1-3. What challenges do married couples face? (See opening image.)

“IF YOU put forth sincere effort and show that you want your marriage to succeed, you can enjoy Jehovah’s blessing,” says a husband who has been happily married for 38 years. Yes, husbands and wives have the potential for enjoying happy times as well as for supporting each other through difficult times.​—Prov. 18:22.

² It is not unusual, however, for married couples to experience some “tribulation in their flesh.” (1 Cor. 7:28) Why? Simply dealing with everyday troubles can strain marital ties. Hurt feelings, misunderstandings, and miscommunications caused by the imperfect tongue can be a challenge in the best of marriages. (Jas. 3:2, 5, 8) Many couples also have difficulty in coping with demanding employment while caring for children. Stress and exhaustion make it difficult for some couples to take the time they need in order to strengthen their marriage. Their love and respect for each other may be eroded by financial difficulties, health problems, or other hardships. Furthermore, the foundation of what seemed to be a strong marriage can be undermined by “the works of the flesh,” such as sexual immorality, brazen conduct, hostility, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, and dissensions.​—Gal. 5:19-21.

³ To compound matters, “the last days” are characterized by selfish, ungodly attitudes that are toxic to a marriage. (2 Tim. 3:1-4) Finally, marriages have to withstand the determined onslaughts of a malicious enemy. The apostle Peter warns us: “Your adversary, the Devil, walks about like a roaring lion, seeking to devour someone.”​—1 Pet. 5:8; Rev. 12:12.

4. How is it possible to have a strong and happy marriage?

⁴ A husband in Japan admits: “I was under a lot of stress financially. And because I didn’t really communicate with my wife, she also came under a lot of pressure. In addition, she recently experienced serious health problems. At times, this stress caused us to clash.” Some challenges in a marriage are inevitable, but they are not insurmountable. With Jehovah’s help, couples can enjoy a solid and happy union. (Read Psalm 127:1.) Let us discuss five of the spiritual building blocks for a strong and lasting marriage. Then we will consider how these building blocks can be cemented by love.

INCLUDE JEHOVAH IN YOUR MARRIAGE

5, 6. What can husbands and wives do to include Jehovah in their marriage?

⁵ The cornerstone of a secure marriage is loyalty and submission to the One who instituted marriage. (Read Ecclesiastes 4:12.) Husbands and wives can include Jehovah in their marriage by following his loving guidance. The Bible says about God’s ancient people: “Your own ears will hear a word behind you saying, ‘This is the way. Walk in it,’ in case you should go to the right or in case you should go to the left.” (Isa. 30:20, 21) Today, couples can “hear” Jehovah’s word by reading God’s Word together. (Ps. 1:1-3) They can further strengthen their marriage by means of a Family Worship program that is both enjoyable and spiritually refreshing. Daily prayer together is also invaluable in building a marriage that can withstand the onslaughts of Satan’s world.

⁶ “Whenever our joy has been clouded by personal difficulties or misunderstandings,” says Gerhard in Germany, “the counsel from God’s Word has helped us to develop patience and practice forgiveness. These qualities are indispensable in a successful marriage.” When couples work hard to keep God in their marriage by engaging in spiritual activities together, they are bonded to God and to each other in a close and happy union.

HUSBANDS​—EXERCISE LOVING HEADSHIP

7. How should husbands exercise their headship?

⁷ How a husband exercises his headship can do much to build a strong and happy marriage. The Bible states: “The head of every man is the Christ; in turn, the head of a woman is the man.” (1 Cor. 11:3) The context of that statement tells husbands how they should exercise their headship​—in the same way that Christ exercises his authority over man. Jesus was never tyrannical or harsh but was always loving, kind, reasonable, mild-tempered, and lowly in heart.​—Matt. 11:28-30.

8. How can a husband win his wife’s love and respect?

⁸ Christian husbands do not need to demand repeatedly that their wives show them respect. Rather, they “continue dwelling with them according to knowledge [showing them consideration; understanding them, ftn.].” They “assign them honor as to a weaker vessel, the feminine one.” (1 Pet. 3:7) In public and in private, husbands show by their respectful words and compassionate actions that their wives are precious to them. (Prov. 31:28) Such loving headship wins a wife’s love and respect and brings God’s blessing on the marriage.

