“USophiaa wagula isikhathi eside njalo watshona ngemva kweminyaka edlula 39 sitshadile. Abangane bami babengincedisa, lami angizange ngihlalele izandla. Kodwa umnyaka waphela ngilokhu ngisizwa ubuhlungu obukhulu. Indlela engangizizwa ngayo yayintshintshantshintsha kokuphela. Lanxa sekudlule iminyaka emithathu, lokhu ngisizwa ubuhlungu obukhulu.”—Kostas.

Wake wafelwa ngumuntu omthandayo yini? Nxa kunjalo, mhlawumbe wezwa ubuhlungu obunjengalobo obazwiwa nguKostas. Akulanto ebuhlungu njengokufelwa ngumkakho, yisihlobo kumbe ngumngane. Izingcitshi ezihlola ngobuhlungu bokufelwa ziyavumelana lalokho. Isihloko esihunyutshwe ebhukwini elithi The American Journal of Psychiatry sithi nxa umuntu angafelwa ngumuntu amthandayo uzwa ubuhlungu kakhulu futhi uyabe ecabanga ukuthi kasoze aphinde ambone. Umuntu ozwa ubuhlungu obunjalo angahle azibuze ukuthi: ‘Kuzahlala isikhathi esinganani ngizizwa ngale indlela? Ngizaphinda ngithokoze yini? Kuyini okunganginceda ukuthi ngizwe ngcono?’

I-Vukani! le izaphendula imibuzo le. Isihloko esilandelayo sizakhuluma ngalokho ongakulindela nxa ufelwe. Ezinye izihloko zizakhuluma ngokunye okungakunceda ukuthi uzizwe ngcono.

Silethemba lokuthi okulandelayo kuzaduduza njalo kuncede loba ngubani owafelwayo.

Lanxa izingcitshi zichasisa indlela abantu abakhala ngayo, okumele sikwazi yikuthi abantu bakhala ngezindlela ezitshiyeneyo nxa befelwe. Ukutshiyana kwendlela abantu abakhala ngayo kutsho yini ukuthi abanye abezwa ubuhlungu kangako kumbe bafela ngaphakathi? Hatshi. Ukukhala kwenza umuntu azwe ngcono, lanxa kunjalo akulandlela eyodwa yokukhala. Izikhathi ezinengi kuya ngamasiko omuntu, ubuntu bakhe, lokho asehlangane lakho empilweni kanye lokuthi ufelwe ngubani.

UBUNZIMA OBUNGEHLELA OFELWEYO

Umuntu ofelweyo angabe engakwazi ukuthi uzahlangana labuphi ubunzima. Lanxa kunjalo kumele akukhangelele ukuthi uzahlangana lobunzima. Cabanga ngalokhu okulandelayo:

Imizwa. Ukukhala, ukukhumbula umufi lokuphonguntshintsha kwendlela ozizwa ngayo kujayelekile. Okunye okungezelela ubuhlungu yikuphupha kumbe ukucabanga ngezinto owawuzenza lomufi. Okujayelekileyo yikuthi umuntu uyethuka njalo angakukholwa okwenzakeleyo nxa esanda kufelwa. UTiina ukhumbula indlela enza ngayo lapho umkakhe uTimo etshona. Uthi, “Ekuqaliseni ngangilesithuli, futhi ngehluleka lokukhala. Ngangiphelelwe okokuthi ngezinye izikhathi ngangisehluleka lokuphefumula. Ngangingakholwa ukuthi wayesetshonile sibili.”

