Maintain Your Joy as a Caregiver

1-2. How does Jehovah feel about caregivers? (Proverbs 19:17) (See also pictures.)

“MY WIFE and I have been married for over 32 years,” says a brother from Korea named Jin-yeol. “For the past five years, I have been her caregiver. She suffers from Parkinson’s disease and can hardly move. I love and cherish my wife, and I enjoy caring for her. Each night, she sleeps in a hospital bed in our home. I sleep next to her, and we hold hands while we sleep.”

² Are you a caregiver for someone you love, such as your parent, mate, child, or friend? If so, you likely appreciate the unique privilege of helping him or her in such a personal way. And by caring for your loved one, you show your devotion to Jehovah. (1 Tim. 5:4, 8; Jas. 1:27) Still, you face challenges that often go unnoticed by others. At times, you may even feel that you are the only one suffering. You may outwardly smile, but when you are by yourself, you cannot hold back your tears. (Ps. 6:6) While others may not be aware of your struggles, Jehovah always is. (Compare Exodus 3:7.) Your tears and sacrifices are precious to him. (Ps. 56:8; 126:5) He notices everything you do to help your loved one. He considers himself to be indebted to you and promises to repay you.​—Read Proverbs 19:17.

3. What challenges might Abraham and Sarah have faced while caring for Terah?

³ The Bible contains many accounts of men and women who were caregivers. Consider the example of Abraham and Sarah. When they left Ur, their father, Terah, was about 200 years old. Yet, he went along with them. They traveled some 960 kilometers (600 mi) to Haran. (Gen. 11:31, 32) No doubt Abraham and Sarah loved Terah, but imagine how challenging it might have been to care for him, especially while traveling. They likely traveled on camels or donkeys, which may have been extremely difficult for aged Terah. It would have been only natural for them to feel very tired at times, perhaps even exhausted. Whatever the case, Jehovah surely gave them the strength that they needed. Just as Jehovah sustained Abraham and Sarah, he will sustain and strengthen you.​—Ps. 55:22.

4. What will we discuss in this article?

⁴ Joy can help you persevere as a caregiver. (Prov. 15:13) A joyful person can remain happy despite his circumstances. (Jas. 1:2, 3) How can you develop such joy? One way is by relying on Jehovah in prayer and asking him to help you to keep a positive attitude. In this article, we will discuss additional things caregivers can do to remain joyful. We will also consider how others can assist them. First, let us discuss why caregivers need to maintain their joy and what challenges could rob them of it.

HOW CAREGIVING CAN AFFECT YOUR JOY

5. Why do caregivers need to maintain their joy?

⁵ If caregivers lose their joy, they could easily tire out. (Prov. 24:10) And when they are tired, they may become less kind and helpful than they want to be. What challenges can cause caregivers to lose their joy?

6. Why do some caregivers suffer from burnout?

⁶ Caregivers may experience burnout. A sister named Leah says: “Caregiving is emotionally draining even on a good day. At the end of the day, I often feel that I have nothing left to give. Sometimes I don’t even have the emotional energy to respond to a text message.” Others find it difficult to get enough rest or to take a much-needed break. A sister named Inés says: “I struggle to get enough sleep. At night, I often wake up every two hours to care for my mother-in-law. And my husband and I have not been able to take a vacation in years.” Some caregivers have to decline social invitations and even theocratic assignments because their loved one needs full-time care. As a result, they may feel lonely and trapped by their circumstances.

7. Why do some caregivers struggle with feelings of guilt or grief?

⁷ Caregivers may battle intense feelings of guilt or grief. A sister named Jessica says: “I struggle with my own limitations. Taking some time to care for myself makes me feel guilty and selfish.” Some caregivers feel guilty because at times they resent their situation. Others worry that they are not doing enough to help their loved one. Still others feel guilty because, in a moment of frustration, they said something hurtful to the person they were assisting. (Jas. 3:2) Some grieve the loss of the vibrant and healthy person they once knew. A sister named Barbara says: “One of the biggest challenges for me is watching the person I love deteriorate a little more each day.”

8. Relate an experience of how a few words of appreciation can affect a caregiver.

⁸ Some caregivers feel taken for granted. Why? Because they are rarely thanked or commended for their hard work and sacrifices. A few words of appreciation can go a long way. (1 Thess. 5:18) A sister named Melissa says: “At times, I have shed tears of frustration. But when those I care for tell me ‘Thank you for everything you do for me,’ it lifts my spirits! Those comments help me to wake up the next day ready and eager to take care of them again.” A brother named Ahmadu explains how receiving expressions of gratitude affects him. He and his wife care for their young niece who lives with them; she suffers from epileptic seizures. He says: “Even though she may not fully understand the magnitude of the sacrifices we make to care for her, joy wells up in my heart when she expresses appreciation for us or when she scribbles down the words ‘I love you.’”

HOW TO REMAIN JOYFUL

9. How can a caregiver be modest?

⁹ Be modest. (Prov. 11:2) We all have limited time and energy. So you will have to set boundaries as to what you can and cannot do and occasionally say no. And that is OK! You are being modest. If others offer to assist you, gladly accept their help. A brother named Jay says: “We can only do so much at one time. Understanding your limits and not going beyond them will help you maintain your joy.”

