Even when you are alone with your mate, resist the urge to use sarcasm and name-calling. In ancient Israel, Michal got angry with her husband, King David. She spoke sarcastically and said that he acted “just as one of the empty-headed men.” Her words offended David, but they also displeased God. (2 Samuel 6:20-23) The lesson? When you speak with your mate, choose your words carefully. (Colossians 4:6; footnote) Phil, married for eight years, admits that he and his wife still have disagreements. He has noticed that, at times, what he says makes the situation worse. “I have come to realize that ‘winning’ an argument is actually a loss. I find that it is much more satisfying and beneficial to build up our relationship.”

Accept Your Mate’s Differences

The Challenge:

Some newlyweds have mistakenly concluded that what the Bible calls being “one flesh” means that the couple must have one opinion or personality. (Matthew 19:5) However, they quickly discover that such thinking is idealistic. Once they are married, their differences often lead to arguments. Linda says: “One major difference between us is that Phil worries less than I do. Sometimes he is able to relax when I’m worried, so I end up feeling angry because it appears that he doesn’t care about something as much as I do.”

A Solution:

Accept each other as you are, and respect what is different about your mate. To illustrate: Your eyes work differently than your ears; yet they cooperate so you can cross the road safely. Adrienne, who has been married for nearly three decades, says: “As long as our viewpoints don’t violate God’s Word, my husband and I allow each other to have differing opinions. After all, we are married, not cloned.”

When your mate has a different opinion or reaction than you do, focus not just on your own interests. Consider your mate’s feelings. (Philippians 2:4) Adrienne’s husband, Kyle, admits: “I don’t always understand or agree with my wife’s opinions on matters. But I remind myself that I love her much more than I love my opinion. When she is happy, I really am too.”