Chapter 5

You Can Cope with Life’s Problems

“LIFE is full of problems,” people say. You may agree.

² Money troubles plague many​—bills, inflation, job insecurity, or finding decent housing. Serious marriage and family problems are common. Sex, alcohol or drugs are problems with many young persons. For the elderly, failing health brings difficulties. All these things give rise to damaging emotional tension or stress.

³ How well are you coping with life’s problems? News reports of widespread depression and of suicides clearly indicate that many persons just cannot cope. But there are millions who do not lose their balance when faced with adversity. Why?

⁴ These latter ones have learned to rely on the advice of mankind’s Creator as found in the Bible. No psychologist, no marriage counselor, no writer of a newspaper advice column knows more about life than God does. He created the first humans, so he has a thorough knowledge of our physical, mental and emotional makeup. (Psalm 100:3; Genesis 1:27) Better than any short-lived human, Jehovah knows what is going on inside us and why we do the things we do.​—1 Samuel 16:7.

⁵ Furthermore, he is better acquainted with the problems that confront us in this world than any of us are. Not for just a few years, but since the time of the first man, Jehovah has observed the problems of humankind​—all of them. The Bible tells us: “From the heavens Jehovah has looked, he has seen all the sons of men. . . . He has gazed at all those dwelling on the earth. . . . He is considering all their works.” (Psalm 33:13-15) That means that he knows what succeeds and what does not succeed in coping with whatever problems we have.

⁶ Generously, he makes it possible for us to benefit from his knowledge and experience. The Bible contains his counsel, set out in such a way that it fits our needs no matter what our circumstances in life, regardless of where we live. As Psalm 19:7-11 says: “The law of Jehovah is perfect, bringing back the soul. The reminder of Jehovah is trustworthy, making the inexperienced one wise.”

⁷ Let us consider briefly how those reminders can help a person to cope with two serious personal problems, namely, severe stress and loneliness. After considering the Bible’s practical help on these, we will examine other common problems​—involving money, marriage and drugs.

HOW CAN YOU COPE WITH STRESS?

⁸ Few people would say that they never experience severe stress. The more that our individual troubles grow​—over money, the family, sex, crime—​the more severe the stress becomes. A recent newspaper report commented that what best characterizes our times is not a way of acting or a style of dress. It is “the terrible feeling of tension.”

⁹ Did you know that stress can even shorten your life? Note:

“Dubbed the ‘Twentieth Century Killer,’ stress arises mainly from the psychological demands of contemporary life. The physical ills it generates now contribute to a vast number of hospital cases and deaths each year​—at least tens of millions.”​—To the Point, African news magazine.

“Severe or prolonged stress can make the body more vulnerable to ailments ranging from skin rashes and the common cold to heart attacks and cancer.”​—The Wall Street Journal, U.S.A.

Even the unborn are affected. Stress on pregnant women, such as from marital discord or the fear of unemployment, can cause physical, mental and emotional damage to children in the womb.

¹⁰ Stress also does damage in that it creates other problems. Because of it many lose work time, increasing their money troubles. It gives rise to violence, even in marriage. One husband wrote:

“Each day I get more uptight and nervous. I feel like lashing out at everybody and my wife usually gets it. I feel like getting stoned, but it doesn’t do any good.”

¹¹ Some stress is normal in life, and not necessarily bad. Getting out of bed in the morning involves stress, as does watching an exciting ball game. It is the severe, prolonged stress (or, distress) that is damaging. Of course, many of the pressures on us may seem unavoidable, involving other people or circumstances in our own life. Is there, nonetheless, something that we can do about harmful stress? If we could better cope with stress, it might lessen other problems, such as those affecting our health.

¹² A key to coping with stress was given by a man recognized world wide as one of the greatest teachers who ever lived, Jesus Christ. When asked which was the most vital of all of God’s commands, Jesus replied, ‘You must love Jehovah with all your heart, soul and mind. And you must love your neighbor as yourself.’ (Matthew 22:37-39) Apply that and you will be helped to cope with stress.

¹³ For example, as you deal in a loving way with your mate or relatives, it is very likely that peace will increase. An atmosphere of warmth and happiness will develop. Tension will diminish. Yes, this Scriptural counsel can be followed with positive results in reducing stress.

¹⁴ Nor is it limited to the family. As you apply the Bible’s advice to show love​—including the ‘golden rule’ of doing to others as you would like them to do to you—​people will like you more. (Luke 6:31) That has proved true on the job, at school, in the community. Oh, there may be some friction, but certainly less. It is easy to see that, as a result, you will face less stress.

¹⁵ Even in scientific circles it is being appreciated that what the Bible recommends will help persons to reduce stress and cope with it. Professor Hans Selye (University of Montreal), one of the foremost authorities on the effects of stress, advised:

“Rather than relying on drugs or other techniques, I think there’s another, better way to handle stress, which involves taking a different attitude toward the various events in our lives.”

He emphasized the need for a “philosophy of behavior by which people could live,” which would “do much more for humanity in general than any discovery.” What? After 40 years of studying stress, he said that the solution essentially came down to​—love.

¹⁶ Why is it that, even in day-to-day life, showing love as the Bible recommends is so practical? Why does it work? Dr. Selye said:

“The two great emotions that cause the absence or presence of stress are love and hate. The Bible makes this point over and over again. The message is that if we don’t somehow modify our built-in selfishness, we arouse fear and hostility in other people. . . . The more we can persuade people to love us rather than hate us, the safer we are, and the less stress we have to endure.”

¹⁷ Anger is another cause of stress. We all get angry at times, as the Bible acknowledges. Yet it counsels: “He that is slow to anger is better than a mighty man, and he that is controlling his spirit than the one capturing a city.” (Proverbs 16:32; Ephesians 4:26) So if we become angry, God’s warning is to avoid flying into a fit of rage or ‘blowing our top.’ Often those who ignore that advice let out a burst of vicious words or get into violent fights. The results sometimes are physical harm or ill will, with lasting stress. Hence, to the extent that you can follow the Bible’s wise and practical advice about anger, you will be helped in coping with stress.

¹⁸ As another example, the Bible also helps us to reduce stress by encouraging a varied and balanced life. Some persons are always frantically working, others seldom work. Some persons are always serious, others never. Any such extreme almost invariably causes problems and results in stress. However, read the comments in Ecclesiastes 3:1-8, where God says there is a time for every activity. You see, the Bible presents a realistic as well as a more balanced view of life. Work is good, as opposed to laziness. The Bible also urges people to relax some and enjoy the fruits of their labor. (Ecclesiastes 3:12, 13; 10:18; Proverbs 6:9-11) There is benefit to be gotten from some time spent in serious thought about what life means and how we should live it. Yet there is also value in relaxing with one’s family and friends. To the extent that we can apply the Bible’s counsel about balance, we will have less of a problem with stress.

