Keep “the Flame of Jah” Alive

1. How does the Bible describe true love?

LOVE’S “flames are a blazing fire, the flame of Jah. Surging waters cannot extinguish love, nor can rivers wash it away.”b (Song of Sol. 8:6, 7) What a beautiful description of true love! These words contain a reassuring truth for married couples: You can have unfailing love for each other.

2. What must a couple do to make sure that their love does not cool off?

² Whether a married couple will have unfailing love as long as they live depends on them. To illustrate, a campfire has the potential to burn indefinitely​—but only if it is fed. If left unattended, the fire will eventually go out. Likewise, the love between a husband and wife can remain strong indefinitely​—but only if they nurture their relationship. At times, a couple could feel that their love is cooling off, especially when they are weighed down by financial hardship, health concerns, or the pressures of raising children. So if you are married, how can you keep “the flame of Jah” alive in your marriage? In this article, we will discuss three ways to keep your relationship strong and enjoy a happy marriage.c

KEEP STRENGTHENING YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH JEHOVAH

3. How does a strong relationship with Jehovah help a couple to keep their love alive? (Ecclesiastes 4:12) (See also picture.)

³ To keep “the flame of Jah” alive, both husband and wife should work to have a strong relationship with Jehovah. How does this bond help their marriage? When a couple value their friendship with their heavenly Father, they readily apply his advice, which in turn helps them to avoid and overcome problems that could cause their love for each other to cool off. (Read Ecclesiastes 4:12.) Spiritual people also strive to imitate Jehovah and cultivate qualities that he displays, such as kindness, patience, and forgiveness. (Eph. 4:32–5:1) A couple who display such qualities make it easier for love to thrive. A sister named Lena, who has been married for more than 25 years, says, “It’s easy to love and respect a spiritual person.”

4. Why did Jehovah choose Joseph and Mary to be the parents of the future Messiah?

⁴ Consider a Bible example. When Jehovah had to choose a couple to be the parents of the future Messiah, He chose Joseph and Mary out of the many descendants of David. Why? They both had a personal relationship with Jehovah, and Jehovah knew that they would build their marriage around their love for him. Married couples, what can you learn from Joseph and from Mary?

5. What can husbands learn from Joseph?

⁵ Joseph readily applied Jehovah’s direction, and that made him a better husband. On at least three occasions, he received instructions from God regarding his family. Each time, he obeyed promptly, even when it meant making big changes. (Matt. 1:20, 24; 2:13-15, 19-21) By following God’s direction, Joseph protected Mary, supported her, and provided for her. Imagine how Joseph’s actions must have deepened Mary’s love and respect for him! Husbands, you can imitate Joseph by seeking Bible-based advice on caring for your family.d When you apply this advice, even if it means making changes, you show love for your wife and you strengthen your marriage. A sister in Vanuatu who has been married for over 20 years says: “When my husband seeks and applies Jehovah’s direction, I respect him more. I feel secure, and I have confidence in his decisions.”

6. What can wives learn from Mary?

⁶ Mary had her own relationship with Jehovah; her faith did not depend on what Joseph did. She knew the Scriptures well. (See study note on Luke 1:46.) She also made time for meditation. (Luke 2:19, 51) No doubt, Mary’s spirituality made her an excellent wife. Today, many wives strive to do as Mary did. For example, a sister named Emiko says: “When I was single, I had my personal spiritual routine. But after getting married, I realized that because my husband prayed for us and took the lead in worship, my faith had become dependent on what he did. I came to see that I needed to carry my own load regarding my relationship with Jehovah. So now I set aside time to be alone with my God​—praying, reading the Scriptures, and meditating on his thoughts.” (Gal. 6:5) Wives, as you continue strengthening your friendship with Jehovah, your husband will have even more reason to praise you and love you.​—Prov. 31:30.

7. What can couples learn from Joseph and Mary about worshipping together?

⁷ Joseph and Mary also worked together to keep their relationship with Jehovah strong. They understood the importance of worshipping Jehovah together as a family. (Luke 2:22-24, 41; 4:16) It may have been challenging to do so, especially as the family grew, but they managed. What an excellent example for married couples today! If you have children, as did Joseph and Mary, it may be challenging to attend meetings or to schedule time for family worship. It may be even harder to coordinate time to study or pray together as a couple. Yet, remember that when you worship Jehovah together, you draw closer to him and to each other. So make worship a priority.

8. What can a couple whose marriage is strained do to benefit more fully from family worship?

⁸ What if your marriage is strained? The idea of being together for family worship may not seem appealing. If so, begin by considering something short and enjoyable, something that you both agree to discuss. This step can strengthen your relationship and your desire to do spiritual things as a couple.

SPEND TIME TOGETHER

9. Why must a husband and wife spend time with each other?

⁹ Married couples, you can also keep your love alive by spending time together. When you do, you are less likely to drift apart​—mentally and emotionally. (Gen. 2:24) Note what Lilia and Ruslan discovered soon after they got married, over 15 years ago. She says: “We realized that we would not have as much time together as we had thought. Our days were consumed by secular work, housework, and later our children. We found that if we did not make time for ourselves as a couple, we could draw away from each other.”

10. How can married couples apply the principle found at Ephesians 5:15, 16?

¹⁰ What can couples do to make sure that they spend time together? You may have to set aside, or schedule, time for each other. (Read Ephesians 5:15, 16.) A brother in Nigeria named Uzondu says: “When scheduling my activities, I include the time my wife and I will spend together as a couple, and I make that time a priority.” (Phil. 1:10) Consider how Anastasia, the wife of a circuit overseer in Moldova, makes the best use of her time. She says: “I try to do my personal activities while my husband is busy with his responsibilities. That way, we can spend time together later.” But what if your schedules make it difficult for you to find time to spend together?