Ukukhathazeka, ukuzonda lokuzizwa ulecala kujayelekile. U-Ivan uthi “Mina lomkami uYolanda sazonda kakhulu ngemva kokufa kwendodana yethu u-Eric eyayisileminyaka engu-24. Kwasimangalisa kakhulu lokhu ngoba sasingakwazi ukuthi singabantu abalolaka. Sasizizwa silecala ngoba sasicabanga ukuthi mhlawumbe kukhona okwakumele sikwenze ukuze indodana yethu ingafi.” U-Alejandro owafelwa ngumkakhe owayesegule okwesikhathi eside laye wazizwa elecala. Uthi, “Ngangicabanga ukuthi ngingumuntu omubi kakhulu yikho uNkulunkulu wayevumela ukuthi ngihlupheke kangako. Ngaphinda ngazizwa ngilecala ngenxa yokuthi kwasekungani ngisola uNkulunkulu ngalokho okwakwenzakele.” UKostas esike sakhuluma ngaye esihlokweni esidlulileyo uthi, “Ngezinye izikhathi ngangimzondela uSophia ukuthi wayefeleni. Lokhu kwangenza ngazizwa ngilecala ngoba konke okwakwenzakele kwakungasocala lakhe.”

Ukucabanga izinto ezingekhoyo. Kulezinye izikhathi lapho umuntu angacabanga khona izinto ezingekhoyo. Ngokwesibonelo, umuntu ofelweyo angacabanga ukuthi angalizwa ilizwi lomuntu ofileyo kumbe ambone. Kwezinye izikhathi angehluleka ukufaka ingqondo yakhe entweni ethile kumbe angabe esekhohlwa masinyane. UTiina uthi, “Ngezinye izikhathi siyabe sixoxa kodwa besenginanzelela ukuthi ingqondo yami ibisikhatshana, isicabanga izinto ezenzakala uTimo esezakufa. Kwakungikhathaza ukuthi ngangisehluleka ukufaka ingqondo yami kulokho engiyabe ngikwenza.”

Isifiso sokuba wedwa. Umuntu ofelweyo angazizwa engakhululekanga loba kumcaphula ukuba phakathi kwabantu. UKostas uthi, “Kwakusithi nxa ngilabantu abatshadileyo ngizibone ngilahlekile kuthi nxa ngiphakathi kwabantu abangatshadanga ngizizwe ngiyindlubu ewele ephokweni.” UYolanda umka-Ivan uthi, “Kwakunzima ukuba phakathi kwabantu abayabe bekhalakhala ngenhlupho ezincane kakhulu kulezethu. Kwakulabanye futhi ababesitshela ukuthi abantwababo benza kuhle kangakanani. Kwakungithabisa ukuzwa ukuthi abantwababo benza kuhle kodwa ngesikhathi esifananayo kwakunzima ukubalalela. Mina lomkami sasikuzwisisa ukuthi kwasekudlulile kodwa sasingelasineke sokulalela izindaba ezinjalo.”

Ukugulagula. Kujayelekile ukuthi umuntu antshintshe indlela adla ngayo, aswele ubuthongo, abelomzimba omncane kumbe omkhulu. U-Aaron ukhumbula okwenzakala ngomnyaka owalandela lowo uyise atshona ngawo. Uthi, “Ngangisehluleka ukulala futhi ngangivuka ngesikhathi esifananayo nsuku zonke ebusuku ngiqalise ukucabanga ngobaba.”

U-Alejandro ukhumbula ukuthi wayesephongugulagula. Uthi “Udokotela wangihlola kanengana kodwa elokhu engitshela ukuthi angiguli. Ngacina nginanzelela ukuthi ubuhlungu bokufelwa engangibuzwa yibo obabusenza ngizizwe ngigula.” Ngokuya kwesikhathi ukugula lokhu kwanyamalala. Lanxa kunjalo u-Alejandro wenza kuhle ngokuyabona udokotela. Ubuhlungu bokufelwa bungenza amasotsha omzimba angabi lamandla kangako, benze lomkhuhlane obuvele ulawo ubemubi kakhulu kumbe bukudalele eminye imikhuhlane.

Ubunzima bokwenza izinto eziqakathekileyo. U-Ivan uthi, “U-Eric esetshonile kwakumele sitshele izihlobo, abangane kanye labanye abantu abanjengomqhatshi wakhe kanye lomnikazi wendlu ayehlala kuyo. Kwakulamaphepha amanengi awezomthetho okwakumele siwagcwalise. Kwakumele sabelane lempahla zika-Eric. Ukwenza izinto zonke lezo kwakunzima kakhulu ngoba sasidiniwe futhi sisizwa ubuhlungu njalo sikhathazekile.”

