Chapter 35

Does It Matter What I Read?

KING Solomon warned: “To the making of many books there is no end, and much devotion to them is wearisome to the flesh.” (Ecclesiastes 12:12) Solomon was not trying to discourage reading; he was just advising you to be selective.

Seventeenth-century French philosopher René Descartes said: “When one reads good books it is like having a conversation with men of breeding who lived in the past. We might even call it a selective conversation in which the author expresses only his most noble thoughts.” Not all writers, though, are worth ‘conversing’ with, nor are all their thoughts really “noble.”

So the oft-quoted Bible principle again comes into play: “Bad associations spoil useful habits.” (1 Corinthians 15:33) Yes, the people with whom you associate can mold your personality. Have you ever spent so much time with a friend that you found yourself beginning to act, talk, and even think like your friend? Well, reading a book is like spending hours conversing with the one who wrote it.

The principle Jesus stated at Matthew 24:15 is thus pertinent: “Let the reader use discernment.” Learn to analyze and weigh what you read. All humans are afflicted with a certain amount of bias and are not always totally honest in their portrayal of facts. Do not, therefore, accept unquestioningly everything you read or hear: “Anyone inexperienced puts faith in every word, but the shrewd one considers his steps.”​—Proverbs 14:15.

You should be particularly cautious about reading anything that expounds a philosophy of life. Teen magazines, for example, are full of advice on everything from dating to premarital sex​—not always advice a Christian should use, however. And what about books that plunge into weighty philosophical questionings?

The Bible warns: “Look out: perhaps there may be someone who will carry you off as his prey through the philosophy and empty deception according to the tradition of men . . . and not according to Christ.” (Colossians 2:8) The Bible, and Bible-based publications such as this, offer far better advice.​—2 Timothy 3:16.

Romance Novels​—Harmless Reading?

Reading romance novels has become an addictive habit for some 20 million people in the United States alone. Of course God himself placed in man and woman the desire to fall in love and marry. (Genesis 1:27, 28; 2:23, 24) It is no surprise, then, that romance is featured prominently in most fiction, and this is not necessarily objectionable. Some romance novels have even attained the status of fine literature. But since these older novels are considered tame by modern standards, writers have found it profitable of late to churn out a new breed of romance novels. Some still utilize historical or medieval settings to add drama and mood to the story. Others are contemporary in style and setting. Nevertheless, with a few minor variations, these modern romance novels follow a fairly predictable formula: heroes and heroines hurdling formidable obstacles that threaten their budding romance.

Typically, the hero is a strong, even arrogant, man who oozes self-confidence. The heroine, however, is likely to be delicate and vulnerable, often the hero’s junior by 10 or 15 years. And though he often treats her contemptuously, she is still irresistibly attracted to him.

Often there is a rival suitor. Although he is kind and considerate, he fails to excite or interest the heroine. So she uses her beguiling charms to mold her stoic hero into a tender soul who now openly declares his abiding love. All previous misgivings cleared and forgiven, they blissfully marry and live happily ever after . . .

Is Love Like the Love Stories?

Could reading such fanciful stories cloud your vision of reality? Bonnie, who started reading romance novels at age 16, recalls: “I looked for the young man that was tall, dark and handsome; one that was exciting, with a domineering personality.” She confessed: “If I dated a young man and he didn’t want to kiss and touch, he was dull, even though he was considerate and kind. I wanted the excitement I’d read about in the novels.”

Bonnie continued to read romances after her marriage and says: “I had a nice home and family, but somehow it wasn’t enough . . . I wanted the adventure, excitement and thrills so enticingly described in the novels. I felt something was wrong with my marriage.” The Bible, though, helped Bonnie to appreciate that a husband must offer his wife more than charm or “excitement.” It says: “Husbands ought to be loving their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself, for no man ever hated his own flesh; but he feeds and cherishes it.”​—Ephesians 5:28, 29.

And what about the themes so common to romance novels, the Utopian endings and the easy resolution of differences? Well, they are far from realistic. Bonnie recalls: “When I had a disagreement with my husband, instead of talking it out with him, I’d copy the gimmicks used by the heroine. When my husband didn’t respond the way the hero did, I sulked.” Is not the Bible’s counsel for wives far more realistic and practical when it says, “You wives, be in subjection to your husbands”?​—Colossians 3:18.

