Young People Ask . . .

How Can I Survive Without My Parents?

“When I was three years old and my sister four, my parents were divorced. They fought in court for custody of us, and we ended up with my mother. However, when I was seven, my sister and I decided to go live with my father.”—Horacio.

SOME years later, Horacio’s father and live-in girlfriend took off—abandoning Horacio and his sister. Recalls Horacio: “That is how at the age of 18, I became head of a household consisting of my 19-year-old sister, my 12-year-old half sister—who decided to stay with us—and me.”

As a previous article showed, millions of young people around the world find themselves without parents.a Like Horacio, some youths have been abandoned. Yet others have lost their parents in death or have been separated from them by wars or natural disasters. Whatever the situation, being without parents can be difficult and traumatic. And it can leave you with overwhelming responsibilities.

‘Who Will Take Care of Me?’

How well you can cope depends a lot upon your age and circumstances. Obviously, the situation is far more difficult if you are still in your childhood or early teens. Even then, it may be that you have not been left entirely alone. Perhaps an uncle, an aunt, or an older brother or sister is willing to take you in.

Among Jehovah’s Witnesses, care for orphans and widows is viewed as part of their worship. (James 1:27; 2:15-17) And oftentimes, individuals within the congregation will help. Horacio and his sisters, for example, had studied the Bible with Jehovah’s Witnesses and were attending their meetings. There they met a Christian family who began helping them out. “How grateful I am to Jehovah for his guidance and loving care day after day!” Horacio says. “We had the blessing of being helped by a very spiritual family in the congregation that had young ones our age. They practically adopted us, and so, like never before, we felt that we were part of a family, one that we could count on.”

Not all youths are so fortunate, however. A United Nations Children’s Fund report says: “Sometimes unaccompanied children are taken into families that physically abuse them, force them to work without remuneration or opportunity for advancement, use them in prostitution or even enslave them.” So if you have someone who is taking reasonably good care of you, be grateful.

Granted, to be without your parents is a terrible loss. And you may naturally resent not having them to care for you. Being told what to do by a relative or an older sibling can aggravate your feelings of indignation. But don’t take out your resentment on those who are trying to care for you. The Bible says: “Take care that rage does not allure you into spiteful [actions] . . . Be on your guard that you do not turn to what is hurtful.” (Job 36:18, 21) Recall the young woman in the Bible named Esther. As an orphan, she was reared by her older cousin Mordecai. Though he was not her natural parent, Mordecai ‘laid commands on her,’ which she obeyed, even when she became an adult! (Esther 2:7, 15, 20) Try being obedient and cooperative yourself. It will do much to ease tensions and make life easier for everyone concerned.

Family Responsibility

If you have an older sibling—or if you are old enough yourself—perhaps it may be possible for you and your siblings to live on your own. It may even fall on you to take the role of family head—a seemingly overwhelming responsibility! However, in such circumstances many young ones have done an admirable job of raising their siblings.

Understandably, you may have to deal with some feelings of resentment. Reflecting on the fact that you love and care for your brothers and sisters may help you to have a more positive viewpoint. It may also help if you view taking care of them as a God-assigned duty. After all, Christians are commanded to take care of their own. (1 Timothy 5:8) But try as you may to be a father or mother to your siblings, you can never really be their parent.

It is not realistic to expect your siblings to respond to you the way they did to your parents. In fact, it may take considerable time before they settle down and take you seriously at all. So in the meantime, try not to get frustrated. Avoid “malicious bitterness and anger and wrath and screaming and abusive speech.” By your example, teach your siblings to “become kind to one another, tenderly compassionate, freely forgiving one another.”—Ephesians 4:31, 32.

Horacio admits that he made mistakes: “At times I was very strict with my siblings. But to a certain extent, that was a protection, and we maintained right conduct in the eyes of Jehovah.”

Providing for Yourself

If your parents are unavailable to care for you, providing for yourself materially is no doubt a major concern. Perhaps some adult members of the Christian congregation can help you and your siblings, if you have any, to learn how to cook, clean, and care for other household chores that you must now take care of. But what will you do for money? Perhaps you have little choice but to try to find work.

Jobs, however, are scarce for youths who possess little in the way of education, experience, or job skills. So if it is at all possible for you to complete your basic education—or even to get some supplementary job training—by all means do so. Horacio recalls: “My older sister and I worked and supported my schooling and that of my half sister.” If you live in a developing land, you may have to use your ingenuity to find work.—See “Creating Jobs in Developing Countries,” in the October 22, 1994, issue of Awake!

In more economically developed lands, it may even be possible to obtain financial aid from the government. Oftentimes, there are governmental or private agencies that are devoted to assisting parentless or abandoned children. Some agencies, for example, may assist you in obtaining food or in finding a place to live. Of course, any financial help you receive should be used wisely. “Money is for a protection,” says the Bible. (Ecclesiastes 7:12) And unless you are careful in budgeting and spending it, money can quickly ‘make wings for itself and fly away.’—Proverbs 23:4, 5.

Providing for yourself materially may be less of an issue if an adult is caring for you. In the future, however, the time will come when you will need to provide for yourself. Since you no longer have parents to spur you on academically, it may take real effort to concentrate on your studies. The Christian apostle Paul’s advice to Timothy regarding spiritual advancement might also be applied to your school studies: “Ponder over these things; be absorbed in them, that your advancement may be manifest.” (1 Timothy 4:15) In doing so, you will set a good example for those around you as well as benefit yourself.

Most important of all is the need for you to provide for yourself spiritually. Try to establish a balanced routine of spiritual activities. (Philippians 3:16) For example, among Jehovah’s Witnesses it is customary for families to discuss a Bible text every day. Why not make this part of your routine? A routine of Bible study and regular attendance at Christian meetings will also help you to stay strong spiritually.—Hebrews 10:24, 25.

Meeting the Challenge

Living without one’s parents is difficult, but it is not all gloom and doom. Twenty-year-old Paola’s mother died when Paola was just six. Her father died when she was ten. A kindly woman gave shelter to her and her four sisters. Has her life been totally miserable? No. Paola says: “Maybe we are not exactly a typical family, but we have a pretty normal life. In fact, the love we have among ourselves is stronger than in most families.”

Paola’s sister Irene adds: “Even though we are without our parents, we are just like other young people.” Her advice to others in this situation? “Don’t feel that you are at a disadvantage.” Horacio likewise says: “This situation made me mature very quickly.”

Losing one’s parents is one of the most painful events imaginable. Be assured, though, that with Jehovah’s help, you can survive and receive his blessing.

[Footnote]

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You can find support from Christian elders