How to Find a Potential Marriage Mate

1-2. (a) What factors should single Christians consider before pursuing a courtship? (b) What do we mean by “courtship”? (See “Expression Explained.”)

WOULD you like to get married? While marriage is not essential for happiness, many single Christians, whether young or old, look forward to having a marriage mate. Of course, before pursuing a courtship, you should be financially, spiritually, and emotionally ready for marriage.a (1 Cor. 7:36) When that is the case, you are more likely to have a successful marriage.

² However, it is not always easy to find a suitable marriage mate. (Prov. 31:10) And even when you do find someone you would like to get to know better, it may not be easy to start a courtship.b In this article, we will discuss what can help single Christians to find a potential mate and begin a courtship. We will also learn how others in the congregation can support those who want to get married.

FINDING A SUITABLE MATE

3. What factors should a single Christian consider when looking for a marriage mate?

³ If you would like to get married, it is best to know what you are looking for in a mate before beginning a courtship.c Otherwise, you could overlook a potential mate or you could pursue a courtship with someone who is not well-suited for you. Of course, any potential mate should be a baptized Christian. (1 Cor. 7:39) But not every baptized person will be a good marriage mate for you. So you could ask yourself: ‘What are my goals in life? What qualities in a marriage mate do I view as essential? Are my expectations reasonable?’

4. What requests have some included in their prayers?

⁴ No doubt, you have prayed about finding a mate if that is your desire. (Phil. 4:6) Of course, Jehovah does not promise anyone a marriage partner. But he does care about your needs and feelings, and he can help you with the process of finding a mate. So continue sharing your desires and feelings with him. (Ps. 62:8) Pray for patience and wisdom. (Jas. 1:5) John,d a single brother from the United States, explains what he includes in his prayers: “I tell Jehovah the qualities I desire in a mate. I pray for opportunities to meet a potential mate. I also ask Jehovah to help me develop qualities that will make me a good husband.” Tanya, a sister from Sri Lanka, says: “While I look for a potential mate, I ask Jehovah to help me to stay faithful, positive, and happy.” Even if you do not find a potential marriage mate right away, Jehovah promises to continue caring for your physical and emotional needs.​—Ps. 55:22.

5. What opportunities do single Christians have to meet someone who loves Jehovah? (1 Corinthians 15:58) (See also picture.)

⁵ The Bible encourages us to have “plenty to do in the work of the Lord.” (Read 1 Corinthians 15:58.) As you keep busy in Jehovah’s service and spend time with a variety of brothers and sisters, you will not only enjoy upbuilding association but also have opportunities to meet other single ones who, like you, are focused on serving Jehovah. And as you do your best to please Jehovah, you will experience true happiness.

6. While looking for a mate, what should single Christians remember?

⁶ A word of caution, though: Do not allow your search for a mate to consume you. (Phil. 1:10) True happiness depends, not on your marital status, but on your relationship with Jehovah. (Matt. 5:3) And while you are single, you may have more freedom to expand your ministry. (1 Cor. 7:32, 33) Make the best use of this time. Jessica, a sister from the United States who married in her late 30’s, says, “I stayed busy in the ministry, and that helped me to be content despite wanting to get married.”

TAKE TIME TO OBSERVE

7. Why is it wise to observe a potential mate for a time before expressing interest in that person? (Proverbs 13:16)

⁷ What if you think someone might make a good marriage mate? Should you immediately express interest in that person? The Bible says that a wise person acquires knowledge before acting. (Read Proverbs 13:16.) So you would be wise to observe someone discreetly for a time before expressing your interest in that person. “Feelings can develop quickly but also disappear quickly,” says Aschwin from the Netherlands. “So by giving yourself time to observe someone, you won’t initiate a courtship based on impulse.” Furthermore, as you observe the other person, you may realize that the person is not ideal for you.

8. How can a single person observe a potential mate? (See also picture.)

⁸ How could you go about discreetly observing the other person? At congregation meetings or at social gatherings, you may notice things about this person’s spirituality, personality, and conduct. Who are his friends, and what does he talk about? (Luke 6:45) Are his goals compatible with yours? You might speak to his congregation elders or other mature Christians who know him well. (Prov. 20:18) You might ask about the person’s reputation and qualities. (Ruth 2:11) As you observe this individual, be sure to avoid making him feel uncomfortable. Respect his feelings, privacy, and personal space.