COPING WITH THE AGONY OF LONELINESS

¹⁹ “Loneliness is universal,” said Toronto social worker Henry Regehr. “Stop anyone on the street and say ‘tell me about your loneliness’ and you will get story after story after story.” In a poll of 52,000 persons, over 40 percent said that they “often feel lonely.” It was the feeling that most consistently brought discomfort, spoiling happiness. Nor is it a respecter of persons, it strikes old and young, male and female. Though we might think of a single person, such as a widow, as the typical lonely one, some of the most desperately lonely are married persons who cannot communicate.

²⁰ Many persons try to block out loneliness with illicit sex, or to drown it with alcohol or to deaden it by compulsive eating. But the causes remain. One factor is the growth of large cities, where you can be surrounded by people yet feel extremely alone. The breakup of marriages has increased the problem. Even television seems to add to loneliness by cutting down conversation.

²¹ What can be done to help to cope with loneliness? While not wanting to oversimplify the problem, it may be said that the Bible can help anyone to cope better with loneliness. Why is that? For one thing, loneliness often leads to depression and loss of self-respect. Cultivating a good relationship with one’s Creator can help to restore such a person. He can develop a greater sense of worth, appreciating that God is interested in him, which can lead to a more positive view of life. (Matthew 18:10) Furthermore, the Bible outlines for Christians a way of life that can help to relieve loneliness.

²² Lonely persons are often told to “keep busy.” This has some value. But the Bible offers more realistic and practical advice. It urges Christians to be active in doing good for others, which also produces happiness. (Acts 20:35) We have an example in Dorcas, who spent time making things for other Christians, many of whom were widows. Her efforts helped them materially, and likely also helped them to overcome loneliness. At the same time Dorcas herself was not lonely but loved. You may enjoy reading about her in Acts 9:36-42.

²³ A very rewarding activity for many Christians has been that of helping others to learn about God and the Bible. In fact, the apostle Paul said that freedom to do that to a greater extent was an advantage single persons have, which, of course, would also help them to cope with loneliness. (1 Corinthians 7:32-35) Paul himself is an example of this. Read in Acts 17:1-14 how, despite unusual opposition, Paul kept occupied, helping many in the city of Thessalonica. Then note the resulting feeling of closeness between them, mentioned in 1 Thessalonians 2:8. Hundreds of thousands of Jehovah’s Witnesses today can testify how rewarding it is to be busy teaching the Bible to others.

²⁴ Also, Jehovah’s Witnesses regularly meet in groups to study the Scriptures. While learning, they are enjoying warm Christian fellowship. True, just being around other people is not itself the answer to loneliness, as many city people know. But those attending such meetings are among Christians who are striving to apply from the heart the Bible’s encouragement to be genuinely interested in others. (Philippians 2:4) These meetings are stimulating, happy occasions. Those in attendance join in brief prayer to God, something that many have found helps them to realize that they are never alone. (John 16:32) We encourage you to attend a meeting of Jehovah’s Witnesses. There you can observe how following Bible advice is helping many persons to cope with loneliness and other problems, such as those involving money or the family.

[Study Questions]

What reasons have we for optimism as to life’s problems? How is God involved? (1-7)

How severe is the problem of stress? (8-11)

How can Bible counsel help us to cope with stress? (12-14)

Scientists have found what about the Bible’s counsel on love? (15, 16)

How else can the Bible’s counsel help us with stress? (17, 18)

How serious a problem is loneliness? (19, 20)

What Bible counsel can help with loneliness? How? (21-23)

Of what value is Christian association? (Ecclesiastes 4:9, 10) (24)

[Box on page 45]

LIFE’S MOST ‘STRESSFUL’ SITUATIONS

RANK LIFE EVENT

1 Death of spouse

2 Divorce

3 Marital separation

4 Jail term

5 Death of close family member

6 Personal injury or illness

7 Marriage

8 Fired at work

9 Marital reconciliation

10 Retirement

11 Change in health of family member

12 Pregnancy

13 Sex difficulties

14 Gain of new family member

15 Business readjustment

Based on research by Drs. T. Holmes and R. H. Rahne​—“Modern Maturity.”

[Box on page 50]

“In their own congregational life Witnesses form a genuine community of trust and acceptance. . . . The Jehovah’s Witnesses offer [one] an alternative life strategy that gives its adherents a way to find identity and self-respect, a community of acceptance, and hope for the future.”​—“Religious Movements in Contemporary America.”

[Picture on page 41]

INFLATION

SICKNESS

JOB INSECURITY

FAMILY PROBLEMS

HOUSING

[Picture on page 49]

Doing good for others, as Dorcas did, helps to prevent loneliness.

Chapter 6

Money Problems​—What Help?

“FEASTING makes you happy and wine cheers you up, but you can’t have either without money.”​—Ecclesiastes 10:19, Good News Bible.

² Money is a major concern in every land. One reason is inflation. Every day it costs more to live. Many persons cannot even afford to buy the food they need. A growing number of men have to work at two jobs, and more wives go off to work. Families suffer. Health suffers. The money problems are usually compounded when credit buying comes into the picture. Relying on credit, many persons who are deeply in debt keep on spending for items they really do not need. This is true not only in advanced lands but also in areas where people have few resources.

³ What practical help does the Bible offer? Can it aid you to find or hold a job? Can it ease your family’s worry about money, leading to a happier life?

DO HONESTY AND HARD WORK HELP?

⁴ “People who work hard don’t get a fair break. Do you agree?” In a survey, 85 percent agreed. It often seems as if success depends on cheating, stealing, bribery and influential connections. Yet the Scriptures stress the value of honesty and industriousness. For example, the Bible says:

“Let the stealer steal no more, but rather let him do hard work, doing with his hands what is good work.”​—Ephesians 4:28.

“The lazy man has longings, but gets nothing: the diligent man is amply supplied. You see a man skilful at his work? He shall enter the service of kings.”​—Proverbs 13:4; 22:29, Moffatt.

“Make it your aim to live a quiet life, to mind your own business, and to earn your own living, just as we told you before. In this way you will win the respect of those who are not believers, and you will not have to depend on anyone for what you need.”​—1 Thessalonians 4:11, 12, Good News Bible.

