Nimukomeze umubano wanyu mu guseruranira akari ku mutima

1. Guseruranira neza akari ku mutima vyafashije gute imibano y’abubatse?

UMUVUKANYI umwe wo muri Kanada yavuze ati: “Noshima kumarana umwanya n’umugore wanje aho kuwumarana n’uwundi muntu. Agahimbare ako ari ko kose mba mfise mu buzima karongerekana, umubabaro uwo ari wo wose na wo ukagabanuka igihe ndamuseruriye izo nyiyumvo.” Umugabo umwe wo muri Ostraliya yanditse ati: “Mu myaka 11 tumaranye n’umukenyezi wanje, nta musi urarengana tutayaze. Twe na we ntiduhagarikwa umutima canke ngo turazwe ishinga n’umubano wacu twibaza ko woba udakomeye. Imvo nyamukuru ibituma, ni uko twama duseruranira akari ku mutima mu buryo buri n’ico buvuze.” Mushiki wacu umwe wo muri Kosta Rika yavuze ati: “Guseruranira neza akari ku mutima ntivyatumye gusa umubano wacu urushiriza kumera neza. Vyaratumye kandi turushiriza kwiyegereza Yehova, biradukingira inyosha mbi, bituma twunga ubumwe uko twubakanye, vyongera bituma turushiriza gukundana.”

2. Ni ibiki bishobora gutuma abubakanye badaseruranira neza akari ku mutima?

² Wewe n’uwo mwubakanye mwoba museruranira akari ku mutima mu buryo bushimishije, canke birabagora kuyaga mu buryo buri n’ico buvuze? Birumvikana yuko hoshobora kwaduka ingorane, kubera ko umubano w’abubatse uhuza abantu babiri b’abanyagasembwa bafise kamere zitandukanye, harimwo n’utugeso tugaragaza imico kama yabo be n’ukuntu barezwe. (Rom. 3:23) Vyongeye, abubakanye boshobora kuba baseruranira akari ku mutima mu buryo butandukanye. Ni co gituma abashakashatsi mu vy’imibano y’abubatse ari bo John M. Gottman na Nan Silver bavuga bati: “Bisaba umutima rugabo, umwiyemezo n’ukwumira kw’ibanga kugira ngo abubakanye bagiranire ubucuti buramba.”

3. Ni ibiki vyafashije abubakanye gukomeza imibano yabo?

³ Mu vy’ukuri, kugira ngo umubano w’abubatse uroranirwe bisaba akigoro gakomeye. Mugabo haravamwo ivyiza, harimwo n’agahimbare ntangere. Abubakanye bakundana barashobora vy’ukuri kubana mu gahimbare. (Umus. 9:9) Rimbura ibijanye n’umubano warangwa n’urukundo wa Izahaki na Rebeka. (Ita. 24:67) N’igihe nyene bari bamaze igihe babana, nta kintu na kimwe cerekana ko urukundo bari bafitaniye rwagabanutse. Ukwo nyene ni ko biri ku bubakanye benshi muri iki gihe. Akabanga kabo ni akahe? Barize guseruranira ivyiyumviro vyabo n’inyiyumvo zabo ata guhishanya, yamara babigiranye ubuntu, mu gutsimbataza no mu kugaragaza ugutahura kwimbitse, urukundo, icubahiro kigera kure n’ukwicisha bugufi. Nk’uko tugira tubibone, igihe izo kamere nyamukuru zibonekeza mu mubano w’abubatse, vyama bishoboka ko baseruranira akari ku mutima.

NIMWEREKANE KO MURI N’UGUTAHURA KWIMBITSE

4, 5. Ugutahura kwimbitse gushobora gute gufasha abubakanye kurushiriza gutegerana? Tanga uburorero.