Sexual Content

Interestingly, sexually explicit romances​—available in public libraries in some cities—​are the ones most requested by teens. Can they harm you? Explains 18-year-old Karen: “The books really stirred strong sexual feelings and curiosity in me. The ecstasy and euphoric feelings felt by the heroine in passionate encounters with the hero caused me to desire those feelings too. So when I was dating,” she continues, “I tried to recreate those sensations. It led me to commit fornication.” But was her experience like those of the heroines she had read and fantasized about? Karen discovered: “These feelings are conjured up in the minds of the writers. They aren’t real.”

Creating sexual fantasies is indeed the intent of some authors. Consider the instructions one publisher gives to romance-novel authors: “Sexual encounters should concentrate on passion and the erotic sensations aroused by the hero’s kisses and caresses.” The writers are further advised that love stories “should evoke excitement, tension and a deep emotional and sensual response in the reader.” Obviously, reading such material would not help one to follow the Bible’s admonition to “deaden, therefore, your body members that are upon the earth as respects fornication, uncleanness, sexual appetite, hurtful desire.”​—Colossians 3:5.

Being Selective

It is best, then, to avoid novels that arouse immoral feelings or that engender unrealistic expectations. Why not branch out and try reading other types of books, such as history or science books? Not that fiction is off limits, for there are some fictional works that are not only entertaining but also educational. But if a novel features sex, senseless violence, occult practices, or “heroes” who are promiscuous, ruthless, or greedy, should you waste your time reading it?

So exercise care. Before reading a book, examine its cover and book jacket; see if there is anything objectionable about the book. And if in spite of precautions a book turns out to be unwholesome, have the strength of character to put the book down.

By way of contrast, reading the Bible and Bible-related publications will help, not harm, you. One Japanese girl, for example, says that reading the Bible helped her keep her mind off sex​—often a problem for youths. “I always put the Bible near my bed and make a point of reading it before going to sleep,” she says. “It is when I am alone and have nothing to do (such as at bedtime) that my mind sometimes turns toward sex. So reading the Bible really helps me!” Yes, “conversing” with the people of faith written about in the Bible can give you real moral fiber and greatly add to your happiness.​—Romans 15:4.

Questions for Discussion

◻ Why must you be selective in what you read?

◻ Why are romance novels so appealing to many youths? But what are their dangers?

◻ How can you choose appropriate reading material?

◻ What are some of the benefits of reading the Bible and Bible-based publications?

[Blurb on page 287]

“I had a nice home and family, but somehow it wasn’t enough . . . I wanted the adventure, excitement and thrills so enticingly described in the novels. I felt something was wrong with my marriage”

[Picture on page 283]

With so many thousands of books available, you must be selective

[Pictures on page 285]

Romance novels may make absorbing reading, but do they teach a wholesome view of love and marriage?

Chapter 36

How Can I Control My TV Viewing Habits?

FOR many, young and old, TV watching amounts to a serious addiction. Surveys indicate that by age 18 the average American youth will have watched some 15,000 hours of TV! And that a bona fide addiction is involved becomes obvious when hard-core viewers try to kick the habit.

“I find television almost irresistible. When the set is on, I cannot ignore it. I can’t turn it off. . . . As I reach out to turn off the set, the strength goes out of my arms. So I sit there for hours and hours.” An immature youth? No, this was a college English instructor! But youths too can be TV junkies. Note the reactions of some who agreed to a “No TV Week”:

“I’ve been having a state of depression . . . I’m going out of my mind.”​—Twelve-year-old Susan.

“I don’t think I’ll be able to kick the habit. I love TV too much.”​—Thirteen-year-old Linda.

“The pressure was on terribly. I kept on having the urge. The hardest time was nighttime between eight and ten o’clock.”​—Eleven-year-old Louis.

It is no surprise, then, that most of the youths involved celebrated the end of “No TV Week” with a mad dash for the TV set. But far from being something to laugh at, TV addiction brings with it a host of potential problems. Consider just a few of them:

Slipping grades: The National Institute of Mental Health (U.S.) reported that excessive TV viewing can lead to “lower school achievement, especially in reading.” The book The Literacy Hoax further charges: “Television’s effect on children is to create an expectation that learning should be easy, passive, and entertaining.” The TV addict may thus find studying an ordeal.