WIVES​—SHOW HUMBLE SUBMISSION

9. How can a wife show humble submission?

⁹ Unselfish, principled love for Jehovah helps all of us to humble ourselves under his mighty hand. (1 Pet. 5:6) One important way that a submissive wife shows respect for Jehovah’s authority is by being cooperative and supportive within the family circle. The Bible says: “You wives, be in subjection to your husbands, as it is becoming in the Lord.” (Col. 3:18) Realistically, not all of a husband’s decisions will be to his wife’s liking. Yet, if his decisions do not conflict with God’s laws, a submissive wife is willing to yield.​—1 Pet. 3:1.

10. Why is loving submission important?

¹⁰ A wife has an honorable place as her husband’s “partner.” (Mal. 2:14) She provides valuable input concerning family decisions by respectfully expressing her thoughts and feelings yet remaining submissive. A wise husband will listen carefully to his wife’s expressions. (Prov. 31:10-31) Loving submission, in turn, promotes joy, peace, and harmony within the family, and gives husbands and wives the satisfaction that comes from knowing that they are pleasing God.​—Eph. 5:22.

KEEP FORGIVING ONE ANOTHER FREELY

11. Why is forgiveness essential?

¹¹ One of the crucial building blocks of an enduring marriage is forgiveness. The marital union is strengthened when husbands and wives “continue putting up with one another and forgiving one another freely.” (Col. 3:13) On the other hand, the marriage relationship is undermined when a couple keep a mental record of old grudges and often use them as ammunition for fresh attacks. Just as cracks can weaken a building, grievances and resentment can develop in our heart, making it increasingly difficult to be forgiving. By contrast, strong marriage bonds are forged when husband and wife treat each other in a forgiving way, as Jehovah treats them.​—Mic. 7:18, 19.

12. How does love cover “a multitude of sins”?

¹² True love “does not keep account of wrongs.” In fact, “love covers a multitude of sins.” (1 Cor. 13:4, 5, ftn.; read 1 Peter 4:8.) In other words, love does not put a limit on the number of sins that we can forgive. When the apostle Peter asked how many times he should forgive someone, Jesus replied: “Up to 77 times.” (Matt. 18:21, 22) He was showing that there is virtually no limit to the number of times a Christian should forgive others.​—Prov. 10:12.a

13. How can we counteract a tendency to be unforgiving?

¹³ “If a couple do not want to be forgiving,” says Annette, “resentment and mistrust grow, and that is poison to a marriage. Being forgiving strengthens the bonds of marriage and draws you closer together.” To counteract a tendency to be unforgiving, work on having a thankful and appreciative disposition. Make a practice of giving your spouse sincere commendation. (Col. 3:15) Experience the peace of mind, unity, and divine blessings that come to those who have a forgiving disposition.​—Rom. 14:19.

APPLY THE GOLDEN RULE

14, 15. What is the Golden Rule, and how is it of practical value in a marriage?

¹⁴ No doubt you like to be treated with dignity and respect. You appreciate it when your thoughts are acknowledged and your feelings are taken into account. But have you ever heard someone say, “I will give him a taste of his own medicine”? While such a reaction might at times be understandable, the Bible tells us: “Do not say: ‘I will do to him just as he has done to me.’” (Prov. 24:29) In fact, Jesus recommended a more positive way of handling difficult situations. This rule of conduct is so well-known that it is often called the Golden Rule: “Just as you want men to do to you, do the same way to them.” (Luke 6:31) Jesus meant that we should treat people the way we would like to be treated and not repay unkindness with unkindness. In marriage, it means that we need to put into the relationship what we hope to get out of it.

¹⁵ Married people strengthen their relationship when they are sensitive to their mate’s feelings. “We have tried to put the Golden Rule into practice,” says a husband in South Africa. “True, there are times when we’re upset, but we have worked hard to treat each other the way we would like to be treated​—with respect and dignity.”