⁵ Both time and wide experience have proved that this advice is practical. Oh, it is true that some lazy persons seem to get ahead. But in general and in the long run, if you apply the Bible’s counsel you are going to do better than those who ignore it.

⁶ Employers frequently complain that workers come in late, loaf a lot, are dirty and cannot be trusted. So a person who, following Bible principles, is punctual, careful, clean, trustworthy and diligent will usually find work. And he likely will earn more, for employers are often willing to pay for a well-done job. There are many reports from Jehovah’s Witnesses of this happening.

⁷ But are not lying and cheating almost necessary nowadays? Christians who, because of applying Bible principles, have refused to steal, lie or cheat have seen that Scriptural counsel works.

A Johannesburg, South Africa, firm that sold electrical appliances was not doing well. One reason was that many employees stole. One day the manager called the African staff together and fired them all. Yet the next morning an employee was on his usual train to work and met a fellow worker. ‘How is it that you are going to work?’ he asked. The other employee said that the manager had told him privately that, since he was honest, his case was an exception. The first man said that it was the same with him. On arriving at the job they met a third employee who also had been told privately to come to work as usual. All were true Christians.

Robert worked for a British road-building firm. One day a director said that if anyone called, Robert should explain that he was not in. Yet when Robert answered a call he explained that the director was occupied. Hearing that, the director criticized him. But the matter was dropped when Robert explained that as one of Jehovah’s Witnesses he could not lie. (Ephesians 4:25) Later, when Robert was in line for a promotion, a greedy colleague tried to raise doubts about his honesty. Now the director spoke up about Robert’s honesty. He got the promotion.

⁸ Is honesty possible if you are in business for yourself? In some cases being honest may seem impractical. But it still is the best course. It helps you to have a clear conscience with God and peace of mind. Furthermore, many people prefer to do business with someone whom they feel will not cheat. It is just as the Bible says​—you “win the respect of those who are not believers.”

HELP WITH HOUSING

⁹ Finding decent housing is another major problem. In some lands whole families are forced to live crammed into one room. Or, the difficulty may be to locate clean housing that one can afford. Can the Bible help with these problems?

¹⁰ When you rent (or lease) a home, you are dealing with someone else’s property. It is noteworthy that God urged the Israelites to respect and care for others’ property. (Deuteronomy 22:1-4) He also encouraged physical cleanness. (Deuteronomy 23:12-14; Exodus 30:18-21) Accordingly, conscientious Christians try to avoid damaging property and they keep clean any home that they rent. For this reason, and because they ‘live quietly,’ they are widely appreciated as tenants and have found it easier to get housing.

A Christian family rented a house from the ex-mayor of one African capital. They kept his building clean and paid the rent on time. (Romans 13:8) When they were about to move away they introduced the owner to another family from the congregation. The owner mentioned that normally the rent “would be raised,” which meant doubling it. But because he knew these Christians would be reliable, clean people, he left the rent the same, about half of what was charged for similar houses around there.

¹¹ Even when circumstances beyond a person’s control prevent him from finding nicer housing, he still benefits. He will keep his home clean and neat. That makes for a healthier, happier life.

USING YOUR MONEY WISELY

¹² Wealthy King Solomon wrote: “Wisdom is for a protection the same as money is for a protection; but the advantage of knowledge is that wisdom itself preserves alive its owners.”​—Ecclesiastes 7:12.

¹³ Solomon realized, as we must, that money provides a defense against the troubles that poverty can bring. So money is not to be wasted; it should be managed wisely. What practical counsel does the Bible offer us on managing our funds?

¹⁴ Jesus asked: “Who of you that wants to build a tower does not first sit down and calculate the expense, to see if he has enough to complete it? Otherwise, he might lay its foundation but not be able to finish it, and all the onlookers might start to ridicule him.”​—Luke 14:28-30.

¹⁵ That can be applied to family finances. Many couples have found it good to sit down and calmly calculate a budget to see if a major purchase is possible and wise. They have been further aided by the Bible reminder that unexpected events do occur. (Ecclesiastes 9:11) This has helped them to avoid impulse buying and long-term debts.

¹⁶ Also, note this insight: “The borrower is the slave of the lender.” (Proverbs 22:7, Revised Standard Version) While the Bible does not forbid borrowing or lending, it alerts us that borrowing needlessly can, in effect, enslave a person to a bank or a lender. Wise is the person who remembers that in these days so many are tempted to buy on credit, only to wind up in debt, paying high interest.

¹⁷ The Bible has helped many families to ease money problems through cutting down on waste. Jesus set a fine example. After providing a meal for a large crowd, he directed that the leftovers be gathered. (John 6:10-13) Following such an example, old and young Christians can be more conscious about avoiding waste.

¹⁸ Learning to apply Bible counsel about money may require a considerable change in viewpoint, but the results will be beneficial, as the following illustrates:

Soon after marrying, a young couple in Zimbabwe began having money problems. His wages were low; she wanted many new things and special foods. She also started working, but that did not seem to help much. The strain on their marriage was so great that it seemed questionable whether they would stay together. Some Christian elders offered to help. Using the Bible, they discussed the importance of a budget. (Luke 14:28-30) The couple saw the usefulness of preparing a shopping list with approximate prices and of buying foods for the whole week at a quantity saving. (Proverbs 31:14) The elders shared Scriptural counsel about contentment and the need to avoid desiring luxuries that could not now be afforded. (Luke 12:22-31) What a help this Scriptural counsel was! Being more settled about money, the couple was happier. Even the neighbors commented on the improvement in their marriage.

¹⁹ Those on a fixed income also have benefited from practical Bible advice. This was true of a retired couple in Spain:

Francisco and Maria’s limited income simply is not enough. Yet they explain they get along fine by applying what they learn from the Scriptures. For example, Proverbs 6:6-8 says: ‘Go to the ant. See its ways and become wise. It prepares its food even in the summer; it has gathered its food supplies even in the harvest.’ Maria says that she learned to do this, buying things when they are readily available and therefore cheaper, such as fruit in season. She also waits for clearance sales to buy next year’s clothing. They ‘prepare their food in the summer’ by cultivating a garden on a small piece of land that is a 45-minute walk from their home. The words at 1 John 2:16 also help. They have learned to be satisfied with home furnishings even if such are out of style. And rather than expensive entertainment, they enjoy helping others to learn about God.

