Zikhona Izinzuzo Zokuba Qotho
KWAMANYE amazwe, izingane ziyathanda ukusukela izingane ezidlala nazo zizinameke umangqafane ejezini. Lo mangqafane uvele unamathele ejezini lengane, futhi noma ingenzani—noma ingahamba, igijime, izixukuze noma igxume—umangqafane uvele uthi angiyi ndawo. Ukuze usuke, kungadingeka iwususe ngamunye ngamunye. Omuntuza bachazeka kabi lapho bedlala lo mdlalo.
Yiqiniso, akuwona wonke umuntu ochazekayo uma egcwele umangqafane ezingutsheni zakhe, kodwa iyamangalisa indlela onamathela ngayo. Umuntu oqotho unamathela ngendlela efanayo. Uhlala esondelene nomuntu ongumngane wakhe. Wenza zonke izinto ezidingekayo ukuze ubuhlobo bungapheli ngisho nalapho izimo zenza kube nzima. Igama elithi “ubuqotho” lisikhumbuza izimfanelo ezinhle ezinjengeqiniso nokuzinikela. Kungenzeka ukuthi uyajabula lapho abantu beqotho kuwe, kodwa ingabe wena uwuhlobo lomuntu oqotho kwabanye? Uma kunjalo, ubani okufanele ube qotho kuye?
Ukwethembeka Emshadweni—Isidingo Esiyisisekelo
Ukwethembeka kubalulekile emshadweni, kodwa kuyadabukisa ukuthi ngokuvamile yilapho kanye kuntuleka khona. Indoda nomfazi abanamathela ezifungweni zabo zomshado—okungukuthi, abahlala ndawonye futhi ngamunye enze ngendlela ezuzisa umngane wakhe—basuke sebethathe igxathu elibenza bathole injabulo nokulondeka. Ngani? Ngoba abantu badalwe benesidingo sokubonisa nokuboniswa ukwethembeka. Lapho uNkulunkulu eshadisa u-Adamu no-Eva ensimini yase-Edene, wathi: “Indoda iyoshiya uyise nonina inamathele kumkayo.” Nomfazi wayeyonamathela kumyeni wakhe. Indoda nomfazi kwakuyodingeka bathembeke komunye nomunye futhi babambisane.—Genesise 2:24; Mathewu 19:3-9.
Yiqiniso, lokhu kwenzeka eminyakeni eminingi edlule. Kodwa ingabe lokho kusho ukuthi ukwethembeka emshadweni sekuphelelwe isikhathi? Abaningi bangathi cha. Kuyinhlolo-vo yaseJalimane abacwaningi eJalimane bathole ukuthi amaphesenti angu-80 abheka ukwethembeka emshadweni njengokubaluleke kakhulu. Kwenziwa inhlolo-vo yesibili ukuthola ukuthi iziphi izimfanelo ezifiseleka kakhulu kubantu besilisa nakubantu besifazane. Kwacelwa iqembu lamadoda ukuba lisho izimfanelo ezinhlanu elizithanda kakhulu kowesifazane, kwacelwa neqembu labesifazane ukuba lenze okufanayo. Imfanelo laba besilisa nabesifazane abathi ihamba phambili kwaba ukwethembeka.
Yebo, ukwethembeka kunengxenye ekwenzeni umshado ube nesisekelo esiqinile. Nokho, njengoba sibonile esihlokweni esandulele, ukwethembeka kuyimfanelo etuswa kakhulu kodwa eyivelakancane. Ngokwesibonelo, izehlukaniso eziningi emazweni amaningi ziwubufakazi bokuthi kuningi ukungathembeki. Abangane bomshado bangakugwema kanjani lokhu futhi bahlale bethembekile komunye nomunye?
Ukwethembeka Kwenza Umshado Uhlale Isikhathi Eside
Kuwukwethembeka lapho abangane bomshado befuna amathuba okuqinisekisana ukuthi bazinikele komunye nomunye. Ngokwesibonelo, kungcono ukusebenzisa igama elithi “okwethu” kunelithi “okwami”—“abangane bethu,” “izingane zethu,” “indlu yethu,” “izinto ezenzeke ekuphileni kwethu,” njalonjalo. Lapho behlela izinto futhi benza izinqumo—kungakhathaliseki ukuthi ziphathelene nendawo yokuhlala, umsebenzi wokuziphilisa, ukukhulisa abantwana, ezokuzijabulisa, amaholide, noma izinto eziphathelene nenkolo—indoda nomfazi benza kahle lapho becabangela imizwa nemibono yomunye nomunye.—IzAga 11:14; 15:22.
