time as possible with them, these parents can maintain a warm atmosphere of love in the home.

19. (a) What does ‘loving their children’ mean for parents? (b) Why is this not always easy for a single parent?

¹⁹ ‘Loving their children,’ which includes giving needed discipline, is essential. (Titus 2:4; Prov. 13:24) It helps to prevent the children, who have already lost one parent, from feeling insecure. Because some women tend to be sentimental, it may require real effort to give discipline. But remember, discipline, which may include punishment, tells the child that you love him enough not to let him get into trouble.

20. (a) What have some done to keep close to their children? (b) What twofold blessing comes from staying close to one’s children and rearing them properly?

²⁰ Single parents who have stayed close to their children suggest:

“Set a special time aside to be with the children and don’t let anything interfere with it. The housework will always be there; the children won’t. Concentrate on building the children up spiritually.” “My discipline had to be tempered with understanding because of the shock of losing their mother. I talk to them at every opportunity, no matter what time of the day or night. We have ‘cosy moments’ when we prepare dinner. It is then that they really confide in me.”

Such love comes through. Children can see and feel it. Though all of this effort in rearing children is exacting, the parent has the rich satisfaction of seeing them grow up to become responsible praisers of Jehovah. Also, such work is a moral protection for the parent.​—1 Tim. 2:15.

THE COMPLETE ANSWER​—THE NEW ORDER

21. (a) Are the problems of a single parent easily solved? (b) What does a faithful course accomplish?

²¹ “I share in the preaching work almost every day. I study and pray constantly,” said one widow, who confessed: “Yet I still cry myself to sleep every night.” Yes, the problems that a single parent must cope with are hard to solve. Often it is a daily battle. Yet, each day that a Christian displays endurance is another slap in the face of Satan who charged that persons would stop serving God when circumstances became difficult. (Job 1:9-11; Prov. 27:11) Realize that no one has a perfect lot in life now. “The entire association of your brothers” is suffering. (1 Pet. 5:9) Someone else’s problems may be different from yours, but they are just as intense to that person. Regardless of your problems, conditions could be worse. So try to dwell on the positive aspects of your life as much as you can.

22. (a) What should we keep our eyes on, and why? (b) What will be considered in the following article?

²² Above all, we must keep our eyes fixed on the living hope of a coming system that will bring perfect satisfaction. As the apostle Paul says: “We keep our eyes, not on the things seen [the tribulations that can perplex us and throw us down], but on the things unseen [the hope of eternal life]. For the things seen are temporary, but the things unseen are everlasting.” Yes, the pressures of today’s frustrating system will eventually end. The blessings of the New Order, so near at had, will be endless. Keep these in clear focus and you will “not give up.” (2 Cor. 4:8, 9, 16-18) But what can others do to help those who are single parents? This will be discussed in the following article.

[Footnotes]

Can You Help Widows and Fatherless Children “in Their Tribulation”?

1, 2. (a) What is the difference between “looking upon” someone in distress and “looking after” that one? (b) According to James 1:27, what responsibility does true worship bring?

THERE is a vast difference between looking upon someone in distress and looking after that one. True worship should change persons from uninterested observers into caring helpers of fellow believers, because “the form of worship that is clean and undefiled from the standpoint of our God and Father is this: to look after orphans and widows in their tribulation, and to keep oneself without spot from the world.”​—Jas. 1:27.

² At James 1:27 the original Greek word that is translated “to look after” is defined as ‘having a care for, providing for.’ It conveys the idea of visiting someone to bring needed help. This help is deeply appreciated.

CHILDREN CAN PROVIDE VALUABLE HELP

3, 4. (a) According to 1 Timothy 5:4, who should be concerned about helping widows? (b) In what ways can children of single parents help, and what is the finest support these children can give?

³ The apostle Paul shows who should be concerned about helping widows by saying: “If any widow has children or grandchildren, let these learn first to practice godly devotion in their own household and to keep paying a due compensation to their parents and grandparents, for this is acceptable in God’s sight.” (1 Tim. 5:4) Though this statement involves grown children, even minors can learn to show their devotion to God by paying “a due compensation” to their parents, who have done so much for them. But how? Some youngsters help out financially, as one did who offered his entire savings from his part-time job to pay an unexpected bill. “This kind of generosity from a 14-year-old son,” said his mother beamingly, “encourages me beyond words.”