Poor reading habits: When was the last time you picked up a book and read it from cover to cover? A spokesman for the West German Association of Book Dealers lamented: “We have become a nation of people who go home after work and fall asleep in front of the television. We are reading less and less.” A report from Australia similarly said: “For every hour spent reading, the average Australian child will have seen seven hours of television.”

Diminished family life: Wrote one Christian woman: “Because of excessive TV viewing . . . I was very lonely and felt isolated. It was as if [my] family were all strangers.” Do you likewise find yourself spending less time with your family because of TV?

Laziness: Some feel that the very passiveness of TV “may lead to [a youth’s] expectation that [his] needs will be met without effort and to a passive approach to life.”

Exposure to unwholesome influences: Some cable television networks bring pornography into the home. And regular programming often provides a steady diet of car crashes, explosions, stabbings, shootings, and karate kicks. According to one estimate, a young person in the United States will witness the killing of 18,000 people on TV by the time he is 14 years old, not to mention fistfights and vandalism.

British researcher William Belson found that boys who thrived on violent TV shows were more likely to “engage in violence of a serious kind.” He also claimed that TV violence could incite “swearing and the use of bad language, aggressiveness in sport or play, threatening to use violence on another boy, writing slogans on walls, [and] breaking windows.” While you may think yourself immune to such influences, Belson’s study found that exposure to TV violence did not “change [the] boys’ conscious attitudes toward” violence. The steady diet of violence apparently chipped away at their subconscious inhibitions against violence.

Of even more concern, though, is the effect addiction to TV violence can have upon one’s relationship with the God who ‘hates anyone loving violence.’​—Psalm 11:5.

How Can I Control My Viewing?

This does not necessarily mean that TV must be viewed as inherently evil. Writer Vance Packard points out: “Much that is on U.S. television can be rewarding . . . Often there are early evening programs that are magnificent achievements in photography showing nature at work​—from the activities of bats, beavers, bison to those of blowfish. Public television has stunning ballet, opera, and chamber music. TV is very good at covering important events . . . Occasionally TV comes up with illuminating dramatic productions.”

Nevertheless, even too much of a good thing can be harmful. (Compare Proverbs 25:27.) And if you find you lack the self-control to turn off harmful shows, it is good to remember the words of the apostle Paul: “I am not going to let anything make me its slave.” (1 Corinthians 6:12, Today’s English Version) How, then, can you break free from slavery to TV and control your viewing?

Writer Linda Nielsen observes: “Self-control begins by learning to set goals.” First, analyze your present habits. For a week, keep track of what shows you watch and how much time you spend each day in front of the tube. Do you turn it on the very minute you get home? When do you turn it off? How many shows are “must-sees” every week? You might be shocked by the results.

Then take a hard look at what shows you’ve been watching. “Does not the ear itself test out words as the palate tastes food?” asks the Bible. (Job 12:11) So use discernment (along with the advice of your parents) and test out what shows are really worth seeing. Some determine in advance what shows they will watch and turn on the TV only for those shows! Others take sterner measures, establishing no-television-during-the-school-week rules or one-hour-a-day limits.

But what if a silent TV set proves just too much of a temptation? One family solved the problem this way: “We keep our set in the basement to have it out of the way . . . In the basement there’s less of a temptation to just flick it on when you enter the house. You have to make a special trip down there to watch something.” Keeping your set in the closet, or merely leaving it unplugged, may work just as effectively.

Interestingly, amid all their ‘withdrawal pangs’ the youths participating in “No TV Week” found some positive substitutes for TV. One girl recalled: “I talked to my mom. She became a much more interesting person in my view, because my attentions were not divided between her and the television set.” Another girl passed the time trying her hand at cooking. A young boy named Jason even discovered it could be fun to go “to the park instead of TV,” or to fish, read, or go to the beach.

The experience of Wyant (see insert entitled “I Was a TV Addict”) illustrates that another key to controlling TV viewing is having “plenty to do in the work of the Lord.” (1 Corinthians 15:58) You too will find that drawing close to God, studying the Bible with the help of the many fine publications now available, and busying yourself in God’s work will help you overcome an addiction to TV. (James 4:8) True, limiting your TV viewing will mean missing some of your favorite programs. But why must you use TV to the full, slavishly following every single program? (See 1 Corinthians 7:29, 31.) Better it is to ‘get tough’ with yourself like the apostle Paul, who once said: “I pummel my body and lead it as a slave.” (1 Corinthians 9:27) Isn’t this better than being a slave of a TV set?

