Section 2

You and Your Peers

Everybody needs friends. But when you are young, friends can have more influence over how you dress, act, and think than your parents do. Who, then, should be your friends? And to what extent should your life be molded by their opinions?

Chapter 8

How Can I Make Real Friends?

“I’VE been going to school in this district for eight years, but in all that time I’ve never managed to make one single friend! Not one.” So lamented a youth named Ronny. And perhaps at times you have similarly felt like a failure at friendship. But just what are real friends? And what is the secret of having them?

A proverb says: “A friend is loving at all times and becomes a brother in times of trouble.” (Proverbs 17:17, The Bible in Basic English) But there is more to friendship than having a shoulder to cry on. Says a young woman named Marvia: “Sometimes a so-called friend will see you get into trouble and then say, ‘I saw you leading up to that, but I was afraid to tell you.’ But when a real friend sees you going the wrong way, she will try to warn you before it’s too late​—even if she knows you may not like what she says.”

Would you allow a bruised ego to cause you to reject someone who has cared enough about you to tell you the truth? Proverbs 27:6 says: “There is more trust to be put in bruises from one who loves than in effusive kisses from one who hates.” (Byington) A person who thinks straight and talks straight is thus the kind of person you should want as a friend.

Counterfeit Versus Real Friends

“My life is proof that not all ‘friends’ bring out your best,” states 23-year-old Peggy. As a teenager, Peggy had been forced to leave home. She was befriended, however, by two of Jehovah’s Witnesses, Bill and his wife, Lloy. They began a study of the Bible with Peggy. “The months I spent with them were filled with real joy, contentment and peace,” said Peggy. Yet, she opted to be with some youths she had met​—and left Bill and Lloy.

Peggy further recounts: “I learned many things from my new ‘friends’​—stealing stereos, cashing bad checks, smoking marijuana and, finally, how to support a $200-a-day drug habit.” At age 18 she met a young man named Ray who offered her all the drugs she could use​—free. “I thought all my troubles were over. Never again would I have to steal and cheat,” thought Peggy. Ray, however, introduced her to prostitution. Eventually Peggy fled the city and her fast-lane “friends.”

At her new location, one day Peggy was visited by two of Jehovah’s Witnesses. “Tears of joy flooded my eyes as I embraced the two startled women,” related Peggy. “I had grown to despise the hypocrisy of my former ‘friends,’ but here were people who were for real.” Peggy resumed her study of the Bible.

Conforming her life to God’s ways, though, was not easy. Particularly difficult was giving up smoking. However, a Witness friend advised: “Instead of praying and asking for forgiveness after you fail, why not pray beforehand and ask for strength when you feel the urge to smoke?” Says Peggy: “This kind and practical suggestion did it. . . . For the first time in years, I felt clean inside and knew what it meant to have self-respect.”

Peggy’s experience highlights the truthfulness of the Bible’s words at Proverbs 13:20: “He that is walking with wise persons will become wise, but he that is having dealings with the stupid ones will fare badly.” Says Peggy: “If I had just kept my friendship with those persons who loved God, I would have avoided all those things that are now an ugly memory.”

Finding Friends

Where can you find friends who love God? Within the Christian congregation. Search out youths who not only make a profession of faith but also have works to back up their faith and devotion. (Compare James 2:26.) If such youths are hard to find, get to know some Christians who are older than you. Age need not be a barrier to friendship. The Bible tells of the model friendship between David and Jonathan​—and Jonathan was old enough to be David’s father!​—1 Samuel 18:1.

How, though, can you get friendships started?

An Active Interest in Others

Jesus Christ built friendships that were so strong that his friends were willing to die for him. Why? For