“WE USUALLY clash over money,” admits Sarah,a in Ghana, who has been married to Jacob for 17 years. She explains: “I feel angry because I do a lot to care for the family and Jacob never talks to me about our finances. For weeks we do not speak to each other.”

“Yes,” responds her husband, Jacob, “there are times when we exchange angry words. They are usually caused by misunderstandings and a lack of meaningful communication. Conflicts also occur because of our overreaction to situations.”

Newly married Nathan, in India, describes what happened one day when his father-in-law shouted at his mother-in-law. “She took offense,” he says, “and left the house. When I asked him why he had shouted like that, he felt that I, his son-in-law, was insulting him. Next thing I knew, he was shouting at all of us.”

Perhaps you too have observed how a few badly timed or ill-chosen words can cause much strife in the home. What may begin as a calm exchange of thoughts can quickly spiral into a verbal slugging match. Nobody can say exactly the right thing all the time, so it can be easy to misinterpret what others say or to misconstrue their motives. Nevertheless, it is possible to enjoy a measure of peace and harmony.

What can you do when heated arguments erupt? What steps can you take to restore peace and serenity in the family? How can families maintain peace in the household? Please read on.

WHAT if your family seems to be locked in a cycle of strife? Maybe clashes have become more frequent and more intense. Perhaps you do not even know how the disagreements started. Yet you love one another, and you do not want to hurt one another.

It is important to remember that differences of opinion do not necessarily mean that your family life is disintegrating. Not the disagreements themselves but how you handle your disagreements can determine how tranquil or hostile your home environment will be. Consider some steps that may help to eliminate the strife.

1. STOP RETALIATING.

It takes at least two to argue, but when one begins listening instead of speaking, a heated exchange may start to cool down. Therefore, resist the urge to retaliate when provoked. Maintain your own self-respect and dignity by controlling yourself. Remember, peace in the family is more important than winning arguments.

“Where there is no wood, the fire goes out, and where there is no slanderer, quarreling ceases.”​—Proverbs 26:20.

2. ACKNOWLEDGE YOUR FAMILY MEMBER’S FEELINGS.

Active and empathetic listening without interrupting or prejudging can do much to quell anger and restore peace. Instead of imputing bad motives, acknowledge the other person’s feelings. Do not attribute to malice what may be caused by imperfection. Hurtful speech may be more the product of thoughtlessness or a wounded heart than a mean or vengeful spirit.

“Clothe yourselves with the tender affections of compassion, kindness, humility, mildness, and patience.”​—Colossians 3:12.

3. GIVE YOURSELF TIME TO COOL DOWN.

If your emotions are volatile, it may be wise to excuse yourself politely and walk away for a short while to cool down. Maybe you can go into another room or go for a walk until you have regained your composure. This is not stonewalling​—that is, being uncooperative or evasive—​nor is it the silent treatment, where someone refuses to communicate. Rather, this is perhaps a good time to pray to God for patience, insight, and understanding.

“Before the quarrel breaks out, take your leave.”​—Proverbs 17:14.

4. CAREFULLY CONSIDER WHAT NEEDS TO BE SAID AND HOW TO SAY IT.

It will not improve matters if you focus your efforts on preparing a finely honed, cutting rebuttal. Instead, try to say something that can help soothe your loved one’s hurt feelings. And rather than dictating how you think he or she should be feeling, humbly ask for clarification and express thanks for any help or insight you receive.

“Thoughtless speech is like the stabs of a sword, but the tongue of the wise is a healing.”​—Proverbs 12:18.

5. KEEP YOUR VOLUME DOWN AND YOUR TONE CONCILIATORY.

One family member’s impatience can easily rouse another’s anger. Resist the urge to be sarcastic or insulting or to raise your voice, no matter how offended you may feel. Avoid hurtful accusations, such as “You don’t care about me” or “You never listen.” Rather, tell your spouse in a calm manner how his or her conduct has affected you (“I feel hurt when you . . .”). Shoving, slapping, kicking, or any other form of violence is never excusable. The same is true of name-calling, contemptuous comments, or threats.