Questions for Discussion

◻ Why can TV viewing be called an addiction for some youths?

◻ What are some potentially damaging effects of excessive TV viewing?

◻ What are some ways of controlling TV viewing?

◻ What can you do in place of watching TV?

[Blurb on page 295]

“I’ve been having a state of depression . . . I’m going out of my mind.”​—Twelve-year-old Susan, a participant in “No TV Week”

[Box on page 292, 293]

‘I Was a TV Addict’​—An Interview

Interviewer: How old were you when you got hooked on TV?

Wyant: About ten years old. As soon as I came home from school, I’d turn on the TV. First, I’d watch the cartoons and kiddie programs. Then the news would come on, . . . and I’d go into the kitchen and look for something to eat. After that, I’d go back to the TV and watch till I wanted to go to sleep.

Interviewer: But when did you have time for your friends?

Wyant: The TV was my friend.

Interviewer: Then you never had time for play or sports?

Wyant: [laughing] I have no athletic abilities. Because I watched TV all the time, I never developed them. I’m a terrible basketball player. And in gym class I was always the last one to get chosen. I wish, though, I had developed my athletic abilities a bit more​—not so that I could have gone around boasting, but just so I could have at least enjoyed myself.

Interviewer: What about your grades?

Wyant: I managed in grammar school. I’d stay up late and do my homework at the last minute. But it was harder in high school because I had developed such poor study habits.

Interviewer: Has watching all that TV affected you?

Wyant: Yes. Sometimes when I’m around people, I find myself just watching them​—as if I were watching a TV talk show—​instead of participating in the conversation. I wish I could relate better to people.

Interviewer: Well, you’ve done just fine in this conversation. Obviously you’ve overcome your addiction.

Wyant: I started breaking away from TV after I entered high school. . . . I sought out the association of Witness youths and started to make spiritual progress.

Interviewer: But what did this have to do with your TV viewing?

Wyant: As my appreciation for spiritual things grew, I realized that many of the shows I used to watch really weren’t for Christians. Too, I felt the need to do more study of the Bible and to prepare for Christian meetings. That meant cutting out most of the TV viewing. It wasn’t easy, though. I used to love those Saturday-morning cartoons. But then a Christian brother in the congregation invited me to go with him in the door-to-door preaching work on Saturday morning. That broke my Saturday morning TV habit. So eventually I learned really to tone down my TV watching.

Interviewer: What about today?

Wyant: Well, I still have the problem that if the TV is on, I cannot get anything done. So I leave it off most of the time. In fact, my TV broke down a few months ago and I haven’t bothered to get it fixed.

[Picture on page 291]

TV viewing is a serious addiction for some

[Picture on page 294]

When a television is placed in an inconvenient location, there is less temptation to turn it on

Chapter 37

Why Can’t I Have a Good Time Once in a While?

ON Friday evenings, Paulinea used to go to Christian meetings. She enjoyed the discussions, but she would sometimes resent the fact that she was there and her school friends were out having a good time.

When the meeting was over, Pauline would pass by a local teen hangout on her way home. She recalls: “Attracted by the loud music and flashing lights, I would press my nose to the window as we passed and longingly imagine the fun they must be having.” In time, her desire to enjoy herself with her friends became the most important thing in her life.

Like Pauline, you may sometimes feel that because you are a Christian, you are missing out on something. You want to watch that TV show all the others are talking about, but your parents say it is too violent. You want to go to the mall and hang out with the kids at school, but your parents call them “bad associations.” (1 Corinthians 15:33) You want to go to that party all your schoolmates will attend, but Mom and Dad say no.

Your schoolmates seem to come and go as they please, attending concerts and partying till the break of dawn without the interference of their parents. You may thus find yourself envying their freedom. Not that you want to do anything bad. You just want to have a good time once in a while.

