When All Eyes Seem to Be Upon You

“Torture” is the word Jerry uses to describe it. “Every time I walked into a classroom,” he says, “I would start sweating profusely, my mouth felt like it was full of cotton, and I didn’t think I would be able to talk—even if my life depended on it. Then I would start to feel this intense heat rise up through my arms and legs and face and I would turn bright red—as if my entire body was blushing.”

JERRY suffers from social phobia, a condition characterized by an intense fear of being scrutinized by others and of being publicly humiliated. “The person with social phobia believes that all eyes are on him,” says a booklet published by the Anxiety Disorders Association of America. “The anxiety can lead to panic-like attacks including such symptoms as heart palpitations, faintness, shortness of breath, and profuse sweating.”

Some might tend to dismiss the fears of social phobics, saying that they should just force themselves to ignore their shyness and “get out there and meet people.” Granted, part of combating social phobia involves confronting your fears. However, there is a vast difference between shyness and social phobia. “Unlike ordinary shyness,” says Jerilyn Ross, “social phobia is so severe that it interferes with daily functioning, at work, at school, and in almost all interpersonal relationships.”

Studies suggest that the lives of millions of people are impaired by social phobia.a Consider some fears that are associated with this debilitating condition.

The Fears of Social Phobia

Public speaking. Doug recalls being seized by panic while giving a brief speech to a local citizens’ group. “All of a sudden I broke out in a cold sweat,” he says. “My heart was pounding. I was trembling, shaking. My throat felt like it was closing up, making it difficult for me to get the words out.” Granted, almost everyone gets jittery when standing before an audience. But the social phobic experiences a wave of terror that is intense and unremitting, and it does not diminish with practice. Indeed, Doug came to view even the most trivial speaking opportunity as if it were a threat to his life.

Eating in the presence of others. Since social phobics believe that they are being scrutinized, even a simple meal can become a nightmarish ordeal. They worry that their hands will shake, that they will spill their food or miss their mouths, or even that they will get sick. These fears can become self-fulfilling prophecies. The book Dying of Embarrassment notes: “The more you worry about the possibility of doing something embarrassing, the more anxious you become. The more anxious you become, the more likely you are to actually begin trembling or make abrupt, clumsy movements. This problem can build to the point where it becomes difficult to get food or a beverage to your mouth without dropping or spilling it.”

Writing in the presence of others. Fearing that their hand will shake or that they will be observed scribbling illegibly, many social phobics panic when they have to sign a check or perform any other writing task while being watched. Sam, for example, was mortified when his employer required that he sign a log book in front of a security guard at the beginning of each workday. “I couldn’t do it,” Sam says. “My hand would shake so badly that I had to control it with the other hand in order to hit the line and then you couldn’t read what I had written.”

Using the telephone. Dr. John R. Marshall says that many of his patients confessed that they avoided using the phone whenever possible. “They worried that they would fail to make the appropriate response,” he says. “Others feared that, because they would not know what to say, embarrassing silences would ensue and at the point when the conversation falters, anxiety would cause their voices to change, quiver, or squeak. They were terrified that they might stammer, stutter, or in other embarrassing ways give evidence of their disturbed state.”

Interacting with people. Some social phobics fear virtually any situation that involves mingling with others. Often, they are particularly terrified of making eye contact. “People with severe social phobias often feel anxious uncertainty about where to direct their eyes and how to respond when others look at them,” says The Harvard Mental Health Letter. “They avoid eye contact because they feel as though they do not know when to look and when to look away. They imagine that others will misinterpret their gaze.”

There are other fears associated with social phobia. Many, for example, are terrified of using public rest rooms. Others dread shopping under the gaze of a salesperson. “I’m so self-conscious I often don’t even see what I’m looking at,” says one woman. “I’m always expecting or imagining the person behind the counter to demand that I just figure out what I want and stop wasting their time.”

How Do They Attempt to Cope?

Those who do not have the disorder find the pain of social phobia difficult to comprehend. One sufferer describes his experience as “the most awful kind of embarrassment anyone could ever imagine!” Another admits: “I think about suicide all the time.”