“Put away from yourselves every kind of malicious bitterness, anger, wrath, screaming, and abusive speech, as well as everything injurious.”​—Ephesians 4:31.

6. BE QUICK TO APOLOGIZE, AND EXPLAIN WHAT YOU WILL DO TO RECTIFY THE SITUATION.

Do not let negative emotions cause you to lose sight of your main objective​—making peace. Remember, if you fight with someone, both of you lose. If you make peace, both of you win. So take responsibility for your part in the dispute. Even if you are convinced that you have done nothing wrong, you can still apologize for getting irritated, responding the way you did, or unintentionally contributing to the upset. Peaceful relationships are more important than pride and victory. And if someone apologizes to you, be quick to forgive.

“Go and humble yourself and urgently plead with your neighbor.”​—Proverbs 6:3.

Once the argument is over, what can you do to promote peace in the family? This will be the subject of the following article.

DO YOU think that the Bible can help to promote peace in the home? Please compare what the Bible says with what the following interviewees have found helpful. Consider which points might help you to avoid conflict, keep the peace, and reinforce lasting bonds.

BIBLE PRINCIPLES THAT PROMOTE PEACE

DEVELOP A POSITIVE VIEW OF EACH OTHER.

“Do nothing out of contentiousness or out of egotism, but with humility consider others superior to you, as you look out not only for your own interests, but also for the interests of others.”​—Philippians 2:3, 4.

“We have found that it is good to view your mate as being more important than yourself and others.”​—C. P., married 19 years.

LISTEN ATTENTIVELY WITH AN OPEN MIND.

“Continue reminding them . . . not to be quarrelsome, but to be reasonable, displaying all mildness toward all.”​—Titus 3:1, 2.

“Much tension can be avoided if we don’t respond to our mate in a contentious tone. It is important to listen without prejudice and to respect his or her viewpoint even if we do not agree.”​—P. P., married 20 years.

CULTIVATE PATIENCE AND MILDNESS.

“By patience a commander is won over, and a gentle [“mild,” footnote] tongue can break a bone.”​—Proverbs 25:15.

“There will be conflicts, but the outcome depends on the spirit we show. We really need to be patient. When we are, we find that things get sorted out.”​—G. A., married 27 years.

NEVER STOOP TO VERBAL OR PHYSICAL ABUSE.

“Put them all away from you: wrath, anger, badness, abusive speech, and obscene talk out of your mouth.”​—Colossians 3:8.

“I admire my husband’s self-control. He always keeps calm and never shouts at me or insults me.”​—B. D., married 20 years.

BE EAGER TO FORGIVE AND TO SETTLE DIFFERENCES QUICKLY.

“Continue putting up with one another and forgiving one another freely even if anyone has a cause for complaint against another.”​—Colossians 3:13.

“Under stress it is not always easy to keep calm, and you can quickly say or do things that hurt your partner. At times like that, it is beautiful to be forgiving. A good marriage is impossible without forgiveness.”​—A. B., married 34 years.

MAKE A PRACTICE OF UNSELFISH GIVING AND SHARING.

“Practice giving, and people will give to you. . . . For with the measure that you are measuring out, they will measure out to you in return.”​—Luke 6:38.

“My husband knows what pleases me, and he is always full of surprises. In turn, I often think, ‘How can I make him happy?’ As a result, we have laughed a lot, and we still do.”​—H. K., married 44 years.

DO NOT GIVE UP PROMOTING PEACE IN THE HOME

The family members interviewed by Awake! are just a few of the millions around the world who have been helped by the Bible to develop qualities that contribute to a more tranquil home.a Even when some in their family do not seem to be trying to cooperate, they have found that it is still worth the effort to be a peacemaker, because the Bible promises: “Those who promote peace have joy.”​—Proverbs 12:20.