Kuki abana batagihanwa?

Mu myaka ibarirwa muri za mirongo ishize, imibereho y’abagize umuryango mu bihugu bikize yarahindutse cyane. Kera ababyeyi ni bo bayoboraga umuryango, abana babo bagakurikiza ubuyobozi bwabo. Ariko ubu mu miryango imwe n’imwe usanga abana ari bo bayobora. Tekereza ku ngero zikurikira z’ibintu bishobora kubaho, zigaragaza ko ari uko bisigaye byifashe.

• Umwana w’umuhungu w’imyaka 4 ari kumwe na nyina mu iduka. Afashe igikinisho, ariko nyina agerageza kumubuza amubwira ati “ariko se ibyo ufite ntibihagije?” Nyina yibutse ko atagombye kumubaza icyo kibazo. Umwana akomeje kwiriza avuga ati “mama ndagishaka.” Umubyeyi atinye ko umwana yakomeza kwiriza nk’uko bisanzwe, yemera kukimugurira.

• Umugabo arimo araganira n’undi, maze agakobwa ke k’imyaka itanu kamuca mu ijambo kati “papa ndarambiwe; dutahe.” Uwo mugabo arunamye, abwira uwo mwana ati “ihangane sha! Mu kanya turaba dutashye. Si byo?”

• Umwana w’imyaka 12 witwa James, aregwa ko asakuza mu ishuri. Se arakariye mwarimu aho kurakarira umwana we, aramubwira ati “ihangane mwana wa! N’ubundi mwarimu arakwanga. Ndamurega ku bayobozi b’ikigo.”

Nubwo ibivugwa muri izo nkuru bitabayeho, bishobora kubaho. Bigaragaza ikibazo imiryango ihanganye na cyo, aho usanga ababyeyi bihanganira abana basuzugura, bakabaha ibyo babasabye byose, bakora amakosa ntibabahane. Hari igitabo cyagize kiti “uko iminsi ishira indi igataha, ababyeyi bagenda begurira abana ubutware. Nyamara mu myaka mike ishize, abana bari bazi ko atari bo batware mu muryango.”​—The Narcissism Epidemic.

Birumvikana ko ababyeyi benshi bihatira kwigisha abana babo amahame aboneye binyuze ku rugero rwiza babaha, byaba na ngombwa bakabahana batajenjetse ariko babigiranye urukundo. Icyakora, cya gitabo twigeze kuvuga cyagaragaje ko ababyeyi barera abana batyo babonwa nk’abica umuco.”

None se byageze aho bite? Kuki abana batagihanwa?

Igitsure cy’Ababyeyi cyaragabanutse

Hari abavuga ko igitsure cy’ababyeyi cyatangiye kugabanuka mu myaka ya za 60, igihe abiyita impuguke bashishikarizaga ababyeyi korohera abana babo. Baravugaga bati “mujye muba incuti [zabo] aho kuba abatware. Gushimagiza abana birabafasha kuruta kubahana. Aho guhoza ijisho ku bibi bakora, mujye mwita ku byiza.” Aho kugira ngo izo mpuguke zigishe ababyeyi ko bagomba gushyira mu gaciro mu gihe bashimira abana no mu gihe babahana, zabaye nk’izumvikanisha ko kubahana byazatuma abana babazinukwa kandi bikabangiza mu byiyumvo, kuko ubusanzwe bacibwa intege n’ubusa.

Nyuma yaho nanone, impuguke zatangiye kwigisha abantu ibyiza byo kwihesha agaciro. Ni nk’aho bavugaga ko bari bamaze kuvumbura ibanga ryo kurera abana. Mu magambo make baravugaga bati “jya ureka umwana yumve ko hari icyo ari cyo.” Ni iby’ukuri ko gufasha abana kwigirira icyizere ari iby’ingenzi. Ariko izo mpuguke zarakabije, igihe zashishikarizaga ababyeyi kwereka abana babo ko bafite agaciro. Babwiye ababyeyi ko bagomba kwirinda kubwira abana ngo “oya” cyangwa ngo “ni bibi.” Bagaragaje ko ababyeyi ‘bagomba kubwira abana babo ko badasanzwe kandi ko bashobora kuba icyo bashaka kuba cyo cyose.’ Ni nk’aho bavugaga ko kubana neza n’abana ari byo byiza kuruta kubatoza imico myiza.

Hari abavuze ko inkubiri yo kumvisha abana ko bagomba kwihesha agaciro nta kindi yamaze uretse gutuma bumva ko bafite uburenganzira kuri byose, nk’aho isi yose ari iyabo. Hari igitabo cyavuze ko nanone byatumye abana “baba ibigwari bityo ntibashobore kwihagararaho mu gihe basererejwe, kandi rimwe na rimwe ntibabashe guhangana n’ibibazo bahura na byo mu buzima (Generation Me). Muri icyo gitabo, hari umubyeyi wavuze ati “mu kazi, ibyo kumva ko ufite agaciro nta cyo biba bibwiye abantu. . . . Iyo utanze raporo mbi ku kazi, umukoresha wawe ntashobora kukubwira ngo ‘nshimishijwe n’uko wanditse raporo ku rupapuro rufite ibara ryiza.’ Kurera abana gutyo ni ukubahemukira.”

Ibitekerezo bivuguruzanya

Mu gihe cy’imyaka mirongo ishize, abantu bagiye batanga ibitekerezo bivuguruzanya ku birebana no kurera abana. Impuguke mu by’uburezi yitwa Ronald G. Morrish yaranditse iti “uburyo bwo kurera abana bugenda buhindagurika.” Yakomeje avuga ko “ibyo bigaragaza impamvu abantu bagenda bahinduka.”a Bibiliya ivuga ko ubu byoroshye cyane ko ababyeyi bamera ‘nk’abateraganwa n’imiraba, bajyanwa hirya no hino n’imiyaga yose y’inyigisho.’​—Abefeso 4:14.

Nk’uko bigaragara, kudohoka mu birebana no guhana abana byagize ingaruka mbi. Uretse kuba byaratumye ububasha ababyeyi bafite ku bana bugabanuka, byanabujije abana guhabwa ubuyobozi bakeneye kugira ngo bazafate imyanzuro myiza kandi babashe kurangwa n’icyizere nyacyo mu buzima.

Ese hari uburyo bwiza bwo kurera abana?