Do You Really Appreciate God’s Gift of Marriage?

“May Jehovah make a gift to you, and do you find a resting-place each one in the house of her husband.”​—RUTH 1:9.

LOOK FOR THE ANSWERS:

Why can we say that past servants of God appreciated his gift of marriage?

How do we know that Jehovah is concerned about our choice of marriage mate?

What Bible counsel on wedlock do you plan to apply in your life?

1. Describe Adam’s reaction when he received a wife.

“THIS is at last bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh. This one will be called Woman, because from man this one was taken.” (Gen. 2:23) How happy the first man, Adam, was to receive a wife! No wonder he waxed poetic! After Jehovah had caused Adam to fall into a deep sleep, He created this beautiful woman from one of the man’s ribs. Adam later named her Eve. God united the two in happy wedlock. Since Jehovah used Adam’s own rib as a base for creating her, Adam and Eve were closer than any present-day husband and wife.

2. Why are men and women drawn to one another?

² In his inimitable wisdom, Jehovah planted within humans the capacity for romantic love​—a quality that would draw men and women together. Says The World Book Encyclopedia: “A man and woman who marry hope to share a sexual relationship and a permanent romantic attraction.” That has happened countless times among Jehovah’s people.

THEY WERE GRATEFUL FOR THE GIFT OF MARRIAGE

3. How did Isaac acquire a wife?

³ Faithful Abraham had a high regard for marriage. Therefore, he sent his eldest servant to Mesopotamia to obtain a wife for Isaac. Prayer by that servant brought good results. God-fearing Rebekah became Isaac’s beloved wife and played a part in Jehovah’s arrangement for preserving Abraham’s seed. (Gen. 22:18; 24:12-14, 67) We should not conclude from this that a person​—well-meaning though he or she may be—​should become an unsolicited matchmaker. In present-day society, many make their own choice of marriage mate. Of course, marriages are not made in heaven, but God will guide Christians in this and other aspects of life if they pray for direction and are led by his spirit.​—Gal. 5:18, 25.

4, 5. What convinces you that the Shulammite and the shepherd had special feelings for each other?

⁴ A beautiful Shulammite girl of ancient Israel did not want her friends to pressure her to become one of King Solomon’s many wives. She said: “I have put you under oath, O daughters of Jerusalem, that you try not to awaken or arouse love in me until it feels inclined.” (Song of Sol. 8:4) The Shulammite and a certain shepherd did have special feelings for each other. Humbly, she said: “A mere saffron of the coastal plain I am, a lily of the low plains.” Ah, but the shepherd replied: “Like a lily among thorny weeds, so is my girl companion among the daughters”! (Song of Sol. 2:1, 2) They truly loved each other.

⁵ Because the Shulammite and the shepherd primarily loved God, their marital bond would be strong indeed. In fact, the Shulammite said to her beloved shepherd: “Place me as a seal upon your heart, as a seal upon your arm; because love is as strong as death is, insistence on exclusive devotion is as unyielding as Sheol is. Its blazings are the blazings of a fire, the flame of Jah [for it is from him]. Many waters themselves are not able to extinguish love, nor can rivers themselves wash it away. If a man would give all the valuable things of his house for love, persons would positively despise them.” (Song of Sol. 8:6, 7) When weighing wedlock, why should a servant of Jehovah settle for anything less?

A CHOICE THAT MATTERS TO GOD

6, 7. How do we know that God cares about our choice of marriage mate?

⁶ Jehovah cares about your choice of marriage mate. With regard to inhabitants of Canaan, the Israelites were commanded: “You must form no marriage alliance with them. Your daughter you must not give to his son, and his daughter you must not take for your son. For he will turn your son from following me, and they will certainly serve other gods; and Jehovah’s anger will indeed blaze against you, and he will certainly annihilate you in a hurry.” (Deut. 7:3, 4) Centuries later, Ezra the priest declared: “You yourselves have acted unfaithfully in that you gave a dwelling to foreign wives so as to add to the guiltiness of Israel.” (Ezra 10:10) And the apostle Paul told fellow Christians: “A wife is bound during all the time her husband is alive. But if her husband should fall asleep in death, she is free to be married to whom she wants, only in the Lord.”​—1 Cor. 7:39.

