Ukubonisa Uthando Nenhlonipho Njengendoda
“Yilowo nalowo makathande umkakhe njengokuba ezithanda yena.”—EFESU 5:33.
1, 2. (a) Idivosi iyinkinga ngezinga elingakanani emhlabeni namuhla? (b) Ngokuphambene isiphi esinye isimo esikhona?
PHAKATHI nawo-1980, iPsychology Today yabika: “Imibhangqwana engaphezu kwesigidi ngonyaka [eU.S.A.] manje iqeda amathemba ayo enjabulo ngedivosi; isilinganiso esivamile sobude bomshado eUnited States siyiminyaka engu-9,4. . . . Ngempela, ngezinye izikhathi kubonakala sengathi akukho muntu laphaya onomshado ojabulisayo.” (June 1985) Uma sicabangela abantu abadala kanye nabantwana, lokho kufinyelela okungenani kubantu abayizi-3 000 000 abathintwa imishado ebhidlikile ezweni elilodwa kuphela. Kodwa idivosi iyinkinga yomhlaba wonke, okubonisa ukuthi uthando nenhlonipho kuyantuleka emishadweni eyizigidi.
2 Ngakolunye uhlangothi, kukhona “elinye iqembu elivama ukunganakwa: leyomibhangqwana ngandlela-thile ekwaziyo ukuhlala ndawonye, engavumeli lutho ngaphandle kokufa uqobo ukuba luyehlukanise.” (Psychology Today) Kanjalo, kukhona futhi izigidi zemibhangqwana ekusebenzela kanzima ukugcina imishado yayo ihlangene.
3. Imiphi imibuzo esingazibuza yona?
3 Unjani umshado wakho? Ingabe ukhona umuzwa ofudumele wothando nokuhloniphana phakathi kwendoda nomfazi? Ingabe uthando olunjalo lukhona phakathi kwabazali nabantwana emkhayeni wakho? Noma ingabe ngezinye izikhathi uzithola usesimweni esiyingozi sokucasuka nokungethembi? Njengoba engekho kithi ophelele, izimo ezinzima zingaba khona kunoma yimuphi umkhaya, ngisho nalapho bonke bezama ukuba ngamaKristu, ngoba, “bonke bonile, basilalelwe inkazimulo kaNkulunkulu.”—Roma 3:23.
4. UPawulu noPetru babonisa kanjani ukuthi ubani onengxenye eyinhloko emkhayeni ojabulayo?
4 Ngenxa yeqiniso lokuthi izinkinga zingaba khona kunoma yimuphi umkhaya, ubani onendima eyinhloko ekugcineni umkhaya unokuthula nokuzwana? Abaphostoli uPawulu noPetru banikeza impendulo eselulekweni esiqondile esitholakala ezincwadini zabo. UPawulu wabhala: “Ngithanda ukuba nazi ukuthi inhloko yawo onke amadoda inguKristu, nenhloko yowesifazane iyindoda, nenhloko kaKristu inguNkulunkulu.” Wathi futhi: “Nithobelane ngokumesaba uKristu. Abafazi mabathobele amadoda abo kungathi kukuyo iNkosi, ngokuba indoda iyinhloko yomfazi, njengokuba noKristu uyinhloko yebandla.” (1 Korinte 11:3; Efesu 5:21-23) Ngomqondo ofanayo, uPetru wabhala: “Kanjalo [nilandela isibonelo sikaKristu], bafazi, thobelani amadoda enu.”—1 Petru 2:21–3:1.
UKristu—Isibonelo Esiqabulayo
5, 6. UJesu Kristu uyisibonelo kanjani ekusebenziseni ubunhloko?
5 Ngokuvumelana neseluleko esishiwo ngaphambili, indoda iyinhloko yomkhaya engokomBhalo. Kodwa iyinhloko ngamuphi umqondo? Kufanele busetshenziswe kanjani ubunhloko? Amanye amadoda akuthola kulula ukuyifuna ngenkani inhlonipho ngokuphikelela ngokuthi ‘ayizinhloko zamakhaya, neBhayibheli lisho kanjalo.’ Kodwa lokho kufana kanjani nesibonelo sikaKristu? Ingabe uKristu ngokuqhosha wayifuna ngenkani inhlonipho kubalandeli bakhe? Ingabe singasithola isikhathi lapho ngokuqhosha athi kubo: “Ubani oyiNdodana kaNkulunkulu lapha? Kumelwe ningihloniphe!” Ngokuphambene, uJesu wayizuza inhlonipho. Kanjani? Ngesibonelo sakhe esihle ekuziphatheni, enkulumweni, nasekuphatheni abanye ngobubele.—Marku 6:30-34.