10. Why is it important for caregivers to be discerning? (Proverbs 19:11)

¹⁰ Be discerning. (Read Proverbs 19:11.) When you are discerning, you are more likely to remain calm when provoked. A discerning person tries to understand why someone is acting a certain way. Understandably, some chronic diseases can cause a person to behave irrationally. (Eccl. 7:7) For example, a person who is normally kind and thoughtful might become argumentative or combative. Or he might become demanding, critical, or hard to please. If you assist someone who has a serious illness, you may find it helpful to learn about his disease. The more you understand his illness, the more likely you are to discern that his behavior is because of his condition, not because of who he is as a person.​—Prov. 14:29.

11. What important matters should caregivers make time for each day? (Psalm 132:4, 5)

¹¹ Make time to strengthen your friendship with Jehovah. At times, you will need to put aside some activities to care for other matters that are “more important.” (Phil. 1:10) One of these more important matters is strengthening your relationship with Jehovah. King David made Jehovah’s worship a priority. (Read Psalm 132:4, 5.) Similarly, it is important for you to prioritize some time each day to read a portion of the Bible and to pray. A sister named Elisha says: “I am able to maintain my joy by praying and by meditating on comforting psalms. Prayer has been a lifeline for me. I find myself praying to Jehovah throughout the day to stay calm.”

12. Why do caregivers need to make time to care for their health?

¹² Make time to care for your physical health. Busy people​—such as caregivers—​may find it a challenge to maintain a healthy diet because they have little time to shop for fresh foods and prepare nutritious meals. A good diet and a good exercise program are essential for your physical and mental health. So try to make good use of your limited time by eating healthy food and exercising regularly. (Eph. 5:15, 16) Additionally, try to get sufficient sleep. (Eccl. 4:6) Studies indicate that sleep can help remove toxins from our brain. The article “How Sleep Can Affect Stress,” issued by Banner Health, states that adequate sleep may also reduce anxiety and equip us to handle stress. You will also need to make some time for recreation. (Eccl. 8:15) One caregiver shared what helps her to remain joyful. She says: “When the weather is nice, I try to get outside and enjoy the sunshine. At least once a month, I also schedule a fun day with a friend.”

13. Why is it healthy to laugh? (Proverbs 17:22)

¹³ Maintain a sense of humor. (Read Proverbs 17:22; Eccl. 3:1, 4) Laughter is good for your physical and mental health. When you are caring for someone, rarely, if ever, does everything go exactly as planned. But if you can find humor in frustrating situations, you will likely find them easier to bear. And laughing with the person you care for can strengthen your bond.

14. How can talking to a trusted friend help you?

¹⁴ Talk to a trusted friend. Despite your best efforts, you will still feel overwhelmed occasionally. At such times, you may find it helpful to share your feelings with a good friend​—one who will not judge you or overreact. (Prov. 17:17) His or her listening ear and reassuring words may be just what you need to maintain your joy.​—Prov. 12:25.

15. How can focusing on your hope bring you joy?

¹⁵ Imagine your life in Paradise together. Try to remember that your role as a caregiver is temporary, and it is not a work that Jehovah originally intended for humans. (2 Cor. 4:16-18) “The real life” is yet to come. (1 Tim. 6:19) You will likely find great joy in talking with your loved one about what you will do together in Paradise. (Isa. 33:24; 65:21) A sister named Heather says: “I often tell the ones I assist that soon we will sew together, run together, and ride bikes together. We will bake bread and cook meals for our loved ones who are resurrected. Together, we thank Jehovah for our hope.”

HOW OTHERS CAN HELP

16. How might we be able to help a caregiver in our congregation? (See also picture.)

¹⁶ Help caregivers get some time for themselves. Those of us in the congregation can help by offering to assist the caregiver’s loved one. As a result, we give caregivers a mental break and allow them time to care for personal matters. (Gal. 6:2) Some publishers have created a weekly schedule for this purpose. A sister named Natalya, who cares for her paralyzed husband, says: “A brother in the congregation comes over once or twice a week to spend time with my husband. They share in the ministry together, they talk together, and they even watch movies together. These moments are very precious for my husband and give me time to care for my personal needs, such as going out for a walk.” In some cases, you might even offer to stay with a caregiver’s loved one overnight so that the caregiver can get a good night’s sleep.

17. How can we help caregivers during congregation meetings?

¹⁷ Help caregivers during congregation meetings. Caregivers may get little out of congregation meetings, circuit assemblies, and regional conventions because they are busy caring for their loved one. Those in the congregation can offer to help by sitting with the caregiver’s loved one during some of these meetings or a portion of them. If the person in need is housebound, you could offer to go to his home and tie in to a meeting with him so that the caregiver can attend the meeting in person.

18. What else can we do for caregivers?

¹⁸ Commend caregivers and pray for them. Elders do well to shepherd caregivers regularly. (Prov. 27:23) And no matter what our circumstances are, all in the congregation can generously and regularly commend caregivers. We can also ask Jehovah to continue to strengthen them and help them to maintain their joy.​—2 Cor. 1:11.

19. What do we have to look forward to?

¹⁹ Soon, Jehovah will wipe away the tears of pain from all faces. Sickness and death will be no more. (Rev. 21:3, 4) “The lame will leap like the deer.” (Isa. 35:5, 6) The sad effects of old age and the pain of caring for a loved one who is sick will be part of “the former things [that] will not be called to mind.” (Isa. 65:17) Even now, while we await the fulfillment of our wonderful hope, Jehovah will not abandon us. If we continue to rely on him for strength, he will help us to “endure fully with patience and joy.”​—Col. 1:11.