Qala Ulungiselele Ungakatshadi

1, 2. (a) UJesu wakuveza njani ukuthi kuqakathekile ukuqala uhlele? (b) Ukuhlela kuqakatheke kakhulu nxa umuntu efuna ukwenzani?

NXA ufuna ukwakha indlu kumele uhlele kuhle. Kufanele uqale udinge indawo, udwebe lepulani. Kodwa kulokunye okuqakathekileyo ongamelanga ukulibale. UJesu wakuveza lokhu aze athi: “Ake kuthi omunye wenu afune ukwakha umphotshongo. Kambe kazukuqala ahlale phansi abalise indleko ukuze abone ingabe ulayo yini imali yokuwuqeda na?”​—ULukha 14:28.

² Amazwi la ayasebenza lakulabo abafuna ukutshada. Abanengi uzwa besithi: “Ngifuna ukutshada.” Kodwa bangaki abaqala bacabange ngendleko zakhona? Lanxa iBhayibhili lisithi ukutshada kuhle, liphinda lisitshele lokuthi abantu abatshadileyo balabo ubunzima. (IZaga 18:22; 1 KwabaseKhorinte 7:28) Yikho-ke abantu abafuna ukutshada kufanele bananzelele ukuthi ukutshada kuhle kodwa kulezinhlupho zakho.

3. Kungani iBhayibhili lingabaphathisa abantu abafuna ukutshada, njalo yiphi imibuzo emithathu elizasinceda ukuthi siyiphendule?

³ IBhayibhili lingasinceda endabeni le ngoba izimiso ezikulo zivela kuJehova uNkulunkulu owasungula umtshado. (Kwabase-Efesu 3:14, 15; 2 KuThimothi 3:16) Ngakho-ke zilokhu zisebenza lanxa labhalwa kudala. Ake sibone ukuthi lithini ngemibuzo le: (1) Umuntu angakwazi njani ukuthi usekulungele ukutshada? (2) Kuyini okufanele ukuhlolisise emuntwini ofuna ukwakha laye? (3) Lingazigcina njani ngesikhathi lingakatshadi?

USUKULUNGELE YINI UKUTSHADA?

4. Kuyini okuqakatheke kakhulu okumele kwenziwe ngabantu abafuna ukuhlala bethandana nxa sebetshadile, njalo kungani kumele benze njalo?

⁴ Ukwakha indlu kuyadula sibili, kodwa ukuyilondoloza lakho kufuna imali enengi. Lokulungiselela umtshado kunzima, kodwa nxa abantu sebetshadile kuyabe kumele basebenze nzima ukuze bahlale bethandana okwempilo yabo yonke. Pho kuyini okufanele bakwenze ukuze bahlale bethandana? Kumele bazinikele ngenhliziyo yonke. IBhayibhili likuchaza kuhle lokhu. Lithi: “Indoda izadela uyise lonina imanyane lomkayo, bona babe nyamanye.” (UGenesisi 2:24) UJesu wathi umuntu uvunyelwa ukuchitha umtshado abesetshada lomunye umuntu nxa umkakhe “efebile” kuphela, okutsho ukuthi nxa elele lomuntu angatshadanga laye. (UMathewu 19:9) Yikho nxa ufuna ukutshada, cabangisisa ngeMibhalo le. Nxa kuyikuthi awukazimiseli ukuzinikela emuntwini oyedwa okwempilo yakho yonke, kutsho ukuthi awukakulungeli ukutshada.​—UDutheronomi 23:21; UmTshumayeli 5:4, 5.