⁷ If a dedicated servant of Jehovah married an unbeliever, this would be an act of disobedience to God. The Israelites of Ezra’s day acted unfaithfully by giving “a dwelling to foreign wives,” and it would be wrong to try to water down the plain statements of the Scriptures. (Ezra 10:10; 2 Cor. 6:14, 15) A Christian who marries an unbeliever is not exemplary and lacks real appreciation for God’s gift of marriage. Entering such a union after baptism can cost one some privileges among God’s people. And it would be illogical to expect blessings while admitting in prayer, ‘Jehovah, I deliberately disobeyed you, but please bless me anyway.’

OUR HEAVENLY FATHER KNOWS BEST

8. Explain why we should follow God’s guidance on marriage.

⁸ The maker of a machine knows exactly how it works. If the device needs to be assembled, he can provide the necessary details about it. What if we ignore the instructions and assemble the pieces in our own way? The results are likely to be disastrous​—if the machine works at all. Well, if we are to fulfill a desire for happy wedlock, we must follow the instructions provided by Jehovah, the Maker of marriage.

9. Why can we say that Jehovah understands feelings of loneliness as well as the happiness possible in marriage?

⁹ Jehovah knows everything there is to know about mankind and marriage. He implanted a sexual need in humans so that they would “be fruitful and become many.” (Gen. 1:28) God understands feelings of loneliness, for prior to creating the first woman, he said: “The man’s being alone is not good; I will make him a helper to match him.” (Gen. 2:18, Byington) Jehovah is also fully aware of the joy possible within the bonds of matrimony.​—Read Proverbs 5:15-18.

10. What factors should govern the intimate relations of Christian marriage mates?

¹⁰ Because of the sin and imperfection passed on to the human race by sinful Adam, no present-day marriage is perfect. Among Jehovah’s servants, however, wedlock can result in true happiness if God’s Word is followed. For instance, consider Paul’s clear counsel on intimate relations in marriage. (Read 1 Corinthians 7:1-5.) It is not Scripturally required that marriage mates limit sexual relations to efforts to produce offspring. Such intimacy can rightly fill emotional and physical needs. But perverted practices certainly do not please God. Christian husbands and wives will undoubtedly want to handle this important aspect of their life with tenderness, allowing them to display genuine affection for each other. And, of course, they should avoid any actions that would displease Jehovah.

11. How was Ruth blessed for doing things Jehovah’s way?

¹¹ Wedlock should be filled with joy, not unhappiness and drudgery. Especially should a Christian home be a place of rest and peace. Consider what happened some 3,000 years ago when the aged widow Naomi and her widowed daughters-in-law, Orpah and Ruth, were on the road from Moab to Judah. Naomi urged the younger women to return to their people. The Moabitess Ruth stuck with Naomi, was faithful to the true God, and was assured ‘a perfect wage from Jehovah, under whose wings she sought refuge.’ (Ruth 1:9; 2:12) With great appreciation for God’s gift of marriage, Ruth became the wife of elderly Boaz, a true worshipper of Jehovah. When resurrected on earth in God’s new world, she will be delighted to learn that she became an ancestress of Jesus Christ. (Matt. 1:1, 5, 6; Luke 3:23, 32) What blessings she received for doing things Jehovah’s way!

SOUND COUNSEL FOR SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE

12. Where can one find sound counsel on wedlock?

¹² The Maker of marriage tells us what we need to know about successful wedlock. No human knows as much. The Bible is always right, and the only way anyone can direct attention to sound counsel on marriage is to stick to the standards set out in the Scriptures. For instance, the apostle Paul wrote under inspiration: “Let each one of you individually so love his wife as he does himself; on the other hand, the wife should have deep respect for her husband.” (Eph. 5:33) There is nothing about such Biblical counsel that mature Christians cannot understand. The question is, Will they apply Jehovah’s Word? They will if they really appreciate his gift of marriage.a

13. What may result from failure to follow the counsel found at 1 Peter 3:7?

¹³ A Christian husband is to deal lovingly with his wife. The apostle Peter wrote: “You husbands, continue dwelling in like manner with them according to knowledge, assigning them honor as to a weaker vessel, the feminine one, since you are also heirs with them of the undeserved favor of life, in order for your prayers not to be hindered.” (1 Pet. 3:7) A husband’s prayers can be hindered if he does not apply Jehovah’s counsel. The spiritual condition of both mates is likely to be affected detrimentally, possibly leading to great stress, quarrels, and acts of harshness.

