How to Give Advice

1. Who needs to give advice? Explain.

HOW do you feel about giving advice? Some are happy to provide it. Others are reluctant to offer counsel, or advice, and feel awkward when delivering it. Either way, all of us are obliged to provide advice from time to time. Why? Because Jesus said that his true followers are identified by the love that they show for one another. (John 13:35) And one way that we prove our love is by giving our brothers and sisters counsel when it is needed. God’s Word says that “sweet friendship” springs from, or grows because of, “sincere counsel.”​—Prov. 27:9.

2. What must elders be able to do, and why? (See also the box “Counsel at the Midweek Meeting.”)

² Elders especially need to be able to give advice effectively. Jehovah, through Jesus, has assigned these men to shepherd the congregation. (1 Pet. 5:2, 3) One of the ways they do that is by providing Bible-based counsel in their talks to the congregation. They must also give counsel to individual sheep, including those who have strayed from the flock. How can elders and, by extension, all of us give good advice?

3. (a) How can we learn to be a good counselor? (Isaiah 9:6; see also the box “Imitate Jesus When Giving Advice.”) (b) What will we discuss in this article?

³ We can learn much about being a good counselor by studying the example set by Bible characters, especially Jesus. One of the titles that he has been given is “Wonderful Counselor.” (Read Isaiah 9:6.) In this article, we will discuss what we can do when we are asked to give advice and what we can do when we have to give counsel without being asked. We will also consider the importance of giving advice at the right time and in the right way.

WHEN WE ARE ASKED TO GIVE ADVICE

4-5. When someone asks us for advice, what question should we first ask ourselves? Give an example.

⁴ When someone asks us for advice, what should be our first reaction? We may be flattered and want to help immediately. But we should first ask ourselves, ‘Am I qualified to give advice in this area?’ Sometimes, the best way we can help is by not giving advice but instead directing the person to someone who is qualified to provide guidance on that subject.

⁵ Consider this example. Suppose that a close friend develops a serious medical condition. He tells you that he has started researching the treatment options that are available to him, and then he asks you to give your opinion on which treatment you feel is better. You may have strong personal opinions on the matter, but you have no medical qualifications or training in dealing with the illness. In that case, the best way you can help your friend is to assist him in finding someone who is qualified to help him.

6. Why may we choose to wait before we give advice?

⁶ Even if we feel that we are qualified to give advice on a particular topic, we may choose to wait for a short period of time before answering a person who asks us for advice. Why? Proverbs 15:28 says that “the righteous one meditates before answering.” What if we think that we know the answer? We might still take some time to do research, to pray, and to meditate. Then we can be more confident that our answer is in harmony with Jehovah’s feelings on the matter. Note the example of the prophet Nathan.

7. What do you learn from the prophet Nathan’s example?

⁷ When speaking with the prophet Nathan, King David said that he wanted to build a temple to Jehovah. Nathan immediately advised him to do it. But Nathan should have first taken time to consult Jehovah. Why? Because Jehovah did not want David to build the temple. (1 Chron. 17:1-4) As this incident shows, when we are asked to give advice, we are wise to be “slow to speak.”​—Jas. 1:19.

8. What is another reason why we should be careful when giving advice?

⁸ Consider another reason why we should be careful when giving advice to someone: We could share responsibility if our counsel causes someone to make a decision that brings on negative consequences. Certainly, we have good reason to think carefully before giving advice.

GIVING COUNSEL WITHOUT BEING ASKED

9. Before giving counsel, of what must elders be sure? (Galatians 6:1)

⁹ From time to time, elders must take the initiative to give counsel to a brother or a sister who has taken “a false step.” (Read Galatians 6:1.) A study note on this verse says that such a person “is heading in the wrong direction, though he may not yet have committed a serious sin.” The goal of the elders is to help the person remain on the road that leads to everlasting life. (Jas. 5:19, 20) For their counsel to be effective, however, they first need to make sure that the person has really taken a false step. Jehovah allows all of us to make decisions based on our own conscience. (Rom. 14:1-4) What, though, if a brother has indeed taken a false step and the elders decide that they must take the initiative to give him some counsel?