Kodwa abanye bathwala nzima kakhulu ngokuhamba kwesikhathi nxa sekumele benze izinto ezazijayele ukwenziwa ngumufi. Lokho yikho okwenzakala kuTiina. Uthi: “UTimo nguye owayejayele ukukhangela ngezezimali kanye lezebhizimusi yethu. Kodwa engasekho kwasekungumthwalo wami konke lokho futhi kwangezelela ukukhathazeka kwami. Ngangizakwenelisa yini ukwenza konke lokhu ngingenzanga phutha?”

Esikhulume ngakho phezulu kungenza umuntu acabange ukuthi kunzima kakhulu ukulwisana lobuhlungu bokufelwa. Iqiniso yikuthi kubuhlungu kakhulu ukufelwa kodwa ukwazi lokhu kungakenzakali kunganceda labo abasanda kufelwa ukuthi bangahlulukelwa kakhulu. Khumbula ukuthi ayisuye wonke umuntu ohlangana lobunzima esikhulume ngabo. Kanti njalo abafelweyo bengaduduzeka ngokwazi ukuthi kujayelekile ukuzwa ubuhlungu nxa ufelwe.

NGIZAPHINDA NGITHOKOZE YINI?

Ongakukhangelela: Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi ubuhlungu bokufelwa bubangcono. Lokhu akutsho ukuthi ubuhlungu bokufelwa buhle buphele du lokuthi lowo ofelweyo uhle amkhohlwe lowo otshonileyo. Kodwa kancane kancane ubuhlungu buyancipha. Lanxa kunjalo kwezinye izikhathi umuntu ofelweyo angaphinda abuzwe ubuhlungu nxa kungafika ilanga abatshada ngalo kumbe afelwa ngalo. Kodwa abantu abanengi bacina bengasakhathazeki kangako futhi baphinde babuyele ekuphileni kwansuku zonke. Izikhathi ezinengi abantu abanjalo bancedwa yizihlobo, abangane njalo labo benza okuthile ukuze babengcono.

Kuzathatha isikhathi eside kangakanani? Kwabanye ubuhlungu buphela ngemva kwezinyanga ezithile. Kodwa abanengi babangcono ngemva komnyaka owodwa kumbe emibili. Kanti njalo abanye kuthatha isikhathi eside ukwedlula lapho.a U-Alejandro uthi, “Mina ngaqalisa ukubangcono ngemva kweminyaka engaba mithathu.”

Ungajahi ukuthi ubengcono. Ungazikhathazi ngokuzakwenzakala kusasa kodwa yekela kuzipholele njalo ukhumbule ukuthi ubuhlungu buzaphela. Kodwa zikhona yini izinto ongazenza ukuze uzwe ngcono njalo ukukhala kwakho kungacini kuthatha isikhathi eside kakhulu?

Manengi kakhulu amacebo akhuluma ngongakwenza ukuze ulwisane lobuhlungu bokufelwa njalo amanye akhona angakunceda. Kwesinye isikhathi okunceda omunye akungeke kusebenze komunye. Mhlawumbe lokhu kubangelwa yikuthi abantu bakhala ngezindlela ezitshiyeneyo.

Lanxa kunjalo akhona amacebo asencede abanengi. Amacebo la andise ukukhulunywa ngabacebisi abancedisa abantu abafelweyo njalo izikhathi ezinengi amacebo abo ahambelana lokusebhukwini elidala elilenhlakanipho, iBhayibhili.

1: VUMA UKUTHI ABANYE BAKUNCEDE

• 

  Ezinye izingcitshi zithi lokhu kuqakatheke kakhulu ngoba kuyakunceda ukuthi ulwisane lobuhlungu bokufelwa. Kodwa ngezinye izikhathi ungafisa ukuthi ube wedwa. Ungabacaphukela labo abazama ukukuncedisa. Lokhu kujayelekile.

• Akumelanga ucabange ukuthi kumele uhlale ulabanye abantu zikhathi zonke, lanxa kunjalo ungabanineli khatshana. Phela ngokuhamba kwesikhathi uzaludinga usizo lwabo. Batshele ngendlela elomusa ukuthi kuyini okudingayo longakufuniyo.