9. Before approaching a potential mate, of what should you be convinced?

⁹ How long should you observe the person before you express your interest? If you approach someone too soon, you could come across as impulsive. (Prov. 29:20) On the other hand, if you take too long, you could come across as indecisive, especially if the other person has perceived your interest. (Eccl. 11:4) Remember, before approaching someone, you do not need to be convinced that you will marry that person. But you should be convinced that you are ready for marriage and that the other person could be a suitable mate for you.

10. What should you do if you sense that someone is interested in you but the feeling is not mutual?

¹⁰ What, though, if you sense that someone is interested in you? If the feeling is not mutual, try to make that clear by your actions. It would be unkind to make the person think that there is a possibility of a relationship when that is not the case.​—1 Cor. 10:24; Eph. 4:25.

11. In lands where a courtship or a marriage is arranged by others, what factors should be kept in mind?

¹¹ In some lands, parents or other adults may be expected to choose a mate for their single relatives. In other lands, family or friends find a potential mate for a single person and then arrange for the man and the woman to meet to see whether they are compatible. If you are asked to arrange a courtship or a marriage, consider the preferences and needs of both parties. Once you identify a prospective mate, find out as much as you can about the individual’s personality, qualities and, above all, spirituality. A close relationship with Jehovah is much more important than money, education, or social status. Remember, however, that the single brother and the single sister should make the final decision about whether to get married.​—Gal. 6:5.

STARTING A COURTSHIP

12. If you are interested in pursuing a courtship with someone, how can you make it known to that individual?

¹² If you would like to begin a courtship with someone, how might you go about expressing your interest?e You could arrange to have a conversation with that person, either in a public setting or by telephone. Clearly express your intentions. (1 Cor. 14:9) If needed, give the person time to think about how to respond. (Prov. 15:28) And if the person is not interested in pursuing a relationship, respect his feelings.

13. What can you do if someone expresses a romantic interest in you? (Colossians 4:6)

¹³ What if someone expresses interest in you? It likely took courage for that person to approach you, so be kind and respectful. (Read Colossians 4:6.) If you need time to consider whether you agree to start a courtship, say so. However, try to provide a response as soon as possible. (Prov. 13:12) If you are not interested, express that fact kindly and clearly. Note how Hans, a brother from Austria, responded when a sister approached him: “I communicated my decision tactfully but clearly. I did so right away because I did not want to give her false hope. For the same reason, I was also careful about how I interacted with her afterward.” On the other hand, if you are interested in courting that person, discuss your feelings and expectations regarding courtship. Your expectations may differ from the other person’s, depending on your culture or on other factors.

HOW CAN OTHERS SUPPORT SINGLE CHRISTIANS?

14. How can we support single Christians with our words?

¹⁴ How can all of us support single Christians who want to get married? One way is by being careful about what we say. (Eph. 4:29) We could ask ourselves: ‘Do I tease those who want to get married? When I see a single brother and a single sister talking, do I assume that they have a romantic interest in each other?’ (1 Tim. 5:13) Additionally, we should never make single Christians feel that they are somehow incomplete because they are not married. Hans, quoted earlier, states: “Some brothers say, ‘Why don’t you get married? You’re not that young anymore.’ Such comments make single ones feel unappreciated and only increase the pressure they may feel to get married.” How much better to look for opportunities to commend single Christians!​—1 Thess. 5:11.

15. (a) According to the principle found at Romans 15:2, what should we consider before helping someone find a marriage mate? (See also picture.) (b) What points from the video stood out to you?

¹⁵ What if we think that a certain brother and a certain sister would make a good couple? The Bible tells us to consider the feelings of others. (Read Romans 15:2.) Many single ones do not want others to introduce them to a potential mate, and we should respect their wishes. (2 Thess. 3:11) Others may appreciate some help, but we should not intervene without being asked.f (Prov. 3:27) Some single ones prefer a less direct approach. Lydia, a single sister from Germany, says: “You could include the brother and the sister in a large group. Simply create the opportunity for the brother and the sister to meet and leave the rest up to them.”

16. What should single Christians remember?

¹⁶ All of us​—single or married—​can live happy and satisfying lives! (Ps. 128:1) So if you want to get married but have not yet found someone, continue focusing on your service to Jehovah. A sister from Macao named Sin Yi says: “Compared with the time you could spend with your spouse in Paradise, the time being single is relatively short. Treasure that time, and make good use of it.” But what if you have found a potential mate and have begun courting? In the next article, we will discuss how you can have a successful courtship.