Sadly, many social phobics turn to alcohol in an effort to alleviate their anxiety.b While it may bring temporary relief, in the long run, abuse of alcohol only adds to the sufferer’s problems. Dr. John R. Marshall notes: “More than one of my patients with little experience in social drinking have drunk themselves into a stupor—in the effort to calm themselves before or during a social situation, only to add to the very humiliation in the eyes of others that they feared so intensely.”

Perhaps the most common coping strategy among social phobics is avoidance. Yes, many simply stay away from the situations that they dread. “I avoided as many situations as possible, even talking on the telephone,” says a social phobic named Lorraine. In time, however, many sufferers find that avoidance imprisons them rather than protects them. “After a while,” says Lorraine, “the loneliness and boredom would overwhelm me.”

Avoidance can become “a self-reinforcing trap,” warns Jerilyn Ross. “And every act of avoidance,” she adds, “makes that trap easier to fall into the next time—until avoidance becomes an almost automatic response.” Some sufferers routinely decline dinner invitations or turn down job opportunities that involve interacting with people. As a result, they never learn to confront their fears and conquer them. As Dr. Richard Heimberg puts it, “their lives are filled with imagined rejections that never came about and imagined failures at jobs they never tried because they avoided them.”

There is, however, good news about social phobia: It is treatable. Of course, it is impossible—even undesirable—to eliminate every form of anxiety altogether. Yet, those who suffer from social phobia can learn to control their fears, and the Bible contains practical counsel that can help.

[Footnotes]

Controlling Social Phobia

“The most important thing for people with phobias to remember is that phobic disorders do respond well to treatment. It’s not something they have to continue to suffer with.”—Dr. Chris Sletten.

HAPPILY, many social phobics have been helped to reduce their anxiety and even to face the social settings that they feared for many years. If you suffer from social phobia, be assured that you too can learn constructive ways to deal with this disorder. To do so, you will need to address (1) your physical symptoms, (2) the beliefs you hold about the situations you fear, and (3) the behavior that your fears elicit.

Bible principles can help. True, God’s Word is not a medical textbook, nor does it mention the term “social phobia.” Yet, the Bible can help you to “safeguard practical wisdom and thinking ability” when dealing with your fears.—Proverbs 3:21; Isaiah 48:17.

Managing Your Symptoms

The physical symptoms of social phobia vary from one person to the next. How does your body respond as you approach a feared situation? Do your hands shake? Does your heart beat rapidly? Do you experience abdominal distress? Do you perspire or blush, or does your mouth become dry?

Granted, it is unpleasant to contemplate sweating, stammering, or trembling in front of others. But anxiety over what might happen will not help. Jesus aptly asked: “Who of you by being anxious can add one cubit to his life span?” (Matthew 6:27; compare Proverbs 12:25.) Indeed, dwelling on your symptoms and on what others might think of them will only make matters worse. “Imagining that others notice their nervousness makes people with social phobias still more anxious,” observes The Harvard Mental Health Letter. “They come to anticipate the resulting awkwardness and poor performance—an expectation that sets off further alarms when they approach feared situations.”

You may be able to reduce the intensity of your symptoms by practicing slow breathing from the diaphragm. (See the box “Watch Your Breathing!”) Also helpful is regular physical exercise and muscle relaxation. (1 Timothy 4:8) You may also need to make some life-style changes. For example, the Bible counsels: “Better is a handful of rest than a double handful of hard work and striving after the wind.” (Ecclesiastes 4:6) So make sure that you are getting sufficient rest. In addition, watch your diet. Do not skip meals or eat at irregular times. It may be necessary to cut back on caffeine, which can be a prime offender in stirring anxiety.

Most of all, be patient. (Ecclesiastes 7:8) One team of doctors reports: “In time, you’ll notice that, while you’re still apt to feel some anxiety in certain social situations, the intensity of your bodily symptoms will decrease considerably. Most importantly, with practice, your self-confidence will increase, and you’ll be better prepared to enter the social situations you fear.”

Challenging Your Phobic Beliefs

It has been said that you cannot experience a feeling without first experiencing a thought. This seems to be true of social phobia. Hence, to reduce your physical symptoms, you may need to examine the “disquieting thoughts” that fuel them.—Psalm 94:19.

