Mu myaka ibarirwa muri za mirongo ishize, imibereho y’abagize umuryango mu bihugu bikize yarahindutse cyane. Kera ababyeyi ni bo bayoboraga umuryango, abana babo bagakurikiza ubuyobozi bwabo. Ariko ubu mu miryango imwe n’imwe usanga abana ari bo bayobora. Tekereza ku ngero zikurikira z’ibintu bishobora kubaho, zigaragaza ko ari uko bisigaye byifashe.

• Umwana w’umuhungu w’imyaka 4 ari kumwe na nyina mu iduka. Afashe igikinisho, ariko nyina agerageza kumubuza amubwira ati “ariko se ibyo ufite ntibihagije?” Nyina yibutse ko atagombye kumubaza icyo kibazo. Umwana akomeje kwiriza avuga ati “mama ndagishaka.” Umubyeyi atinye ko umwana yakomeza kwiriza nk’uko bisanzwe, yemera kukimugurira.

• Umugabo arimo araganira n’undi, maze agakobwa ke k’imyaka itanu kamuca mu ijambo kati “papa ndarambiwe; dutahe.” Uwo mugabo arunamye, abwira uwo mwana ati “ihangane sha! Mu kanya turaba dutashye. Si byo?”

• Umwana w’imyaka 12 witwa James, aregwa ko asakuza mu ishuri. Se arakariye mwarimu aho kurakarira umwana we, aramubwira ati “ihangane mwana wa! N’ubundi mwarimu arakwanga. Ndamurega ku bayobozi b’ikigo.”

Nubwo ibivugwa muri izo nkuru bitabayeho, bishobora kubaho. Bigaragaza ikibazo imiryango ihanganye na cyo, aho usanga ababyeyi bihanganira abana basuzugura, bakabaha ibyo babasabye byose, bakora amakosa ntibabahane. Hari igitabo cyagize kiti “uko iminsi ishira indi igataha, ababyeyi bagenda begurira abana ubutware. Nyamara mu myaka mike ishize, abana bari bazi ko atari bo batware mu muryango.”​—The Narcissism Epidemic.

Birumvikana ko ababyeyi benshi bihatira kwigisha abana babo amahame aboneye binyuze ku rugero rwiza babaha, byaba na ngombwa bakabahana batajenjetse ariko babigiranye urukundo. Icyakora, cya gitabo twigeze kuvuga cyagaragaje ko ababyeyi barera abana batyo babonwa nk’abica umuco.”

None se byageze aho bite? Kuki abana batagihanwa?

Igitsure cy’Ababyeyi cyaragabanutse

Hari abavuga ko igitsure cy’ababyeyi cyatangiye kugabanuka mu myaka ya za 60, igihe abiyita impuguke bashishikarizaga ababyeyi korohera abana babo. Baravugaga bati “mujye muba incuti [zabo] aho kuba abatware. Gushimagiza abana birabafasha kuruta kubahana. Aho guhoza ijisho ku bibi bakora, mujye mwita ku byiza.” Aho kugira ngo izo mpuguke zigishe ababyeyi ko bagomba gushyira mu gaciro mu gihe bashimira abana no mu gihe babahana, zabaye nk’izumvikanisha ko kubahana byazatuma abana babazinukwa kandi bikabangiza mu byiyumvo, kuko ubusanzwe bacibwa intege n’ubusa.

Nyuma yaho nanone, impuguke zatangiye kwigisha abantu ibyiza byo kwihesha agaciro. Ni nk’aho bavugaga ko bari bamaze kuvumbura ibanga ryo kurera abana. Mu magambo make baravugaga bati “jya ureka umwana yumve ko hari icyo ari cyo.” Ni iby’ukuri ko gufasha abana kwigirira icyizere ari iby’ingenzi. Ariko izo mpuguke zarakabije, igihe zashishikarizaga ababyeyi kwereka abana babo ko bafite agaciro. Babwiye ababyeyi ko bagomba kwirinda kubwira abana ngo “oya” cyangwa ngo “ni bibi.” Bagaragaje ko ababyeyi ‘bagomba kubwira abana babo ko badasanzwe kandi ko bashobora kuba icyo bashaka kuba cyo cyose.’ Ni nk’aho bavugaga ko kubana neza n’abana ari byo byiza kuruta kubatoza imico myiza.

Hari abavuze ko inkubiri yo kumvisha abana ko bagomba kwihesha agaciro nta kindi yamaze uretse gutuma bumva ko bafite uburenganzira kuri byose, nk’aho isi yose ari iyabo. Hari igitabo cyavuze ko nanone byatumye abana “baba ibigwari bityo ntibashobore kwihagararaho mu gihe basererejwe, kandi rimwe na rimwe ntibabashe guhangana n’ibibazo bahura na byo mu buzima (Generation Me). Muri icyo gitabo, hari umubyeyi wavuze ati “mu kazi, ibyo kumva ko ufite agaciro nta cyo biba bibwiye abantu. . . . Iyo utanze raporo mbi ku kazi, umukoresha wawe ntashobora kukubwira ngo ‘nshimishijwe n’uko wanditse raporo ku rupapuro rufite ibara ryiza.’ Kurera abana gutyo ni ukubahemukira.”

Ibitekerezo bivuguruzanya

Mu gihe cy’imyaka mirongo ishize, abantu bagiye batanga ibitekerezo bivuguruzanya ku birebana no kurera abana. Impuguke mu by’uburezi yitwa Ronald G. Morrish yaranditse iti “uburyo bwo kurera abana bugenda buhindagurika.” Yakomeje avuga ko “ibyo bigaragaza impamvu abantu bagenda bahinduka.”a Bibiliya ivuga ko ubu byoroshye cyane ko ababyeyi bamera ‘nk’abateraganwa n’imiraba, bajyanwa hirya no hino n’imiyaga yose y’inyigisho.’​—Abefeso 4:14.