14. A loving wife can have what influence on family life?

¹⁴ A wife who is guided by Jehovah’s Word and his holy spirit can do much to make her home a place of tranquillity and happiness. It is natural for a God-fearing husband to love his wife and protect her physically and spiritually. She yearns for his love, and that requires that she be lovable. “The truly wise woman has built up her house,” says Proverbs 14:1, “but the foolish one tears it down with her own hands.” A wise and loving wife contributes greatly to the success and happiness of her family. She also shows that she really appreciates God’s gift of marriage.

15. What counsel is found at Ephesians 5:22-25?

¹⁵ Husbands and wives who base their union on Jesus’ example in dealing with his congregation show gratitude for God’s gift of marriage. (Read Ephesians 5:22-25.) What blessings spouses enjoy when they truly love each other and never let pride, the childish silent treatment, or other unchristian traits mar their marriage!

LET NO ONE PUT THEM APART

16. Why do some Christians remain single?

¹⁶ Although most people plan to get married at some point in life, certain servants of Jehovah remain single because they cannot find a mate pleasing to them and to Him. Others have the God-given gift of singleness, allowing them to devote themselves to Jehovah’s service without the distractions of marriage. Of course, singleness is to be enjoyed within the limits set by Jehovah.​—Matt. 19:10-12; 1 Cor. 7:1, 6, 7, 17.

17. (a) What words of Jesus regarding marriage should we bear in mind? (b) If any Christian should even begin to covet another person’s marriage mate, what should he do without delay?

¹⁷ Whether single or married, all of us need to bear in mind Jesus’ words: “Did you not read that he [God] who created them from the beginning made them male and female and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and his mother and will stick to his wife, and the two will be one flesh’? So that they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has yoked together let no man put apart.” (Matt. 19:4-6) Coveting another person’s marriage mate is a sin. (Deut. 5:21) If any Christian begins to entertain such a covetous desire, he or she should act quickly to rout out the unclean desire, even at the cost of great emotional pain because of having allowed selfish cravings to develop. (Matt. 5:27-30) It is vital to correct such thinking and suppress the sinful yearning of a treacherous heart.​—Jer. 17:9.

18. How do you feel that we ought to view God’s gift of marriage?

¹⁸ Even many of those who have known little or nothing about Jehovah God and his wonderful gift of marriage have shown at least a measure of gratitude for the marital bond. How much more so should we who are dedicated to “the happy God,” Jehovah, rejoice in all of his provisions and give evidence that we really appreciate God’s gift of marriage!​—1 Tim. 1:11.

[Footnote]

Take a Positive View of a Strained Marriage

“To the married people I give instructions, yet not I but the Lord.”​—1 COR. 7:10.

CAN YOU EXPLAIN?

In what sense does God yoke marriage mates together?

How can elders help Christians who have marital problems?

How should we view marriage?

1. How do Christians view marriage, and why?

WHEN Christians get married, they make a vow before God​—a responsibility not to be taken lightly. (Eccl. 5:4-6) In the sense that he is the Originator of the marital arrangement, Jehovah has “yoked together” those united in wedlock. (Mark 10:9) This yoke exists in God’s sight regardless of the laws that sanctioned the wedding. Servants of Jehovah should view marriage as a binding arrangement whether they were his worshippers at the time of their wedding or not.

2. What questions will be considered in this article?

² A successful marriage can result in great happiness. But what can be done if the marital bond is strained? Can a weakened marriage be strengthened? What help is there for those whose marital peace is threatened?

WILL IT BE A JOY OR A HEARTACHE?

3, 4. What may happen if a person makes an unwise decision when choosing a marriage mate?

³ When a Christian’s marriage succeeds, it is a joy and brings honor to Jehovah. If it fails, it is a heartache at best. An unmarried Christian who is contemplating wedlock is in a position to get marriage off to a fine start by following God’s guidance. On the other hand, a person who makes an unwise decision when choosing a husband or a wife may experience dissatisfaction and grief. For instance, some youths begin dating when they are not ready for the responsibilities associated with married life. Certain individuals find a prospective mate on the Internet and rush into what proves to be a very unhappy marriage. Others commit a serious sin during courtship and marry anyway, but they may begin their married life with little respect for each other.