⁴ Mu Migani 16:20 havuga hati: “Uwerekana ko ari n’ugutahura kwimbitse mu kintu, azoronka ivyiza.” Nta gukeka ko ivyo ari ukwo biri mu bijanye n’umubano w’abubatse be n’ubuzima bwo mu rugo. (Soma Imigani 24:3.) Isôko ryiza kuruta ayandi yose ry’ugutahura kwimbitse n’ubukerebutsi ni Ijambo ry’Imana. Mw’​Itanguriro 2:18 hatubwira ko Imana yaremye umugore ngo abe uwukwiranye n’umugabo, ntihatubwira ko yamuremye ngo abe uwumeze neza na neza nk’umugabo. Uruhara rwiwe rugaragarira mu kuntu aserura akari ku mutima. Ego ni ko, usanga abantu batandukanye, mugabo muri rusangi abagore barakunda kuyaga ibijanye n’inyiyumvo zabo, ibijanye n’abantu be n’ibijanye n’imigenderanire. Barashima guserurirwa akari ku mutima mu buryo burimwo igishika n’urukundo, kuko bibasubiriza umutima mu nda yuko bakundwa. Abagabo benshi bobo, usanga badakunda kuyaga ibijanye n’inyiyumvo zabo, mugabo ugasanga bakunda kuyaga ibijanye n’ibikorwa, ingorane be n’ukuntu zotorerwa umuti. Vyongeye, abagabo baripfuza kwubahwa.

⁵ Mushiki wacu umwe wo mu Bwongereza yavuze ati: “Umugabo wanje ashaka gutorera umuti ingorane ningoga na ningoga aho kunyumviriza. Ivyo birashobora vy’ukuri kumbabaza, kubera ko ata kindi mba nipfuza atari uko antega yompi akongera akantahura.” Umugabo umwe yanditse ati: “Igihe twe n’umugore wanje twubakana, nari mfise impengamiro yo gutorera umuti ningoga na ningoga ingorane iyo ari yo yose yaba afise. Ariko rero, sinatevye gutahura yuko ico yaba yipfuza vy’ukuri kwari ukumwumviriza.” (Imig. 18:13; Yak. 1:19) Umugabo afise ugutahura kwimbitse aritwararika inyiyumvo z’umugore wiwe maze akagerageza kuzisunga mu vyo akora. Muri ico gihe nyene, aramusubiriza umutima mu nda yuko aha agaciro ivyiyumviro vyiwe be n’inyiyumvo ziwe. (1 Pet. 3:7) Uwo mugore na we aca agerageza gutahura ukuntu umugabo wiwe abona ibintu. Igihe umugabo n’umugore batahura uruhara rwabo rushingiye ku Vyanditswe, bakaruha agaciro kandi bakarushitsa, umubano wabo uraba ikintu c’akaroruhore. Vyongeye, baba bashoboye gusenyera ku mugozi umwe mu gufata no gushitsa ingingo ziranga ubukerebutsi kandi ziri ku burimbane.

6, 7. (a) Ingingo ngenderwako iri mu Musiguzi 3:7 ishobora gute gufasha abubakanye kugaragaza ugutahura kwimbitse? (b) Umugore ashobora gute kugaragaza ugutegera, kandi ni akigoro akahe umugabo akwiye kugira?

⁶ Abubakanye bafise ugutahura kwimbitse barazi kandi yuko hariho “igihe co kunuma n’igihe co kuvuga.” (Umus. 3:1, 7) Mushiki wacu umwe amaze imyaka 10 yubatse urwiwe yavuze ati: “Ubu ndatahura ko hariho ibihe aho usanga bitabereye gushikiriza ingorane. Mu gihe umugabo wanje afise ibikorwa vyinshi canke ayandi mabanga, ndareka hagaca igihe gito imbere y’uko nshikiriza ingorane kanaka. Ivyo bituma ibiyago tugiranira birushiriza kuba vyiza.” N’ikindi kandi, abagore bafise ugutegera baravugana igikundiro, bazi yuko ijambo ricaguwe neza “rivuzwe ku gihe caryo” rikwegera kandi rigashimwa.—Soma Imigani 25:11.

⁷ Umugabo mukirisu arakwiye kurangura uruhara rumwega mu kutumviriza gusa ivyo umugore wiwe avuga mugabo kandi akihatira guserura neza inyiyumvo ziwe. Umukurambere umwe amaze imyaka 27 yubatse urwiwe yavuze ati: “Mbwirizwa kwihatira kubwira umugore wanje ibiri ibwina mu mutima wanje.” Umuvukanyi umwe amaze imyaka 24 yubatse urwiwe yavuze ati: “Ndashobora kwigumizamwo ibintu, niyumvira nti: ‘Nintavuga ibijanye n’iyi ngorane, izohera.’ Yamara, nahavuye ntahura yuko guserura inyiyumvo zanje biterekana ko mfise ubugoyagoye. Igihe bingoye guserura iryo ngona, ndasenga nsaba amajambo abereye yo kuvuga be n’uburyo bubereye bwo kuyavuga. Nca ndya umutima amenyo maze ngatangura kuvuga.” Ikindi kintu gifasha ni igihe kibereye, kumbure igihe abubakanye bari bonyene bariko barihweza icanditswe c’umusi canke bariko barasomera hamwe Bibiliya.

