Ivyo abana bakenera be n’ivyo bipfuza

KUVA uruyoya rukivuka, rurakenera kwitwararikanwa ikibabarwe, ushizemwo ukurukuyakuya no kurugumbira. Abaganga bamwebamwe bemera yuko amasaha 12 ya mbere y’inyuma y’ivuka ahambaye cane. Bavuga yuko ico umwana na nyina baba bakeneye kandi bipfuza buno nyene agiheza kwibaruka, “atari agatiro canke ibifungurwa, ahubwo ko baba bakeneye gukuyakuyana no kugumbirana be no kurabana kandi bagategana yompi”.a

Birizana abavyeyi bagasanga bateruye abana babo, bakabagumbira, bakabakuyakuya bakongera bakabapfumbatira. Umwana na we aca yumva yegereye abavyeyi ata nkomanzi kandi akitabira ubwo bwitwararitsi bwabo. Ubwo bucuti burakomeye ku buryo abavyeyi bemera kwikokora kugira bitwararike uwo mwana ata kurambirwa.

Ku rundi ruhande, ata bucuti bwa kivyeyi burangwa urukundo buhari, uruyoya rurashobora kugoyagoya hanyuma rugapfa nya gupfa. Ku bw’ivyo, abaganga bamwebamwe bemera yuko bihambaye ko umuvyeyi aca ahabwa umwana wiwe buno nyene akimara kwibaruka. Bavuga yuko inyuma y’ivuka, umwana na nyina bakwiye kubareka bakamarana n’imiburiburi iminuta iva kuri 30 gushika kuri 60.

Naho abantu bamwebamwe bashimika kuri ubwo bucuti, mu bitaro bimwebimwe birashobora kuba ibitoroshe ko uruyoya rugumana na nyina ubwo nyene agiheza kwibaruka canke mbere ivyo ntibinashoboke. Kenshi abana bakivuka baca babakura iruhande ya ba nyina kugira ngo babakingire ntibandure indwara ziterwa n’imikorobo. Ariko rero, hari ibimenyamenya vyerekana yuko igitigiri c’abana bahitanwa n’izo ndwara cogabanuka cane igihe abana bakivuka bagumanye na ba nyina. Ni co gituma ibitaro birushirije kuba vyinshi bisigaye birekura ko abavyeyi bacibaruka bamarana n’abana babo umwanya munini.

Ubwoba bwo guhava barengera umwana

Abavyeyi bamwebamwe ntibaca bumva bakunze abana babo bakibakubita ijisho ari bwo bwa mbere. Ni co gituma bibaza bati: ‘Noba nzogira ingorane zo kurengera umwana wanje?’ Ikitoharirwa coco, si abavyeyi bose baca bakunda abana babo bakibakubita ijisho. Naho ari ukwo, nta cotuma umuntu ahagarika umutima.

N’igihe nyene inabibondo yoteba kugirira umwana wiwe igishika ca kivyeyi, mu nyuma kirashobora gutsimbatara mu buryo bushitse. Inabibondo umwe azi utuntu n’utundi avuga ati: “Nta kintu na kimwe gishika mu gihe c’ivuka gica cerekana yuko ubucuti ufitaniye n’umwana wawe buzoba bwiza canke bubi”. Yamara rero, mu gihe wibungenze kandi ukaba uhagaritse umutima, vyoba biranga ubukerebutsi ubiyaze n’umuganga w’abavyeyi imbere y’igihe. Nutomore igihe wipfuza kuba uri kumwe n’umwana wawe be n’umwanya wipfuza ko mumarana.

“Erega nganiriza!”

Biboneka yuko hariho ibiringo inzoya zirushiriza kworoherwa no kwakira ibintu binaka. Ivyo biringo ntibiteba kurengana. Nk’akarorero, ubwonko bw’umwana buroroherwa no kwiga ururimi rumwe, mbere n’izirenga. Ariko rero, ikiringo kibereye kuruta co kwiga ururimi bisa n’uko gitangura kurangira nko ku myaka itanu.

