Honoring of Parents—When and How?
By “Awake!” correspondent in Hong Kong
PEOPLE’S attitudes toward their parents vary a great deal. But almost everywhere the trend is toward less respect and concern for parents. As an example, in the United States an estimated half million teen-agers a year run away from home.
Among many Chinese, however, parents still hold a unique position; they are honored by their offspring even after they have died. Many families have a small ancestral altar where they pay homage to deceased relatives. It is understandable, therefore, why Ching Ming is an important festival to the Chinese. Regarding it the Hongkong Standard of April 5, 1970, reported:
“Ching Ming festival falls today, but yesterday thousands of people began the traditional grave-sweeping ceremonies. At cemeteries throughout Hongkong, people burnt offerings to the gods, swept graves, placed delicacies on their ancestors’ tombs and bowed in homage. . . . Most cemeteries are expected to be crowded today as tens of thousands of people will sweep the graves of their relatives.”
During the Ching Ming festival people form long queues at Hong Kong railway to go out to their ancestors’ graves in the country. They take the whole family with them, loaded with incense, food, and so forth. The festival provides another opportunity for the Chinese to honor their parents.
What customs or rites are involved in this popular festival? Are one’s deceased parents in any way benefited?
How Ching Ming Is Celebrated
Although customs vary somewhat in different localities, the main feature of the festival is sweeping the graves. They have been exposed to the elements; they may even be overgrown with weeds. So it is understandable that the living might want to tidy up the graves of deceased loved ones. But there is much more meaning to it all.
Sacrifices are also customary. Some persons first sacrifice to the earth god. These offerings are made in appreciation for his supposed services of looking after the graves. After thus thanking this deity, sacrificing to one’s ancestors begins.
There is no strict rule as to the type of sacrifices used; what is offered depends much on the financial position of the individual. Sacrifices may include chickens, ducks, fish, vegetables, fruits and cakes. Afterward, the sacrifices are not left to rot on the ground, but are taken home and eaten by the family.
People who are more conservative generally follow the procedure of first placing the sacrifice before the grave. Then the head of the house reads a eulogy. Next other members the family, one by one, kneel and bow down to the grave, males first and females following. Afterward, paper gold and silver are burned, thus bringing the service to an end.
In ancient times those who could afford it would have musical accompaniment for the proceedings. Nowadays, however, the rites are generally much simpler. The people usually just bow a few times to the graves and leave it at that.
In some places, such as in Taiwan, visitors to the graves must have with them some cakes to give to bands of children who go from grave to grave demanding gifts. If their demands are not met to their satisfaction, they may return after the visitors have left and desecrate the grave. Such pranks remind one of the custom of “trick or treat” at Halloween in Western lands.
Benefit to Parents?
People believe that these rites benefit their deceased forebears. For example, food is offered at the grave in the belief that it will be enjoyed by the dead. The paper gold and silver are burned in hope that they will become gold and silver for use in another world. And bowing is done at the grave with the thought that ancestors will observe that they are being remembered and honored by their offspring. In Taiwan, if someone in the family gets married, has a child, or even enrolls in the university, the family visits the ancestral graves three years in succession to thank the spirits of the ancestors for this blessing.
It is certainly a fine thing to want to show respect to one’s parents. Gratitude is a virtue. But can rites such as these benefit dead parents? Can dead ancestors really eat offered food, or observe respectful bowing before their grave? Can they in any way bless the living?
Truth About the Dead
This raises the question of whether the dead are really alive somewhere. A person may have seen the corpse of a loved parent put into the grave. But is there some spiritual part of that parent that survives and goes to live in “another world”? How can one tell?
No human has been to a so-called “other world” and returned to tell about it. Nor have scientists and surgeons been able to find in man evidence indicating that a conscious, living part survives the death of the body. True, it has been a common teaching for thousands of years that man has an immortal soul. But is this belief, upon which worship of dead ancestors is based, true? Does the evidence support it?
Dating from long before the days of Confucius, Buddha and other such famous teachers are the sacred Hebrew writings that compose a major part of the Holy Bible. And these writings clearly show that man is completely unconscious after death, saying in one place: “The living are conscious that they will die; but as for the dead, they are conscious of nothing at all.” (Eccl. 9:5) And showing that there is no spiritual part, a soul, that survives the death of the body to live on, Almighty God himself said, as recorded in the Bible: “All the souls—to me they belong. . . . The soul that is sinning—it itself will die.”—Ezek. 18:4.
Since the dead are unconscious, not surviving alive anywhere, they cannot partake of food offered them, nor can they in any way help their offspring. The Bible is correct in pointing out: “There is no work, nor device, nor knowledge, nor wisdom, in the grave, whither thou goest.” At least temporarily, dead loved ones are not alive anywhere.—Eccl. 9:10, Authorized Version.
When and How to Honor Parents
Since parents become unconscious at death, is it not much better to show them love when they are alive than to offer them food that they cannot eat and homage that they cannot acknowledge after they have died? Truly, the time to honor parents is when they are alive and can appreciate it! But how?
No one can deny that children owe parents a great deal, since parents do so much in bringing up and caring for their offspring. The Bible shows how children should properly honor their parents. It says: “Children, be obedient to your parents in union with the Lord, for this is righteous.”—Eph. 6:1.
Is it not a blessing for parents to have respectful, obedient children who truly love them? Is this not the right way for offspring to honor parents? Even when children grow up and have a family of their own, it is proper that they show respect and love for their parents, keeping in touch with them and caring for them, if necessary, in their old age.—1 Tim. 5:4.
Honoring Our Heavenly Father
If young people should treat human parents respectfully, what about our heavenly Father? He did not merely transmit life to us, as did our earthly parents, but he is the very source of life! And he continues to sustain our lives by providing things we need, including the sun and rain, air to breathe and food to eat. Should we not show him even greater love and respect?
If a person does not honor his own parents, he is considered an ingrate. But do we recognize that there is a heavenly Life-giver, and do we desire to know and worship him? If a person does not even know the names of his parents, this is considered strange, is it not? Yet how many people today know the name of our heavenly Father, who created man? Do you know his name? God tells us in the Bible that his name is Jehovah.—Ps. 83:18.
Our heavenly Father Jehovah can do much more for us than can any earthly parent, and he has done so. Over 1,900 years ago Jehovah sent his beloved Son Jesus Christ to earth to give his perfect human life as a ransom to release mankind from condemnation to sin and death. In the near future now, Jehovah’s purpose is to usher in a righteous new system of things. Humans will then no longer suffer and die from the effects of inherited sin, and even dead loved ones will be raised from their graves to live again! (2 Pet. 3:13; John 5:28, 29) Does not this provision of Jehovah God cause us to want to honor him? To do so we must first learn what he says about himself and his purposes, in his Word the Bible.