Are You at Peace With Your Neighbor?

LOVE your neighbor. So we are told. It’s not always easy. Just to keep peace is difficult. Rock music from your neighbor’s apartment vibrates your walls. Their kids create bedlam in the hall. Out on the street, you get mugged. On the highway, drivers cut in front of you​—blow your horn and you may get shot! Exaggeration? In some places, but not in big cities. The suburbs and the rurals have their own set of problems that make neighbor love difficult.

Much of the stress stems from this modern high-tech system of things. Thousands jammed into cities like scorpions in a bottle. Commuters fuming as they inch along in rush-hour traffic. Country dwellers rushing out screaming as the neighbor’s chickens wreck their garden. Farmers losing their shirts as bugs immune to pesticides destroy their crops. And everywhere industries belching out their pollutants. The air turns brown, acid rain falls, fish in lakes die, even the water table is poisoned by toxic chemical dumps. Health deteriorates, lives are lost.

In these and many other ways, stress builds up in the lives of millions as emotions are rubbed raw, primed to explode, and explode they often do. Many seek escape by drowning themselves in fleshly pursuits. Selfish materialism, social binges, drug trips, perverted life-styles​—anything to retreat into the cult of me-ism. Love of self crowds out love of neighbor as the flesh is glutted and the spirit is starved.

And in those less-affluent nations, both flesh and spirit are starved. Revolutions ravage the populace, pestilence takes lives, famine stalks the land, hope dies, despair reigns.

No, in this modern system of things it is not always easy to love your neighbor. Yet neighbor love does exist, and many do enjoy peace with their neighbor.

Pursue Peace With Your Neighbor

TO PURSUE peace with others, you first need to be at peace with yourself. This is implicit in the words of Christ Jesus when he said: “You must love your neighbor as yourself.” (Matthew 22:39) To love your neighbor you must love yourself. Not because you’re perfect. You know you aren’t. You have flaws, make mistakes, feel guilty. You know all of this. But you also know that you are sorry about your shortcomings, seek forgiveness for them, determine to do better, and in this way rid yourself of burdensome guilt feelings.

Out of the abundance of our heart we speak and act. (Matthew 12:34, 35) If our heart is filled with guilts and recriminations, such negative feelings will be unlovingly projected onto others. To love others you must have some feeling of self-worth, self-respect, be able to accept yourself. Even be able to laugh at yourself. Loving yourself in this way, you have no inner turmoil to sour your relations with others. With this inner security, you do not feel threatened by others and can show kindly concern. To reach out peacefully to others, you must have peace within yourself.

In the stressful hustle and bustle of this modern world, however, internal peace is threatened, and the gentle art of being neighborly is disappearing. People face one another like turtles with heads withdrawn, peering out from the safety of their shells, afraid to stick their necks out. Relaxed friendliness has lost out to fear and loneliness. It is regrettable, but understandable, considering the perilous times in which we live.​—2 Timothy 3:1-5.

Nevertheless, if a person takes the initiative to be friendly, his effort is usually met with a pleasant response. To speak to a neighbor you pass on the sidewalk, to pause for a few words with someone working in his front yard, to chat briefly with someone as you sit on a park bench​—such moments can be enjoyable interludes. There are guidelines we can follow to make such occasions pleasurable and bring added peace to our human relationships. Consider a few of them.

Be a Good Listener

Show respect. Look at the one talking to you. If your eyes wander elsewhere, the message that you’re sending to him is, ‘I’m not interested in you or in what you’re saying.’ You probably do not mean that. So listen to what he is saying and respond specifically to it. Do not interrupt, unless it is to ask for details or to raise appropriate questions. “When anyone is replying to a matter before he hears it, that is foolishness on his part and a humiliation.” (Proverbs 18:13) Listen so as to understand him, his thinking, his position, his feelings. Listen not only with your ears but also with your heart. “Be swift about hearing, slow about speaking, slow about wrath.”​—James 1:19.

Communicate, Converse

To communicate means “to transmit information, thought, or feeling so that it is satisfactorily received or understood.” Be clear and concise, not wordy or rambling. Be sure the other person understands your point. To converse means “to exchange thoughts and opinions in speech.” Conversing is not a lecturing; it’s an exchange. When you’ve made a point, listen to the other’s reply. You are a listener when someone is relating an experience or giving a report. In a conversation you are a participant. Contribute to it, and allow others to do likewise. And be flexible, open to new ideas. A preconceived viewpoint, dogmatically held, blinds your eyes, deafens your ears, and hardens your heart.​—Matthew 13:15.

Be Friendly, Honest, Caring

Don’t be timid. Reach out to others. Your friendliness will usually draw a similar response from them. Feelings are contagious. Feel what you want others to feel. Act as you want others to act. Treat others as you want to be treated. Sow what you want to reap. Be yourself. Be honest. Be genuinely interested in others, caring about others, being of service to others.