Umwana amaze gushika ku myaka iri hagati ya 12 na 14, ukwiga ururimi birashobora kumubera urugamba rutoroshe. Nk’uko Peter Huttenlocher, umuganga w’abana avura ibijanye n’imitsi nsonzabwenge yabivuze, ico gihe ni ho “igitigiri c’utwanya turi hagati y’utugingo nsonzabwenge be n’ubwaguke bwatwo vyo mu gice c’ubwonko gifasha kwiga indimi, bigabanuka”. Biragaragara yuko imyaka nk’ingahe ya mbere y’ubuzima ari co gihe gihambaye mu bijanye n’ubushobozi bwo kwiga ururimi!

Inzoya zirangura gute ico gikorwa kitoroshe co kwiga kuvuga, ico na co kikaba gihambaye mu bijanye n’ubushobozi bwo kwiga ibindi bintu? Ubwa mbere, ivyo zibishikako biciye ku kuyaga n’abavyeyi bazo. Inzoya zigira ico zikoze canecane igihe ari abantu bazikabuye. Barry Arons wo mw’Ishakashakiro ry’ivy’ubuhinga ry’i Massachusetts avuga ati: “Uruyoya . . . rwigana ijwi rya nyina”. Ariko biratangaje kubona inzoya zidapfa kwigana amajwi ayo ari yo yose. Nk’uko Arons abivuga, “iyo nyina ariko aravuga, muri ico gihe nyene hakagira ibintu bicamwo bikajwigira, mu vyo uruyoya rufata, amajwi y’ivyo bintu ntajamwo”.

Abavyeyi bo mu mico kama itandukanye baraganiriza utuyoya twabo. Uko abavyeyi bavuga mu buryo buranga urukundo, umutima w’uruyoya uca urushiriza kudihagizwa. Bivugwa yuko ivyo bifasha gutuma abana banyarutsa guhuza amajambo be n’ibintu asobanura. Ata jambo uruyoya rurinze kuvuga, ruratakamba ruti: “Erega nganiriza!”

“Erega ndaba!”

Vyaramenyekanye yuko nko mu mwaka wa mbere ari ho uruyoya rutsimbataza igishika rugirira umuntu akuze arurera, kenshi akaba ari nyina. Akana kumva gatekaniwe kubera ubucuti burangwa igishika, karashikirana n’abandi kuruta utwana tutagaragarizwa igishika ca kivyeyi gituma twumva dutekaniwe. Bivugwa yuko ubucuti nk’ubwo kagiranira na nyina gakwiye gushikana imyaka itatu bwamaze gutsimbatara.

Ni ibiki vyoshika mu gihe uruyoya rwokwirengagizwa muri ico kiringo gihambaye cane, igihe umuzirikanyi warwo uba witeguriye cane kwakira ibintu vyo hanze? Martha Farell Erickson, uwamaze imyaka irenga 20 akurikirana ubuzima bw’abavyeyi 267 be n’abana babo, ashikiriza iki ciyumviro: “Ukutitwararikwa kugenda kuratitura buhorobuhoro umuzirikanyi w’umwana gushika aho aba atagishaka kwifatanya n’abandi canke kumenya utuntu n’utundi”.

Dogoteri Bruce Perry wo ku bitaro vy’abana vy’i Texas aragerageza gutangira akarorero iciyumviro ciwe ku vyerekeye ingaruka zikomeye z’ukwo kutitwararika kubagirira igishika, mu kuvuga ati: “Hamwe wonsaba gufata uruyoya rw’amezi atandatu, ukampitishamwo kuruvunagura amagufa yarwo yose canke kurwirengagiza nsidarugaragarize igishika mu kiringo c’amezi abiri, novuga ko urwo ruyoya rwopfuma ruvunagurwa amagufa yarwo yose”. Uti kuki? Twisunze uko Perry abibona, “amagufa arashobora gukira, mugabo mu gihe uruyoya ruhomvye amezi abiri ahambaye cane yo kurucisha ubwenge, hari ico rubura mu bwonko ibihe vyose”. Si bose bemera yuko ingorane nk’iyo idashobora gukosorwa. Yamara rero, ubushakashatsi bw’abanyasiyansi burerekana yuko gukurira ahantu harangwa igishika ari ngirakamaro cane ku bwenge bw’umwana.