8. Ni ikintu abantu benshi badafise ikihe kivyurira abubakanye bakirisu umutima wo kugerageza gutuma umubano wabo uroranirwa?

⁸ Birahambaye ko umugabo n’umugore basenga bakongera bakagira icipfuzo gikomeye co kuryohora ukuntu baseruranira akari ku mutima. Ego ni ko, birashobora kuba urugamba guhindura ukuntu bahora baserura akari ku mutima. Mugabo igihe abubakanye bakunda Yehova, bakamusaba impwemu yiwe, bakaba kandi babona ko umubano wabo ari mweranda, baba bafise ikintu abantu benshi badafise kibavyurira umutima wo kugira ico bakoze. Umugore umwe w’imyaka 26 yanditse ati: “Twe n’umunega wanje turafatana uburemere ukuntu Yehova abona umubano w’abubatse, akaba ari co gituma tutaniyumvira ivyo gutandukana. Ivyo bituma turushiriza kwita ku rutare kugira ngo dutorere umuti ingorane mu kuziyaga turi hamwe.” Ukudahemuka be n’ukwihebera Imana nk’ukwo birayihimbara bikongera bigatuma ihezagira cane abubakanye.—Zab. 127:1.

URUKUNDO RWANYU NIRWONGEREKANE

9, 10. Abubakanye bashobora gukomeza urukundo rwabo mu buryo buboneka ubuhe?

⁹ Urukundo, wo “mugozi utagira akanenge wunga ubumwe,” ni kamere ihambaye kuruta izindi zose mu mubano w’abubatse. (Kol. 3:14) Urukundo nyakuri rurongerekana uko umugabo n’umugore b’intahemuka bamarana igihe, bagasangira akabisi n’agahiye. Bararushiriza mbere kuba abagenzi kandi bagashima kuba bari kumwe. Imibano y’abubatse nk’iyo ntikomezwa gusa n’ibikorwa bikeyi bihambaye, nk’uko vyerekanwa mu bimenyeshamakuru, ariko kandi ikomezwa n’utuntu twinshi dutoduto, nko kugwana mu nda, kuvuga akajambo karanga ubuntu, kugira akantu kerekana ko biyumvirana, kumwenyura, canke kuvuga bivuye ku mutima ngo: “Umusi wagenze gute?” Utwo tuntu dutoduto turashobora gufasha cane mu mubano w’abubatse. Umugabo n’umugore bamaze imyaka 19 bubakanye kandi bahimbawe baraterefonana canke bakandikiranira biciye kuri telefone ku murango “kugira gusa bamenye ukuntu ibintu vyifashe,” ivyo bikaba vyavuzwe n’umugabo.

¹⁰ Urukundo ruratuma kandi abubakanye babandanya kumenyana. (Flp. 2:4) Ubwo bumenyi buraheza bugatuma urukundo bakundana rurushiriza gukomera naho ari abanyagasembwa. Umubano w’abubatse uroraniwe si ikintu kiguma kwa kundi nyene, ahubwo urarushiriza kumera neza no gukomera uko haca igihe. Nimba rero wubatse, niwibaze uti: ‘Nzi uwo twubakanye ku rugero rungana iki? Noba ntahura ukuntu abona ibintu be n’ukuntu yiyumva ku bijanye na vyo? Ni kangahe niyumvira ibimwerekeye, kumbure nkazirikana kuri kamere zatumye ndamukunda?’