16. What should marriage partners not do to each other?

¹⁶ Do not expose your mate’s weaknesses or harp on his idiosyncrasies​—not even jokingly. Remember that marriage is not a competition to find out who is stronger, who can shout louder, or who can think of the most cutting remark. True, we all have flaws, and sometimes we upset others. But there is never a justifiable reason for either a husband or a wife to use sarcastic and demeaning speech, or worse, to shove or hit each other.​—Read Proverbs 17:27; 31:26.

17. How can husbands live by the Golden Rule?

¹⁷ Even though in some cultures men who bully or hit their wives are viewed as manly, the Bible states: “The one slow to anger is better than a mighty man, and the one controlling his temper than one conquering a city.” (Prov. 16:32) It takes great moral strength to imitate the greatest man who ever lived, Jesus Christ, and to control one’s spirit. A man who verbally or physically abuses his wife is anything but manly, and he will lose his relationship with Jehovah. The psalmist David, who himself was a strong and courageous man, said: “Be agitated, but do not sin. Have your say in your heart, upon your bed, and keep silent.”​—Ps. 4:4.

“CLOTHE YOURSELVES WITH LOVE”

18. Why is it important to keep cultivating the quality of love?

¹⁸ Read 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. Love is the most important quality in a marriage. “Clothe yourselves with the tender affections of compassion, kindness, humility, mildness, and patience. But besides all these things, clothe yourselves with love, for it is a perfect bond of union.” (Col. 3:12, 14) Self-sacrificing, Christlike love is the mortar that binds the building blocks of a sturdy marital union. It makes the marriage unbreakable in the face of irritating personality flaws, daunting health challenges, distressing financial crises, and challenging in-law issues.

19, 20. (a) How can couples successfully build a strong and happy marriage? (b) What will we consider in the next article?

¹⁹ True, it takes loving devotion, loyal commitment, and earnest effort to make a marriage succeed. Rather than abandoning the marriage when difficulties arise, marriage partners should be determined to make their relationship thrive​—not just survive. Christian couples who are devoted to Jehovah and to each other are motivated by their love for God and for each other to resolve their difficulties, for “love never fails.”​—1 Cor. 13:8; Matt. 19:5, 6; Heb. 13:4.

²⁰ Building a strong and happy marriage is particularly challenging in the “critical times” in which we live. (2 Tim. 3:1) But with Jehovah’s help, it is possible. Still, couples also have to contend with the world’s rampant moral decay. The following article will consider what husbands and wives can do to fortify the spiritual defenses of their marriage.

1, 2. (a) Why did 24,000 Israelites lose out on wonderful blessings? (b) Why is that ancient event significant for us?

SHORTLY before the nation of Israel entered the Promised Land, tens of thousands of men committed “sexual immorality with the daughters of Moab.” As a result, 24,000 perished at Jehovah’s hand. Imagine​—the Israelites were so close to the realization of their long-awaited inheritance, yet they lost out on wonderful blessings because of succumbing to temptation.​—Num. 25:1-5, 9.

² That disastrous example was recorded “for a warning to us upon whom the ends of the systems of things have come.” (1 Cor. 10:6-11) Now in the final part of “the last days,” God’s servants are on the threshold of a righteous new world. (2 Tim. 3:1; 2 Pet. 3:13) Sadly, though, some of Jehovah’s worshippers have let down their guard. They have been ensnared by immorality and have reaped the bitter consequences of immoral conduct. Such ones run the risk of losing out on eternal blessings.

3. Why do married couples need Jehovah’s direction and protection? (See opening image.)

³ Because of today’s scourge of immorality, husbands and wives need Jehovah’s direction and protection so that their efforts to safeguard their marriage will not be in vain. (Read Psalm 127:1.) We will discuss how a couple can fortify their marriage by guarding their heart, drawing close to God, putting on the new personality, maintaining meaningful communication, and rendering the marriage due.