Igitabu Inzoya (mu congereza) kivuga yuko “[utuyoya] twaremewe gukunda no gukundwa”. Igihe uruyoya rurize, kenshi ruba ruriko ruratakambira abavyeyi barwo ruti: “Erega ndaba!”. Birahambaye rero ko abavyeyi bitaba ako kamo mu buryo burangwa ikibabarwe. Biciye kuri ukwo gushikirana, uruyoya ruramenya ko rushobora kumenyesha abandi ivyo rukeneye. Ruba ruriko ruriga ingene rushobora gucudika n’abandi.

‘Ubwo sinzohava mfyinisha umwana?’

Woshobora kubaza uti: “Nimba igihe cose umwana arize nca nirukanga kumuhoza, ubwo sinzohava ndamufyinisha?”. Kumbure vyoshika. Hari ivyiyumviro bitandukanye kuri ico kibazo. Kubera yuko ata mwana ameze nk’uwundi, abavyeyi muri rusangi bategerezwa kumenya ico bakwiye gukora kibereye kuruta. Ariko rero, ubushakashatsi buherutse kugirwa bwerekana yuko igihe uruyoya rushonje, rutamerewe neza canke rushavuye, umubiri warwo uca urekura utugingo nkaburamubiri dutuma rwitegurira guhagarika umutima. Ruserura umubabaro warwo mu kurira. Bivugwa yuko igihe umuvyeyi aciye agira ico akoze, akaruronsa ivyo rukeneye, uwo muntu akuze aba atanguye gushira mu bwonko bw’urwo ruyoya urusobangane rw’utugingo ngengabuzima turufasha guturura. Kandi nk’uko Dogoteri Megan Gunnar abivuga, uruyoya bihutiye kwitwararika, utugingo nkaburamubiri twitwa cortisol dutuma umuntu yitegurira guhagarika umutima umubiri warwo urekura tuba duke. Mbere naho rwoshavura, ntiruteba gusubira guturura.

Erickson avuga ati: “Kukaba nkako, utuyoya twama duhozwa bidatevye, canecane kuva ku mezi 6 gushika ku 8 ya mbere, ku bwa ngingo turira gake ugereranije n’utwo bareka tugahogora”. Ni ngirakamaro kandi yuko ugahoza mu buryo butandukanye. Niba igihe cose karize uza uragahoza mu buryo bumwe, nko mu kukonsa canke mu kukarera, nta cobuza ko kazofyina. Rimwe na rimwe, kukereka gusa ko wakumvise mu kugira ico uvuze bishobora kuba bihagije. Canke kukegera ugaca ukongorera, birashobora kuba ngirakamaro. Ahandi naho, kugakorakora ku mugongo canke ku nda, ushobora gusanga ari vyo biba bikenewe.

“Akazi k’umwana ni ukurira”. Ako ni akibutsa ko mu bihugu vyo mu Buseruko. Ku ruyoya, kurira ni bwo buryo nyamukuru bwo guserura ico rwipfuza. Wokwumva umerewe gute hamwe boza barakwirengagiza igihe cose ugize ico usaba? None, uruyoya rwawe ata co rwokwishoboza rudafise uwurubungabunga, rwokwiyumva gute mu gihe rwoza rurirengagizwa igihe cose rwipfuje kwitwararikwa? None ni nde akwiye kuharenguka igihe rurize?

Ni nde akwiye kwitwararika uruyoya?

Itohoza riherutse kugirwa muri Leta Zunze Ubumwe za Amerika ryerekanye yuko ibice 54 kw’ijana vy’abana, kuva bakivuka gushika bashikanye imyaka umunani canke icenda, mu buryo kanaka bama babungabungwa n’abandi bantu atari abavyeyi babo. Imiryango myinshi ishobora gusanga ikeneye ko abavyeyi bompi bakora akazi kugira ironke ivya nkenerwa. Vyongeye, ba inabibondo benshi barasaba ikonji mu kiringo co kwibaruka kugira ngo bashobore kwitwararika ibibondo baherutse kwibaruka mu kiringo c’amayinga canke amezi makeyi. Ariko none, ni nde azokwitwararika urwo ruyoya inyuma y’aho?