⁴ Even if children are not able to contribute money, they can give much more important things​—appreciation and obedience. (Prov. 23:22; Eph. 6:1-3) Most single parents ask themselves, “Am I doing a good job in bringing up my child?” Imagine the joy of one single parent when his little child made a card, saying: “I love you very much and I know you try hard.” Well, if you are the child of a single parent, have you recently told that one how much you appreciate his or her sacrifices for you? Are you quick to obey? Do you know what it means to wash the dishes obediently, carry out the garbage, do your homework, come home on time, clean up and, above all, to study your Bible lessons regularly? Such willing obedience is the finest support you can give your parent.

HOW THE CONGREGATION CAN HELP

5. (a) What does showing “fellow feeling” mean, and why is this so important? (b) In what ways could our congregation display such “fellow feeling” toward single parents?

⁵ “It’s been hard and sometimes I get weighed down,” said a single parent with six children, including a set of 17-month-old twins. “However, once in a while one of the brothers or sisters [in the congregation] will say to me: ‘Joan, you’re doing a good job. It’s going to be worth it.’ Just to know that others are thinking of you and that they care is so helpful.” This shows how all can help. “All of you,” urges the apostle Peter, “be like-minded, showing fellow feeling, having brotherly affection, tenderly compassionate.” (1 Pet. 3:8) Put yourself in the other person’s place. A kind word, a smile right from the heart, can mean so much. Be tenderhearted rather than critical.

6. Why would an individual acting like the one described at 1 John 3:17 truly be reprehensible before God?

⁶ Real love includes more than kind words. Just before urging Christians to put their love into action through deeds, the apostle John wrote: “But whoever has this world’s means for supporting life and beholds his brother having need and yet shuts the door of his tender compassions upon him, in what way does the love of God remain in him?” (1 John 3:17) The original word for “beholds” means not just a casual glance but a deliberate gaze. It is used of a general inspecting an army. Certainly, this one looks with interest for details. So imagine the scene John paints: Someone who has the means to help, after a careful look at his brother perceives a need, then shuts and locks the door of his heart. He refuses to help. How cold! Thankfully, such negative responses are rare exceptions among Jehovah’s Witnesses. Countless reports show their generosity toward those “having need.”

7. When needy single-parent families are neglected, what usually is the problem, and how can this be overcome?

⁷ However, there have been instances of neglect. Usually this has occurred because there has been a failure to “behold” the need. ‘Careful observation,’ with interest regarding those in need, was lacking. So what about the situation in your congregation? Are you really conscious of the circumstances of the widows and the orphans? When was the last time you did more than casually greet them? Have you ever invited some over for a meal or a social gathering to get to know them better? Such questions help us to see if we are really ‘beholding’ the condition of our single-parent families.

8. How have some in the congregation helped needy single-parent families?

⁸ It does not take great wealth to help. Many, seeing a real need, have shared extra food or have passed on clothing that their own children have outgrown. Some have even taught single parents certain skills, such as sewing, so that these could manage better. An old proverb says: “Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach him how to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.” One single parent wrote: “A sister gave me a sewing machine, two lengths of material and sewing lessons. I have saved hundreds of dollars since that time.”

9. What balanced outlook should single-parent families have regarding help from others?

⁹ However, should single parents normally expect a “flood” of help and become discouraged if such is not forthcoming? One must keep a balanced outlook. While grateful for any assistance offered, one should ask, “Am I doing all I can to handle the situation?” As one single parent put it: “No one can really take on an extra family. If you don’t help yourself, you are not accepting your total responsibility. You have to learn to stand on your own two feet.” There are Bible examples of faithful widows who gave of themselves, rather than expecting service from others. (Luke 2:36-38; Mark 12:42-44) One financially poor single parent who struggled for many years to rear two children had a plaque on her wall that read: “Those who bring sunshine into the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves.” For 12 years, as a full-time evangelizer, she has done just that. She has given of herself, and now, at 73 years of age, still gives to help others. As a result, she has never been in want.​—Prov. 11:25.

10. What evidence is there that mature sisters played a large role in helping widows and orphans in the first century?

¹⁰ Mature women undoubtedly played a large role in helping widows and orphans in the first century. Some widows are described as ‘relieving those in tribulation,’ perhaps including single-parent families. (1 Tim. 5:10) In his letter to the Christians in Rome, one fourth of those greeted by the apostle Paul were women who had served faithfully with or in behalf of the congregation. Some were specifically spoken of as working hard or performing labors “in the Lord.” (Rom. 16:3-15) The woman Phoebe, a “minister of the congregation” (evidently she served in an unofficial way caring for the personal needs of others), is described as a “defender of many.” Doubtless, she took the initiative in helping “many,” which strengthened the congregation. Today, like Phoebe, mature Christian women give loving encouragement and help, including their material resources to help “those in tribulation.”​—Rom. 16:1, 2.