⁴ Some Christians do not marry “only in the Lord” and suffer the often painful consequences of a religiously divided household. (1 Cor. 7:39) If that is your experience, pray for God’s forgiveness and help. He does not remove the effects of a person’s past errors, but he does assist repentant ones to cope with trials. (Ps. 130:1-4) Put your heart into pleasing him now and forever, and ‘the joy of Jehovah will be your stronghold.’​—Neh. 8:10.

WHEN MARITAL BONDS ARE THREATENED

5. Regarding an unhappy marriage, what kind of thinking should be avoided?

⁵ Those who experience heartache in the marital relationship may wonder: ‘Is my unhappy marriage really worth saving? If only I could turn back the clock and begin again with another marriage mate!’ They may dream of breaking the bond​—‘Oh, to be free again! Why not get a divorce? Even if I cannot get a Scriptural divorce, why not separate and enjoy life again?’ Instead of thinking in those terms or fantasizing about what might have been, Christians should make the best of their current state by seeking God’s guidance and following it.

6. Explain what Jesus said, as recorded at Matthew 19:9.

⁶ If a Christian were to get a divorce, he or she may or may not be Scripturally free to get married again. Jesus said: “Whoever divorces his wife, except on the ground of fornication, and marries another commits adultery.” (Matt. 19:9) Here, “fornication” includes adultery and other serious sexual sins. It is vital to weigh prayerfully any thought of divorce when neither mate has been guilty of sexual immorality.

7. What may observers think if a Christian marriage fails?

⁷ A failed marriage may cast doubt on one’s spiritual state. The apostle Paul raised this serious question: “If indeed any man does not know how to preside over his own household, how will he take care of God’s congregation?” (1 Tim. 3:5) In fact, when both mates profess to be Christians and yet their marriage fails, observers may think that such individuals do not really practice what they preach.​—Rom. 2:21-24.

8. What must be wrong if Christian mates decide to part?

⁸ When baptized marriage mates are planning to separate or to divorce each other on unscriptural grounds, something surely is spiritually wrong in their life. Scriptural principles are apparently not being applied by one partner or perhaps by both partners. If they were truly ‘trusting in Jehovah with all their heart,’ there would be little reason for believing that they could not avoid a failed marriage.​—Read Proverbs 3:5, 6.

9. How have some Christians been rewarded for their patient efforts in connection with marriage?

⁹ Many marriages that seemed to be headed for failure have in time turned out to be very successful. Christians who refuse to give up quickly on a difficult marriage often enjoy a fine reward. Consider what can happen in a religiously divided household. The apostle Peter wrote: “You wives, be in subjection to your own husbands, in order that, if any are not obedient to the word, they may be won without a word through the conduct of their wives, because of having been eyewitnesses of your chaste conduct together with deep respect.” (1 Pet. 3:1, 2) Yes, because of his mate’s fine conduct, an unbeliever may embrace the true faith! Such a saved marriage honors God and can be a great blessing for the husband, the wife, and any children they may have.

10, 11. What unexpected problems may arise in a marriage, but of what may a Christian be certain?

¹⁰ With a desire to please Jehovah, most single Christians choose dedicated fellow believers as marriage mates. Even then, however, circumstances may take an unexpected turn. On rare occasions, for example, a mate may develop serious emotional problems. Or some time after the wedding, a spouse may become an inactive publisher. To illustrate: Linda,a a zealous Christian and a devoted mother, watched helplessly as her baptized husband unrepentantly embarked on an unscriptural path and was disfellowshipped. What should a Christian do if his or her marriage bond seems hopelessly frayed for such a reason?

¹¹ ‘Must I keep on trying to save my marriage no matter what happens?’ you might ask. Nobody can or should make such a decision for you. Yet, there are sound reasons for not giving up on a marital bond that is weakening. The godly man or woman who endures the trials of a difficult marriage for the sake of conscience is precious to God. (Read 1 Peter 2:19, 20.) By means of his Word and spirit, Jehovah will help a Christian who makes earnest efforts to strengthen a strained marriage.

THEY ARE READY TO ASSIST

12. How will the elders view us if we seek their help?

¹² If you face marital problems, do not hesitate to seek the spiritual assistance of mature Christians. The elders serve as shepherds of the flock and will gladly direct attention to the inspired counsel found in the Scriptures. (Acts 20:28; Jas. 5:14, 15) Do not conclude that you and your mate will lose the respect of the elders if you seek spiritual assistance and discuss a serious marital problem with them. Their loving regard for you will increase as they see that you earnestly desire to please God.