Ego ni ko, nta mategeko ntabanduka ariho kuri ico kibazo. Naho ari ukwo, vyoba vyiza kwibuka yuko muri ico kiringo gihambaye c’ubuzima, umwana aba agikarirwa n’ingorane. Abavyeyi bompi barakwiye kurimburira hamwe ico kibazo bitonze. Igihe bafata ingingo y’icokorwa, bategerezwa kurimbura bitonze ico bohitamwo.

Dogoteri Joseph Zanga wo kuri Kaminuza ijejwe kwigisha ivy’abana yo muri Amerika avuga ati: “Birarushiriza kwigaragaza yuko kuzeza abana bacu ibigo bijejwe kurera abana, naho vyoba ari vyiza gute, bidasubirira umwanya abana bakeneye kumarana na ba nyina babo be na ba se”. Abahinga bamwebamwe baraseruye ingene barajwe ishinga n’uko utwana tujanwa mu bigo vyo kuturera ku mutaga, tudashikirana n’abatubungabunga nk’uko twari dukeneye.

Ba inabibondo bamwebamwe bakora akazi, kubera ko batahuye ibintu bihambaye abana babo bakenera, barafashe ingingo yo kuguma i muhira, aho kureka ngo abandi bantu abe ari bo barangura uruhara rubega rwo kubungabunga abana babo. Umukenyezi umwe yavuze ati: “Ndemera ata kwihenda yuko ico gikorwa camaze akanyota mu buryo ata kindi gikorwa coshoboye kubigira”. Ariko ntiwumve, imikazo yo mu vy’ubutunzi ituma ba inabibondo bose badashobora guhitamwo gutyo. Abavyeyi benshi usanga ata kundi bari bugire, atari ukwikora ku bigo birera abana ku mutaga, ivyo bigatuma bategerezwa kugira akigoro kiyongereye mu kwitwararika abana no kubagaragariza igishika igihe baba bari kumwe. Muri ubwo buryo nyene, abavyeyi bakora akazi birerana abana, nta kundi basanga bari bugire, gutyo usanga bagira utwigoro dukomeye mu vyo kurera abana babo, kandi bakererwa.

Kurera abana birashobora kuba igikorwa giteye umunezero, ceza umutima. Yamara rero, ni igikorwa kitoroshe, gisaba vyinshi. None woshobora kuroranirwa gute?

[Akajambo k’epfo]

[Uruzitiro/Ifoto ku rup. 6]

Abana badakakaza

Abaganga bamwebamwe bo mu Buyapani bavuga yuko igitigiri c’abana batarira canke ngo batwenge kiguma congerekana. Muganga w’abana Satoshi Yanagisawa abita abana badakakaza. Ni kubera iki abo bana bareka guserura inyiyumvo zabo? Abaganga bamwebamwe bibaza yuko ivyo bishikira abana kubera baba batahawe akaryo ko gushikirana n’abavyeyi babo. Ivyo bavyita ukubura gitabara bitari ngombwa. Hari iciyumviro kivuga yuko mu gihe icipfuzo c’inzoya co gushikirana n’abandi kiguma cirengagizwa canke gitahurwa ukutari kwo, impera n’imperuka zidasubira kugerageza kugiserura.

Dogoteri Bruce Perry, umukuru w’igisata kijejwe indwara zo mu mutwe ku bitaro vy’abana vyo muri Texas, avuga yuko igihe uruyoya rutitwararitswe mu buryo bubereye no mu gihe kibereye, igice c’ubwonko gituma rutahura inyiyumvo z’abandi gishobora kudakura. Mu gihe inyiyumvo zarwo zirengagijwe birenze urugero, ubushobozi bwo kwumvira impuhwe abandi burashobora gutakara ubutakigaruka. Dogoteri Perry yibaza yuko mu bihe bimwebimwe, ugufata ibiyayuramutwe n’ubukazi bugirwa n’imiyabaga bishobora kuba bifitaniye isano n’ibintu nk’ivyo vyashitse mu bwana.

[Ifoto ku rup. 7]

Ubucuti buri hagati y’umuvyeyi n’umwana burarushiriza gukomera igihe bashikirana