AVOID HURTING YOUR POCKETBOOK

²⁰ Indulging in such practices as drug or alcohol abuse, smoking and gambling can drain your pocketbook. The Bible helps in these areas, too.a

²¹ Consider liquor. The Bible does not prohibit the moderate use of alcoholic beverages. But it does advise:

“Pleasure-lovers stay poor, he will not grow rich who loves wine and good living.”

“Do not be one of those forever tippling wine . . . for the drunkard and glutton impoverish themselves, and a drowsy head makes a wearer of rags.”​—Proverbs 21:17; 23:20, 21, Jerusalem Bible.

²² Heavy drinking hurts the pocketbook in various ways. Alcoholic beverages themselves are expensive, some persons spending up to half their weekly wage on liquor. In just the one Canadian province of Quebec over a billion dollars a year is spent on liquor. Another billion goes for things associated with heavy drinking​—absenteeism from work and alcohol-related accidents.

In southern Chile a shoe salesman lost his job because of drunkenness. He then tried repairing shoes in a shed alongside the dilapidated house the family rented. Still, most of his money went for drink and his wife often had to get him from the jail. She also had to work late into the nights making wigs so they would have food money. But she began to study the Bible with Jehovah’s Witnesses, which moved her to be a more understanding and supportive wife. This led her husband to sit in on the study. He learned that one cannot be a drunkard and a Christian, so he stopped drinking. The family then could eat better. In time they even bought a small home and a store where he carried on a successful shoe-repair business.

²³ What about gambling, whether large betting at a racetrack or a casino or the constant betting with lottery tickets? Many persons have money problems because of compulsive gambling. They keep hoping to make a “big killing,” but what they are really doing is squandering their funds, often with great hardship to their family.

²⁴ An Australian man says that for years with him “gambling was an absolute obsession. I would gamble seven days a week, and more if there had been the days.” He borrowed from friends until they avoided him. “Sometimes after losing I would bang my head on the wall and plead with my wife, ‘Just give me 50 cents. I know I’ll win.’”

²⁵ When he began to study the Bible, he was impressed with Jesus’ counsel: “Keep your eyes open and guard against every sort of covetousness.” (Luke 12:15; 1 Corinthians 6:9, 10) Concluding that his gambling reflected extreme greed, this man forced himself to quit. Being then able to use his pay to benefit his family, he could more fully appreciate the proverb: “Wealth got by scheming [“wealth from gambling,” Living Bible] will diminish; but he who gathers little by little will increase his store.”​—Proverbs 13:11, An American Translation.

BEING CONTENT IS A KEY

²⁶ Concerning money, an area in which the Bible can provide some of the greatest help involves one’s personal outlook. At 1 Timothy 6:7-10 we read:

“What did we bring into the world? Nothing! What can we take out of the world? Nothing! So then, if we have food and clothes, that should be enough for us. But those who want to get rich fall into temptation and are caught in the trap of many foolish and harmful desires. . . . Some have been so eager to have [money] that they have wandered away from the faith and have broken their hearts with many sorrows.”​—Good News Bible.

²⁷ Whether they are poor or rich, those who love money are never satisfied. A hard-driving executive in California told his wife: “I want to become rich . . . and if I have to choose between you and [the company], you lose.” He became head of a large corporation, a millionaire, and lives in a $700,000 home. Yet he says: “Whatever I have, it’s not enough.” The fact is that money does not assure happiness. Two years before he died, millionaire oilman J. P. Getty said: “Money doesn’t necessarily have any connection with happiness. Maybe with unhappiness.”

²⁸ The Bible, while not condemning the having of money or possessions, strongly warns against developing a love for them. It reminds us that life does not come from what we possess.​—Luke 12:16-20.

²⁹ So rather than fill your life with anxiety by striving for wealth, be content with what you have or can reasonably obtain. Jesus’ words at Luke 12:22-31 can aid us to have that view:

“Quit being anxious about your souls as to what you will eat or about your bodies as to what you will wear. For the soul is worth more than food and the body than clothing. Mark well that the ravens neither sow seed nor reap, and they have neither barn nor storehouse, and yet God feeds them. Of how much more worth are you than birds? . . . So quit seeking what you might eat and what you might drink, and quit being in anxious suspense; for all these are the things the nations of the world are eagerly pursuing, but your Father knows you need these things.”

³⁰ An expensive wardrobe, rich food and a luxurious house may give some pleasure, but they will not add a year to your life​—they may take years from it. Yet you can find much happiness in life without riches.

³¹ Nor do you need wealth in order to have friends. Anyone who depends on his money to attract friends is making a mistake. “Friends” of that sort eat your food and share your possessions, but when the money runs out so do they.​—Ecclesiastes 5:11; Proverbs 19:6.

³² But when you accept the Bible’s balanced view regarding work, rejoicing in life and doing good things for others, you will have a “gift of God.” As Ecclesiastes 3:12, 13 expresses it: “There is nothing better for them than to rejoice and to do good during one’s life; and also that every man should eat and indeed drink and see good for all his hard work. It is the gift of God.”

³³ So sound is God’s counsel on these matters that a person might well wonder: Will God someday open the way for a complete end to poverty, undernourishment and poor housing, which are so often associated with money problems? He will! And later we will consider the evidence providing the basis for such conviction. But, first, let us look at some other problems that seriously affect people’s lives now.

[Footnotes]

[Study Questions]

Why is there need for help about money? (1-3)

The Bible offers what different and practical view of work? (Ecclesiastes 8:12, 13) (4-6)

Of what value is honesty? (Romans 2:14, 15) (7, 8)

How can applying the Bible help with housing? (9-11)

What practical counsel is available about money? (12-16)

How have persons put Bible advice to good use? (17-19)

Why is Bible counsel about drinking of help? (20-22)

How has gambling contributed to problems? (23-25)

Why is Biblical advice on contentment useful? (26, 27)

Jesus offered what sound counsel about wealth? (28-30)

How can Scriptural counsel help you to have a richer life? (31-33)

[Box on page 53]

A SOUTH AMERICAN BUSINESSWOMAN

In Georgetown, Guyana, 48-year-old Norma owned produce stalls at one of the largest markets. She cheated when weighing with her pan scales. If someone ordered 4 ounces of salt fish, she set the scales at 3, and so on. Also, the metal weights for the scales were short. Hence, her customers never got the full measure.

One Sunday a relative gave her a copy of “The Watchtower” that discussed Bible principles in business. What it said about dishonest practices seemed to be speaking right to her. (Proverbs 20:23; Leviticus 19:35, 36) On Monday Norma threw out her false weights and got accurate ones. She began attending meetings at the Kingdom Hall of Jehovah’s Witnesses and having a Bible study. Despite family ridicule, she became more convinced that she did the right thing.