5. Kungani ukuzinikela emuntwini oyedwa kuqakatheke kakhulu ebantwini abafuna ukutshada?

⁵ Indaba yokuzinikela emuntwini oyedwa yenza abanengi besabe ukutshada. Elinye ijaha lathi: “Into le yokuthi kuyabe sekumele lihlale lonke lize liyekufa yenza ngizwe angathi ngiyabe sengivalelwe ekhoneni, sengilibhantinti.” Kodwa nxa umthanda ngenhliziyo yonke umuntu ofuna ukutshada laye, ukuzinikela kuye ngeke kukhanye angathi yikuba sejele. Kuzakwenza ukuthi uhlaliseke. Phela nxa abatshadayo befunga bathi kabasoze batshiyane kodwa bazazimisela ukuhlala bethandana kumnyama kubomvu. Umphostoli ongumKhristu uPhawuli waloba ukuthi uthando lweqiniso “luhlezi luvikela” njalo “luhlezi lubekezela.” (1 KwabaseKhorinte 13:4, 7) Omunye umama wathi: “Ukuthi safunga mhla sitshada kwenza ukuthi ngihlaliseke. Kwenza ngingawesabeli umtshado wethu ngoba safunga phambi kwabantu sathembisana ukuthi sizakufa silahlane.”​—UmTshumayeli 4:9-12.

6. Kungani kungcono ukuthi umuntu atshade esekhulakhulile?

⁶ Nxa umuntu esekhulakhulile, kuba lula ukuthi agcine isifungo sakhe. Yikho uPhawuli waxwayisa amaKhristu esithi kungcono ukuthi umuntu atshade ‘esesiba mdala,’ okutsho ukuthi sekwedlule ibanga lapho imizwa yokuya emacansini ilamandla kakhulu okokuthi ingenza aphandlwe luthando. (1 KwabaseKhorinte 7:36) Phela nxa abantu bekhula bayantshintshantshintsha. Abanengi abatshada besesebancane bathola ukuthi ngemva kweminyaka emilutshwana izinto ababezifuna ngesikhathi betshada ziyabe zingasaqakathekanga kubo. Kubikwa lokuthi abantu abatshada bengakafikisi iminyaka engu-20 bandise ukungathokozi njalo izikhathi ezinengi bayehlukana. Kodwa lokhu akwandanga ebantwini abatshada sebekhulakhulile. Yikho-ke ungajahi ukutshada. Ukuhlala isikhathi ungatshadanga kuzakwenza ukuthi nxa usutshadile wenelise ukuphatha kuhle umkakho ngoba uyabe usukhulile engqondweni. Kuzakunceda lokuthi uzizwisise ukuthi wena ungumuntu onjani njalo lokhu kuqakatheke kakhulu nxa selitshadile.

QALA UZAZI UKUTHI UNGUMUNTU ONJANI

7. Kungani kumele abantu abafuna ukutshada baqale bazihlolisise?

⁷ Abantu abanengi bayakwazi ukuthi bafuna ukutshada lomuntu olesimilo esinjani. Mhlawumbe lawe uyakwazi. Kodwa uyake ucabange yini ngokuthi wena kumele ube ngumuntu onjani? Ulabo yini ubuntu obuzakwenza ukuthi imuli yenu ithokoze? Uzakuba ngubaba loba ngumama onjani? Ngokwesibonelo, nxa uphambanisile uyavuma yini ukukhuzwa loba uhlala ucatsha ngomunwe? Ungumuntu othokozayo yini futhi ongalahli ithemba kumbe uhlala udanile futhi ukhalakhala? (IZaga 8:33; 15:15) Ungakhohlwa ukuthi ukutshada akusoze kubuntshintshe ubuntu bakho. Nxa uzigqaja, ulenhliziyo encane loba uphanga ulahle ithemba, uzakuba njalo langesikhathi usutshadile. Kodwa phela iqaqa kalizizwa ukunuka. Yikho-ke kungcono ucele umzali wakho kumbe umngane omthembayo ukuthi akutshele iqiniso njalo akucebise. Nxa usukwazi lapho ophambanisa khona, zama ukuntshintsha ungakalungiseleli ukutshada.

8-10. Yiziphi izimiso eziseBhayibhilini ezinganceda umuntu ofuna ukutshada?