GUARD YOUR HEART

4. What has led some Christians into wrongdoing?

⁴ How is it possible for a Christian to be drawn into immoral conduct? The disastrous path of immorality often starts with the eyes. Jesus explained: “Everyone who keeps on looking at a woman so as to have a passion for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” (Matt. 5:27, 28; 2 Pet. 2:14) Many Christians who have fallen into wrongdoing have weakened their moral defenses by viewing pornography, reading erotic literature, or watching lurid material on the Internet. Others have allowed themselves to be entertained by sexually explicit movies, stage shows, or television programs. Some have visited nightclubs and strip shows or have gone to massage parlors for sensual massages.

5. Why do we need to safeguard our heart?

⁵ Some succumb to temptation because they turn to the wrong person for attention. In a world that lacks restraint and that thrives on every sort of immorality, it is all too easy for a deceitful and desperate heart to spawn romantic feelings for someone other than a marriage mate. (Read Jeremiah 17:9, 10.) Jesus said: “Out of the heart come wicked reasonings, murders, adulteries, sexual immorality.”​—Matt. 15:19.

6, 7. (a) A deceitful heart can lead a person down what sinful path? (b) How can a moral collapse be avoided?

⁶ Once illicit desires take root in their treacherous hearts, two people who are attracted to each other may find themselves discussing matters that they should be sharing only with their spouse. Soon, they create more and more opportunities to be together, and seemingly innocent and ostensibly accidental encounters become more frequent. As their feelings become more intense, their moral defenses weaken. The further they go down a sinful path, the more difficult it is to stop, even though they know that what they are doing is wrong.​—Prov. 7:21, 22.

⁷ Spiritual fortifications progressively crumble as wrong desires and speech lead to holding hands, kissing, caressing, passion-arousing heavy petting, and other expressions of affection, all of which should be given only to their marriage mates. Ultimately, they are “drawn out and enticed [“caught as by bait,” ftn.] by [their] own desire.” When the desire has become fertile, it “gives birth to sin”​—in this case, sexual immorality. (Jas. 1:14, 15) How tragic! The entire moral collapse could have been avoided had both individuals allowed Jehovah to fortify their respect for the sanctity of marriage. But how?

KEEP DRAWING CLOSE TO GOD

8. How does friendship with Jehovah provide moral protection?

⁸ Read Psalm 97:10. Friendship with Jehovah is a vital source of moral protection. As we learn about God’s endearing qualities and we endeavor to “become imitators of God, as beloved children, and go on walking in love,” we will be fortified to reject “sexual immorality and every sort of uncleanness.” (Eph. 5:1-4) Knowing that “God will judge sexually immoral people and adulterers,” married couples work hard to let their marriage be honorable and free of defilement.​—Heb. 13:4.

9. (a) How did Joseph resist immoral temptation? (b) What lessons can we learn from Joseph’s example?

⁹ Some of God’s faithful servants have weakened their moral defenses by associating with non-Witness workmates after work hours. Even during work hours, temptations can arise. It was at his workplace that a handsome young man named Joseph realized that his employer’s wife was very attracted to him. Day after day, she tried to seduce him. Eventually, “she grabbed hold of him by his garment and said: ‘Lie down with me!’” But Joseph managed to run away from her. What helped Joseph to keep his spiritual defenses intact under such tempting circumstances? It was his firm resolve not to damage his relationship with God that safeguarded his chastity and integrity. As a result of his resolute stand, he lost his job and was unjustly imprisoned, but Jehovah blessed him. (Gen. 39:1-12; 41:38-43) Whether at work or in a private setting, Christians need to avoid putting themselves in tempting situations with someone other than their marriage mate.

PUT ON THE NEW PERSONALITY

10. What moral protection does the new personality provide?

¹⁰ Because the new personality is “created according to God’s will in true righteousness and loyalty,” it is a vital part of a married couple’s spiritual fortification. (Eph. 4:24) Those who put on this new personality “deaden” their body members “as respects sexual immorality, uncleanness, uncontrolled sexual passion, hurtful desire, and greediness.” (Read Colossians 3:5, 6.) The word “deaden” indicates that we must take strong measures to fight against immoral fleshly desires. We will avoid anything that might arouse in us sexual desire for someone other than our mate. (Job 31:1) As we conform our lives to God’s will, we learn to “abhor what is wicked” and “cling to what is good.”​—Rom. 12:2, 9.