How did it go with her business? She could not make a profit on some items without cheating, so she had to quit handling them. But with the remaining items customers saw a change and remarked, ‘Since you became a Christian you are giving us more for our money.’ As a result, business actually got better. Making an honest profit, Norma was able to pay off the mortgage on her home, put some money in the bank and make charitable contributions. And her health has improved, for she no longer gets the nervous headaches that she did when in fear of being caught cheating.

[Box on page 59]

“Eighty-seven per cent of Australians have taken part in some form of gambling over the last three months.”​—“The Sunday Mail” (Brisbane).

“We’d Rather Gamble than Eat! Queenslanders are spending an estimated $12 million a week on gambling​—almost as much as they spend on groceries and meat.”​—“The Sunday Mail” (Brisbane).

[Picture on page 57]

Bible counsel has helped with the family budget

[Picture on page 60]

How practical are Bible principles about drunkenness, smoking and gambling?

Chapter 7

Sex​—Which Advice Really Works?

IF YOU were to take a poll on “What makes for happiness?” many of the answers would involve sex. That is to be expected, because sexual feelings and desires are a God-given part of every normal healthy person.

² Discussion of sex has become more open than in past generations. Also, sexual conduct has changed. More and more youths begin sexual intercourse at an early age, even in their early teens. Millions of couples, including many retired persons, live together and have sex relations without marriage. Among married persons, many have tried group sex, wife swapping or “open marriage,” in which both mates agree to having sex outside of marriage.

³ Advice regarding these matters comes from a variety of sources. What is viewed as popular today has been encouraged or at least approved by many doctors, marriage counselors and clergymen. Some people get their ideas from “how-to” books or magazine articles. The thinking of others is molded by sex-education courses in school. Yet others simply pick up their ideas from novels, motion pictures and television shows that deal explicitly with sex.

⁴ As most persons realize, the Bible also discusses the subject. Many persons now tend to shy away from Bible standards, feeling that these are overly restrictive. But is this the case? Or could it be that applying the Bible’s advice actually protects a person against much heartache and makes it possible to find greater happiness in life?

SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE​—WHY NOT?

⁵ Sexual desire and capacity normally awaken and grow during the teen-age years. So throughout history many young persons have had sexual intercourse before marriage. (Genesis 34:1-4) But in recent years premarital sex has become increasingly common. In some places it is almost the general rule. Why?

⁶ One reason for the increase in premarital sex relates to the publicity given to sex in motion pictures and popular novels. Many young persons are curious, they ‘want to see what it is like.’ This, in turn, creates peer pressure and influences others to conform. As sex before marriage and sex without marriage have become widespread, many clergymen now say that it is permissible as long as the parties ‘love each other.’ More and more unmarried persons thus face the question, ‘Why not have sex, especially if we use birth control?’

⁷ Medical columnist Dr. Saul Kapel listed other reasons behind premarital sex, and made observations as to the effects:

‘Sex is misused as a means of rebellion against parents. It is misused to attract attention, as a kind of “call for help.” It is misused as a way of “proving” masculinity or femininity. It is misused as a social crutch in vain attempts to gain acceptance.

‘When sex is thus misused, it never solves the problems that motivate it. Usually, it only obscures them.’

⁸ No matter what the reason for premarital sex, no matter how common it is, no matter how many counselors and clergymen approve of it, the Bible advises:

“This is what God wills, . . . that you abstain from fornication; . . . that no one go to the point of harming and encroach upon the rights of” another.​—1 Thessalonians 4:3-6.

Some may feel that God is here being needlessly restrictive. But do not forget that sex itself is a gift from Jehovah God; he is the One who created humans with reproductive powers. (Genesis 1:28) Is it not logical that the Author of human sexuality should be able to provide the best counsel on it, advice that can actually safeguard us against grief?

EFFECTS​—PLEASURABLE OR PAINFUL?

⁹ Sexual attraction and desire can, in the right setting, have fine effects. One, of course, is children. The first recorded instance of sexual relations says: “Now Adam had intercourse with Eve his wife and she became pregnant.” (Genesis 4:1) In a family, resulting children can be a source of real happiness. What, though, if sex relations are engaged in by persons not yet married? The effect often is the same​—pregnancy and children.

¹⁰ Many who share in premarital sex relations feel that this need not be a serious concern. They have in mind available contraceptives. In some places teen-agers may obtain these even without their parents’ learning of it. Nonetheless, teenage pregnancies abound even among sophisticated youths, who say, “It couldn’t happen to me.” News reports such as these prove it:

“More than one baby in every five born in New Zealand last year was born to an unmarried parent.”

“Of every three British women under 20 reciting her marriage vows, one is already an expectant mother.”

“One out of five teenage girls [in the U.S.A.] will become pregnant before she graduates from high school.”

¹¹ This painful effect of sex before marriage has brought pressure on many young women and young men. Some seek abortion. Yet sensitive persons become severely disturbed at the thought of destroying a child that is developing within its mother. (Exodus 20:13) Feminine emotions and conscience are also involved. These are so powerful that many who have permitted an abortion have later regretted it deeply.​—Romans 2:14, 15.

¹² Teen-age pregnancies bring greater risks to mother and child than do pregnancies of adult women. There is a greater risk of anemia, toxemia, abnormal bleeding, prolonged labor and forced delivery, as well as death during delivery. A baby born to a mother under age 16 is twice as likely to die in its first year. Illegitimate births also bring the parents many personal, social and economic problems. Furthermore, a child’s security and development depend to a great extent on a stable home environment. Children deprived of that by illegitimacy may be seriously hurt for life. Would you say, then, that the overall effects of premarital sex are pleasurable or painful? And is the Bible’s advice, “Abstain from fornication,” a wise protection?

¹³ Ignoring the Bible’s advice has also exposed many to another painful effect​—disease. Women who began their sex life in their teens with multiple partners have a much higher rate of cervical cancer. There is, too, the very real danger of venereal disease. Some persons deceive themselves by thinking that gonorrhea and syphilis can easily be detected and cured. But experts of the U.N. World Health Organization report that some venereal disease strains now are resistant to antibiotics. Doctors worry, also, about the upsurge in genital herpes. It often harms children born to infected women. Yes, many young persons are learning to their sorrow the truthfulness of the Bible’s warning:

“Every other sin that a man may commit is outside his body, but he that practices fornication is sinning against his own body.”​—1 Corinthians 6:18.

