Mbese, umarana igihe n’umuryango wawe?

“ABABYEYI b’Abagabo b’Abayapani Barakundwa​—n’Ubwo Bahugira mu Kazi Kabo Kandi Ntibakine n’Abana Babo.” Mu myaka runaka yashize, uwo wari umutwe w’ijambo ry’ibanze ryasohotse mu kinyamakuru cyitwa Mainichi Shimbun. Iyo ngingo yavuze ko 87,8 ku ijana by’abana b’Abayapani babajijwe mu iperereza ryakozwe na leta, bagaragaje icyifuzo cyo kuzita kuri ba se, igihe ba se bazaba bageze mu za bukuru. Ariko kandi, mu nomero y’icyo kinyamakuru y’Icyongereza, iyo ngingo yasohotse ikubiye mu rindi jambo ry’ibanze ifite umutwe utandukanye n’uwo nguwo. Wagiraga uti “Ababyeyi b’Abagabo n’Abana Babo: Barabarangarana.” Mu buryo bunyuranye n’inomero y’Ikiyapani, iyo ngingo yibanze ku kindi kintu cyagaragaye muri iryo perereza: buri munsi w’umubyizi, ababyeyi b’abagabo b’Abayapani bamaranaga n’abana babo iminota 36 gusa. Ugereranyije, usanga ababyeyi b’abagabo bo mu Budage bw’i Burengerazuba ku munsi w’umubyizi baramaranaga n’abana babo iminota 44, naho muri Leta Zunze Ubumwe z’Amerika bamaranaga n’abana babo iminota 56.

Ababyeyi b’abagabo si bo bonyine bamarana n’abana babo igihe gito. Umubare w’ababyeyi b’abagore bakora hanze y’ingo zabo urarushaho kwiyongera. Urugero, ababyeyi b’abagore barera abana bonyine, bagomba gukora akazi k’umubiri kugira ngo batunge imiryango yabo. Ibyo byatumye igihe ababyeyi​—ab’abagabo kimwe n’ab’abagore​—bamarana n’abana babo kigabanuka.

Ubushakashatsi bwakozwe mu mwaka wa 1997 ku ngimbi n’abangavu 12.000 b’Abanyamerika, bwasanze urubyiruko rufitanye n’ababyeyi barwo imishyikirano ya bugufi rudakunze kugira imihangayiko yo mu byiyumvo, kugira ibitekerezo byo kwiyahura, kwishora mu bikorwa by’urugomo, cyangwa gukoresha ibintu bisabika abantu. Kandi umwe mu bashakashatsi bakoze ubushakashatsi bwagutse kurushaho yagize ati “ntushobora kugirana n’abana imishyikirano ya bugufi, keretse ugiye umarana na bo igihe, bagukenera bakakubona.” Kumarana igihe n’abana bawe no gushyikirana na bo ni iby’ingenzi rwose.

Icyuho mu Bihereranye no Gushyikirana

Cyane cyane imiryango ihura n’ikibazo cyo kudashyikirana, ni imiryango irimo umubyeyi wagiye gukora kure y’iwe, akaba ataba mu rugo. Birumvikana ariko ko imiryango irimo umubyeyi utaba mu rugo atari yo yonyine usangamo icyuho mu bihereranye no gushyikirana. N’ubwo ababyeyi bamwe na bamwe baba mu rugo, bajya ku kazi mbere y’uko abana babo babyuka, kandi bakagaruka mu rugo abana bamaze kuryama. Ababyeyi bamwe bamarana igihe n’imiryango yabo mu mpera z’ibyumweru no mu biruhuko, kugira ngo bazibe icyo cyuho gituruka kuri uko kutabonana. Bavuga ko bamarana n’abana babo igihe cy’ “indobanure” bateza imbere imishyikirano yabo.