11. How can the new personality strengthen a marriage?

¹¹ The new personality reflects “the image of the One who created it,” Jehovah himself. (Col. 3:10) What blessings result when husbands and wives fortify their moral defenses by clothing themselves “with the tender affections of compassion, kindness, humility, mildness, and patience”! (Col. 3:12) They also enjoy greater marital harmony when they “let the peace of the Christ control [their] hearts.” (Col. 3:15; ftn.) How rewarding it is for couples to “have tender affection for one another”! It gives them pleasure to “take the initiative” in “showing honor to one another.”​—Rom. 12:10; ftn.

12. What qualities do you consider important for a happy marriage?

¹² When asked what qualities contribute to their happy marriage, Sid said: “Love is the main quality that we’ve always worked on. And we’ve also found mildness to be very important.” His wife, Sonja, agrees, and she adds: “Kindness is certainly a vital quality. And we have also tried to show humility, even though it isn’t always easy.”

MAINTAIN MEANINGFUL COMMUNICATION

13. What is a key to marital stability, and why?

¹³ Gracious speech is without a doubt one of the keys to marital stability. How sad it would be if marriage mates spoke to each other with less respect than they do to total strangers or even to their pets! When couples lash out with “malicious bitterness, anger, wrath, screaming, and abusive speech,” they erode the spiritual defenses of their marriage. (Eph. 4:31) Instead of undermining their marriage with constant criticism or biting sarcasm, couples need to buttress their relationship with words that are kind, tender, and compassionate.​—Eph. 4:32.

14. What actions do we wisely avoid?

¹⁴ The Bible says that there is “a time to be silent.” (Eccl. 3:7) This does not mean that we should retreat behind a wall of silence, which blocks necessary communication. “Under such circumstances,” says a wife in Germany, “silence can hurt your partner.” However, she adds: “Even though it is not always easy to keep calm under stress, it is not good just to let off steam. Then you impulsively say or do something that can hurt your marriage mate, and that only makes matters worse.” In the long run, a husband and wife do not solve their problems by screaming or by refusing to talk to each other. Instead, they fortify their marriage by choosing not to let disagreements become habitual or deteriorate into protracted arguments.

15. How can good communication strengthen a marriage?

¹⁵ Marriage bonds are strengthened when couples make time to share feelings and opinions. How we say something is as important as what we say. Therefore, even in difficult situations, endeavor to make what you say gracious, both in your tone of voice and in your choice of words. Thus you will make it easier for your mate to listen to you. (Read Colossians 4:6.) A husband and a wife can reinforce their marriage with good communication by saying “only what is good for building up as the need may be, to impart what is beneficial” to their spouse.​—Eph. 4:29.

RENDER THE MARRIAGE DUE

16, 17. Why is it important for marriage mates to be sensitive to each other’s emotional and sexual needs?

¹⁶ Couples can also forge a strong marriage bond when they seek their mate’s advantage, putting their spouse’s personal interest ahead of their own. (Phil. 2:3, 4) Husbands as well as wives need to be sensitive to the emotional and sexual needs of their mate.​—Read 1 Corinthians 7:3, 4.

¹⁷ Regrettably, some marriage mates hold back from being affectionate or sharing sexual intimacies, and some men tend to view tenderness as unmanly. The Bible says: “You husbands should try to understand the wives you live with.” (1 Pet. 3:7, Phillips) A husband needs to understand that the marriage due involves more than just physical union. A wife is more likely to enjoy marital intimacies if her husband is loving and affectionate at times other than when they have intercourse. When both show loving consideration, they are more likely to satisfy each other’s emotional and physical needs.