• Kusiya ngalokho okudingayo ngalesosikhathi woba lesikhathi sokuba labanye kanye lesokuba wedwa.

OKUTSHIWO LIBHAYIBHILI: “Ababili bangcono kuloyedwa ngoba . . . omunye angawa, umngane wakhe uyamncedisa amvuse.”—UmTshumayeli 4:9, 10.

2: DLANA UKUDLA OKWAKHAYO NJALO UQEQETSHE LOMZIMBA

• Ukudla okwakha umzimba kuzakunceda ukuthi ulwisane lokukhathazeka. Zama ukudla izithelo ezitshiyeneyo, imibhida kanye lokunye ukudla okungela mafutha amanengi.

• Natha amanzi amanengi kanye lokunye okunathwayo okuncedayo emzimbeni.

• Nxa ulenhliziyo emnyama dlana ukudla okulutshwana kanengi ngelanga. Ungabuza lodokotela wakho ukuthi yikuphi okunye ongakudla okungakunceda emzimbeni.a

• Izindlela ezitshiyeneyo zokuqeqetsha umzimba (exercise) zinganciphisa ubuhlungu. Ukuqeqetsha umzimba kungakunceda ukuthi uzwe ngcono njalo kwenza ungahlali ucabanga ngobuhlungu obuzwayo.

OKUTSHIWO LIBHAYIBHILI: “Kakho owake wazonda umzimba wakhe, kodwa uwunika ukudla awulondoloze.”—Kwabase-Efesu 5:29.

3: WOBA LESIKHATHI ESANELEYO SOKULALA

• 

  Kuqakathekile ukuthi wonke umuntu alale kodwa kuqakatheke kakhulu kulabo abafelweyo ngoba ubuhlungu bungenza bahlale bediniwe.

• Unganathi kakhulu utshwala lezinye izinto ezingakuqedela ubuthongo njengekhofi.

OKUTSHIWO LIBHAYIBHILI: “Kungcono isandla esisodwa esigcweleyo silokuthula kulezandla ezimbili ezingagcwalanga ezilomtshikatshika lokuxotshana lomoya.”—UmTshumayeli 4:6.

4: DINGA OKUNGASEBENZA KUWE

• 

  Ungakhohlwa ukuthi omunye lomunye ukhala ngendlela yakhe. Yikho kuzamele ubone ukuthi wena yikuphi okukuncedayo.

• Abanye bakubona kungcono ukuthi batshele abanye ngobuhlungu ababuzwayo ikanti abanye babona ukuzithulela kungcono. Izingcitshi zikhuluma okutshiyeneyo mayelana lokuthi kuyanceda yini ukutshela abanye ngobuhlungu obuzwayo. Nxa kuyikuthi ufuna ukutshela othile indlela ozizwa ngayo kodwa usesaba ungaqala ngokutshela umngane wakho oseduze.

• Abanye kuyabanceda ukukhala kodwa abanye babangcono lanxa bengakhalanga kakhulu.

OKUTSHIWO LIBHAYIBHILI: “Inhliziyo leyo laleyo iyakwazi ukudabuka kwayo.”—IZaga 14:10.

5: XWAYA IMIKHUBA ENGAKULIMAZA

• 

  Abanye abafelweyo bayazama ukuthi baqede ubuhlungu ngokunatha utshwala lokusebenzisa izidakamizwa. Lokhu kuyingozi kakhulu. Lanxa engazizwa ngcono okwesikhatshana umuntu owenza lokhu angalimala. Zama ukusebenzisa izindlela ezingasoze zikulimaze.

OKUTSHIWO LIBHAYIBHILI: “Kasizihlambululeni ezintweni zonke ezingcolisa umzimba lomoya.”—2 KwabaseKhorinte 7:1.

6: HLELA KUHLE ISIKHATHI SAKHO

• Abanye abantu bancedwa yikwenza imisebenzi ebenza bangacabangi kakhulu ngalokho okwenzakeleyo.

• Okunye okungakunceda yikudinga abangane, ukufunda ukwenza izinto ezithile lokuzilibazisa.

• Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi uzananzelela ukuthi izinto ozenzayo ukuze ungacabangi ngokufelwa zithatha isikhathi eside ukwedlula leso osichitha ucabanga ngobuhlungu bakho.

OKUTSHIWO LIBHAYIBHILI: “Zonke izinto zilesikhathi sazo, . . . isikhathi sokukhala lesikhathi sokuhleka, isikhathi sokulila lesikhathi sokugida.”—UmTshumayeli 3:1, 4.

7: WOBA LOHLELO

• 

  Buyela masinyane kulokho owawujayele ukukwenza ungakafelwa.

• Woba lesikhathi esiqondileyo sokulala lesokwenza imisebenzi kanye lezinye izinto, lokhu kuzakwenza ubuyele masinyane ezintweni owawujayele ukuzenza.

• Ukuhlala usenza izinto ozithandayo kuzehlisa ubuhlungu obuzwayo.

OKUTSHIWO LIBHAYIBHILI: “Kahlali ekhumbula ngezinsuku zempilo yakhe ngokuba uNkulunkulu umenza ahlale ngenjabulo enhliziyweni.”—UmTshumayeli 5:20.

8: UNGAPHANGISI UKWENZA IZINQUMO EZINKULU

• Abantu abaphangisa ukwenza izinqumo ezinkulu bandise ukuzisola ngemva kwesikhathi.

• Nxa kuvuma qala ume ukuthutha, ukuntshintsha umsebenzi kumbe ukulahla izinto zikamufi.

OKUTSHIWO LIBHAYIBHILI: “Amalungiselelo abakhutheleyo anika umvuzo njengoba nje amawala eletha ubuyanga.”—IZaga 21:5.

9: HLALA UMKHUMBULA

• 

  Abanye abafelweyo bathi kuyabanceda ukwenza izinto ezibakhumbuza ngomufi.

• Mhlawumbe kungakunceda ukugcina amapikitsha kumbe ukubhala izinto ozikhumbulayo ngomufi.

• Gcina izinto ezizakukhumbuza okuhle elalikwenza lomufi.

OKUTSHIWO LIBHAYIBHILI: “Khumbulani izinsuku zakudala.”—UDutheronomi 32:7.

10: VAKATSHA

• Okunye ongakwenza yikuvakatsha.

• Nxa ungenelisi ukuvakatshela khatshana ungenza okunye okungakwenza uthokoze njengokuhambahamba ubuka indawo loba ukuya e-museum.

• Ukutshaywa ngumoya kungakunceda ulwisane lobuhlungu bokufelwa.

OKUTSHIWO LIBHAYIBHILI: “Ngilandelani lodwa siye endaweni ethuleyo ukuze liphumule.”—UMakho 6:31.

11: NCEDA ABANYE

• 

  Khumbula ukuthi ukunceda abanye kungakwenza ubengcono.

• Ungaqalisa ngokunceda izihlobo kanye labangane bakho abasebuhlungwini bokufelwa njengawe.

• Ukunceda lokududuza abanye kungakwenza uthokoze kakhulu.

OKUTSHIWO LIBHAYIBHILI: “Ukupha kubusisekile okudlula ukwamukela.”—ImiSebenzi 20:35.

12: HLOLA OKUQAKATHEKILEYO

• Ubuhlungu bokufelwa bungakwenza unanzelele izinto eziqakathekileyo.

• Sebenzisa isikhathi lesi ukuze ubone okuqakathekisayo empilweni yakho.

• Lungisa nxa kulalapho okumele ulungise khona.

OKUTSHIWO LIBHAYIBHILI: “Kungcono ukuya endlini yesililo kulokuya endlini yedili, ngoba ukufa kuyisiphetho somuntu wonke; abaphilayo kabakunanzelele lokho.”—UmTshumayeli 7:2.

Iqiniso yikuthi akulalutho olungabuqeda du ubuhlungu bokufelwa. Kodwa abanengi abafelweyo bangafakaza ukuthi ukwenza izinto ezifanana lesikhulume ngazo esihlokweni lesi kwabanceda kakhulu. Esikhulume ngakho ayisikho kodwa okunganceda umuntu nxa efelwe. Kodwa nxa ungazama okunye kwalokho esikhulume ngakho uzabona ukuthi kuzakunceda.

