Husbands, Honor Your Wife

1. What is one reason why Jehovah created the marriage arrangement?

JEHOVAH is “the happy God,” and he wants us to be happy too. (1 Tim. 1:11) He has given us many gifts to help us enjoy life. (Jas. 1:17) One of those gifts is marriage. When a man and a woman get married, they vow to love, respect, and cherish each other. Maintaining a close bond can bring them real joy.​—Prov. 5:18.

2. What is the state of many marriages today?

² Sadly, many married couples in today’s world forget the promises they made on their wedding day. As a result, they are not happy. A recent report from the World Health Organization indicates that many husbands physically, verbally, or emotionally abuse their wife. A husband who does this might treat his wife respectfully in front of others but then mistreat her at home. Many marriages are also strained when a husband views pornography.

3. What factors can contribute to a husband’s abusive behavior?

³ What can cause some husbands to be abusive? They may have been raised by a violent father, so they think that abusive behavior is normal. Others are influenced by the culture around them, which may promote the wrong idea that “a real man” must use force to show his wife who is the boss. Other men were not taught to control their emotions, including their anger. Some men have developed a warped view of women and sex because of regularly viewing pornography. Additionally, reports indicate that the impact of the COVID-19 pandemic has intensified these problems. Of course, none of these factors justify a husband’s abusive behavior.

4. What do Christian husbands need to guard against, and why?

⁴ Christian husbands need to guard against adopting an improper view of women.a Why? One reason is that a person’s thoughts often lead to actions. The apostle Paul warned anointed Christians in Rome to “stop being molded by this system of things.” (Rom. 12:1, 2) When Paul wrote to the Romans, the congregation had evidently been in existence for some time. Yet, Paul’s words imply that some in the congregation were still being influenced by the customs and thinking of the world. That is why he exhorted them to change their thinking and behavior. That counsel certainly applies to Christian husbands today. Sadly, some of them have been influenced by the thinking of the world and have even abused their wife.b How does Jehovah expect a husband to treat his wife? We find the answer in the theme scripture for this article.

5. According to 1 Peter 3:7, how should a husband treat his wife?

⁵ Read 1 Peter 3:7. Jehovah commands husbands to honor their wife. Honor refers to the way we treat someone whom we respect. A husband who honors his wife will treat her in a kind and loving way. In this article, we will consider how a husband can show honor to his wife. But first, let us discuss the kind of conduct that dishonors wives.

REJECT CONDUCT THAT DISHONORS YOUR WIFE

6. How does Jehovah feel about men who physically abuse their wife? (Colossians 3:19)

⁶ Being physically abusive. Jehovah hates anyone who is violent. (Ps. 11:5) He specifically condemns husbands who abuse their wife. (Mal. 2:16; read Colossians 3:19.) According to our theme scripture, 1 Peter 3:7, if a husband does not treat his wife well, his relationship with God will be affected. Jehovah may not even listen to his prayers.

7. According to Ephesians 4:31, 32, what type of speech must husbands avoid? (See also “Expression Explained.”)

⁷ Being verbally abusive. Some husbands abuse their wife with angry words and hurtful speech. But Jehovah hates “anger, wrath, screaming, and abusive speech.”c (Read Ephesians 4:31, 32.) He hears everything. The way a husband speaks to his wife, even in the privacy of their home, matters to Jehovah. A husband who speaks harshly to his wife damages not only his marriage but also his friendship with God.​—Jas. 1:26.

8. How does Jehovah feel about pornography, and why?

⁸ Viewing pornography. How does Jehovah feel about pornography? He hates it. So a husband who views unclean images damages his relationship with Jehovah and degrades his wife.d Jehovah expects a husband to remain loyal to his wife not only in actions but also in thoughts. Jesus said that a man who looks at another woman in a passionate way has already committed adultery “in his heart.”e​—Matt. 5:28, 29.

9. Why does Jehovah hate it when a husband is sexually demeaning toward his wife?

⁹ Being sexually demeaning. Some husbands pressure their wife to engage in sexual acts that are demeaning and that make her feel unclean or unloved. Jehovah hates such cold and thoughtless behavior. He expects a husband to love and cherish his wife and to respect her feelings. (Eph. 5:28, 29) What if a Christian husband is already demeaning or abusive toward his wife or views pornography? How can he change his thinking and actions?

HOW TO OVERCOME DISHONORABLE CONDUCT

10. How can husbands benefit from Jesus’ example?

¹⁰ What can help a husband to overcome abusive and demeaning behavior? He can strive to imitate Jesus. Although Jesus never married, the way he treated his disciples is a model for how a husband should treat his wife. (Eph. 5:25) For example, consider what husbands can learn from the way Jesus treated his apostles and from the way he spoke to them.