NIMWUBAHANE

11. Ni kubera iki kwubahana bihambaye cane kugira ngo umubano w’abubatse uroranirwe? Tanga akarorero.

¹¹ Mbere n’imibano ihimbawe kuruta iyindi yose ntitunganye, akaba ari co gituma abubakanye bakundana boshobora kutama babona ibintu kumwe. Aburahamu na Sara ntibama bahuza ku bintu vyose. (Ita. 21:9-11) Yamara, ukutumvikana kwabo ntikwatumye bankana. Uti kubera iki? Baraterana iteka bakongera bakubahana. Nk’akarorero, Aburahamu yarabwira Sara ngo: “Ndakwinginze.” (Ita. 12:11, 13) Sara na we yaragamburukira Aburahamu akabona ko ari “umukama” wiwe. (Ita. 18:12) Igihe abubakanye batubahana, akenshi ivyo bigaragarira ku kuntu bavuga canke kw’ijwi bakoresha. (Imig. 12:18) Badatoreye umuti iyo ngorane, umubano wabo woshobora gushikirwa n’ibintu bibabaje.—Soma Yakobo 3:7-10, 17, 18.

12. Ni kubera iki abaheruka kwubakana bakwiye canecane kwihatira gutsimbataza imvugo iranga icubahiro?

¹² Abaheruka kwubakana barakwiye kwihatira canecane kuvugana ubuntu n’icubahiro hagati yabo, gutyo bigatuma baseruranira akari ku mutima ata kwitinya kandi ata guhishanya. Umugabo umwe yavuze ati: “Imyaka ya mbere y’umubano w’abubatse, naho iba iteye umunezero, rimwe na rimwe irashobora kubamwo ibintu bitesha umutwe. Uko wiga kumenyera inyiyumvo z’umugore wawe, utugeso twiwe be n’ivyo akenera, na we akiga kumenyera ivyawe, ibintu vyoshobora kutoroha! Ariko rero, bizobagirira akamaro nimwavyifatamwo mu buryo butegereka, mukagira agatima k’urweze na kamere zituma mutekana, nk’ukwicisha bugufi, ukwihangana n’ukwiheka kuri Yehova.” Emwe, ukwo ni ukuri nk’ukurima!

NIMUGARAGAZE UKWICISHA BUGUFI NYAKURI

13. Ni kubera iki ukwicisha bugufi ari kimwe mu bintu bihambaye bituma umubano w’abubatse umera neza kandi urangwamwo agahimbare?

¹³ Guseruranira neza akari ku mutima mu mubano w’abubatse bimeze nk’umugezi utembera mu murima buhorobuhoro. “[Kwicisha] bugufi mu muzirikanyi” birafasha cane mu bijanye no gutuma uwo mugezi uguma utemba. (1 Pet. 3:8) Umuvukanyi umwe amaze imyaka 11 yubatse urwiwe yavuze ati: “Ukwicisha bugufi ni yo nzira ya hafi kuruta izindi zose yo gutorera umuti ukutumvikana kubera ko kukuvyurira umutima wo kuvuga ngo: ‘Mbabarira.’” Umukurambere umwe amaze imyaka 20 yubatse urwiwe kandi ahimbawe, yavuze ati: “Rimwe na rimwe kuvuga ngo: ‘Mbabarira’ usanga bihambaye kuruta kuvuga ngo: ‘Ndagukunda.’” Yongeyeko ati: “Bumwe mu buryo bunyaruka kuruta ubundi bwose bwo gushika ku kwicisha bugufi ni isengesho. Igihe twe n’umugore wanje twituye Yehova turi kumwe, tuba twibukijwe agasembwa kacu be n’ubuntu ata wari abukwiriye bw’Imana. Ico cibutsa kitaboneka kiramfasha kubona ibintu mu buryo bubereye.”

14. Ubwibone bushobora kugira ico bukoze gute ku mubano w’abubatse?

¹⁴ Ubwibone bwobwo ntibufasha na gato gusubiza hamwe. Butuma hataba uguseruranira akari ku mutima kubera ko butuma umuntu atagira icipfuzo be n’umutima rugabo vyo gusaba imbabazi. Umuntu w’umunyabwibone, aho kuvuga yicishije bugufi ngo “Ndakwinginze umbabarire,” arisigura. Aho kwemera ubugoyagoye bwiwe abigiranye umutima rugabo, ata amakosa ku wundi. Iyo hagize uwumubabaza, aho gukurikirana amahoro, arashavura, kumbure akihora akoresheje amajambo akaze canke akaguba. (Umus. 7:9) Egome, ubwibone burashobora kwonona umubano w’abubatse. Vyoba vyiza twibutse ko “Imana irwanya abibona, mugabo iha ubuntu ata wari abukwiriye abicisha bugufi.”—Yak. 4:6.

