NKONKO IDI BANSONGA BADIELA
Ntu mmueneka mushindu kayi?
Bua tshinyi mbimpe kutabalela biudi uvuala? Bualu bilamba bitu bileja tshitudi. Bilamba biebe bitu bifila bumanyishi kayi?
Bilema binene 3 bia mu divuala ne mua kubiepuka
Tshilema tshia 1: Kulekela bafidi ba ngumu bakuambila mua kuvuala.
Nsongakaji mukuabu diende Theresa udi wamba ne: “Kudi misangu intu nnanga bilamba bikuabu bualu ndi mumone babienzela madisuisha bikole. Padi lungenyi luebe luwula ne bimfuanyi bia bantu badi bavuala mushindu kampanda wa bilamba, kabiakukukolela bua kubidikija to.”
Ki nganu nsongakaji nkayayi itu ilonda madisuisha to. Mukanda mukuabu udi wamba ne: “Nsongalume payi itu ilonda mvuadilu kampanda utshidi upatukilaku. Nansha patshidibu bana bakadi balonda madisuisha.”—The Everything Guide to Raising Adolescent Boys.
Disungula dimpe: Bible udi wamba ne: “Tshitaba mvinyingu udi witaba dîyi dionso, kadi muntu mudimuke udi welangana meji a tshidia tshionso tshidiye wela.” (Nsumuinu 14:15) Mu diumvuangana ne dîyi dinene adi, ikala ukonkonona biudi utangila mu madisuisha bimpe menemene. Tshilejilu, madisuisha owu mikale a bilamba bidi bijulangana majinga a tshiendenda, diebeja ne:
‘Meme mulonde mvuadilu eu, nebiambuluishe nganyi menemene?’
‘Nsombelu eu nealeje ne: ndi muntu wa mushindu kayi?’
‘Neansunguluje meme ne malu andi ngitabuja anyi?’
Mubelu bua bilamba bitshidi bipatukilaku: Munkatshi mua lumingu lujima, tangila bimpe menemene bilamba bidibu basuisha ne bafidi ba ngumu bakuabu badi batamba kuakuila bilamba bitshidi bipatukilaku abi. Badi bakankamijangana bua kuikala ne nsombelu kayi? Kudiku malu masokome menza bua umone ne: bidi bikengela ulonde mvuadilu kampanda anyi? Nsongakaji mukuabu diende Karen udi wamba ne: “Badi basuyangana bikole bua kuikala ne tshimuenekelu tshimpe, mvuadilu muimpe, ne kuleja mubidi webe ‘muimpe’. Bantu batu basuisha bintu badi bamanye nanku, bansonga ke batubu bapeta bipepele.”
Tshilema 2: Kuvuala mushindu kampanda bua kumueneka bu bantu bonso.
Nsongalume mukuabu diende Manuel udi wamba ne: “Tshilamba kampanda tshiotshi tshipatuke, bantu bonso nebatshivuale. Wewe kuyi mutshivuale, nebakulumbuluishe.” Nsongakaji mukuabu diende Anna udi witaba pende lungenyi elu. Udi wamba ne: “Tshilumbu ki ntshia kubenga kuvuala tshionso tshitshidi tshipatukilaku to, kadi ntshia kuikala bu bantu bonso.”
Disungula ndimpe: Bible udi wamba ne: “Lekelayi kuikala nufumbibua kudi ndongoluelu wa malu eu.” (Lomo 12:2) Mu diumvuangana ne mubelu eu, tangila bimpe mu kabadi kebe ka bilamba, udiebeje ne:
‘Ntshinyi tshitu tshinsaka nangananga pantu nsungula bilamba?’
‘Bilamba bienza kudi bantu bende lumu anyi kumpanyi bitu ne mushinga wa bungi kundi anyi?’
‘Ntuku nkeba bua kukoka ntema ya bakuabu ne bilamba bianyi anyi?’
Mubelu bua bilamba bitshidi bipatukilaku: Pamutu pa kuela meji ne: kudi anu mishindu ibidi—kuvuala tshionso tshitshidi tshipatukilaku (ne kuitaba) anyi kubenga kuvuala tshionso tshitshidi tshipatukilaku (ne kubenga) tangila mushindu muisatu eu—kuikala ne dituishibua bua kubenga kulonda bakuabu. Paudi wenda udimona mupepele, kuakulonda bakuabu to.
Tshilema 3: Kuela meji ne: ‘bia bisunguluja bitupa bia mubidi mbimpe bikole.’
Nsongakaji mukabu diende Jennifer udi wamba ne: “Mu bulelela, kutu misangu itu muoyo utudinga bua kuvuala bilamba bidi bijula bakuabu majinga a kuenda masandi, bu mudi tshilamba tshipi bikole anyi tshidi tshikuata peshi tshilamata mubidi bikole.”
Disungula dimpe: Bible udi wamba ne: “Didilengeja dienu kadikadi dia pambelu . . . kadi dikale dia muntu musokome wa mu muoyo.” (1 Petelo 3:3, 4) Mu diumvuangana ne mubelu eu, ela meji a tshidi tshitamba kukoka ntema ya bakuabu: nkuikala ne bilamba bia bende bakutangila anyi peshi ngikadilu mimpe?
Mubelu bua bilamba bitshidi bipatukilaku: Mushindu webe mutambe buimpe wa kuluata mbupuekele. Bushuwa nngikadilu udi bantu ba bungi kabayi nende lelu to. Kadi ela meji a bualu ebu:
Kutuku muanji kuyukila ne muntu utu munange anu kuakula bua malu ende nkayende anyi? Tshidi tshitonda ntshia ne, muntu au kena pamuapa umona ne udi ukusemeja kule nende to.
Anu mutu muyuki mua kusemeja bantu kule nebe, biudi uvuala bidi mua kukoka ntema yabu bibafikisha too ne ku dikulekela
Mvuadilu webe yeye kayi uleja ne udi ne bupuekele, udi ulua bu muntu au. Wewe muvuale bilamba bidi bienza bua wikala bu udi wambila bakuabu ne: “ntangilayi,” nebileja bantu abu ne kuena ne ndishindika dia biudi mua kuluata to, anyi ne udi uditshisha anu bua bualu buebe nkayebe. Bantu badi mua kumona ne, udi dijinga ne kukoka ntema ya bantu ba mishindu yonso, too ne ya bauvua kuyi ujinga.
Pamutu pa kuenza madisuisha a tshintu tshiudi kuyi upana, ikala ne bupuekele. Nsongakaji mukuabu diende Monica udi wamba ne: “Kuikala ne bupuekele kakuena kumvuija kuvuala bu kakuebe to. Kadi kudi kumvuija ne udi udinemeka ne unemeka bakuabu.”