Nk’uko bigaragara, kudohoka mu birebana no guhana abana byagize ingaruka mbi. Uretse kuba byaratumye ububasha ababyeyi bafite ku bana bugabanuka, byanabujije abana guhabwa ubuyobozi bakeneye kugira ngo bazafate imyanzuro myiza kandi babashe kurangwa n’icyizere nyacyo mu buzima.

Ese hari uburyo bwiza bwo kurera abana?

TUVUGISHIJE ukuri kurera ntibyoroshye. Icyakora iyo umwana adahanwe kandi yagombye guhanwa, kumurera birushaho kugorana. Kubera iki? Ni uko iyo abana badahanwe (1) bakomeza kwigira indakoreka bakarushya ababyeyi, kandi (2) ababyeyi bagatanga inama bahuzagurika, bigatera abana urujijo.

Ku rundi ruhande, igihano gishyize mu gaciro kandi gitanzwe mu rukundo, gituma umwana agira ubushobozi bwo gutekereza kandi akagira imico myiza. Nanone bituma yumva afite umutekano, kandi bigatuma aca akenge. Ariko se ni he washakira inama zagufasha guhana abana bawe?

Amahame ya Bibiliya afite akamaro

Abahamya ba Yehova, ari na bo banditsi b’iyi gazeti, bemera ko Bibiliya ‘ifite akamaro ko kwigisha no gucyaha no gushyira ibintu mu buryo no guhana’ (2 Timoteyo 3:16). Bibiliya si igitabo cyigisha ababyeyi uko barera abana babo gusa, ahubwo inakubiyemo amahame yafasha imiryango kubona ubuyobozi bukwiriye. Reka dusuzume amwe muri yo.

ICYO BIBILIYA IVUGA. “Ubupfapfa buhambiriwe ku mutima w’umwana.”​—Imigani 22:15.

Nubwo abana bashobora kugira ubushishozi kandi bakarangwa n’ineza, bashobora no gukora iby’ubupfapfa. Ni yo mpamvu bagomba guhanwa (Imigani 13:24). Nuzirikana ibyo, bizagufasha gusohoza neza inshingano yawe ya kibyeyi.

ICYO BIBILIYA IVUGA. “Ntukareke guhana umwana.”​—Imigani 23:13.

Ntugatinye guha umwana igihano gishyize mu gaciro ngo wumve ko ari ukumuhutaza cyangwa ko yazakuzinukwa. Iyo igihano gitanzwe mu bugwaneza, gitoza umwana kwicisha bugufi akemera gukosorwa, kandi iyo amaze gukura bimugirira akamaro.​—Abaheburayo 12:11.

ICYO BIBILIYA IVUGA. ‘Ibyo umuntu abiba ni na byo azasarura.’​—Abagalatiya 6:7.

Ubusanzwe, ababyeyi baba bifuza kurinda abana babo, kandi rwose birakwiriye. Ariko nanone ni ngombwa gushyira mu gaciro. Iyo “urinze” umwana wawe kugerwaho n’ingaruka z’amakosa ye, uba umuhemukiye. Nanone iyo umwarimu cyangwa undi muntu amukuregeye ko yakoze ikosa runaka ukamurengera, uba umugiriye nabi. Jya ubona abo bantu nk’aho mufatanyije kurera. Nubigenza utyo, uzaba utoza umwana wawe kumvira abamuyobora nawe urimo.​—Abakolosayi 3:20.

ICYO BIBILIYA IVUGA. “Umwana udahanwa azakoza nyina isoni.”​— Imigani 29:15.

Nubwo ababyeyi batagombye gukagatiza, nanone ntibagombye kurera bajeyi. Hari igitabo cyavuze kiti “iyo umwana arezwe bajeyi ntapfa kumva ko abantu bakuru bari mu rugo bamufiteho ububasha” (The Price of Privilege). Iyo utagaragarije umwana wawe ko ari wowe ufite ububasha, yumva ko ari we ubufite. Byanze bikunze bizatuma afata imyanzuro mibi izabagiraho ingaruka ziteye agahinda mwembi.​—Imigani 17:25; 29:21.

ICYO BIBILIYA IVUGA. ‘Umugabo azomatana n’umugore we, bombi babe umubiri umwe.’​—Matayo 19:5.

Bibiliya igaragaza ko umugabo n’umugore bagomba kubana mbere y’uko babyara abana kandi bagakomeza kubana na nyuma y’uko abana bavuye mu rugo (Matayo 19:5, 6). Ni yo mpamvu kuba umugabo cyangwa umugore ari byo bibanza, inshingano za kibyeyi zigakurikiraho. Iyo ushyize imbere umwana ukamurutisha uwo mwashakanye, umwana ashobora “kwitekerezaho ibirenze ibyo agomba gutekereza” (Abaroma 12:3). Iyo abashakanye “bibanda ku bana” byangiza imibanire yabo.

Inama zigenewe ababyeyi

Kugira ngo usohoze inshingano zawe za kibyeyi, wagombye gukurikiza amahame akurikira, mu gihe uhana umwana.

Jya urangwa n’urukundo. “Ntimukarakaze abana banyu kugira ngo batazinukwa.”​—Abakolosayi 3:21.

Ntukivuguruze. “Yego yanyu ijye iba Yego, na Oya yanyu ibe Oya.”​—Matayo 5:37.

Jya ushyira mu gaciro. “Nzagukosora mu rugero rukwiriye.”​—Yeremiya 30:11.a