15. Sigura ukuntu gushira mu ngiro ingingo ngenderwako iri mu Banyefeso 4:26, 27 ishobora gufasha abubakanye gutorera umuti ukutumvikana kwoshobora kwaduka hagati yabo.

¹⁵ Ariko ntiwumve, twoba twihenze twiyumviriye ko ubwibone butazokwigera bwibonekeza. Turakeneye kwemera ko tubufise maze tukabukosora tudatebaganye. Paulo yabwiye abakirisu bagenziwe ati: “Izuba ntirirenge mugishavuye, kandi ntimuhe ikibanza Shetani.” (Ef. 4:26, 27) Kudakurikiza Ijambo ry’Imana birashobora gutuma umuntu ababara bidakenewe. Mushiki wacu umwe yidoze ati: “Vyarashika twe n’umunega wanje ntidushire mu ngiro ibivugwa mu Banyefeso 4:26, 27. Ivyo vyatuma mara ijoro ribi kuruta ayandi yose namaze ntasinziriye!” Ese ukuntu vyorushiriza kuba vyiza abubakanye baciye ubwo nyene bayaga ingorane bafitaniye, bafise intumbero yo gusubiza hamwe! Ariko ntiwumve, umwe wese mu bubakanye yoshobora kuba akeneye guha mugenziwe akanya ko guturura. Birabereye kandi ko usenga Yehova umusaba ngo agufashe kugira agatima kabereye. Aho harimwo kugira agatima ko kwicisha bugufi, akazogufasha kuguma urondera gutorera umuti iyo ngorane, aho kuguma wiyumvira ibikwerekeye, kugira ngo ntuhave wunyura ibintu.—Soma Abakolosayi 3:12, 13.

16. Ukwicisha bugufi gushobora gute gufasha abubakanye kubona ububangukirwe bwabo mu buryo bwiza?

¹⁶ Ukwicisha bugufi n’ukwifata ruto birafasha umuntu yubatse guha agaciro ububangukirwe bw’uwo bubakanye. Tubitangire akarorero: Umugore yoshobora kuba afise ububangukirwe budasanzwe akoresha ku bw’ineza y’urugo. Nimba umugabo wiwe yicisha bugufi kandi akaba yifata ruto, ntazokwiyumvamwo yuko umugore wiwe ariko aramurwanya, ahubwo azomuremesha gukoresha ubwo bubangukirwe bwiwe, abe yerekanye ko amuha agaciro be n’uko amukunda cane. (Imig. 31:10, 28; Ef. 5:28, 29) Muri ico gihe nyene, umugore yicisha bugufi kandi yifata ruto ntazohaya ububangukirwe bwiwe canke ngo arwanye umugabo wiwe. Nakare, bompi baba ari “umubiri umwe,” ari co gituma ikibabaje umwe kiba kibabaje n’uwundi.—Mat. 19:4, 5.

17. Ni igiki cofasha imibano y’abubatse yo muri iki gihe guhimbarwa no gutuma Imana ishemezwa?

¹⁷ Nta gukeka ko wipfuza yuko umubano wawe w’abubatse umera nk’uwa Aburahamu na Sara canke uwa Izahaki na Rebeka, ni ukuvuga ukarangwamwo agahimbare vy’ukuri, ukaramba ukongera ugatuma Yehova ashemezwa. Nimba ari ukwo biri, nugume ubona umubano w’abubatse nk’uko Imana iwubona. Nuhange amaso Ijambo ryiwe kugira ngo rikuronse ugutahura kwimbitse n’ubukerebutsi. Nutsimbataze urukundo nyakuri, ari rwo “rubeya rwa Ya,” mu kwiyumvira uwo mwubakanye mu buryo bwerekana ko umushima. (Ind. 8:6) Niwihatire gutsimbataza ukwicisha bugufi. Nufatane icubahiro uwo mwubakanye. Niwakora ivyo bintu, umubano wawe w’abubatse uzokunezereza wongere unezereze So wawe wo mw’ijuru. (Imig. 27:11) Mu vy’ukuri, woshobora kwiyumva nk’uko umugabo umwe w’imyaka 27 yiyumva, uwanditse ati: “Simbona ko nobaho ntari kumwe n’umugore wanje. Umubano wacu w’abubatse urarushiriza gukomera uko bukeye uko bwije. Ivyo bitumwa n’uko dukunda Yehova be n’uko twama duseruranira akari ku mutima.”