11. What activities did Aquila and Priscilla share in together?

¹¹ Married couples can learn from the example of Aquila and Priscilla, a couple appreciated by many early Christians. (Rom. 16:3, 4) While the Bible does not provide many details about their marriage, it does reveal that they worked, preached, and helped others together. (Acts 18:2, 3, 24-26) In fact, whenever the Bible mentions Aquila and Priscilla, it always mentions them together.

12. What can a husband and wife do to spend more time together? (See also picture.)

¹² How can couples imitate Aquila and Priscilla? Think about the many things that you and your spouse need to do. Could you handle some of these tasks as a couple instead of individually? For example, Aquila and Priscilla preached together. Do you regularly make plans to do the same? Aquila and Priscilla also worked together. You and your spouse may not have the same job, but could you do household chores together? (Eccl. 4:9) When you help each other perform a task, you feel more like a team and you have the opportunity to talk. Robert and Linda have been married for over 50 years. He says: “Frankly, we don’t have a lot of time to spend together in recreation. But when I wash the dishes and my wife dries them or when I am outside weeding and she comes out to work alongside me, I feel so happy. Doing things together brings us together. Our love continues to grow.”

13. To be truly united, what should a husband and wife do?

¹³ Remember, however, that just being together might not necessarily contribute to unity. A wife in Brazil says: “Nowadays, with so many distractions, I’ve found that we could fall into the trap of thinking that we are spending time together just because we live under the same roof. I have learned that being together is only half of the equation. The other half involves giving my spouse the attention he needs.” Note how Bruno and his wife, Tays, make sure to give each other attention. He says: “During our free time together, we put away our cell phones and enjoy the time with each other.”

14. If a couple do not enjoy spending time together, what can they do?

¹⁴ However, what if you and your spouse do not enjoy spending time together? Perhaps you have different interests, or maybe you irritate each other. What can you do? Consider the campfire mentioned earlier. It does not start blazing instantly. It needs to be fed slowly with progressively bigger pieces of wood. Similarly, why not start by spending just a few moments together each day? Make sure to do something that you both enjoy, not something that could create conflict. (Jas. 3:18) By starting small, you may begin to rekindle your love.

TREAT EACH OTHER RESPECTFULLY

15. Why is respect vital in order to keep a couple’s love alive?

¹⁵ Respect is vital in a marriage. It is like the oxygen that allows a campfire to burn brightly. Without oxygen, a fire quickly goes out. Similarly, without respect, a couple will find that their love can quickly grow cold. On the other hand, a husband and wife who strive to show respect for each other are working to keep their love alive. Yet, bear in mind that it is, not a matter of whether you think that you show respect, but a matter of whether your spouse feels respected. Penny and Aret have been married for over 25 years. She says: “Our mutual respect creates a warm atmosphere in our home. We feel free to express ourselves because we know that we value each other’s opinions.” So, what can you do to help your spouse feel that you really respect him or her? Consider the examples of Abraham and Sarah.

16. What can husbands learn from Abraham’s example? (1 Peter 3:7) (See also picture.)

¹⁶ Abraham treated Sarah with respect. He took into consideration Sarah’s opinions and respected her feelings. On one occasion, Sarah was distressed, and she vented her feelings to Abraham, even blaming him. Did Abraham lash out in response? No. He knew that Sarah was a submissive and supportive wife. Abraham listened to her and tried to resolve the issue. (Gen. 16:5, 6) What can we learn? Husbands, you have the authority to make decisions for your family. (1 Cor. 11:3) Yet, the loving thing to do would be to consider your wife’s opinion before deciding, especially if the decision will affect her. (1 Cor. 13:4, 5) At other times, your wife may feel stressed and may need to express how she feels. Do you respect her feelings by listening attentively? (Read 1 Peter 3:7.) Angela and Dmitry have been married for nearly 30 years. She explains how her husband makes her feel respected: “Dmitry is always ready to listen to me when I am upset or when I just want to talk. He is patient with me, even when I am very emotional.”

17. What can wives learn from Sarah’s example? (1 Peter 3:5, 6)

¹⁷ Sarah respected Abraham by supporting his decisions. (Gen. 12:5) On one occasion, Abraham decided to extend hospitality to unexpected visitors. He asked Sarah to drop what she was doing and prepare a large quantity of bread. (Gen. 18:6) Sarah acted quickly and supported Abraham’s decision. Wives, you can imitate Sarah by supporting your husband’s decisions. When you do, you strengthen your marriage. (Read 1 Peter 3:5, 6.) Dmitry, mentioned in the preceding paragraph, explains how his wife makes him feel respected. He says: “I appreciate Angela’s efforts to support my decisions, even if our opinions do not coincide. If the outcome is not the best, she does not criticize me.” How easy it is to love someone who respects you!

18. How do married couples benefit by working to keep their love alive?

¹⁸ Today, Satan wants to extinguish the love that exists in Christian marriages. He knows that if a couple lose their love for each other, they may begin to draw away from Jehovah. However, true love cannot be extinguished! So may the love in your marriage be like the love described in the Song of Solomon. Be resolved to build your life together around Jehovah, make time for each other, and respect each other’s feelings and needs. As you do, your marriage will bring honor to the Source of true love, Jehovah, and just like a well-tended fire, your love will blaze indefinitely.