⁸ IBhayibhili lisikhuthaza ukuthi sivumele umoya kaNkulunkulu ongcwele usenze sibe ngabantu ‘abalothando, abathokozayo, abalokuthula, ababekezelayo, abalomusa, abalungileyo, abathembekileyo, abamnene njalo abazithibayo.’ Liphinda lithi ‘senziwe sibe batsha esimeni sezingqondo zethu’ njalo ‘sifake ubumina obutsha obadalelwa ukuba njengoNkulunkulu ekulungeni okuqotho lobungcwele.’ (KwabaseGalathiya 5:22, 23; Kwabase-Efesu 4:23, 24) Ukwenza lokhu ungakatshadi kufanana lokugcina imali ebhanga, kuzakunceda ngesikhathi esizayo nxa usutshadile.

⁹ Ngokwesibonelo nxa ungowesifazana, qakathekisa kakhulu ‘ubuhle bangaphakathi’ kulobuhle bangaphandle. (1 UPhetro 3:3, 4) Ukuthobeka lokuqedisisa kuzakwenza ukuthi ube ‘lomqhele wenkazimulo,’ okutsho ukuthi uhlakaniphe. (IZaga 4:9; 31:10, 30; 1 KuThimothi 2:9, 10) Nxa uyindoda, phatha abesifazana kuhle njalo ubahloniphe. (1 KuThimothi 5:1, 2) Zifundise ukwenza izinqumo ezinhle njalo ukhuthale, kodwa ungalibali ukuthi kufanele uthobeke njalo ungazenzi umuntu okwazi konke. Ungaba nguntando kayiphikiswa kalisoze lihlalisane kuhle lomkakho.​—IZaga 29:23; UMikha 6:8; Kwabase-Efesu 5:28, 29.

¹⁰ Lanxa kunzima ukuntshintsha ubuntu bethu, kumele sonke sikuzame. Lawe kuzakunceda ukuthi uhlalisane kuhle lowangakwakho.

KUYINI OKUMELE UKUKHANGELE EMUNTWINI OFUNA UKUTSHADA LAYE?

11, 12. Abantu ababili bangenzani ukuze babone ukuthi ubuntu babo buyahambelana yini?

¹¹ Endaweni ohlala kuyo, umuntu uyazikhethela yini ukuthi ufuna ukutshada lobani? Nxa kunjalo, nanku okufanele ukwenze nxa sekulomuntu osethethe inhliziyo yakho. Okokuqala, zibuze ukuthi wena uzimisele yini ukutshada sibisibili. Uyabe ulesihluku nxa uthandana lomuntu wena ukwazi ukuthi udlala ngaye nje. (IZaga 13:12) Okwesibili, zibuze ukuthi usukulungele na ukutshada. Nxa kuyikuthi uyafuna ukutshada futhi usukulungele, ozakwenza sekuzakuya ngokuthi kuyini okujayelekileyo emphakathini wakini. Kwamanye amazwe nxa usumbonile umuntu wasuthiseka ngaye, ungamlanda ufike uzibike. Nxa engakwala, akumelanga ube ulokhu ubelesela aze acine esedakeka. Ungakhohlwa ukuthi laye ulelungelo lokuzikhethela. Kodwa nxa kuyikuthi uvumile, lingahlela-ke ukuthi libe libonana. Lokhu kuzakunceda ukuthi ubone ukuthi lingaphilisana kuhle yini lomuntu lo nxa lingatshada. Manje kuyini okufanele ukukhangele ngesikhathi lisathandana?

¹² Ake sithi kulomuntu okwazi ukutshaya ipiyano lomunye otshaya ikatali. Nxa bobabili bezingcitshi, ngamunye wabo angatshaya ingoma emnandi eyedwa. Kodwa ake sithi sebefuna ukutshaya kanye kanye. Khathesi-ke kuyabe sekumele bahambelane ukuze ingoma yabo ihlabuse. Lani lobabili yikho okufanele likwenze. Mhlawumbe ngamunye wenu usezamile ukulungisa ubuntu bakhe. Lanxa kunjalo, sekufanele lizibuze ukuthi ubuntu benu buyahambelana yini.