None se, icyuho giterwa n’uko igihe kidahagije kizibwa n’ubwiza bw’icyo gihe? Umushakashatsi witwa Laurence Steinberg yashubije agira ati “muri rusange, abana bamarana n’ababyeyi babo igihe kirekire kurushaho, usanga bameze neza kurusha abana bamarana na bo igihe gito. Birasa n’aho bikomeye cyane kwishumbusha icyo gihe kibura. Igitekerezo cy’igihe cy’indobanure bamarana n’abagize umuryango bateza imbere imishyikirano yabo, cyahawe agaciro kidakwiriye.” Uko ni ko neza neza umugore wo muri Birmanie abyumva. Umugabo we​—ufite imico y’Abayapani​— akaba agera mu rugo avuye ku kazi saa saba cyangwa saa munani z’ijoro buri gihe. N’ubwo amarana igihe n’umuryango we mu mpera z’ibyumweru, umugore we yagize ati “kuba mu rugo ku wa Gatandatu no ku Cyumweru ntibishobora kuziba icyuho giterwa no kutaba hamwe n’umuryango ku yindi minsi y’imibyizi. . . . Mbese, ushobora kureka kugira ikintu cyose urya mu minsi y’imibyizi, maze ukazabirira icyarimwe ku wa Gatandatu no ku Cyumweru?”

Ni Ngombwa Gushyiraho Imihati Batizigamye

Gukomeza gushyikirana mu buryo bwiza mu rwego rw’umuryango, biroroshye kubivuga, ariko usanga kubikora ari ikibazo cy’ingorabahizi. Ibyo umubyeyi w’umugabo cyangwa umugore ukorera amafaranga basabwa kugira ngo babone imibereho kandi batunge imiryango yabo, ntibituma babona igihe cyo kumarana n’imiryango yabo mu buryo bworoshye. Abenshi bari mu mimerere ibasaba kuba kure y’ingo zabo, bashyikirana buri gihe binyuriye kuri telefone cyangwa kwandika amabaruwa. Ariko rero, baba bari kumwe imuhira cyangwa baba batari kumwe, bagomba gushyiraho imihati batizigamye kugira ngo hakomeze kubaho gushyikirana mu buryo bwiza mu muryango.

Ababyeyi birengagiza gushyikirana n’imiryango yabo, bagomba kwitega ingaruka z’uburangare bwabo. Hari umubyeyi w’umugabo wajyaga amarana n’abagize umuryango we igihe gito, ndetse ntanasangire na bo, wagezweho n’ingaruka zikomeye. Umuhungu we yabaye umunyarugomo, kandi umukobwa we yafashwe yiba ibintu mu iduka. Umunsi umwe ari ku Cyumweru mu gitondo, mu gihe uwo mugabo yari arimo yitegura kujya gukina umukino wa golf, umuhungu we yaratombotse, maze agira ati “mbese, mama ni we mubyeyi wenyine muri uru rugo?” Uwo mwana yitotombye agira ati “mama ni we ufata imyanzuro kuri buri kintu cyose mu muryango. Papa, ntujya . . . ”

Ayo magambo yatumye uwo mugabo atekereza. Amaherezo, yafashe umwanzuro w’uko agomba gutangira kujya asangira n’umuryango we mu gitondo. Mbere na mbere, yatangiye kujya asangira n’umugore we gusa. Buhoro buhoro, abana na bo batangiye kujya bifatanya, bityo ku meza bariragaho mu gitondo, haje guhinduka ahantu ho gushyikiranira. Ibyo byaje gutuma uwo muryango utangira kujya usangirira hamwe ifunguro rya nimugoroba. Bityo, uwo mugabo yari arimo aharanira gutuma umuryango we udasenyuka burundu.

Ubufasha Buturuka mu Ijambo ry’Imana

Bibiliya itera ababyeyi inkunga yo gushaka igihe cyo gushyikirana n’abana babo. Binyuriye ku muhanuzi Mose, Abisirayeli bahawe amabwiriza agira ati “umva, wa bwoko bw’Abisirayeli we; Uwiteka Imana yacu ni we Uwiteka wenyine, ukundishe Uwiteka Imana yawe umutima wawe wose n’ubugingo bwawe bwose n’imbaraga zawe zose. Aya mategeko ngutegeka uyu munsi, ahore ku mutima wawe; ujye ugira umwete wo kuyigisha abana bawe, ujye uyavuga wicaye mu nzu yawe, n’uko ugenda mu nzira, n’uko uryamye, n’uko ubyutse” (Gutegeka 6:4-7). Koko rero, twebwe abafite abana tugomba gufata iya mbere tukajya tumarana igihe n’imiryango yacu, niba dushaka gucengeza amagambo y’Imana mu bwenge bw’abana no mu mitima yabo.

