Pornography Can Shatter Your Marriage

His wife discovered his secret. He apologized profusely. He promised to stop, and he did—for a while. Then he relapsed, and the cycle started all over again.

Are you in a similar situation? If so, you need to realize how your pornography habit is affecting your spouse and how you can quit the practice once and for all.a

In this article

• What you should know

• What you can do

• If your husband watches porn

What you should know

Pornography can shatter a marriage. It promotes resentment and fosters mistrust on the part of the innocent mate.b

A wife whose husband looks at pornography may experience the following feelings:

• Betrayal. A wife named Sarah says, “It’s as if my husband had committed adultery again and again.”

• Inadequacy. One wife says that her husband’s pornography habit left her feeling “ugly and ashamed.”

• Mistrust. “I am suspicious of my husband’s every move,” says a wife named Helen.

• Anxiety. A wife named Catherine admits, “Worrying about my husband’s habit consumed my life.”

To think about: The Bible tells a husband to love his wife. (Ephesians 5:25) Is he doing that if he subjects her to the effects listed above?

What you can do

The practice of viewing pornography is not easy to quit. “My husband gave up cigarettes, marijuana, and alcohol,” says a wife named Stacey, “but he still struggles with pornography.”

If you are in that situation, the following suggestions can help you to quit the habit once and for all.

• Understand why pornography is bad. Pornography promotes selfish gratification, which undermines the love, trust, and loyalty that are necessary for a happy marriage. It also shows disrespect for the Creator of marriage, Jehovah God.

  Bible principle: “Let marriage be honorable.”—Hebrews 13:4.

• Take responsibility for your actions. Do not say, ‘I wouldn’t need pornography if my wife were more affectionate.’ Shifting the blame to your wife is unfair, and it merely gives you a convenient excuse to relapse when she disappoints you.

  Bible principle: “Each one is tried by being drawn out and enticed by his own desire.”—James 1:14.

• Be open and honest with your spouse. A husband named Kevin says: “I check in with my wife daily. Did I give a second glance to something provocative, or did I avoid it? This constant communication removes all secrecy.”

  Bible principle: “We wish to conduct ourselves honestly in all things.”—Hebrews 13:18.

• Remain vigilant. A relapse can occur even after years of supposedly conquering the habit. Kevin, quoted earlier, says: “I resisted pornography for ten years and convinced myself that my problem was over. But the addiction was lying dormant, waiting for the right circumstances to rear its ugly head.”

  Bible principle: “Let the one who thinks he is standing beware that he does not fall.”—1 Corinthians 10:12.

• When you are tempted, wait. While you may not be able to prevent the craving, you can choose whether or not you will act on it. The desire will pass—perhaps even faster if you learn to redirect your thinking to other activities.

  Bible principle: “Each one of you should know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not with greedy, uncontrolled sexual passion.”—1 Thessalonians 4:4, 5.

• Avoid circumstances that might trigger a relapse. “Once you’re in a vulnerable situation,” says the book Willpower’s Not Enough, “you’ve lit a match. All it takes is a little fuel . . . to light the fire.”

  Bible principle: “May nothing wicked dominate me.”—Psalm 119:133.

• Do not lose hope. It can take a long time—even years—to restore your mate’s trust. But experience shows that it is possible.

  Bible principle: “Love is patient.”—1 Corinthians 13:4.