Some experts say that social phobia is, in essence, a fear of disapproval. For example, while at a social gathering, a social phobic might say to himself, ‘I look foolish. People must notice that I just don’t fit in. I’m sure everyone is making fun of me.’ A social phobic named Tracy had such feelings. In time, however, she questioned her beliefs. She came to realize that people had better things to do with their time than to analyze and judge her. “Even if I say something boring,” Tracy concluded, “is it valid for someone else to disapprove of me as a person because of this?”

Like Tracy, you may need to challenge distorted thinking as to the likelihood—and the severity—of others’ disapproval in social situations. Is there really valid reason to believe that people would become upset with you if your worst fears came true? Even if some did, is there cause to conclude that you would not survive the ordeal? Does the opinion of another person actually change your value as a person? The Bible wisely advises: “Do not give your heart to all the words that people may speak.”—Ecclesiastes 7:21.

One team of doctors writing on social phobia stated: “Problems arise when people attach too much meaning and importance to the inevitable rejections that life brings. Rejection can be very disappointing. It can really hurt. But it doesn’t have to devastate you. It’s really not a catastrophe unless you make it one.”

The Bible helps us to view ourselves realistically. It acknowledges: “We all stumble many times.” (James 3:2) Yes, no one is immune to imperfection and its sometimes embarrassing manifestations. Appreciating this helps us to make concessions for the weaknesses of others, and it encourages others to be just as understanding with ours. In any event, Christians know that the one whose approval really matters is Jehovah God—and he does not focus on our errors.—Psalm 103:13, 14; 130:3.

Facing Your Fears

To win your battle with social phobia, sooner or later you will need to confront your fears. At first, the very thought of this might seem daunting. Until now, perhaps you have avoided social settings that would incite your fears. Likely, however, this has only eroded your confidence and further entrenched your fears. With good reason, the Bible states: “One isolating himself will seek his own selfish longing; against all practical wisdom he will break forth.”—Proverbs 18:1.

In contrast, facing your fears may tend to reduce your anxiety.a Dr. John R. Marshall says: “We often encourage our socially phobic patients—particularly those whose fears are relatively circumscribed, such as public speaking—to force themselves to become active in settings and organizations that require social contact.”

Confronting the situations that you have feared will convince you (1) that embarrassing flaws will most often not result in the disapproval of others and (2) that even if they do result in some disapproval, this is not a catastrophe. Remember, though, to be patient with your progress. Recovery is not accomplished overnight, nor is it realistic to expect all signs of social phobia to disappear. According to Dr. Sally Winston, the goal of treatment is, not to get rid of the symptoms, but to make them not matter. If they don’t matter, she says, they go away or at least improve.

Christians have strong incentive to overcome social fears. Indeed, they are told to “consider one another to incite to love and fine works, not forsaking the gathering of ourselves together.” (Hebrews 10:24, 25) Since Christian activity often involves interacting with others, working hard to control your social fears can greatly aid your spiritual advancement. (Matthew 28:19, 20; Acts 2:42; 1 Thessalonians 5:14) Keep the matter before Jehovah God in prayer, for he can supply you with “power beyond what is normal.” (2 Corinthians 4:7; 1 John 5:14) Ask Jehovah to help you to acquire a balanced outlook on the approval of others and to cultivate the necessary skills to do what he requires.

Admittedly, each sufferer’s problems are unique, and each one will have different obstacles to face and different strengths to draw on. Some have made considerable improvement by using the suggestions that have been discussed. There are cases where additional help may be necessary. Some, for example, have been helped by medication.b Others have sought the help of a mental-health expert. Awake! does not recommend or endorse any particular kind of treatment. Whether a Christian pursues such treatment is a personal decision. He should be careful, however, that any treatment he receives does not conflict with Bible principles.

Men “With Feelings Like Ours”

The Bible can be of great encouragement, for it contains real-life examples of people who conquered personal obstacles in order to do what God required of them. Consider Elijah. As one of Israel’s foremost prophets, he displayed what may seem like superhuman courage. Yet, the Bible assures us that “Elijah was a man with feelings like ours.” (James 5:17) He was not immune to periods of intense fear and anxiety.—1 Kings 19:1-4.