Birashimishije kuba rya perereza twigeze kuvuga ryakozwe mu mwaka wa 1997, hakabazwa ingimbi n’abangavu 12.000 b’Abanyamerika, ryaragaragaje ko “mu bantu bagera hafi kuri 88% . . . by’abaturage bavuze ko bafite idini, kuba barahaga agaciro idini n’isengesho byababereye uburinzi.” Abakristo b’ukuri bazi ko kwigishiriza abana mu rugo iby’idini birinda urubyiruko ibintu byinshi, nko gusabikwa n’ibiyobyabwenge hamwe n’ibinyobwa bisindisha, imihangayiko yo mu byiyumvo, kwiyahura, urugomo, n’ibindi n’ibindi.

Hari ababyeyi bamwe na bamwe bumva ko kubona igihe bagenera imiryango yabo bitoroshye. Ibyo ni ko bimeze cyane cyane ku babyeyi b’abagore barera abana bonyine, bakwishimira kumarana igihe runaka n’abana babo ariko bakaba bagomba gukora akazi k’umubiri. Ni gute bashobora kwihata kugira ngo babone igihe cy’agaciro cyo kuba bari hamwe n’imiryango yabo? Bibiliya itera inkunga igira iti “komeza ubwenge nyakuri no kwitonda [“ubushobozi bwo gutekereza,” NW ]” (Imigani 3:21). Ababyeyi bashobora gukoresha “ubushobozi bwo gutekereza” (NW ) kugira ngo babone igihe bagenera umuryango wabo. Ni gute babukoresha?

Niba uri umubyeyi w’umugore ufite akazi, ukaba wumva waguye agacuho nyuma y’akazi, kuki utasaba abana bawe gufatanya nawe gutegura ibyo kurya? Igihe nk’icyo mumarana, cyazajya kibaha uburyo bwo kugirana imishyikirano ya bugufi. Mu mizo ya mbere, gusaba abana ko bifatanya nawe bishobora gufata igihe kirekire. Ariko kandi, mu gihe gito uzasanga bishimisha, ndetse ari n’uburyo bwo gucungura igihe.

Ushobora kuba uri umubyeyi w’umugabo ufite urutonde rw’ibintu byinshi ugomba gukora mu mpera z’icyumweru. Kuki imirimo imwe n’imwe muri iyo utayikorana n’abana bawe? Mushobora kuganira mu gihe mukorera ibintu hamwe, kandi muri icyo gihe mukaba murimo munabaha uburere bw’ingirakamaro. Inama itangwa na Bibiliya yo gucengeza Ijambo ry’Imana mu bana banyu, ibatera inkunga yo kujya mubabwira ‘mwicaye mu nzu yanyu, n’uko mugenda mu nzira’​—koko rero, uko uburyo bubonetse kose. Kuganira n’abana bawe mu gihe mukorera ibintu hamwe, ni ukugaragaza “ubwenge nyakuri.”

Kumarana igihe n’umuryango wawe bihesha ingororano ziramba. Umugani wo muri Bibiliya ugira uti “ubwenge bufitwe n’abagirwa inama nziza” (Imigani 13:10). Binyuriye mu gufata igihe cyo gushyikirana n’umuryango wawe, uzaba ushobora kuwuha ubuyobozi burangwa n’ubwenge mu guhatana mu mibereho ya buri munsi. Ubwo buyobozi butanzwe uhereye ubu, bushobora gutuma hatagira igihe gipfa ubusa, kandi buzakurinda kugira intimba ku mutima mu gihe kizaza. Byongeye kandi, bishobora gutuma wowe n’abagize umuryango wawe mugira ibyishimo. Kugira ngo utange ubwo buyobozi, biragusaba kuvoma mu kigega gikungahaye cy’ubwenge buboneka mu Ijambo ry’Imana, ari cyo Bibiliya. Gikoreshe kugira ngo wigishe abana bawe, kandi uyobore intambwe z’umuryango wawe.​—Zaburi 119:105.

[Ifoto yo ku ipaji ya 4]

Urubyiruko rufitanye imishyikirano ya bugufi n’ababyeyi barwo, ntirukunze kugira imihangayiko yo mu byiyumvo

[Ifoto yo ku ipaji ya 5]

Gushyikirana mu buryo bwiza bihesha ingororano zikungahaye mu mibereho y’umuryango

[Ifoto yo ku ipaji ya 6]

Mu gihe ukorera ibintu hamwe n’umwana wawe, ushobora gushyikirana na we kandi ukamuha uburere bw’ingirakamaro