6 Ngakho-ke isihluthulelo sokusebenzisa ubunhloko ngokufanele njengendoda nobaba siwukulandela isibonelo sikaJesu Kristu. Nakuba uJesu engazange ashade, indlela aphatha ngayo abalandeli bakhe iyisibonelo emadodeni. Ngokuqinisekile lokho kubekela noma iyiphi indoda inselele, ngoba uJesu uyisibonelo esiphelele. (Heberu 4:15; 12:1-3) Noma kunjalo, lapho indoda isondela kakhudlwana esibonelweni sikaKristu, yilapho uthando nenhlonipho eyiboniswayo kuyojula khona kakhulu. Ngakho, ake sibhekisise uhlobo lomuntu uJesu ayeyilo.—Efesu 5:25-29; 1 Petru 2:21, 22.
7. Yini uJesu ayinika abalandeli bakhe, futhi ivela kumuphi umthombo?
7 Ngesinye isikhathi, uJesu wathi esixukwini: “Zanini kimi nina nonke enikhatheleyo nenisindwayo, mina ngizakuniphumuza [“ngizakuniqabula,” “NW”]. Bekani ijoka lami phezu kwenu, nifunde kimi, ngokuba ngimnene, ngithobile ngenhliziyo; khona imiphefumulo yenu iyakufumana impumuzo [“ukuqabuleka,” “NW”]. Ngokuba ijoka lami lihle, nomthwalo wami ulula.” Manje, yini uJesu ayinika izilaleli zakhe? Ukuqabuleka okungokomoya! Kodwa ukuqabuleka kwakuyovela kumuphi umthombo? Wayesanda kuthi: “Akakho futhi omazi uYise, kuphela iNdodana nalowo iNdodana ethanda ukumambulela yena.” Lokhu kwabonisa ukuthi uJesu wayeyonikeza ukuqabuleka okungokomoya ngokwambula uYise kubalandeli bakhe beqiniso. Kodwa futhi amazwi kaJesu asikisela ukuthi lokho kuqabuleka kwakuyovela ekusondelaneni naye, njengoba ‘ayemnene, ethobekile ngenhliziyo.’—Mathewu 11:25-30.
Indlela Yokuba Amadoda Nobaba Abaqabulayo
8. Kungaziphi izindlela indoda nobaba okufanele ibe ngeqabula ngazo?
8 Amazwi kaJesu asisiza ukuba sibone ukuthi indoda engumKristu kufanele ibe eqabulayo emkhayeni wayo kokubili ngezindlela ezingokomoya nezomuntu siqu. Ngesibonelo sayo sobumnene nangokufundisa kwayo, kufanele isize umkhaya wayo ukuba umazi kangcono uBaba wasezulwini. Ukuziphatha kwayo kufanele kubonise umqondo nezenzo zeNdodana kaNkulunkulu. (Johane 15:8-10; 1 Korinte 2:16) Kuyaqabula kubo bonke emkhayeni ukusondelana nendoda enjalo ngoba ingumyeni, ubaba, nomngane onothando. Kumelwe ingeneke futhi ingabi matasa kakhulu ukuba kungaxoxwa nayo. Ngempela, kumelwe ikwazi ukulalela, hhayi nje ukuzwa.—Jakobe 1:19.
9. Iyiphi inkinga ngezinye izikhathi ethinta abadala ebandleni?
9 Lokhu kusikhumbuza ngenkinga ngezinye izikhathi ethinta abadala bamabandla nemikhaya yabo. Ngokuvamile umdala uhlala ematasa enakekela izidingo zebandla ezingokomoya. Uye wabeka isibonelo esihle ngokuqondene nemihlangano yobuKristu, inkonzo, nomsebenzi wokwalusa. (Heberu 13:7, 17) Nokho, abanye abadala, eqinisweni, baye basebenzisa wonke amandla abo ngenxa yebandla. Ekwenzeni kanjalo baye badebeselela imikhaya yabo, ngezinye izikhathi kwaba nemiphumela ebuhlungu. Kwesinye isenzakalo omunye umdala waba matasa kakhulu ukuthi angaqhubela indodana yakhe isifundo. Wahlela ukuba omunye ayiqhubele!