Give Others Attention

In one of Booth Tarkington’s novels, he told of a group of children romping on the front lawn. One of the characters, Little Orvie, feeling he was not getting his share of the attention, started running and jumping and crying out, “Now watch me! Now watch me!” Adults are not so obvious about it, but they too want attention. Small babies and the elderly may even die without it. So look at people, listen to them, notice them! Get acquainted with your neighbors, be friendly, admire their dog, their rosebush, their new dress​—but always in sincerity, never just for a calculated effect.

Avoid Criticism

It’s invariably futile. It wounds pride and rouses resentment. It comes as an attack and puts people on the defensive. They seek to justify themselves and retaliate against you. Criticize, and you walk on eggs. Remember, people are more often emotional than logical, especially when they are under attack​—and that is how they view criticism. Instead of condemning, seek to understand. Words of encouragement work wonders. See their good points rather than focusing on their flaws. “To overlook faults is a man’s glory.”​—Proverbs 19:11, The New English Bible.

Giving Counsel

Be warm, friendly, loving. Let him talk first and at length. Learn why he thinks or acts as he does. Be sympathetic to his desires. See his point of view. Discern the emotional reasons behind his conduct. Let it be known that you too make mistakes, that you share imperfection with him. Then “try to readjust such a man in a spirit of mildness, as you each keep an eye on yourself, for fear you also may be tempted.” (Galatians 6:1) Confine your counsel to the point at issue. Tailor it to this individual, kindly helping him to see the point, and speak tactfully. “Let your utterance be always with graciousness, seasoned with salt, so as to know how you ought to give an answer to each one.” (Colossians 4:6) Give positive reinforcement, praise improvement.

Have Empathy, Show It

This means you must be able to put yourself in the other person’s place. Sense his needs. Feel as he feels. How would you want to be treated if you were in his place? All of this you must know if you are going to obey the golden rule: ‘All things that you want men to do to you, you also must likewise do to them.’ (Matthew 7:12) This is not easy. In some cases it is impossible to put your feelings of empathy into words​—it can only be done with tears. The apostle Paul recommended such empathy when he said: “Rejoice with people who rejoice; weep with people who weep.”​—Romans 12:15.

After the death of Lazarus, Mary came to Jesus. The account continues: “Jesus, therefore, when he saw her weeping and the Jews that came with her weeping, groaned in the spirit and became troubled; and he said: ‘Where have you laid him?’ They said to him: ‘Lord, come and see.’ Jesus gave way to tears.” (John 11:33-35) Jesus knew what he was going to do, yet at the sight of their grief, he was moved to weep with them. He showed empathy.

No Evil for Evil

Do not ‘do unto others as they do unto you,’ as some pervert the golden rule to say. Rather, do not return evil for evil, but conquer evil with good. Jehovah incites love in us by his love for us. “We love, because he first loved us.” (1 John 4:19) This is not impractical theorizing; it is human nature. A soft answer turns away wrath. Turning the other cheek may halt the onslaught. As the coals banked around ancient furnaces melted the metal from the ore, so your returning good for evil may soften your adversary’s anger and cause it to melt away, thereby conquering it. On the other hand, you may continue to suffer from his evildoing, but you did what you could to promote peace. You were true to yourself, to your principles. You did not allow the evildoer to turn you into a doer of evil.​—Romans 12:17-21.

As far as It Depends Upon You, Pursue Peace

Actively “pursue peace with all people.” (Hebrews 12:14) It does not exist automatically. It is not always possible to catch up with it. In some cases you must give up the pursuit of it. “Do not have companionship with anyone given to anger; and with a man having fits of rage you must not enter in.” (Proverbs 22:24) However, “if possible, as far as it depends upon you, be peaceable with all men.”​—Romans 12:18.

The Greek word for the kind of love Jesus said to show to your neighbor is a·gaʹpe. The apostle Paul’s definition of this quality, a·gaʹpe, sums up the guidelines for pursuing peace with your neighbor: “Love is long-suffering and kind. Love is not jealous, it does not brag, does not get puffed up, does not behave indecently, does not look for its own interests, does not become provoked. It does not keep account of the injury. It does not rejoice over unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.”​—1 Corinthians 13:4-8.

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Guidelines on human relationships, from the Bible book of Proverbs, chapter and verse

“An answer, when mild, turns away rage, but a word causing pain makes anger to come up.”​—15:1.

“The heart of the wise one causes his mouth to show insight, and to his lips it adds persuasiveness.”​—16:23.

“Pleasant sayings are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and a healing to the bones.”​—16:24.

“The one covering over transgression is seeking love, and he that keeps talking about a matter is separating those familiar with one another.”​—17:9.

“The beginning of contention is as one letting out waters; so before the quarrel has burst forth, take your leave.”​—17:14.

“Anyone holding back his sayings is possessed of knowledge, and a man of discernment is cool of spirit.”​—17:27.

“The insight of a man certainly slows down his anger, and it is beauty on his part to pass over transgression.”​—19:11.

“It is a glory for a man to desist from disputing, but everyone foolish will burst out in it.”​—20:3.

“Counsel in the heart of a man is as deep waters, but the man of discernment is one that will draw it up.”​—20:5.