13. Kungani kungaqondanga ukuthandana lomuntu ongakhonzi laye?

¹³ Kuqakatheke kakhulu ukuthi elikukholwayo kufanane njalo lisebenzise izimiso ezifananayo empilweni. Umphostoli uPhawuli wabhala wathi: “Lingazibopheli ndawonye labangakholwayo.” (2 KwabaseKhorinte 6:14; 1 KwabaseKhorinte 7:39) Ukutshada lomuntu ongakhonzi laye kungenza ukuthi lingazwanani. Kodwa okuzalisiza ukuthi lihlalisane kuhle kakhulu yikuthi lobabili likhonze uJehova uNkulunkulu. UJehova ufuna ukuthi uthokoze kanye lokuthi wena lomuntu ofuna ukwakha laye libe ngamathe lolimi. Ufuna lokuthi laye abe phakathi komtshado wenu, libe yintambo elemicu emithathu.​—UmTshumayeli 4:12.

14, 15. Ukukhonza ndawonye yikho kodwa yini okufunekayo ukuze abantu abatshadileyo bahlalisane kuhle? Chaza.

¹⁴ Lanxa ukukhonza uNkulunkulu lindawonye kuqakatheke ukwedlula konke, kulokunye okumele ukukhangele. Kufanele izinto elifuna ukuzenza empilweni zihambelane. Wena ufuna ukwenzani empilweni? Ngokwesibonelo, uyabafuna yini abantwana? Yiziphi izinto oziqakathekisa kakhulu?a (UMathewu 6:33) Nxa abantu befuna ukuthokoza emulini kumele bazwanane njalo babe ngabangane. (IZaga 17:17) Ngakho-ke kufanele izinto abazithandayo zihambelane. Kunzima ukuthi abantu bahlale bengabangane nxa izinto abazithandayo zitshiyene. Lasebantwini abatshadileyo kunjalo. Kodwa lokhu sekusitsho ukuthi akusamelanga litshade yini nxa omunye wakho ethanda ukuzilibazisa ngalokho ongakuthandiyo? Hatshi ngoba kungenzeka ukuthi kulokunye okuqakatheke kakhulu elikuthandayo lobabili. Kanti njalo omunye wakho angajabula nxa ungenza laye izinto azithandayo ezingeqi imilayo kaNkulunkulu.​—ImiSebenzi 20:35.

¹⁵ Akudingeki ukuthi abantu bathande izinto ezifananayo ukuze bahambelane. Okuqakathekileyo yikuthi bavume ukuntshintsha. Kulokuthi uzihluphe ngokuthi liyavumelana yini ezintweni zonke, kungcono ukuzibuza ukuthi lalenze njani nxa kuyikuthi kulokuthile elingavumelani kukho. Nxa lingaba lohlupho, liyahloniphana yini lihlale phansi lixoxe, kumbe lihlala lixabana licine litshelana amazwi aqatha? (Kwabase-Efesu 4:29, 31) Nxa ufuna ukutshada, ungaziphoseli emuntwini ozigqajayo, ongafuni ukulalela abanye loba ohlala efuna ukuthi izinto zenziwe ngendlela yakhe.

UKHUNI OLUNGAZIWAYO KALUTHEZWA

16, 17. (a) Kuyini okungakhangelwa ngowesifazana ofuna ukutshada? (b) Kuyini okungakhangelwa yindoda efuna ukutshada?

¹⁶ Abantu abaphathiswa imisebenzi ebandleni lobuKhristu kumele “baqale bahlolwe.” (1 KuThimothi 3:10) Lawe ungasisebenzisa isimiso lesi. Nxa ungowesifazana ungazibuza ukuthi abantu bathi indoda le ingumuntu onjani. Ngobani abangane bayo? Iyenelisa yini ukuzibamba? Ibaphatha njani abantu abadala? Abakwabo ngabantu abanjani? Iyazwanana yini labangakibo? Ithanda imali yini? Iyadakwa yini? Ilolaka yini njalo ithanda ukulwa na? Ebandleni iphiwe yiphi imisebenzi futhi iyiphatha njani? Zibuze lokuthi ungenelisa yini ukuyihlonipha ngenhliziyo yonke.​—ULevi 19:32; IZaga 22:29; 31:23; Kwabase-Efesu 5:3-5, 33; 1 KuThimothi 5:8; 6:10; KuThithusi 2:6, 7.