10. Abadala bangaba kanjani abalinganiselayo ekusebenziseni kwabo ubunhloko ebandleni nasekhaya?
10 Lesibonelo sigcizelelani? Isidingo ngendoda ukuba igcine ukulinganisela phakathi kwemisebenzi yebandla naleyo eqondene nomkayo nomkhaya. Ngokwesibonelo, ngemva kwemihlangano ngokuvamile abadala baba matasa ngezinkinga nangezingxoxo. Uma kungenzeka, ngeke yini kube okuqabulayo ngomdala onjalo ukuba enze amalungiselelo okuba othile ayise umkakhe nabantwana ekhaya, kunokuba abalindise eHholo LoMbuso amahora amaningi? Ngokuvumelana nezimfuneko zeBhayibheli, kungashiwo ukuthi ‘ukwalusa kuqala ekhaya.’ Uma umdala engawunaki umkhaya wakhe, angase afake isabelo sakhe engozini. Ngakho, badala, yibani ababonelelayo futhi nicabangele izidingo zemikhaya yenu ezingokomzwelo, ezingokomoya, nezinye.—1 Thimothewu 3:4, 5; Thithu 1:5, 6.
11, 12. Indoda engumKristu ingakuthola kanjani ukusekelwa umkhaya wayo, futhi imiphi imibuzo indoda ngayinye engazibuza yona?
11 Indoda engumKristu eqabulayo ngeke futhi ibe umashiqela noma isidlova, yenze izinqumo ngaphandle kokuthintana nomkhaya wayo. Mhlawumbe kumelwe kwenziwe isinqumo ngokuqondene nokushintsha umsebenzi noma ikhaya noma ngisho nendaba engelutho njengokuzijabulisa komkhaya. Njengoba onke amalungu omkhaya eyothinteka, ngeke yini kube ukuhlakanipha nomusa ukuwathinta wonke? Imibono yawo ingase ibe usizo kuyo ukuze ifinyelele esinqumweni esihlakaniphile nesibonelelayo. Khona-ke kuyoba lula ngabo bonke ekhaya ukuba bayisekele.—Qhathanisa nezAga 15:22.
12 Kulokhu osekushiwo, kusobala ukuthi indoda nobaba ongumKristu ayiyona nje eyokuba iyale ekhaya. Kumelwe futhi iqabule. Madoda nani bobaba, ingabe ninjengoKristu? Ingabe niyaqabula emikhayeni yenu?—Efesu 6:4; Kolose 3:21.
Ukuhlala Ngokokwazi
13. Isiphi iseluleko esihle uPetru asinikeza amadoda?
13 Njengoba sekuphawuliwe, bobabili oPetru noPawulu banikeza iseluleko esihle emibhangqwaneni eshadile. Njengoba ayeyindoda eshadile, uPetru wayenosizo olukabili ekwelulekeni kwakhe—okuhlangenwe nakho nokuqondisa komoya ongcwele. (Mathewu 8:14) Wabhekisa iseluleko esiqondile kuwo wonke amadoda, ethi: “Kanjalo, madoda, hlalani nabo ngokokwazi, njengalokhu owesifazane eyisitsha esibuthakathaka.” Inguqulo eyeluliwe kaJ. W. C. Wand ifundeka kanje: “Ngendlela efanayo amadoda kumelwe asebenzise izimiso zobuKristu ngobuhlakani ebuhlotsheni bawo nomkawo.”—1 Petru 3:7.
14. Imiphi imibuzo manje ephakamayo?
14 Manje, kusho ukuthini ukuhlala nomfazi “ngokokwazi” noma ‘ukusebenzisa izimiso zobuKristu ngobuhlakani’? Indoda ingamnika kanjani umkayo udumo? Ngempela, indoda engumKristu kufanele isiqonde kanjani iseluleko sikaPetru?
15. (a) Kungani eminye imishado ihluleka? (b) Iyini inselele yangempela emshadweni?
15 Imishado eminingi isekelwe ezicini ezingokwenyama nasekukhangeni okungokobulili. Kanti, umshado ohlala njalo awunakuqinisekiswa ngokubukeka kahle kuphela, ngoba lokho akuhlali. Ekugcineni labo asebeneminyaka eminingi beshadile baba nezinwele ezimpunga nemibimbi. Kodwa khumbula ukuthi umshado uwukuhlanganiswa kwemiqondo emibili, ubuntu obubili, izizinda ezimbili nezindinganiso ezingokomoya, nezindimi ezimbili. Lokhu kubeka inselele yangempela! Kodwa, ukukuqonda lokhu kubalulekile emshadweni ojabulisayo.—IzAga 17:1; 21:9.