18. How can husbands and wives strengthen their marriage bond?

¹⁸ Although there is no excuse for marital unfaithfulness, a lack of tenderness could contribute to a spouse’s seeking affection and intimacy from someone else. (Prov. 5:18; Eccl. 9:9) Therefore, the Bible urges married couples: “Do not deprive each other [of the marriage due] except by mutual consent for an appointed time.” Why? “In order that Satan may not keep tempting you for your lack of self-control.” (1 Cor. 7:5) What a tragedy if a couple were to allow Satan to exploit their “lack of self-control” and cause either of them to succumb to temptation and commit adultery! Conversely, when each mate seeks, “not his own advantage, but that of the other person” and renders the marriage due as an expression of love rather than as a duty, affectionate intimate relations can strengthen the marriage bond.​—1 Cor. 10:24.

KEEP SAFEGUARDING YOUR MARRIAGE

19. What should we be resolved to do, and why?

¹⁹ We are at the threshold of the righteous new earth. That is why giving in to fleshly desires can be as disastrous for us as it was for the 24,000 Israelites on the Plains of Moab. After describing that shameful and tragic event, God’s Word cautions: “Let the one who thinks he is standing beware that he does not fall.” (1 Cor. 10:12) How vital it is, therefore, that we fortify our marriage by remaining faithful to our heavenly Father and to our spouse. (Matt. 19:5, 6) Now more than ever, we need to “do [our] utmost to be found finally by him spotless and unblemished and in peace.”​—2 Pet. 3:13, 14.

1, 2. Who can benefit from a careful consideration of the Song of Solomon, and why? (See opening image.)

‘HOW warmly they exchange glances and tenderly hold each other! Who can deny that they are deeply in love!’ These thoughts go through the mind of an elder who has just officiated at the couple’s wedding. As the newlyweds gracefully move across the dance floor at the reception, he cannot help but wonder: ‘Will their marriage stand the test of time? As the years go by, will their love deepen or will it take wings and fly away?’ When it proves to be unswerving and enduring, the love between a man and a woman can truly be beautiful. In view of so many marriage breakups, however, it is not unreasonable to ask if lasting love is really possible.

² True love was rare even in the days of King Solomon of ancient Israel. Commenting on the moral climate of his day, Solomon wrote: “One upright man out of a thousand I found, but a woman among them I have not found. This alone I have found: The true God made mankind upright, but they have sought out many schemes.” (Eccl. 7:26-29, ftn.) Largely as a result of the influence of foreign women who practiced Baal worship, moral standards had dropped so low in his day that Solomon found it difficult to find a man or a woman with good morals.a Still, the poem he wrote some 20 years earlier, the Song of Solomon, shows that enduring love can exist between a man and a woman. It also vividly portrays what that love is like and how it is displayed. Both married and single worshippers of Jehovah can learn much about such love by carefully considering this Bible book.

TRUE LOVE IS POSSIBLE!

3. Why is true love between a man and a woman possible?

³ Read Song of Solomon 8:6. The expression “the flame of Jah” that is used to describe love speaks volumes. True love is “the flame of Jah” in that Jehovah is the Originator of such love. He created man in his image with the ability to love. (Gen. 1:26, 27) When God presented the first woman, Eve, to the first man, Adam, the words that came out of Adam’s mouth were nothing short of poetic. No doubt Eve felt a closeness to Adam, from whom “she was taken.” (Gen. 2:21-23) Since Jehovah has given humans the capacity for showing love, it is possible for a man and a woman to have unswerving and unfailing love for each other.

4, 5. Briefly relate the story of the Song of Solomon.

⁴ The love between the opposite sexes has other characteristics besides its potential for being constant and enduring. Some of these are wonderfully portrayed in the Song of Solomon. Written as a song similar to the libretto, or text of an opera, the story is about the love between a young woman from the village of Shunem, or Shulem, and her beloved shepherd. The girl is brought into Solomon’s camp because her beauty attracted Solomon, who was camping near the vineyards she was guarding. However, right from the outset, it is clear that she is in love with the shepherd. As Solomon attempts to win her over, the girl freely expresses her longing to be with her beloved. (Song of Sol. 1:4-14) The shepherd finds his way into the camp, and beautiful expressions of endearment are exchanged.​—Song of Sol. 1:15–17.