¹⁷ Nxa uyindoda ungazibuza ukuthi umuntu ofuna ukumthatha uyamhlonipha yini uNkulunkulu njalo uyamthanda na. Angawuphatha kuhle yini umuzi wakhe? Abangakibo bazabe bekhangelele ukuthi libenzeleni? Uhlakaniphile futhi ukhuthele yini? Imali yona uyisebenzisa njani? Uthanda ukuxoxa ngani? Uyabakhathalela ngenhliziyo yonke na abanye kumbe ulendaba lokufunwa nguye kuphela? Uthanda indaba zabantu yini? Ungamthemba yini? Uzimisele na ukuzithoba kuwe kumbe ulenkani yotshongololo?​—IZaga 31:10-31; ULukha 6:45; Kwabase-Efesu 5:22, 23; 1 KuThimothi 5:13; 1 UPhetro 4:15.

18. Nxa ungabona amaphutha amancane omuntu othandana laye, kuyini okufanele ukukhumbule?

¹⁸ Kodwa khumbula ukuthi akugeza lingelasiyinga. Isithandwa sakho laso silaso isono esivela ku-Adamu, kasifanani labantu abasemabhukwini ezothando abangelazici. Lobabili liyawenza amaphutha kodwa kungaba kuhle ukuthi okunye likuyekele kudlule. (KwabaseRoma 3:23; UJakhobe 3:2) Amaphutha omunye angenza lokuthi ufunde okunye okuzakunceda empilweni. Njani? Ake sithi kulento elingavumelani ngayo lesithandwa sakho. Phela labantu abathandanayo njalo abahloniphanayo bayaphoxana kwezinye izikhathi. (Qathanisa loGenesisi 30:2; ImiSebenzi 15:39.) Engxenye okuyabe kufuneka nje yikuthi ‘lizithinte’ njalo lifunde ukulungisa izinhlupho lingavusananga umhlonga. (IZaga 25:28) Isithandwa sakho sona siyafisa yini ukulungisa okonakeleyo? Wena-ke? Kungaba kuhle nxa ungazama ukuba ngumuntu olenhliziyo ende, ungaphongucaphuka nje. (UmTshumayeli 7:9) Ukufunda ukuthi izinhlupho zilungiswa njani kuzalisiza ukuthi nxa selitshadile lenelise ukuxoxa lingafihlelani lutho futhi lokhu kuzakwenza ukuthi lithokoze.​—KwabaseKholose 3:13.

19. Kungaba kuhle ukuthi wenzeni nxa kulezinto ezikukhathaza kakhulu ngomuntu ofuna ukutshada laye?

¹⁹ Kodwa kufanele wenzeni nxa kulokunye okukukhathaza kakhulu ngomuntu ofuna ukutshada laye? Ungakufuqeli emsamo. Cabangisisa ngakho lanxa umthanda kakhulu loba usukufuna ngabomvu ukutshada. (IZaga 22:3; UmTshumayeli 2:14) Nxa uthandana lomuntu kodwa kulezinto ozisolayo ngaye ezikulalisa ukhangele, kungaba kuhle ukuthi lehlukane kulokuthi uzibophele kuye okwempilo yakho yonke.

