Matthew

5 Wen Jesus had see all da peopo he wen go on top da mountain. Afta he wen sit down, his followas had come by him, 2 an he wen start fo teach um: 3 “Da guys dat know dey need God stay happy, cuz his Govament in da heaven going be fo dem. 4 “Da guys who sad stay happy, cuz God going make um feel betta. 5 “Da guys who humbo stay happy, cuz da earth going be fo dem. 6 “Da guys who like do da right ting stay happy, cuz God going give dem wat dey like. 7 “Da guys dat show pity an give chance stay happy, cuz God going show dem pity an give um chance too. 8 “Da guys who get good heart inside stay happy, cuz dey going know who God. 9 “Da guys who make peace wit oddas stay happy, cuz dey going be God’s kids. 10 “Da guys who suffa fo doing da right ting stay happy, cuz God’s Govament in da heaven going be fo dem. 11 “You stay happy wen peopo talk stink about you, make you suffa, tell all kine bulais an pilau kine tings about you cuz of me. 12 Dass how dey wen make to da guys who talk fo God befoa time. Be supa happy, God going give you someting awesome. 13 “You guys jalike salt fo da earth. But if da salt lose da taste, can come salty again? No can. Da ony ting lef fo do wit um is throw um outside wea da guys going walk all ova um. 14 “You no can hide one town wen stay on top one mountain. In dis dark world, you jalike one light. 15 Wen peopo light one lamp, dey no put um unda one basket. Dey put um on one table so dat erybody in da house can see. 16 Same ting you guys, shine yoa light so odda guys can see um. Dat way dey going see da good kine tings you do an show respeck to yoa Faddah who stay in da sky. 17 “No tink I wen come fo get rid of da Rules an da words of da guys who wen talk fo God befoa time. I neva come fo do dat. I wen come fo make um all come true. 18 Fo shua all da tings in da Rules going come true. In fact, going be moa easy fo da sky an da earth fo come pau den fo da smalles part of da Rules fo no happen. 19 Whoeva broke even one of da smalles rules an tell oddas fo do da same ting, dey no can be part of God’s Govament in da sky. Da guys dat follow um an teach oddas fo lissen, can. 20 You gotta have moa trus den da Pharisees an da guys dat teach da Rules. Oddawise, no ways you going be part of God’s Govament. 21 “You wen hear dey wen tell da guys befoa time, “No murda nobody. If you do dat, dey going take you court fo get judge.” 22 But you know wat, da guy who get mad at his braddah an stay lidat, he going get judge too. An whoeva talk pilau to his braddah going get judge by da highes court. An whoeva tell, “You stupid an good fo notting!” going get judge fo go Gehenna. 23 “So den, if you going make one sacrifice to God an you rememba yoa braddah stay huhu wit you, 24 leave um, yoa gif in front da alta. Go fix um an make peace wit yoa braddah firs. Den go back an make yoa sacrifice. 25 “If somebody like take you court, fix da problem fas kine befoa you get dea, cuz if you no do dat he going take you in front da judge. If da judge tell you guilty, he going give you to da cops. An den dey going throw you in jail. 26 An garans you not going come outa dea until you pay back all da money you owe. 27 “You wen hear, “No fool aroun wit somebody you no stay marry to” 28 But I tell you dis, anybody dat stay look one wahine long time cuz he like fool aroun wit her, he awready wen do um in his heart. 29 So if yoa right eye stay jamming you up, rip um out an throw um away. Moa betta you lose ony one part of yoa body den yoa whole body go Gehenna. 30 An if yoa right hand stay jamming you up, cut um off an throw um away. Moa betta you lose ony one part of yoa body den yoa whole body go Gehenna. 31 “Anodda ting you wen hear, “If you divorce yoa wife, you gotta give her divorce paypas” 32 But, I tell you dis, you betta not divorce yoa wife if she neva fool aroun. Cuz if you do dat, you set her up fo fool aroun. An if anybody marry her, dey going be fooling aroun too. 33 “An you know dis wat yoa ancestas wen hear, “No promise fo do someting an den no do um. You gotta do wateva you wen promise Jehovah.” 34 But, I tell you dis, wen you make one promise no swear by heaven, cuz dass God’s throne. 35 No swear by earth, cuz dass wea God’s feet stay. No swear by Jerusalem, cuz dass God’s spesho city. 36 An no swear by yoa life, cuz you no can even turn one hair on yoa head white o black. 37 If you tell you going do someting, do um. If you tell you not going do someting, den no do um. If you say tings you no mean, you jalike da Devil. 38 “You wen hear, “If somebody buss anodda guy’s eye, den his eye should get buss. If somebody knock out anodda guy’s teeth, den his teeth should get knock out.” 39 But, I tell you dis, no fight back da guy who going hurt you. If somebody slap yoa face, let um slap da odda side. 40 If somebody take you court cuz he like take yoa shirt, give um yoa jacket too. 41 If somebody who get powa tell you fo do someting, do even moa den he tell. 42 If somebody ask you fo someting, give um. If somebody like borrow someting, let um. 43 “You wen hear, “You gotta love da guys aroun you but hate da guys dat like hurt you.” 44 But, I tell you dis, “You gotta keep loving da guys who like hurt you an pray fo da guys who make you suffa.” 45 If you do dis, you show dat you jalike yoa Faddah in heaven. He make da sun come up fo da good kine peopo an da bad kine peopo. He make um rain on da guys who do good kine tings an da guys who do bad. 46 If you love ony da guys who love you, you expeck someting good fo dat o wat? Even da guys dat colleck da tax money do dat. 47 If you tell howzit to ony yoa frenz, dat going make you spesho? Erybody all ova da world do dat too, aah? 48 You gotta show perfeck kine love jalike yoa Faddah in da heaven.