¹⁴ Some think that premarital sex provides experience that can make for easier sexual adjustment in marriage. It is common in some lands for wealthy fathers to take their sons to prostitutes for “education.” Persons may feel that this is helpful. But it really is not, according to our Creator, who has observed all human experience. Maintaining chastity beforehand lays a far better groundwork for a happy marriage. Canadian studies disclosed that teen-agers who had early premarital sex are more likely to cheat on their mates when once married. But persons who maintain chastity beforehand are more likely to be chaste in marriage; the respect and honor for marriage they had before the wedding day continue after it.

HOW ABOUT ADULTERY?

¹⁵ Today’s liberal counsel about sex has also led to more adultery. Reports from Europe and North America indicate that about half the married men cheat on their wives. More women also are now approving of and sharing in adultery, often with the hope that it will add romance to their lives.

¹⁶ The Bible offers very clear advice on this: “Let the husband render to his wife her [sexual] due; but let the wife also do likewise to her husband.” (1 Corinthians 7:3) You can read also Proverbs 5:15-20, which, in figurative language, says that married persons should obtain sexual pleasure within their marriage, not from someone outside it. Experience over the centuries has proved that this advice is a protection. It protects against disease and illegitimacy. It also protects against the hurt and sorrow that adultery often causes.

¹⁷ When a man and a woman marry they commit themselves to each other. What happens when one of them breaks that trust by cheating? A study of extramarital affairs reports:

“There is tremendous guilt for going against one’s word. Adultery is a personal crime, because you know precisely whom you are betraying or injuring.”

This became clearer after many couples followed the advice about “open marriage,” in which there was supposed to be agreement about having sex with other partners. In time the prime advocates of “open marriage” had to reverse themselves. The sad results forced them to conclude that “assurance of sexual fidelity is still an important and necessary attribute of most marriages.”

¹⁸ Adultery tends to produce jealousy and personal insecurity. God wisely advised about the harm these bring. (Proverbs 14:30; 27:4) Thus, though some persons feel they know better and that adultery is justified, the facts prove otherwise. Clinical psychologist Dr. Milton Matz frankly acknowledged:

“Most of us get clobbered by extra-marital sex when it occurs in our lives, whether we are participants or victims. . . .

“My experience with it has been that extra-marital affairs are fantastically painful for everybody concerned. As a prescription for happiness, it doesn’t work.”

SEX RELATIONS IN MARRIAGE

¹⁹ Regarding sex, the Bible does not counsel us merely on what to avoid. It also gives us advice on what to do in a positive way that will contribute to a rewarding life.

²⁰ Rather than presenting sex as a mere biologic function, the Scriptures properly show that it can be a source of mutual pleasure for husband and wife. The Bible mentions being in “ecstasy” and ‘intoxicated’ with the sexual expressions of marriage. (Proverbs 5:19) Such forthrightness helps to dispel prudishness or shame regarding normal, loving relations between husband and wife.

²¹ The Creator counsels husbands: “Keep on loving your wives and do not be bitterly angry with them.” (Colossians 3:19) For sexual relations to be truly rewarding, the couple must have no barrier of bitterness or resentment between them. Then marital relations can be enjoyed for what they really are, a way to express deep love, commitment and tenderness.

²² Further, God urges husbands to dwell with their wives “according to knowledge.” (1 Peter 3:7) A husband should accordingly take into account his wife’s emotions and physical cycles. If, rather than being callously demanding, he is thoughtfully sensitive to her feelings and needs, it is likely that she will be more sensitive to his. This will result in mutual satisfaction.

²³ A common complaint is that some wives are cool or unresponsive. What may contribute to this is a husband who seems distant, silent or stern unless he desires intercourse. But do you not agree that wifely unresponsiveness would be less likely if a husband regularly were warm and close to his wife? It is more natural for a wife to respond to a husband who heeds the advice to clothe himself with “the tender affections of compassion, kindness, lowliness of mind, mildness, and long-suffering.”​—Colossians 3:12, 13.

²⁴ The Bible says: “There is more happiness in giving than there is in receiving.” (Acts 20:35) That applies in many ways, and in principle it has been a realistic aid to sexual pleasure. How so? A wife’s enjoyment of sexual relations depends largely on the heart and mind. In recent times much emphasis has been put on women’s concentrating on their own bodily sensations and pleasure, but satisfaction still seems to elude many. However, Dr. Marie Robinson, who studied the matter, pointed out that when a wife cultivates respect for her husband and views intercourse as a means to ‘give’ rather than receive, she likely will find more satisfaction herself. This doctor commented:

“Gradually [the wife] finds herself allowing her new tenderness and concern for her husband to become a part of the meaning of her sexual embrace. She sees and feels the pleasure her sexual thawing brings him, and this process becomes circular, his increased pleasure giving her more pleasure.”

So the Bible’s counsel to be both giving and interested in others contributes to happiness, even in this intimate aspect of life.​—Philippians 2:4.

²⁵ Heeding this counsel benefits us in another way too. Our viewpoint regarding sex, which includes the ability to transmit life, affects our relationship with God, who is the Life-Giver. Thus, avoiding fornication and adultery is wise, not only because it benefits us physically, mentally and emotionally, but also because these are “sin against God.” (Genesis 39:9) And regarding faithfulness to one’s marriage mate, Hebrews 13:4 states:

“Let marriage be honorable among all, and the marriage bed be without defilement, for God will judge fornicators and adulterers.”

²⁶ When we consider how sex relates to a person’s happiness, we need to look beyond today. With our lasting welfare in view, the Bible helps us to consider how what we do will affect both ourselves and others tomorrow, next year and throughout our life.

[Study Questions]

What reason is there now to consider the Bible’s advice about sex? (Proverbs 2:6-12) (1-4)

Why has premarital sex increased? (5-7)

What is God’s view of premarital sex? (8)

What effects come from premarital sex? (9-12)

What other reasons could you give for valuing Bible counsel on sex? (13, 14)

What does the evidence show as to the Bible’s advice on adultery? (15-18)

What does the Bible offer about sex in marriage? (19-22)

How does applying this advice benefit a person? (23-26)

[Box on page 70]

“Perhaps the new ‘sexual freedom’ is ‘liberating,’ . . . But what I keep hearing, everywhere, is something quite different. What I keep hearing is that free sex does indeed do something to most people. Free sex hurts.”​—Columnist G. A. Geyer, “The Oregonian.”