QHUBEKANI LIZIGCINILE NGESIKHATHI LITHANDANA

20. Abantu abathandanayo bangenzani ukuze baqhubeke bezigcinile?

²⁰ Kuyini okungalinceda ukuthi liqhubeke lizigcinile ngesikhathi lithandana? Wobani leqiniso lokuthi indlela eliziphatha ngayo kayisolisi. Lapho ohlala khona abantu bathi kuqondile yini ukuthi abantu abangatshadanga babambane izandla, bagonane loba baqabuzane? Lanxa bengelansolo, kuyabe kufanele likwenze kuphela nxa selizakuyatshada. Qaphelani ukuthi izinto elizenzayo nxa litshengisana ukuthi liyathandana kazicini zisenza ukuthi lenze izinto zokuxhwala kumbe licine lifebile. (Kwabase-Efesu 4:18, 19; qathanisa leNgoma Yezingoma 1:2; 2:6; 8:5, 9, 10) Inhliziyo iyakhohlisa. (UJeremiya 17:9) Ngakho-ke kungaba kuhle ukuthi lingabi lodwa endlini, emoteni epakiweyo kumbe kwenye indawo engenza licine liziphethe kubi. Nxa ungahlala uzigcinile ngesikhathi lisathandana kuzakhanya ukuthi uyenelisa ukuzibamba kanye lokuthi uqakathekisa inhlalakahle yesithandwa sakho kulezifiso zakho. Okuhle kakhulu yikuthi lokhu kuzathokozisa uJehova uNkulunkulu olaya izinceku zakhe ukuthi zingafebi kodwa zihlale zimsulwa.​—KwabaseGalathiya 5:19-21.

21. Kumele abathandanayo baxoxe ngani okungabaphathisa?

²¹ Kulokunye okumele likwenze ngesikhathi lisathandana. Kufanele liphumelane egcekeni. Nxa selizatshada kulezindaba okumele lizixoxe, lingafihlelani lutho. Khulumani ngokuthi lizahlala ngaphi, ngokuthi lobabili lizasebenza yini kanye lokuthi liyabafuna na abantwana. Mtshele izinto ezingabe zenzakala empilweni yakho kanye laloba yini engalihlupha selitshadile. Lokhu kungaba yizikwelede ezinkulu olazo, izinto okhangelelwe ukuthi uzenzele abangakini kumbe okunye okuphathelane lempilakahle yakho, njengomkhuhlane okukhathazayo. Nxa umuntu ofuna ukutshada laye elabantwana, ungakhohlwa ukuthi uNkulunkulu ufuna abakhulise. Yikho nxa ungatshada laye, kumele wamukele labantwabakhe. Kanti njalo akulanto embi ngokuthi wena loba abazali bakho licele ukuthi othandana laye ahlolwe ukuthi ulalo yini igcikwane le-HIV nxa wayengaziphathanga loba esebenzisa izidakamizwa. Phela kunzima ukwazi ukuthi umuntu ulalo na igcikwane leli. Nxa engatholakala elalo, akufanelanga akubambe ngamandla ukuthi liqhubeke lithandana nxa wena ungasafuni. Kungaba kuhle ukuthi umuntu obengaziphathanga azihambele yena ayehlolwa igcikwane le-HIV engakaqalisi ukuthandana laloba ngubani.

CABANGANI NGOKUTHI LIZAPHILA NJANI

22, 23. (a) Kuyini okungenza ukuthi abalungiselela ukutshada bacine bethwala nzima? (b) Kuyini okufanele abantu abalungiselela idili lomtshado bakuqakathekise kakhulu? Chaza.

²² Ngesikhathi sekusele izinyangana ukuthi litshade, kungenzeka ukuthi libe ligijigijima lilungiselela umtshado. Ukwenza umtshado ongamangalisiyo kungalisiza ukuthi lingathwali nzima kakhulu. Umtshado obabazekayo ungazithokozisa sibili izinini zenu kanye labomakhelwana kodwa lina lezimuli zenu lingasala lilezikwelede futhi lidiniwe. Akukubi ukwenza okujayelekileyo emphakathini, kodwa ukulingisela abanye loba ukuzama ukubedlula kungenza lingawukholisi umtshado wenu futhi kungacina kungasakhanyi ukuthi kuyini okuqakatheke kakhulu emtshadweni. Lanxa kukuhle ukulalela abanye, indoda yiyo elomlandu omkhulu wokutsho ukuthi emtshadweni kuzakwenzakalani.​—UJohane 2:9.

²³ Ungakhohlwa ukuthi idili lomtshado ngelelanga elilodwa nje, kodwa lina lizahlala litshadile okwempilo yonke. Lanxa ilanga lomtshado liqakathekile, okumele likuqakathekise kakhulu yimpilo yenu selitshadile. Yikho-ke cela ukuthi uJehova akusize. Lapho-ke uyabe uqale walungiselela ungakatshadi.