Recreation​—God’s View

Be assured that there is nothing wrong with wanting to enjoy yourself. After all, Jehovah is “the happy God.” (1 Timothy 1:11) And through the wise man Solomon, He says: “Young people, enjoy your youth. Be happy while you are still young. Do what you want to do, and follow your heart’s desire.” However, Solomon then warned: “Remember that God is going to judge you for whatever you do.”​—Ecclesiastes 11:9, 10, Today’s English Version.

Knowing that God holds you responsible for your actions puts recreation in an entirely different light. For while God does not condemn one for having a good time, he does disapprove of one who is a ‘lover of pleasure,’ a person who lives only for the next good time. (2 Timothy 3:1, 4) Why is this? Consider King Solomon. Using his vast resources, he tasted of every conceivable human pleasure. He says: “Anything that my eyes asked for I did not keep away from them. I did not hold back my heart from any sort of rejoicing.” The outcome? “Look! everything was vanity and a striving after wind.” (Ecclesiastes 2:10, 11) Yes, God knows that in the long run, a life of pleasure-seeking only leaves you empty and frustrated.

God also requires that you stay free of defiling practices, such as drug abuse and premarital sex. (2 Corinthians 7:1) Yet, many of the things teenagers do for fun can lead to one’s being ensnared in these practices. One young girl, for example, decided to attend an unchaperoned gathering of some schoolmates. “The music on the stereo was terrific, great dancing, neat refreshments and plenty of laughs,” she recalls. But then, “someone brought pot. Then came the booze. That’s when everything started to go haywire.” Sexual immorality resulted. Confessed the girl: “I have been miserable and depressed ever since.” Without adult supervision, how easily such gatherings become “wild parties,” or revelries!​—Galatians 5:21, Byington.

No wonder that your parents may be very concerned about how you spend your leisure time, perhaps restricting where you can go and whom you can associate with. Their motive? To help you heed God’s warning: “Remove vexation from your heart, and ward off calamity from your flesh; for youth and the prime of life are vanity.”​—Ecclesiastes 11:10.

Envious of Pleasure-Seekers?

It is easy to forget all of this and envy the freedom some youths seem to enjoy. Pauline stopped attending Christian meetings and got in with a pleasure-seeking crowd. “I found myself practicing all the wrong things I had been warned against,” she recalls. Pauline’s pleasure binge eventually resulted in her arrest and placement in a school for wayward girls!

Long ago the writer of Psalm 73 had feelings similar to Pauline’s. “I became envious of the boasters, when I would see the very peace of wicked people,” he confessed. He even began to doubt the value of living by righteous principles. “Surely it is in vain that I have cleansed my heart and that I wash my hands in innocence itself,” he said. But then a profound insight came to him: Wicked people are “on slippery ground,” teetering on the brink of disaster!​—Psalm 73:3, 13, 18.

Pauline learned this​—the hard way. After her worldly fling, she made drastic changes in her life in order to regain God’s favor. You, on the other hand, do not have to suffer arrest, contract a sexually transmitted disease, or go through the agonies of drug withdrawal to realize that the cost of a ‘good time’ can be far too high. There are many wholesome, upbuilding ways to enjoy oneself that are free of such risks. What are some of them?

Wholesome Good Times

A survey of American youths revealed that teenagers “enjoy occasional family outings and activities.” Doing things together as a family not only is fun but can enhance family unity.

This means more than simply watching TV together. Says Dr. Anthony Pietropinto: “The problem with television-viewing is that, while it may be done in the company of others, it is basically a solitary activity. . . . Yet, pastimes such as indoor games, backyard sports, cooking treats, crafts projects, and reading aloud certainly offer greater opportunities for communication, cooperation, and intellectual stimulation than does the modern family’s passive preoccupation with television.” As John, a father of seven, says: ‘Even cleaning the yard or painting the house can be fun when it is done as a family.’

If your family is not already doing such things together, take the initiative and suggest them to your parents. Try coming up with some interesting and exciting ideas for family outings or projects.

You do not always have to be with others, however, to enjoy yourself. Mary, a youth who carefully watches her associations, has learned how to enjoy her times alone. “I play the piano and the violin, and I spend some time practicing them,” she says. Melissa, another teenage girl, similarly says: “I sometimes spend time writing stories or poetry for my own enjoyment.” You too can learn to use time productively by developing skills such as reading, carpentry, or playing a musical instrument.