11. (a) What type of help can mature sisters give single parents? (b) What example can you give, and do you know of other instances?

¹¹ Many aged Christian women provide spiritual and emotional help by being “teachers of what is good,” so that “they may recall the young women to their senses” by offering them understanding counsel. (Titus 2:3-5) As an example, one single mother was in tears after hearing a Bible lecture about marriage. An older Christian woman asked what was wrong. “I guess I’m just feeling sorry for myself,” was the tearful reply. The older woman began to talk with her. She knew how the depressed one felt, because she herself had been abandoned by her husband 20 years earlier. The younger woman remarked: “She was my biggest help. She talked to me a lot and invited me to share with her in the preaching work. She’s been very dear to me.” Many mature Christian women have reached out to such ones and offered them a “shoulder to cry on,” even discussing very personal problems that a Christian man, by himself, could not appropriately handle.

ELDERS​—MAKE THE ‘HEART OF WIDOWS GLAD’

12. How can elders ‘make the heart of widows glad’?

¹² “The heart of the widow I would make glad,” said Job of pre-Christian times. (Job 29:13) He “felt” the pain experienced by widows. Rather than adding to it by a thoughtless word or deed, he acted to cheer them up inside​—in the heart. Elders of Christian congregations today can do likewise by reassuring such ones that the congregation is a warmhearted family, by really making them feel a part of it. The overseers may share a comforting scripture that shows the blessings resulting from faithfulness. “Fellow feeling” will help them to try to understand the tremendous emotional and mental pressures that plague many single parents. (1 Pet. 3:8) Consequently, needy ones will feel free to come to them for help. Each of these spiritual men can truly be like “a place of concealment from the rainstorm, like streams of water in a waterless country.”​—Isa. 32:1, 2.

13. Why may single parents approach elders for help in making important decisions, and what kind of help should be given?

¹³ The Bible foretold that God would restore capable “counselors” among his ancient people. (Isa. 1:26) Similarly, today single parents may look to elders for counsel in making important decisions. When approached, elders should provide “skillful direction,” helping the inquirer to recognize the Bible principles involved in the matter under consideration. However, the role of an elder or anyone else approached for help is that of a ‘counselor,’ not a decision-maker for others.​—Prov. 11:14; Gal. 6:5.

14. (a) Why should elders try to “readjust” someone who takes a false step? (b) How was the Greek word for “readjust” used in the first century, and how should knowing this affect the way such ‘readjusting’ is done?

¹⁴ An elder may note that, because of the pressures, a single parent is taking a “false step,” such as dating an unbeliever. The individual may not be fully aware of the seriousness of such a step. “Brothers, even though a man takes some false step before he is aware of it,” recommends the Bible, “you who have spiritual qualifications try to readjust such a man in a spirit of mildness.” (Gal. 6:1) Thus elders and others may prevent a “false step” from becoming a wayward course. The Greek word for “readjust” is also rendered ‘mend.’ (Mark 1:19) In the first century, it was used to describe the setting of a broken bone. A doctor, though he must apply some pressure, would be, oh, so gentle in setting a bone! The objective would be to ‘mend’ the injury, not to make it worse. So elders who wish to reach the heart of such ones will “in a spirit of mildness” reason with the person gently but clearly, helping him to see why applying the counsel of God’s Word is in his best interests, thus putting him on the mend spiritually.

15. (a) When might elders have to organize help for needy widows? (b) Why do the elders need help from others in the congregation?

¹⁵ At times elders may have to organize help for lonely widows. In Trinidad, a 79-year-old Christian widow fell seriously ill with terminal cancer and needed round-the-clock care. Though she received a small government pension, there were no relatives to help her. To prevent having the task fall on just a few, the elders scheduled teams of Christian women who volunteered to help. For over six months these women cooked and cleaned for their spiritual sister, transported her, washed her clothes and even bathed her when she could no longer move. This was an example of love that truly impressed the neighbors. Naturally the elders cannot do everything necessary in such cases. They usually have their own families for which to care. But they are happy to do what they can, and they appreciate it when others take the initiative by helping out in circumstances of this kind.

BROTHERS​—‘RESCUE FATHERLESS BOYS’

16. (a) What is a chief concern of female single parents regarding their sons? (b) Who can help, and how?