10-12. When giving unsolicited counsel, what should elders do? Illustrate. (See also pictures.)

¹⁰ Elders who must give unsolicited counsel face a particular challenge. In what way? The apostle Paul said that a person might take a false step before he is aware of it. So the elders should first of all prepare the person to receive the counsel.

¹¹ Giving unsolicited counsel can be like trying to grow plants in hardened soil. Before a farmer starts sowing, he tills the soil. This softens the ground and prepares it to receive the seed. He then plants the seed. Finally, he waters the seed to help it grow. Similarly, before an elder gives unsolicited counsel, he does well to prepare the ground, so to speak. For example, at a convenient time to talk, the elder assures the brother that he has his best interests at heart. If a counselor has the reputation of being loving and kind, it will be easier for others to accept his advice.

¹² During the discussion, the elder can continue to soften the ground by acknowledging that everyone makes mistakes and needs counsel from time to time. (Rom. 3:23) In a calm voice and with deep respect, the elder clearly shows him from the Scriptures how he has taken a false step. Once the brother acknowledges that he has made a mistake, the elder “plants the seed” by explaining to him, in simple terms, what he needs to do to try to correct the situation. Finally, the elder “waters” the seed by sincerely commending the brother and by praying with him.​—Jas. 5:15.

13. How can elders make sure that the person understands the counsel?

¹³ Sometimes, what the counselor says and what the person receiving the counsel hears are two different things. What can elders do to keep that from happening? They can drive the key points home by respectfully asking tactful questions. (Eccl. 12:11) The answers will help the counselor make sure that the person understands the counsel he was given.

GIVING ADVICE AT THE RIGHT TIME AND IN THE RIGHT WAY

14. Should we give advice when we are angry? Explain.

¹⁴ We are all imperfect, so we are bound to do or to say things that upset others. (Col. 3:13) God’s Word acknowledges that we may at times even cause one another to become wrathful. (Eph. 4:26) But we must resist the urge to give advice when we are angry. Why? Because “man’s anger does not bring about God’s righteousness.” (Jas. 1:20) If we give advice when we are angry, we are likely to do more harm than good. This does not mean that we should never express our thoughts and feelings to the one who angered us. However, we can communicate more effectively if we wait until we are calm. Note the good example set by Job’s faithful counselor, Elihu.

15. What do we learn from Elihu’s example? (See also picture.)

¹⁵ Elihu spent days listening to Job defend himself from the accusations of his false comforters. Elihu felt compassion for Job. But Elihu also became hot with anger because Job had misrepresented Jehovah and had focused too much on himself. Even so, Elihu waited for his turn and then spoke in a mild and deeply respectful manner when counseling Job. (Job 32:2; 33:1-7) Elihu’s example teaches us an important truth: Advice is best given at the right time and in the right way​—with respect and love.​—Eccl. 3:1, 7.

CONTINUE TO GIVE AND TO ACCEPT ADVICE

16. What lesson do you learn from Psalm 32:8?

¹⁶ The theme text for this article says that ‘Jehovah gives advice with his eye upon us.’ (Read Psalm 32:8.) This indicates that he provides ongoing support for us. He not only gives advice but also helps us to apply it. What a good example that is for us! When we have the privilege of giving advice to others, may we imitate Jehovah by keeping our eye upon them and providing whatever support we can to help them succeed.

17. When elders give specific, Bible-based advice, what do they prove to be? Explain. (Isaiah 32:1, 2)

¹⁷ Now more than ever, we need to give and to receive good advice. (2 Tim. 3:1) Elders who give specific, Bible-based advice are “like streams of water in a waterless land.” (Read Isaiah 32:1, 2.) Friends who know what we want to hear but tell us what we need to hear give us a gift as valuable as “apples of gold in silver carvings.” (Prov. 25:11) May all of us continue to develop the wisdom we need to give and to receive good advice.