[Box on page 71]

“Marital infidelity tends to create guilt, pain, and mistrust, while fidelity fosters security and deep joy.”​—Dr. C. B. Broderick, director of a marriage and family center.

[Picture on page 69]

Bible counsel helps persons avoid sad effects of immorality​—unwanted pregnancies and venereal disease

Chapter 8

Family Life​—How You Can Have Success

BY FAR the majority of persons agree that family life and happiness are related. In one survey, 85 percent of the men said that they “feel that ‘family life’ is very important to a happy and satisfied life.” Yet you may know of many men who have chosen to get divorced. More and more women, too, are opting for divorce to end marriages marked by boredom, conflict or oppression.

² We cannot change what others do. But we should be interested in improving our own family life, especially the relationship between husband and wife. We might all well ask: ‘How is this relationship in my home?’

³ The Creator is the Originator of the family arrangement. (Ephesians 3:14, 15) He provides practical advice that has helped many, many couples to enjoy success in family life. That same advice can benefit you.

PRACTICAL LESSONS FROM THE FIRST MARRIAGE

⁴ In the opening portion of the Bible, we find a record of how God began the first human family. Some time after Jehovah God had created the first man, Adam, He said:

“‘It is not good for the man to continue by himself. I am going to make a helper for him, as a complement of him.’ And Jehovah God proceeded to build the rib that he had taken from the man into a woman and to bring her to the man. Then the man said: ‘This is at last bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh. . . .’ That is why a man will leave his father and his mother and he must stick to his wife and they must become one flesh.”​—Genesis 2:18, 22-24.

⁵ Notice that the first family did not result from two persons just deciding to live together. God authorized the marriage and they were joined in a permanent union. Before the highest Authority in the universe, Adam accepted Eve to be his wife.

⁶ When a man and a woman take the steps required to form a valid and recognized marriage, they publicly commit themselves to each other. (Genesis 24:4, 34-67; Matthew 25:1-10) No such commitment is made when a couple simply lives together without benefit of marriage. Instead, their relationship is one that the Bible terms “fornication” or “adultery.” (Hebrews 13:4) Even if they profess to love each other, their relationship will likely suffer in time because it lacks the firm commitment of marriage that the Bible shows to be crucial. For example:

A 34-year-old woman explains: “Maybe I’m old-fashioned, but the commitment of marriage makes me feel more secure. . . . I love the comfort of having admitted to ourselves and the world that we intend to stick together.”

A 28-year-old teacher shared his realization: “After a couple of years, I began to feel as though I were living in a void. Living together [without marriage] provided no future orientation.”

In a study of the matter, sociologist Nancy M. Clatworthy found that couples who made a commitment by getting married, but who had not lived together before marriage, expressed “a greater feeling of happiness and contentment.”

⁷ The Bible account of the first marriage can also help us to avoid problems involving parents and in-laws. Such problems, according to one marriage counselor, are among the most common. Yet before there could be any problems with parents and in-laws, the Bible said of the first marriage: “A man will leave his father and his mother and he must stick to his wife.”​—Genesis 2:24.

⁸ Naturally, most of us love our parents. The Bible even encourages us to provide them with material aid in their later years, if it is needed. (1 Timothy 5:8; Deuteronomy 27:16; Proverbs 20:20) But the Scriptures emphasize that, upon marrying, your mate becomes your closest relative. Your husband or wife becomes the first one to love, care for and consult.

⁹ This view discourages a married person’s ‘running home’ to parents if problems arise. And it helps parents to appreciate that, upon getting married, their children “leave” and form independent families, even if custom or finances require their living near or with the parents for a time. It is fitting for children to value and perhaps draw upon their parents’ wisdom and experience. (Job 12:12; 32:6, 7) Yet what Genesis 2:24 says is a caution against parents’ trying to direct or monitor the lives of their married children. Yes, applying this Bible counsel can contribute to marital success.

HOW MANY MATES?

¹⁰ We can also see from the Genesis record that God provided just one mate for Adam. In some cultures a man is permitted multiple wives. But does polygamy lead to family happiness? To the contrary, experience shows that it often leads to deep jealousy or rivalry, as well as the mistreatment of older wives. (Proverbs 27:4; Genesis 30:1) Both polygamy and the putting away of wives by divorce existed among the ancient Hebrews. God, while tolerating that, gave the Israelites laws to prevent gross abuses. In discussing the matter, though, Jesus directed attention to God’s will as indicated in Genesis. When asked about divorce on various grounds, Jesus said:

“Did you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and his mother and will stick to his wife . . .’? . . . Therefore, what God has yoked together let no man put apart. . . . Moses [in God’s law], out of regard for [the Hebrews’] hardheartedness, made the concession to you of divorcing your wives, but such has not been the case from the beginning. I say to you that whoever divorces his wife, except on the ground of fornication, and marries another commits adultery.”​—Matthew 19:3-9.

¹¹ Jesus made it clear that among his followers the standard would be, not polygamy, but having just one mate, as God had arranged in the beginning. (1 Timothy 3:2) Recognizing God’s wisdom and authority in this regard is a step toward happiness.

¹² The same is true with what Jesus said about divorce. When it is possible to get a divorce easily, divorces abound. We see that today. But God considers marriage to be permanent. True, Jesus did say that if a person’s mate is guilty of “fornication” (Greek, porneia, meaning gross sexual immorality), thus becoming “one flesh” with another person, the innocent party may get a divorce and remarry. Yet, otherwise, the Creator views a married couple as permanently united. Those who recognize God’s authority in the matter thus have greater reason to work at strengthening their marriage and overcoming any problems. (Ecclesiastes 4:11, 12; Romans 7:2, 3) Hence, rather than causing unhappiness, this view is an aid to achieving success in marriage. Experience shows that.

¹³ ‘Still,’ persons may feel, ‘some marriages have serious problems, or the couple just does not get along.’ What then? There are other practical things that we can learn from the Bible.

A HUSBAND WHO REALLY LOVES HIS WIFE

¹⁴ A key to family success is how a husband views and treats his wife. But who is to say which is the best way? What the Bible says about the first marriage again comes to our aid. The record explains that God used some of Adam’s own body to produce a mate for him. The Bible later expanded on the matter:

“Husbands ought to be LOVING THEIR WIVES AS THEIR OWN BODIES. He who loves his wife loves himself, for no man ever hated his own flesh; but he feeds and cherishes it, as the Christ also does the congregation.”

Then, after quoting Genesis 2:24, Paul continued: “Let each one of you individually so love his wife as he does himself.”​—Ephesians 5:28-33.