¹⁶ The mother in a single-parent family naturally is concerned about the lack of a father’s influence in the home, especially on the sons. Men in the congregation should feel as did Job, who said: “I would rescue . . . the fatherless boy and anyone that had no helper.” (Job 29:12) Often what is needed is sincere interest. These boys could be personally invited to share with you in witnessing, in certain activities at the Kingdom Hall and even in wholesome recreation. This attention could “rescue” a boy from a worldly course and draw him toward the congregation.

17. (a) Who was a good example of one who ‘rescued fatherless boys,’ and with what results? (b) In offering help to other children, what would a married brother have to consider?

¹⁷ The apostle Peter was one who ‘rescued fatherless boys.’ He befriended John Mark, even calling him “Mark my son.” (1 Pet. 5:13) Mark’s mother, Mary, was probably a single parent, because the account says that Peter went to her house, not her husband’s. (Acts 12:12) Undoubtedly the fine spiritual association Mark had with Peter and other Christian men was instrumental in his becoming a missionary who even wrote a Bible book. He is a good example for boys who must be reared by a mother alone. Naturally, any married brother would have to realize that Scripturally he has a prior responsibility​—to care for his own family first. While not neglecting those “who are his own,” much good can come from showing interest in these fatherless boys to the extent that this is advantageous and as far as one’s circumstances allow.​—1 Tim. 5:8.

THE BASIS FOR SUCH HELP​—SELF-SACRIFICING LOVE

18. (a) What type of love identifies genuine Christianity, and how did Jesus show it? (b) How can we display such love?

¹⁸ The badge of identification for a real Christian is not merely love, but self-sacrificing love. Jesus said to his disciples: “I am giving you a new commandment, that you love one another; just as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all will know that you are my disciples, if you have love among yourselves.” (John 13:34, 35) His example of giving was to be the standard. He “did not please himself.” He “became poor for your sakes.” “He gave himself [through an agonizing death] for our sins.” Only by imitating this pattern of love could his disciples manifest the attention and care that widows and fatherless children would need during “their tribulation.”​—Rom. 15:3; 2 Cor. 8:9; Gal. 1:4; Jas. 1:27.

19, 20. (a) Is it always easy to show self-sacrificing love? Why or why not? (b) Whom should we especially be concerned about helping?

¹⁹ As pressures intensify and it becomes harder to care for our own problems, it is easy to become insensitive to another’s plight and to be preoccupied with our own lives. Even some in the first century who were “taught by God to love one another” needed to “go on doing it in fuller measure.” (1 Thess. 4:9, 10) Should we not look frankly at our own attitude and actions toward our Christian brothers and sisters in unfortunate circumstances? Love like that of Jesus would require that we sacrifice our life for our brothers. However, if we are willing to lay down our life for our brothers, how should we feel about sharing our “bread” when we ‘behold our brother having need’?​—1 John 3:17.

²⁰ Caring for our Scriptural responsibilities keeps us all very busy. We often wish we could do more to help others. Yet, if we willingly do what we can, be assured that Jehovah knows our limitations and appreciates what we do. “As long as we have time favorable for it, let us work what is good toward all, but especially toward those related to us in the faith.”​—Gal. 6:10.

ALL WORK TOGETHER TO ENDURE TRIBULATIONS

21. (a) What can single parents do to cope with today’s pressures? (b) How can others in the congregation help them, and is this help important?

²¹ Thus, in summary, single parents can endure by doing the following: (1) Trust God continually now and look to the hope of eternal life when God will satisfy the desires of all. (Ps. 37:3, 4) (2) Maintain a close relationship with God through Bible study and intense prayers. (3) Keep involved in beneficial work, including Kingdom witnessing, managing a household and rearing children. Self-sacrificing love will move all in the congregation to be sensitive to the necessity of helping single parents in need. How? By having “fellow feeling,” by showing an interest in their children and by assisting them spiritually and materially, to mention but a few fine deeds in their behalf. How valuable is such help? One single parent said: “I have been through so many unpleasant things that I prefer to forget. However, let me say this: Without the help from loving and faithful brothers and sisters I would never have made it!”

22. What will result from looking after needy widows and fatherless children?

²² Yes those who genuinely “look after” single-parent families in distress will not only see these endure faithfully. (Jas. 1:27) They will also reflect brightly the personality of our heavenly Father, who “gives help to the widow and to the child who has no father.”​—Ps. 146:9, The Bible in Basic English.