Widows and Widowers​—What Do They Need? How Can You Help?

In the dimly lit kitchen of her tiny apartment, Jeanne mechanically sets the table. After all, she must eat something. Suddenly, her eyes fix on the two plates in front of her . . . and she bursts into tears. Out of habit, she has set the table for two! It has been two years since her dear husband passed away.

FOR those who have not had the experience, it is impossible to understand the depth of the pain caused by the loss of a mate. In fact, the human mind only gradually accepts the terrible reality. Beryl, 72, could not accept the sudden death of her husband. “It felt unreal,” she says. “I could not believe that he was not going to walk through the door again.”

Following an amputation, individuals sometimes “feel” their lost limb. In a similar way, grief-stricken mates sometimes “see” their beloved one in a crowd or catch themselves making a casual comment to someone who is not there anymore!

Beryl, mentioned earlier, says: “My friends were extremely supportive. However, I did find that many avoided speaking about my husband, John. It was as if he had never existed, and I found that a bit hurtful.”

Paul, whose wife died of cancer, explains why he appreciated being invited out. “At times,” he says, “you do not feel like interacting with people or talking about your situation. But after an evening of fellowship, you feel much better; you do not feel so alone. You know that people truly care, and that makes things easier.”b

Paul, mentioned above, illustrates how difficult it is to avoid living in the past. “My wife and I,” he says, “were like two young trees that grew up intertwined. But then one tree died and was removed, leaving the other appearing deformed. It felt strange just to be on my own.”

Herbert, who has been a widower for six years, says: “Especially do I treasure the times when visitors sat quietly and listened while I reminisced or verbalized something that was occupying my mind at the moment. I am sure that I was not always the best of company, but I appreciated the empathy.” Paul was particularly touched by the actions of a mature friend who regularly took the initiative to ask him how he was coping emotionally. Paul says, “I appreciated his sincere and mild approach and often told him how I was feeling at the time.”​—Proverbs 18:24.