Balaam’s Donkey Wen Talk

Da Israel peopo wuz in da boonies fo almos 40 years. Dey had wipe out plenny big cities. Dey wen make camp on da flat place Moab side by da Jordan Riva. Now wuz time fo dem go in da land Jehovah wen promise dem. Moab’s king, Balak, wuz sked he wuz goin lose his land to dem. So he wen tell one guy named Balaam fo come Moab side an put kahuna on top da Israel peopo.

But Jehovah wen tell Balaam: ‘You betta not put kahuna on top dose peopo.’ So Balaam neva go. King Balak wen ask him again fo come an wen promise fo give him wateva he wanted. Still yet, Balaam neva go. Den God tell him: ‘You can go, but you can ony tell wat I tell you fo say.’

So Balaam wen get on his donkey an started fo go down to Moab. He wuz planning fo put kahuna on top da Israel peopo anyway, even tho Jehovah wen tell him dat he betta not. On da road, Jehovah’s angel wen show himself three times. Balaam neva see da angel, but his donkey could. Da firs time, da donkey wen turn off da road an go inside one field. Da nex time, da donkey move nea da stone wall an wen smash Balaam’s foot. Da third time, da donkey jus wen lay down in da street. Ery time dat wen happen, Balaam wen beat da donkey wit his stick.

Afta da third time, Jehovah wen make da donkey talk. Da donkey ask Balaam: ‘Wat you doin? Why you hitting me fo?’ Balaam tell: ‘You make any kine to me az why, peopo tink I stupid! If I had one sword I would kill you right now!’ Da donkey tell: ‘You wen ride me fo years. I eva wen do dis to you befoa?’

Den Jehovah wen open Balaam’s eye so he could see da angel. Da angel tell: ‘Jehovah had tell you fo no put kahuna on top da Israel peopo.’ Balaam tell: ‘I wuz wrong, my bad. I goin go home now.’ But da angel tell him: ‘Go Moab, but you betta ony tell wat Jehovah tell you fo say.’

You tink Balaam wen learn his lesson, or wat? Not even. Afta dat, three times Balaam wen try put kahuna on Israel. But ery time, da ting wen back-fiyah cuz Jehovah had turn um into one blessing instead. Bumbye, wen da Israel guys wen fight Moab, Balaam wen mahke. Poho, woulda been betta if Balaam had lissen to Jehovah da firs time, yeah?