⁵ Solomon returns to Jerusalem, taking the young woman with him; the shepherd follows her. (Song of Sol. 4:1-5, 8, 9) All of Solomon’s efforts to win the girl’s love prove fruitless. (Song of Sol. 6:4-7; 7:1-10) Finally, the king permits her to return home. The song closes with the girl desiring her dear one to “be swift like a gazelle” and come running to her.​—Song of Sol. 8:14.

6. Why is it a challenge to identify the speakers in the drama?

⁶ As meaningful and beautifully composed as Solomon’s “song of songs” is, identifying the speakers of the dialogues, soliloquies, and dreams in the song is not without its challenges. (Song of Sol. 1:1) According to The New Interpreter’s Dictionary of the Bible, “things like plot, story, narrative development, and character are not really of prime interest.” So as not to distract from the lyrical and poetic natures of the composition, the names of the speakers may have been left out. Still, the matter of who says what can be determined by what is being said by them or to them.b

“YOUR EXPRESSIONS OF AFFECTION ARE BETTER THAN WINE”

7, 8. What can be said about the “expressions of affection” found in the Song of Solomon? Give examples.

⁷ The Song of Solomon abounds in “expressions of affection” between the young woman and the shepherd. Even though the expressions reflect the Oriental setting of some 3,000 years ago and may appear strange to today’s readers, they are full of meaning, and the feelings they convey are not foreign to us. For example, the shepherd praises the maiden’s soft and gentle eyes by comparing them to “those of doves.” (Song of Sol. 1:15) She likens his eyes, not to doves’ eyes, but to doves themselves. (Read Song of Solomon 5:12.) The dark iris surrounded by white appeared as beautiful to her as a dove bathing in milk.

⁸ Not all expressions of affection made in the song draw attention to physical beauty. Consider what the shepherd says about the young woman’s speech. (Read Song of Solomon 4:7, 11.) Her lips are said to “drip with comb honey.” Why? Because comb honey is sweeter and more flavorful than honey that has been exposed to air. “Honey and milk are under [her] tongue,” meaning that like honey and milk, her speech is pleasant and good. Clearly, when the shepherd says to the girl, “you are altogether beautiful, . . . there is no blemish in you,” he has more than her physical beauty in mind.

9. (a) What does the love between marriage mates entail? (b) Why is it important that marriage mates exchange expressions of affection?

⁹ The marriage arrangement is not a mere contract or a formal agreement empty of love and affection. In fact, love is a hallmark of a Christian marriage. But what type of love is this? Is it love governed by Bible principles? (1 John 4:8) Does it involve natural affection​—the kind that family members have toward one another? Does this love consist of warm and tender attachment as found between true friends? (John 11:3) Is it romantic love? (Prov. 5:15-20) Actually, the true and abiding love between marriage mates includes all of them. Love is best sensed when it is expressed. How vital that marriage mates not allow the activities of daily life to rob them of exchanging expressions of affection! Such expressions can contribute much to the security and happiness experienced within a marriage. In those cultures where marriages are often arranged and the man and woman hardly know each other before the wedding day, their being conscious of the need to express love verbally to each other will help love to grow and the marriage to flourish.

10. What effect can the memory of expressions of affection have?

¹⁰ Expressions of affection between marriage mates have another positive effect. King Solomon offered to make for the Shulammite girl “gold ornaments studded with silver.” He showered her with praise, saying that she was “as beautiful as the full moon, as pure as the sunlight.” (Song of Sol. 1:9-11; 6:10) But the young woman remained loyal to her beloved shepherd. What strengthened and comforted her during their separation? She tells us. (Read Song of Solomon 1:2, 3.) It was the memory of the shepherd’s “expressions of affection.” For her, they proved to be “better than wine” that makes the heart rejoice, and his name was as soothing as “fragrant oil poured out” on the head. (Ps. 23:5; 104:15) Yes, the pleasant memory of love that has been expressed can enhance the enduring quality of love. How important it is that marriage mates express their affection for each other often!