16. Kuhilelani ‘ukuhlala naye ngokokwazi’?
16 Phakathi kwezinye izinto, ukuze indoda engumKristu ihlale nomkayo “ngokokwazi” kusho ukuthi kumelwe iziqonde ngempela izidingo zakhe. Lezi akuzona nje izidingo zakhe ezingokwenyama, kodwa ngokubaluleke ngokungaphezulu, izidingo zakhe ezingokomzwelo, ezingokwengqondo, nezingokomoya. Uma ‘ihlala naye ngokokwazi,’ iyoyiqonda indima yayo eyabelwe nguNkulunkulu. Kuyosho futhi ukuthi ihlonipha isithunzi sakhe sesifazane. Lokhu kuphikisana kakhulu nombono wamanye amaGnostic asosukwini lukaPetru, kuwo “abesifazane babengabantu abadelelwayo njengabaphansi, benyama, nabangahlanzekile.” (The Anchor Bible) Inguqulo yamuva yeSpanishi ibeka amazwi kaPetru kanje: “Ngokuqondene namadoda: yibani nesu ekuphileni kwenu enikuhlanganyelayo, nibonisa ukumcabangela owesifazane, ngenxa yokuba kwakhe owesakhiwo esibucayi.” (Nueva Biblia Española) Lokhu kuveza iphuzu elihle amadoda alikhohlwayo ngezinye izikhathi.
17. (a) Phakathi kwezinye izici, yini ehilelekile ‘esakhiweni esibucayi’ ‘sesitsha esibuthaka’? (b) Iyiphi enye indlela indoda engayibonisa ngayo inhlonipho ngesithunzi somkayo?
17 Kungani umfazi ‘engowesakhiwo esibucayi’? Phakathi kwezinye izinto, kungenxa yesipho sakhe sokuzala. Ukuphila kwakhe kokuzala kubuswa imijikelezo yanyanga zonke ehlanganisa inkathi yezinsuku ezithile lapho engase azizwe sengathi ulinganiselwe noma ucindezelekile. Uma indoda ihluleka ukukucabangela lokhu futhi ifuna okufanayo kumkayo nsuku zonke zenyanga, iyohluleka ukuhlonipha isithunzi sakhe. Uma kunjalo iyobe ibonisa ukuthi ihlala naye ngokungazi kobugovu, kunokuba kube ngokwazi.—Levitukusi 18:19; 1 Korinte 7:5.
Ukunika Isitsha Esibuthaka Udumo
18. (a) Imuphi umkhuba omubi abanye abangane bomshado abangena kuwo? (b) Indoda engumKristu kufanele iziphathe kanjani?
18 Enye indlela indoda engabonisa ngayo uthando nenhlonipho ngomkayo iwukubonisa ukwazisa ngezenzo nangokusho amazwi okumazisa yena nezimfanelo zakhe. Indoda ingase ingene emkhubeni wokukhuluma amazwi ajivazayo ngomkayo noma imenze isisulu samahlaya ayo. Mhlawumbe indoda enjalo icabanga ukuthi lokhu kusiza ekuyibekeni ebungconweni. Nokho, eqinisweni kwenzeka okuphambene nalokho, ngoba uma iqhubeka yenza umkayo abonakale eyisiphukuphuku, umbuzo osobala uwukuthi: Kungani yashada nowesifazane oyisiphukuphuku esinjalo? Ngempela, kungabonakala ukuthi indoda engalondekile kuphela engabalekela emaqhingeni anjalo. Indoda enothando iyamhlonipha umkayo.—IzAga 12:18; 1 Korinte 13:4-8.
19. Kungani kungeke kube okufanelekile ngendoda ukuba ilulaze umkayo?
19 Kwamanye amazwe, amadoda aze ananesiko lokululaza omkawo njengendlela yokushaya sengathi anesizotha. Ngokwesibonelo, indoda engumJapane ingase yethule umkayo ngegama elithi “Gusai,” elisho ukuthi ‘umfazi oyisiphukuphuku noma oyisiwula.’ Injongo yalokhu iwukuba lona omunye umuntu alungise isimo ngamazwi okuncoma owesifazane. Uma indoda engumKristu yenza loluhlobo lokwethula, ingabe ngempela ‘inikeza’ umkayo ‘udumo’ njengoba uPetru ayala? Uma sibheka indaba ngakolunye uhlangothi, ingabe ngempela ikhuluma iqiniso kumakhelwane wayo? Ingabe ngempela ikholelwa ukuthi umkayo uyisiphukuphuku?—Efesu 4:15, 25; 5:28, 39.