¹⁵ Some men may think that they should be harsh or remote in dealing with their wives. But the Author of marriage says that a husband should deeply love his wife and show that love. To be genuinely happy, a wife needs to feel sure that she is genuinely loved.

¹⁶ A husband’s ‘feeding and cherishing his wife as his own body’ involves his striving to be a good provider. Yet he should not be so occupied with earning a living that he overlooks spending time with his wife and displaying warm interest in her as a person. Further, no sane man, even when irritated, is hateful or brutal to his own body. Hence, what the Bible says rules out a man’s being violently angry with his wife.​—Psalm 11:5; 37:8.

¹⁷ The first woman was made to be ‘a complement of her husband.’ (Genesis 2:18) God recognized that the man and the woman had a different makeup. That is still true. Women usually differ from men in their qualities and ways. He may be decisive, she more humanly patient. She may like groups, he preferring solitude. He may stress punctuality, she being more “relaxed” about time. The Bible comment about God’s creating Eve to be “a complement” should help husbands to understand such differences.

¹⁸ The apostle Peter urges husbands to ‘dwell with their wives according to knowledge, assigning them honor as to a weaker vessel.’ (1 Peter 3:7) That “honor” includes accommodating the different tastes that a wife may have. A husband may like sports, but his wife may enjoy window-shopping or watching ballet. Her taste is just as valid as his. Honor allows for such differences.

¹⁹ A wife’s moods, affected by her cycles, may sometimes puzzle a husband, and maybe the wife too. But he can contribute to their mutual happiness by trying to understand and ‘dwell with her according to knowledge.’ Often what she needs most is to be tenderly held close while he converses with her in a loving way.

A WIFE WHO RESPECTS HER HUSBAND

²⁰ Since the wife must also do her part if there is to be a happy family, the Creator offers guidance for wives too.

²¹ Right after telling husbands to love their wives, the Bible adds: “On the other hand, the wife should have deep respect for her husband.” (Ephesians 5:33) In the case of the first marriage, there were factors that naturally should have caused Eve to look up to her husband. Adam was created first. He had greater knowledge and experience in life, even having received directions from God.

²² But what about marriages today? If a husband sincerely tries to apply the Bible advice discussed earlier, this most likely will stimulate respect on the part of his wife. Even where a wife may excel in certain ways, or where her husband may fall short, there is reason to develop respect​—out of regard for Jehovah’s arrangement, of which the family is a part. The apostle Paul wrote:

“Let wives be in subjection to their husbands as to the Lord, because a husband is head of his wife as the Christ also is head of the congregation.”​—Ephesians 5:22, 23.

²³ This is not to say that the husband is to be a know-it-all tyrant in the family. That would be contrary to Christ’s loving, considerate, understanding example. God urges wives to look to their husbands for leadership. On significant family matters husband and wife may consult together, like functioning parts of one body. Yet God holds the husband primarily accountable for the family.​—Colossians 3:18, 19.

²⁴ Experience shows that what the Bible says on this subject is sound. As a wife works to merit her husband’s love and care, and looks to him for guidance in family matters, she will often find that he more willingly shoulders his responsibility and discharges it in a loving way.​—Proverbs 31:26-28; Titus 2:4, 5.

WORKING TOGETHER TOWARD FAMILY SUCCESS

²⁵ Communication is a vital element that is lacking in too many families. One social scientist observed: “Most married couples don’t listen to each other, and many get into fights as a result.” We are bound to have irritations, frustrations and disappointments in life. How can we prevent these from harming our marriage? Good communication helps. Be careful not to take it for granted, only to find that you gradually speak with each other less and less.

²⁶ Work at communicating. Do you really make it a practice to discuss your activities and feelings? Often we are in too much of a hurry to speak and we fail to hear what the other person is saying. (Proverbs 10:19, 20; James 1:19, 26) Rather than just biding time for a chance to speak, listen, try to understand, perhaps responding, ‘Do you mean . . .?’ or, ‘Are you saying . . .?’ (Proverbs 15:30, 31; 20:5; 21:28) A husband or a wife who sincerely listens to the thoughts and feelings of the other person will be less likely to act in a selfish or inflexible way.

²⁷ Communication becomes even more valuable if a couple will discuss mutual problems in the light of Bible counsel. For example, an excellent groundwork for discussing family income and economic plans is found at 1 Timothy 6:6-10, 17-19 and Matthew 6:24-34. Much Scriptural advice about common aspects of family life is found in the book Making Your Family Life Happy.a

²⁸ Since the Bible’s advice comes from the best authority on marriage and family life, Jehovah God, it stands to reason that, if we patiently and consistently apply it, its counsel can help us in working for success. Thousands of Christian couples around the globe have done this with happy results in their marriage.

[Footnotes]

[Study Questions]

How can we work for more success in family life? (1-3)

What part did commitment play in the first marriage, and why is it vital? (4-6)

What can we learn from the first marriage about parents and in-laws? (7-9)

What practical lesson can we learn from Genesis about the number of mates? (10, 11)

The Bible encourages what view about divorce? (12, 13)

How can husbands apply the Bible counsel for them? (14-16)

What should a wife’s being “a complement” mean for a husband? (17-19)

The Bible urges a wife to have what view of her husband? (20-22)

Why can wives trust that this counsel will help? (23, 24)

What role does communication play in family success? (25-28)

[Box on page 80]

“During my married life,” explains a man from the western United States, “I had acquired everything I wanted materially​—a beautiful home, cars, boats and horses. Yet these things did not bring me happiness. My wife was not interested in the same things I was. We were always quarreling. I was smoking marijuana to find peace of mind.

“I spent most of my weekends away from home hunting. Also, my work took me away some. This led to a life of adultery. I didn’t think my wife loved me, so I moved out and became involved with one woman after another until my life seemed at a dead end.

“During this time I read the Bible some. Ephesians chapter five convinced me to try again with my wife. I realized that she had not been submissive, nor had I taken a proper lead. But on a business trip the next week I again committed adultery.”

A friend suggested that if he really was interested in God, Jehovah’s Witnesses could help him. He continues: “The Witnesses did help. One of the overseers in the congregation spent time studying the Bible with me. Because of the big change in my way of life, my wife joined the study. Now for the first time our family life is a happy one, and even our two girls can see the difference. There are no words to describe the wonderful happiness that my wife and I have found in applying the Bible in our lives.”

[Picture on page 85]

Communication​—vital for a happy marriage