DO NOT AWAKEN LOVE “UNTIL IT FEELS INCLINED”

11. What can unmarried Christians learn from the Shulammite girl’s putting others under oath not to try to awaken love in her?

¹¹ The Song of Solomon also provides lessons for unmarried Christians, especially for those looking for a mate. The young woman felt no love for Solomon. Putting the daughters of Jerusalem under oath, she said: “Do not try to awaken or arouse love in me until it feels inclined.” (Song of Sol. 2:7; 3:5) Why? Because it is simply not proper to develop a romantic attachment for just anyone who comes along. A Christian desiring to marry, then, is wise to wait patiently for the one he or she can truly love.

12. Why did the Shulammite girl love the shepherd?

¹² Why did the Shulammite girl love the shepherd? True, he was handsome, resembling “a gazelle”; his hands were strong like “cylinders of gold”; and his legs were beautiful and strong like “pillars of marble.” But he was more than just strong and handsome. “Like an apple tree among the trees of the forest” was her “dear one among the sons.” For a girl who was faithful to Jehovah to feel this way about the man, he had to have been spiritually inclined.​—Song of Sol. 2:3, 9; 5:14, 15.

13. Why did the shepherd love the young woman?

¹³ What about the Shulammite girl? Though she was beautiful enough to attract the attention of a king who at the time had “60 queens and 80 concubines and young women without number,” she viewed herself as “but a saffron of the coastal plain”​—a common flower. The girl was remarkably modest and humble. No wonder she was “like a lily among thorns,” anything but common to the shepherd! She was faithful to Jehovah.​—Song of Sol. 2:1, 2; 6:8.

14. What does the love portrayed in the Song of Solomon teach single Christians who want to marry?

¹⁴ In the Scriptures, powerful admonition is given to Christians to marry “only in the Lord.” (1 Cor. 7:39) A single person who wants to marry refrains from forming romantic ties with unbelievers and looks for a mate only among loyal worshippers of Jehovah. Moreover, to face life’s realities while maintaining marital peace and spiritual unity calls for faith in and devotion to God​—desirable qualities to look for in a prospective marriage mate. Those are the very qualities that the shepherd and the young woman found in each other.

MY BRIDE “IS LIKE A LOCKED GARDEN”

15. How may the Shulammite girl serve as an example to unmarried godly men and women?

¹⁵ Read Song of Solomon 4:12. Why does the shepherd describe his beloved as “a locked garden”? A walled or fenced-in garden is not open to the public. It can be accessed only through a locked gate. The Shulammite girl is like that garden because her affection was available only to her husband-to-be​—the shepherd. By not giving in to the enticements of the king, she proved herself to be like “a wall” and not “a door” that swings wide open. (Song of Sol. 8:8-10) Similarly, godly unmarried men and women reserve their love and affection for their future mate.

16. What does the Song of Solomon teach regarding courtship?

¹⁶ When the shepherd asked the Shulammite girl to go for a walk with him on a spring day, her brothers did not permit her to go. Instead, they assigned her the work of guarding the vineyards. Why? Did they not trust her? Did they perhaps think that she had immoral intentions? Actually, they were taking precautions so that their sister would not come into a tempting situation. (Song of Sol. 1:6; 2:10-15) Here, then, is a lesson for single Christians: During courtship, take necessary precautions to keep the relationship chaste. Avoid secluded places. While clean expressions of affection may be appropriate, be careful to avoid tempting situations.

17, 18. How have you benefited from considering the Song of Solomon?

¹⁷ Christian couples generally enter the marital relationship with much love and affection for each other. Since the marriage arrangement instituted by Jehovah is a lasting one, it is vital that couples endeavor to keep the flame of their love ablaze and maintain an atmosphere in which love can grow.​—Mark 10:6-9.

¹⁸ When looking for a marriage mate, you want to find someone you can truly love and then make that love strong and inextinguishable, as shown in the Song of Solomon. Whether you are seeking a marriage mate or have already entered wedlock, may you experience true love​—“the flame of Jah.”​—Song of Sol. 8:6.