Kuwukwethembeka lapho umngane ngamunye womshado enza owakwakhe azizwe edingeka futhi efunwa. Umuntu oshadile uzizwa engalondekile lapho umuntu ashade naye ejwayelana ngokweqile nomuntu wobulili obuhlukile. IBhayibheli leluleka amadoda ukuba anamathele ‘kubafazi bobusha bawo.’ Akufanele indoda ivumele inhliziyo yayo ukuba ifune ukunakwa omunye wesifazane ngaphandle komkayo. Kufanele ikugweme impela ukuba nobuhlobo bobulili nomunye wesifazane. IBhayibheli liyaxwayisa: “Noma ubani ophinga nowesifazane uswele inhliziyo; okwenzayo uchitha owakhe umphefumulo.” Nenkosikazi kudingeka iphile ngale ndinganiso yokwethembeka ephakeme.—IzAga 5:18; 6:32.
Kuyazuzisa yini ukwethembeka emshadweni? Kakhulu! Kwenza umshado uzinze nakakhulu, abashadile babambelele ngokuqinile komunye nomunye phakade. Lapho abangane bomshado bethembekile bayazuza bobabili. Ngokwesibonelo, lapho indoda iyikhathalela ngokwethembeka inhlalakahle yomkayo, inkosikazi izizwa ilondekile, okuyikhuthaza ukuba iveze bonke ubuhle bayo. Kwenzeka okufanayo nangomyeni. Ukuzimisela kwakhe ukwethembeka kumkakhe kumsiza ukuba abambelele ezimisweni ezilungile kuzo zonke izici zokuphila kwakhe.
Uma indoda nomkayo bebhekana nobunzima obuthile, ukwethembeka kuyobenza bazizwe belondekile. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, emshadweni ongenakho ukwethembeka, lapho kuvela izinkinga, abashadile bavele bahlale ngokwahlukana noma bafune isehlukaniso. Ngokuvamile lokho kudala ezinye izinkinga esikhundleni sokulungisa ezikhona. Ngawo-1980, isazi esithile sezemfashini sahlukana nomkaso salahlekelwa nayizingane. Sajabula yini njengoba sase siyindoda engashadile? Eminyakeni engu-20 kamuva savuma ukuthi ukuhlukana nomkhaya waso kwasishiya “sinesizungu, siphazamisekile futhi singasabuthi quthu ebusuku sikhumbula ubumnandi bokuvalelisa izingane [zaso] lapho seziyolala.”
Ubuqotho Phakathi Kwabazali Nezingane
Lapho abazali beqotho komunye nomunye, maningi amathuba okuba le mfanelo idlulele nasezinganeni zabo. Lapho sezindala, izingane ezikhuliswe emkhayeni onale mfanelo yobuqotho ziyokuthola kulula ukwenza okufanayo kubangane bazo bomshado zibe qotho nakubazali bazo lapho sebehlushwa izinkinga zokuguga.—1 Thimothewu 5:4, 8.
Yiqiniso, akubi abazali njalo ababa buthaka kuqala. Ngezinye izikhathi kuyenzeka ingane idinge ukunakekelwa ngobuqotho. UHerbert noGertrud—bobabili abangoFakazi BakaJehova—babhekana naleso simo iminyaka engaphezu kuka-40. Indodana yabo, uDietmar, yagula ukuphila kwayo konke iphethwe isifo sokuwohloka kwemisipha. Iminyaka engu-7 ngaphambi kokufa kwakhe ngo-November 2002, uDietmar wayedinga ukunakekelwa imini nobusuku. Abazali bakhe bamnakekela ngothando. Baze bafaka nomshini wokwelapha emzini wabo futhi baqeqeshwa ukuthi usetshenziswa kanjani. Lesi isibonelo esihle sobuqotho emkhayeni!
Ubuqotho Bubalulekile Kubangane
UBirgit uthi: “Umuntu angajabula engashadile, kodwa kunzima ukujabula uma ungenamngane.” Mhlawumbe nawe uyavumelana nalokho. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi ushadile noma cha, uma unomngane oqotho uhlala ujabule futhi lokho kucebisa ukuphila kwakho. Yiqiniso, uma ushadile, umngane wakho omkhulu kufanele kube yilo oshade naye.