IZINGCITSHI EZINENGI LAMUHLA ZIDINGISISE KABANZI NGOBUHLUNGU BOKUFELWA. Njengoba kukhulunyiwe, amacebo akhulunywa zingcitshi ajayele ukuhambelana lenhlakanipho eseBhayibhilini. Lokhu kutshengisa ukuthi iBhayibhili aliphelelwa yisikhathi. Njalo yilo elilamacebo esingawethemba. Lisinika ulwazi esingeke siluthole loba ngaphi olumayelana lokuthi kuyini okunganceda abafelweyo.

• IBhayibhili liyasiqinisekisa ukuthi abantu esibathandayo abafileyo abahlupheki

  KuMtshumayeli 9:5 iBhayibhili lithi “abafileyo kabazi lutho.” ‘Amacebo abo ahle abhidlike.’ (IHubo 146:4) IBhayibhili lifananisa ukufa lokulala.—UJohane 11:11.

• Ukukholwa kuNkulunkulu olothando kuyaduduza

  KuHubo 34:15 iBhayibhili lithi: “Amehlo kaJehovaa akhangele abalungileyo lezindlebe zakhe ziyezwa ukukhala kwabo.” Ukutshela uNkulunkulu indlela esizwa ngayo kungaselapha futhi kusenze sihlaliseke. Kusenza sibe lobuhlobo obuhle loMdali wethu olamandla okusiduduza.

• Ukuba lethemba ngekusasa elingcono

  Akucabange ngesikhathi esizayo lapho abasemathuneni sebevusiwe futhi sebephila emhlabeni. IBhayibhili likhuluma ngesikhathi leso. Nxa iBhayibhili lichasisa ukuthi kuzabe sekunjani emhlabeni lithi uNkulunkulu “uzazesula zonke izinyembezi emehlweni [ethu]. Akusayikuba khona futhi ukufa loba ukulila loba ukukhala loba ubuhlungu, ngoba umumo omdala wezinto usudlule.”—ISambulo 21:3, 4.

Abantu abanengi abakholwayo kuJehova uNkulunkulu okukhulunywa ngaye eBhayibhilini, bathola amandla okulwisana lobuhlungu bokufelwa ngenxa yokuthi balethemba lokuphinda babone abantu ababathandayo sebevusiwe. Ngokwesibonelo u-Ann owatshonelwa ngumkakhe sebeleminyaka engu-65 betshadile uthi: “IBhayibhili lingenza ngibe leqiniso lokuthi abantu abafileyo esibathandayo abahlupheki njalo uNkulunkulu uzabavusa bonke abasenkumbulweni yakhe. Ithemba leli liyanginceda nxa sengicabanga ngokufelwa kwami futhi lingenza ngenelise ukulwisana lobuhlungu balokho okwangehlelayo.”

UTiina okuke kwakhulunywa ngaye esihlokweni lesi uthi: “Ngabona ukuthi uNkulunkulu uyangisekela kusukela ngelanga uTimo atshona ngalo. Ngananzelela ukuthi uJehova uyangincedisa ngesikhathi ngisebunzimeni. Angithandabuzi ukuthi abafileyo bazavuswa njengoba iBhayibhili lisitsho. Lokhu kunginika amandla okuthi ngiqhubeke ngiqinile kuze kufike isikhathi lapho engizambona khona futhi uTimo.”

Amazwi la ahambelana lalokho okutshiwo yizigidi zabantu ezikholwa ukuthi iBhayibhili likhuluma iqiniso. Lanxa ucabanga ukuthi okutshiwo liBhayibhili akusilo qiniso kumbe ngamaphupho nje, zinike isikhathi sokulihlolisisa ukuze ubone ubufakazi bokuthi izeluleko lezithembiso ezikulo ziyanceda. Uzananzelela ukuthi iBhayibhili yilo elingabanceda kakhulu labo abafelweyo.

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