13. What counsel is found at 1 Corinthians 7:10-16?

¹³ When asked for help by Christians living in religiously divided households, elders refer to such counsel as that of Paul, who wrote: “To the married people I give instructions, yet not I but the Lord, that a wife should not depart from her husband; but if she should actually depart, let her remain unmarried or else make up again with her husband; and a husband should not leave his wife. . . . For, wife, how do you know but that you will save your husband? Or, husband, how do you know but that you will save your wife?” (1 Cor. 7:10-16) What a blessing it is when an unbelieving mate is won over to true worship!

14, 15. When might a Christian spouse consider actually departing, but why is prayerful and honest consideration important?

¹⁴ Under what circumstances might a Christian wife “actually depart”? Some have chosen to separate because of a mate’s willful nonsupport. Others have done so because of extreme physical abuse or the absolute endangerment of a Christian’s spirituality.

¹⁵ Whether to depart or not is a personal decision. However, the baptized mate ought to give this matter prayerful and honest consideration. For example, has the unbeliever been totally responsible for the endangerment of spirituality, or has the Christian been negligent about Bible study, inconsistent in meeting attendance, and irregular in the ministry?

16. What should restrain Christians from making hasty decisions regarding divorce?

¹⁶ The fact that we treasure our relationship with God and are grateful for his gift of marriage ought to restrain us from making hasty decisions regarding divorce. As servants of Jehovah, we are concerned about the sanctification of his holy name. Surely, then, we would never scheme to get out of one marriage while our heart is planning on another marriage.​—Jer. 17:9; Mal. 2:13-16.

17. Under what circumstances could it be said that God has called married Christians to peace?

¹⁷ A Christian who is married to an unbeliever should earnestly endeavor to keep the marriage bond intact. Yet, a Christian need not feel guilty if, despite the Christian’s sincere effort to preserve the union, an unbelieving mate refuses to remain with the believer. “If the unbelieving one proceeds to depart, let him depart,” wrote Paul. “A brother or a sister is not in servitude under such circumstances, but God has called you to peace.”​—1 Cor. 7:15.b

HOPE IN JEHOVAH

18. Even if it is not possible to save a marriage, what good may result from efforts to do so?

¹⁸ When dealing with any marital problem, look to Jehovah for courage and always hope in him. (Read Psalm 27:14.) Consider Linda, who was mentioned earlier. Her marriage eventually ended in divorce, although she had put many years of effort into trying to save it. Does she feel that she wasted her time? “Not at all,” she says. “My efforts gave a good witness to onlookers. I have a clear conscience. Best of all, those years helped our daughter to stay solidly in the truth. She grew up to be a zealous, dedicated Witness of Jehovah.”

19. What may happen if efforts are made to save a marriage?

¹⁹ A Christian woman named Marilyn is glad that she trusted in God and put forth extra effort to save her marriage. “I was tempted to separate from my husband because of financial nonsupport and spiritual endangerment,” she says. “Yet, my husband served as an elder before he got involved in some unwise business arrangements. He began missing meetings, and we simply stopped communicating. A terrorist attack in our city frightened me so much that I withdrew into a shell. Then I realized that I too was at fault. We started communicating again, resumed our family study, and became regular at meetings. The elders were kind and very helpful. Our marriage blossomed anew. In time, my husband again qualified for congregation privileges. It was a hard lesson with a happy outcome.”

20, 21. With respect to marriage, what should we be resolved to do?

²⁰ Whether we are single or married, let us always act courageously and hope in Jehovah. If we are encountering marital difficulties, we should earnestly seek to resolve them, remembering that those united in wedlock are “no longer two, but one flesh.” (Matt. 19:6) And let us bear in mind that if we persevere in a divided household despite hardships, we may experience the joy of winning a mate over to true worship.

²¹ Regardless of our circumstances, may we be resolved to walk circumspectly in order to have a fine testimony from observers outside the congregation. If our marriage is threatened, let us pray intensely, scrutinize our motives honestly, consider the Scriptures carefully, and seek the spiritual assistance of the elders. Above all, may we be determined to please Jehovah God in all things and show real appreciation for his wonderful gift of marriage.

[Footnotes]