11. How did Jesus treat his apostles?

¹¹ Jesus treated his apostles in a kind and dignified way. He was never harsh or domineering. Although he was their Lord and Master, Jesus did not feel the need to prove his authority over them through displays of power. Instead, he humbly served them. (John 13:12-17) He told his disciples: “Learn from me, for I am mild-tempered and lowly in heart, and you will find refreshment for yourselves.” (Matt. 11:28-30) Note that Jesus was mild-tempered. A mild person is not weak. Rather, he has the inner strength to show restraint. When provoked, he remains calm and in control of his emotions.

12. How did Jesus speak to others?

¹² Jesus used his words to comfort and refresh others. He did not speak harshly to his followers. (Luke 8:47, 48) Even when opposers insulted him and tried to provoke him, “he did not insult in return.” (1 Pet. 2:21-23) At times, Jesus even chose to remain silent rather than reply harshly. (Matt. 27:12-14) What an excellent example for Christian husbands!

13. As stated at Matthew 19:4-6, how can a husband “stick to his wife”? (See also picture.)

¹³ Jesus instructed husbands to remain loyal to their wife. He quoted his Father, who said that a husband should “stick to his wife.” (Read Matthew 19:4-6.) The Greek verb used in that passage for “stick to” literally means “to glue.” Therefore, the marital bond between a husband and a wife should be so strong that it is as if they were glued together. Their bond cannot be broken without damaging both of them. A husband who develops such a bond with his wife will reject all forms of pornography. He will immediately turn away from “looking at what is worthless.” (Ps. 119:37) In effect, he makes a contract with his eyes not to look passionately at any woman other than his wife.​—Job 31:1.

14. What steps should an abusive husband take to repair his relationship with Jehovah and with his wife?

¹⁴ A husband who physically or verbally abuses his wife needs to take additional steps to repair his relationship with Jehovah and with his wife. What are these steps? First, he recognizes that he has a serious problem. Nothing is hidden from Jehovah’s sight. (Ps. 44:21; Eccl. 12:14; Heb. 4:13) Second, he stops abusing his wife and changes his behavior. (Prov. 28:13) Third, he apologizes to his wife and to Jehovah and seeks their forgiveness. (Acts 3:19) He should also beg Jehovah for both the desire to change and the help to control his thoughts, speech, and actions. (Ps. 51:10-12; 2 Cor. 10:5; Phil. 2:13) Fourth, he acts in harmony with his prayers by learning to hate all forms of violence and abusive speech. (Ps. 97:10) Fifth, he seeks immediate help from loving shepherds in the congregation. (Jas. 5:14-16) Sixth, he develops a plan that will help him to avoid all such behavior in the future. A husband who views pornography should follow these same steps. Jehovah will bless his efforts to change his behavior. (Ps. 37:5) But it is not enough for a husband to reject dishonorable conduct. He also needs to learn to show honor to his wife. How can he do that?

HOW TO HONOR YOUR WIFE

15. How can a husband show affection for his wife?

¹⁵ Show affection. Some happily married brothers make it a habit to do something every day to show their wife how much they love her. (1 John 3:18) A husband may show tender affection for his wife in small ways, such as by holding her hand or giving her a warm embrace. He may send her a text message and tell her “I miss you” or ask “How is your day going?” From time to time, he may express his love for her by writing some well-chosen words on a card. When a husband does these things, he honors his wife and strengthens their marriage.

16. Why should a husband praise his wife?

¹⁶ Express appreciation. A husband who honors his wife builds her up and encourages her. One way he does this is by remembering to show appreciation for all that she does to support him. (Col. 3:15) When a husband sincerely praises his wife, he warms her heart. She will feel secure, loved, and honored.​—Prov. 31:28.

17. How can a husband show respect for his wife?

¹⁷ Be kind and respectful. A husband who loves his wife values and cherishes her. He views her as a priceless gift from Jehovah. (Prov. 18:22; 31:10) As a result, he treats her kindly and respectfully, even during the more intimate and private aspects of marriage. He will not pressure her to engage in sexual acts that make her feel uncomfortable, that are demeaning, or that bother her conscience.f He too will strive to maintain a clean conscience before Jehovah.​—Acts 24:16.

18. What should husbands be determined to do? (See also the box “Four Ways to Be a Respectful Husband.”)

¹⁸ Husbands, you can be sure that Jehovah sees and appreciates your efforts to honor your wife in all aspects of your life. Be determined to honor her by avoiding dishonorable conduct and by being kind, respectful, and affectionate to her. In doing so, you show her that you love and value her. Honor your wife, and you will protect your most important relationship​—your friendship with Jehovah.​—Ps. 25:14.