Umngane akuyena nje umuntu ojwayelene naye. Kungenzeka baningi abantu esibajwayele—omakhelwane, abantu esisebenza nabo nabantu esivame ukuhlangana nabo. Ukuze ube umngane nomuntu, kudingeka isikhathi, amandla nokuzibophezela ngokomzwelo. Akuve kuyilungelo ukuba umngane wothile. Ukuba nomngane kunezinzuzo, kodwa futhi kuhilela imithwalo yemfanelo ethile.
Kubalulekile ukuba kube nokukhulumisana okuhle phakathi kwethu nabangane bethu. Ngezinye izikhathi kungase kudingeke nikhulumisane ngenxa yesimo esithile esivelile. Ekhuluma ngomngane wakhe, uBirgit uyachaza: “Lapho omunye wethu enenkinga, sishayelana ucingo kanye noma kabili ngesonto. Akuve kududuza ukwazi ukuthi uyangikhathalela nokuthi uzimisele ukulalela.” Ukuthi niqhelelene ngokuhlala akufanele kube isithiyo. UGerda noHelga baqhelelene ngezinkulungwane zamakhilomitha amaningi, kodwa sekuyiminyaka engu-35 bengabangane abakhulu. UGerda uyachaza: “Sibhalelana njalo, sixoxelane okuhlangenwe nakho futhi sitshelane izinto ezijulile, ezijabulisayo nezidumazayo. Ngijabula ngife lapho ngithola evela kuHelga. Singamathe nolimi.”
Ubuqotho bubalulekile ekulondolozeni ubungane. Isenzo sokungathembeki singabuqeda nya ngisho nobungane beminyaka. Kuvamile ukuba abangane balulekane nangezinto eziyisifuba. Bakhuluma okusenhliziyweni bangesabi ukuthi bazolulazwa noma ukuthi izindaba eziyisifuba zizophumela ngaphandle. IBhayibheli lithi: “Umngane weqiniso ubonisa uthando ngaso sonke isikhathi, futhi ungumfowabo womuntu ozalelwe isikhathi sosizi.”—IzAga 17:17.
Njengoba abangane bethu beyithonya indlela esicabanga ngayo, esizizwa ngayo, nesenza ngayo, kubalulekile ukuba sibe abangane nabantu abaphila ukuphila okufana nokwethu. Ngokwesibonelo, qiniseka ukuthi wakha ubungane nabantu abanezinkolelo ezifana nezakho, abanombono ofana nowakho ngokuziphatha, nabanezindinganiso zokuhle nokubi ezifana nezakho. Abangane abanjalo bayokusiza ukwazi ukufinyelela imigomo yakho. Kanti-ke ungafunelani nje ukusondelana nomuntu eningafani nhlobo naye ngezindinganiso nangokuziphatha? IBhayibheli libonisa ukubaluleka kokukhetha abangane abahle lapho lithi: “Ohamba nabahlakaniphile uyohlakanipha, kodwa osebenzelana neziphukuphuku kuyomhambela kabi.”—IzAga 13:20.
Umuntu Angakufunda Ukuba Qotho
Lapho ingane ifunda ukunameka umangqafane ejezini lenye, cishe iyofuna ukuwudlala kaningi lo mdlalo. Kungashiwo okufanayo nangomuntu oqotho. Ngani? Ngoba lapho sibubonisa kaningi ubuqotho kwenza kube lula nakakhulu ukububonisa ngokuzayo. Uma umuntu efunda ubuqotho ekhaya lapho esemncane, kamuva uyokuthola kulula ukwakha ubungane obusekelwe kule mfanelo yobuqotho. Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, ubungane obuqine kanjalo nobungapheli bungase benze umuntu athembeke nasemshadweni. Lokhu kuyomsiza nokuba athembeke ebuhlotsheni obubaluleke kakhulu.
UJesu wathi umyalo omkhulu kunayo yonke ukuthanda uJehova uNkulunkulu ngenhliziyo, ngomphefumulo, ngengqondo nangamandla ethu onke. (Marku 12:30) Lokhu kusho ukuthi kumelwe sibe qotho ngokuphelele kuNkulunkulu. Ukuba qotho kuJehova uNkulunkulu kuzuzisa kakhulu. Akasoze asidumaza, ngoba uzichaza kanje: “Mina ngithembekile.” (Jeremiya 3:12) Ngempela, ukuba qotho kuNkulunkulu kuletha izinzuzo ezingapheli.—1 Johane 2:17.
[Amazwi acashunwe esihlokweni ekhasini 6]
Lapho unomngane oqotho uhlala ujabule
[Isithombe ekhasini 5]
Amalungu omkhaya aqotho komunye nomunye ayanakekelana