“Plead your own cause with your fellowman, and do not reveal the confidential talk of another.”​—25:9.

“Make your foot rare at the house of your fellowman, that he may not have his sufficiency of you and certainly hate you.”​—25:17.

“Have you beheld a man hasty with his words? There is more hope for someone stupid than for him.”​—29:20.

Who Is My Neighbor?

‘YOU ask me, “Who is my neighbor?” Why, it’s whoever lives next door, of course! And the ones who live down the street, the ones in the neighborhood. They’re my neighbors.’

Not according to some who lived in the time of Christ Jesus. Even then there was a difference of opinion. This becomes apparent when we consider the conversation between Jesus and a man versed in the Jewish Law, recorded in Luke 10:25-37.

“Teacher, by doing what shall I inherit everlasting life?” the lawyer asked.

“What is written in the Law? How do you read?” Jesus asked.

“‘You must love Jehovah your God with your whole heart and with your whole soul and with your whole strength and with your whole mind,’ and, ‘your neighbor as yourself,’” the lawyer answered.

“You answered correctly,” Jesus said. “Keep on doing this and you will get life.”

But the lawyer was not satisfied to leave it at that. So he then asked: “Who really is my neighbor?”

The Jewish scribes, contrary to their own Mosaic Law, said in their oral traditions: “You must love your neighbor and hate your enemy.” The scribes and the Pharisees taught that only Jews who kept the oral law were neighbors. Jews who failed to do so, and all Gentiles, were not viewed as neighbors but as enemies. Such heretical Jews and the Gentiles were not to be helped even if their lives were in danger. With this in mind, and to justify himself for not loving all men, the lawyer asked: “Who really is my neighbor?”

In answer to the question, Jesus gave the illustration of the Good Samaritan (Samaritans were viewed as foreigners and were hated by the Jews).

“A certain man,” Jesus said, “was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho and fell among robbers, who both stripped him and inflicted blows, and went off, leaving him half-dead.” A priest saw the man and went by on the opposite side of the road. A Levite saw him, and he did the same. “But a certain Samaritan traveling the road came upon him and, at seeing him, he was moved with pity.” He treated his wounds, took him to an inn, paid for his care, and told the innkeeper he would come by on his return journey and pay any additional charges.

“Who of these three,” Jesus then asked the lawyer, “seems to you to have made himself neighbor to the man that fell among the robbers?” The lawyer replied: “The one that acted mercifully toward him.” So Jesus told him: “Go your way and be doing the same yourself.”

The priest was supposed to be a worshiper of Jehovah. Likewise the Levite. Yet both passed on the other side. Neither one was a good neighbor to the man in need. The Samaritan, scorned and rejected by the priest and the Levite and their religion, was the one who responded. He was moved with pity by the man’s plight, and he went to his aid. He made himself a neighbor to the man. He acted neighborly.

Who Today Proves to Be Your Neighbor?

Today we think of neighbors as those living near us. The Greek word ple·siʹon, translated “neighbor,” basically means “near.” The Bible, however, in both the Hebrew and the Greek Scriptures, views neighbor in a much broader sense.

The scribes and the Pharisees of Jesus’ time limited “neighbor” to those who kept the oral traditions of their religion. Hence, they restricted their neighbor love to their fellow religionists. However, the love of Jehovah and Jesus went out to everyone. (Matthew 5:43-48) So must the love of true Christians today. To be Christians in more than name only, they must make themselves neighbors to all men and show neighbor love to all.

When the Samaritan made himself neighbor to the victim, did it stir up the victim’s love for the Samaritan? We are not told, but it should have. Similarly, when Jesus came to earth and died for mankind, he, in effect, made himself a neighbor to them. Did this bestir men to love him and draw near to him? Did Jehovah’s love for the world of mankind, shown by his sending his Son to earth as a ransom, cause men to draw close to God? For many it did and still does. “We love, because he first loved us.”​—1 John 4:19; John 3:16; James 4:8.

In what way is this love shown? Not by saying “Lord, Lord,” but by doing God’s will, by witnessing to others about Jehovah’s Kingdom. (Matthew 7:21; 1 John 5:3; Isaiah 43:10-12; Acts 1:8) It is the only real and lasting help for today’s suffering humanity. Those who, like the neighborly Samaritan, are moved with pity by mankind’s sad and endangered condition, and who bring to them the healing good news of Jehovah’s Kingdom​—they are the ones making themselves neighbors to all people. None are excluded​—male or female, young or old, rich or poor, any nationality, any race, any religion, any skin color—​all are viewed as neighbors to be helped by the Kingdom good news.

Out of love for neighbor, Jehovah’s Witnesses have for many years been heeding the command at Ephesians 4:25: “Speak truth each one of you with his neighbor.” Millions have responded and have themselves taken up the proclamation of this truth. It is truth about Jehovah’s Kingdom under his Prince of Peace, Christ Jesus. It is truth that brings peace between neighbors. Best of all, it is truth that brings “the peace of God that excels all thought.”​—Philippians 4:7.