The Christian apostle Paul went to Corinth “in weakness and in fear and with much trembling,” evidently having strong misgivings about his own abilities. And he did meet with a measure of disapproval. Indeed, some opposers said of Paul: “His presence in person is weak and his speech contemptible.” Yet, there is no indication that Paul allowed the twisted opinion of others to influence his view of himself or his abilities.—1 Corinthians 2:3-5; 2 Corinthians 10:10.

Moses lacked confidence in his ability to approach Pharaoh, claiming to be “slow of mouth and slow of tongue.” (Exodus 4:10) Even when Jehovah God promised to help him, Moses begged: “No, Lord, please send someone else.” (Exodus 4:13, Today’s English Version) Moses could not see his strengths, but Jehovah could see them. He viewed Moses as mentally and physically competent to fulfill the assignment. Still, Jehovah lovingly provided Moses with an assistant. He did not force Moses to face Pharaoh alone.—Exodus 4:14, 15.

Jeremiah too is an outstanding example in this regard. When he was commissioned as God’s prophet, this young man responded: “Alas, O Sovereign Lord Jehovah! Here I actually do not know how to speak, for I am but a boy.” The strength to carry out his assignment was not inherent in Jeremiah. Yet, Jehovah was with him. He helped Jeremiah to become “a fortified city and an iron pillar and copper walls against all the land.”—Jeremiah 1:6, 18, 19.

Therefore, if fears and anxiety cause you suffering, do not conclude that you lack faith or that Jehovah has rejected you. On the contrary, “Jehovah is near to those that are broken at heart; and those who are crushed in spirit he saves.”—Psalm 34:18.

Indeed, the Bible examples mentioned above show that even stalwart men of faith grappled with feelings of inadequacy. While not requiring more than each could reasonably give, Jehovah helped Elijah, Paul, Moses, and Jeremiah to accomplish more than they might have expected. Since Jehovah “well knows the formation of us, remembering that we are dust,” be assured that he can do the same for you.—Psalm 103:14.

[Footnotes]

[Box on page 8]

Watch Your Breathing!

SOME social phobics are able to reduce the intensity of their physical symptoms by giving attention to their breathing. At first, this might sound strange. After all, everyone knows how to breathe! But experts say that many people with anxiety problems do not breathe properly. Often, their breathing is too shallow, too fast, or too much from the chest.

Practice inhaling and exhaling slowly. Breathing through the nose rather than through the mouth will make this easier. Also, learn to breathe from the diaphragm, since breathing from your upper chest increases your risk of hyperventilating. To test yourself in this regard, when standing up, place one hand above your waist and the other in the middle of your chest. While breathing, notice which hand is moving more. If it is the hand on your chest, you need to practice breathing from the diaphragm.

Of course, not every breath has to come from the diaphragm. (The normal ratio of diaphragm-to-chest breaths is about 4 to 1, but this will vary at times.) And a word of caution is appropriate: Those with chronic respiratory conditions—such as emphysema or asthma—should see a doctor before adopting new breathing techniques.

[Box on page 9]

When Fear Leads to Panic

FOR some social phobics, anxiety is so intense that it leads to a panic attack. This sudden, overpowering fright often leaves its victim hyperventilating, feeling faint, and believing that he or she is having a heart attack.

Experts say that it is best not to fight the attack. Rather, they advise the sufferer to ‘ride out’ the anxiety until it passes. “You can’t stop it once it starts,” says Jerilyn Ross. “It just has to run its course. Just keep telling yourself it’s frightening, but it’s not dangerous. It’s going to pass.”

Melvin Green, director of an agency that treats agoraphobia, likens the attack to a small wave that can be seen approaching a beach. “This represents your initial feelings of anxiety,” he says. “As the wave approaches land it grows larger and larger. This represents your feelings of anxiety growing. Soon the wave is very large and peaks. It then flows down into a smaller and smaller wave until it disperses on the beach. This image represents the start and finish of the anxiety attack.” Green says that sufferers should not fight the feelings but flow with them until they pass.