20. (a) Isiphi isimo esiziphikisayo esingaba khona phakathi kwendoda nomfazi? (b) Singagwenywa kanjani?
20 Ngezinye izikhathi indoda iyobonisa ukuntula uthando nenhlonipho nje ngokukhohlwa ukuthi umkayo ungudadewabo ongumKristu, hhayi eHholo LoMbuso kuphela kodwa ekhaya nangazo zonke izikhathi. Yeka ukuthi kulula kanjani ukuba nomusa nesizotha ehholo nokuba nokhahlo ekhaya! Ngakho yeka ukuthi sifaneleke kanjani iseluleko sikaPawulu! Wabhala: “Asijonge okokuthula nokokwakhana.” “Yilowo nalowo kithi makathokozise umakhelwane, kube kuhle, aze akheke.” (Roma 14:19; 15:2) Akekho umakhelwane womuntu oseduze ukwedlula indoda noma umfazi wakhe.
21. Yini engenziwa amadoda ukuze akhuthaze omkawo?
21 Ngakho, indoda engumKristu enothando iyobonisa ukwazisa umkayo ngamazwi nangezenzo. Njengoba imbongi engaziwa yasho:
“Phakathi kweminako yomshikashika wasemshadweni
Naphezu kokuphila kokukhandleka nomsebenzi
Uma umazisa umfazi wakho othandekayo—
Mtshele! . . .
Ungowakhe futhi ungowakhe yedwa;
Wazi kahle ukuthi ungowakho wedwa;
Musa ukulindela ukukuqopha etsheni—
Mtshele!”
Lemizwa yasekelwa ngokucacile unina wenkosi yasendulo uLemuweli. Ngokwengxenye, wachaza umfazi omuhle ngalamagama: “Ngokuvumelana amadodana akhe athi uyajabula; nomyeni wakhe, futhi uhuba ngodumo lwakhe: ‘Abesifazane abaningi babonisa indlela abanekhono ngayo; kodwa wena ubadlula bonke.’” (IzAga 31:1, 28, 29, The New English Bible) Madoda, ingabe niyabatusa omkenu njalo, noma lokho nanikwenza ngoba nisaqomene?
22, 23. Umshado ophumelelayo usekelwe phezu kwani?
22 Kulokhu kucabangela okufushane, kusobala ukuthi ukuze indoda ibonise uthando nenhlonipho emshadweni wayo, akwanele ukuletha iholo nje ekhaya. Umshado ophumelelayo usekelwe ebuhlotsheni bothando, bokwethembeka, nobokucabangela. (1 Petru 3:8, 9) Njengoba iminyaka idlula, lobuhlobo kufanele bujule njengoba indoda nomfazi bazisa izimfanelo namakhono omunye nomunye futhi befunda ukungabunaki nokubuthethelela ubuthaka bomunye.—Efesu 4:32; Kolose 3:12-14.
23 Uma indoda ihola ekuboniseni uthando nenhlonipho, umkhaya wonke uyobusiseka. Kodwa iyiphi ingxenye umfazi ongumKristu okufanele abe nayo emkhayeni ojabulayo? Isihloko esilandelayo sizoxoxa ngalokho nangemibuzo ephathelene nakho.
Ingabe Uyakhumbula?
◻ Ubani onengxenye eyinhloko emshadweni ojabulisayo, futhi ngani?
◻ Amadoda angasilingisa kanjani isibonelo sikaKristu esiqabulayo?
◻ Ikuphi ukulinganisela okudingekile phakathi kwemithwalo yemfanelo yebandla neyomkhaya?
◻ Indoda ‘ingahlala’ kanjani ‘nomkayo ngokokwazi’?
◻ Kusho ukuthini ‘ukunika komuntu umfazi wakhe udumo njengesitsha esibuthaka’?
[Isithombe ekhasini 11]
Umdala olinganiselayo uyazi ukuthi ukwalusa kuqala ekhaya