Christian Gatherings

From time to time, it is also enjoyable to get together with friends. And in many areas there are any number of wholesome activities you can enjoy. Bowling, skating, bicycle riding, baseball, and basketball are popular activities in North America. You might also branch out and try visiting a museum or a zoo. And, yes, there is a place for getting together and simply playing records or watching a wholesome TV show with fellow Christian youths.

You might even ask your parents to help you plan a more formal gathering. Make it interesting by arranging for a variety of activities, such as party games and group singing. If some of your friends have musical talents, perhaps they can be coaxed into performing a bit. Good food also adds to an occasion, but it does not have to be fancy or expensive. Sometimes guests can bring different food items.

Is there a park or an outdoor area nearby that allows for activities such as playing ball or swimming? Why not plan a picnic? Again, families can share in bringing food so that no one is burdened financially.

Moderation is the key. Music does not need to be at ear-splitting levels to be enjoyed, nor does dancing have to be vulgar or sensual to be fun. Similarly, outdoor games can be enjoyed without cutthroat competition. Yet, reports one parent: “Some youths at times argue, almost to the point of fighting.” Keep such activities enjoyable by following the Bible’s advice to avoid ‘competing with one another.’​—Galatians 5:26.

Whom should you invite? The Bible says, “Have love for the whole association of brothers.” (1 Peter 2:17) Why limit your gatherings to peers? Widen out in your associations. (Compare 2 Corinthians 6:13.) One parent observed: “The elderly, though often not able to participate in some of the activities, enjoy coming and watching the goings-on.” The presence of adults often helps prevent things from getting out of hand. It is not possible, though, to invite “the whole association” to any one gathering. Besides, smaller gatherings are easier to control.

Christian gatherings also present the opportunity to build one another up spiritually. True, some youths feel that adding spirituality to a gathering takes the fun out of it. “When we have a gathering,” complained one Christian boy, “it’s, ‘Sit down, get your Bible out, and play Bible games.’” However, the psalmist said: “Happy is the man . . . [whose] delight is in the law of Jehovah.” (Psalm 1:1, 2) Discussions​—or even games—​that center around the Bible can thus be quite enjoyable. Perhaps you simply need to sharpen your knowledge of the Scriptures so as to be able to participate more fully.

Another idea is to have several relate how they became Christians. Or add a dose of warmth and laughter by inviting some to tell humorous stories. Often these teach valuable lessons. Some of the chapters in this book may even form the basis for an interesting group discussion at a gathering.

Keep Recreation in Balance!

Jesus Christ was certainly not above having a good time once in a while. The Bible tells of his attending a wedding feast in Cana, where food, music, dancing, and upbuilding association no doubt abounded. Jesus even made a contribution to the success of the wedding feast by miraculously providing wine!​—John 2:3-11.

But Jesus’ life was not a nonstop party. He spent most of his time pursuing spiritual interests, teaching people the will of God. Said he: “My food is for me to do the will of him that sent me and to finish his work.” (John 4:34) Doing God’s will brought Jesus far more lasting pleasure than some temporary diversion would have. Today, there is still “plenty to do in the work of the Lord.” (1 Corinthians 15:58; Matthew 24:14) But when, from time to time, you feel the need for some recreation, enjoy it in a balanced, wholesome way. As one writer put it: “Life can’t always be jam-packed full of action and excitement​—and you’d probably be exhausted if it were!”

[Footnotes]

Questions for Discussion

◻ Why do some Christian youths envy youths of the world? Have you ever felt that way?

◻ What caution does God give youths regarding their conduct, and how should this affect their choice of recreation?

◻ Why is it foolish to envy youths who violate God’s laws and principles?

◻ What are some ways to enjoy wholesome recreation (1) with family members, (2) by yourself, and (3) with fellow Christians?

◻ How did Jesus Christ set an example in balance when it comes to recreation?

[Blurb on page 297]

“Attracted by the loud music and flashing lights, I would press my nose to the window as we passed and longingly imagine the fun they must be having”

[Blurb on page 302]

“Someone brought pot. Then came the booze. That’s when everything started to go haywire”

[Picture on page 299]

Do youths who follow Bible principles really miss out on a good time?

[Pictures on page 300]

Taking up a hobby is one wholesome way of using free time

[Pictures on page 301]

Christian gatherings are more enjoyable when various activities are planned and different age-groups are represented