Ingaruka kuvuka k’umwana bigira ku bashakanye

ABANTU benshi bemera ko kubyara biri mu bintu bishimisha mu buzima. Kandi koko, Bibiliya ivuga ko abana ari “umurage” uturuka ku Mana (Zaburi 127:​3). Icyakora, kimwe na Charles na Mary, iyo ababyeyi babyaye umwana wabo wa mbere, bibonera neza ko burya umwana ahindura byinshi ku mibanire yabo mu buryo batari biteze. Urugero, iyo umugore akimara kubyara umwana wa mbere, ashobora kwita ku mwana we cyane ku buryo ajya kubona akabona imbaraga ze zose n’umutima we biri kuri urwo ruhinja. Umubyeyi w’umugabo na we ashobora gutangazwa n’ukuntu umugore we yatwawe n’umwana, ariko agahangayikishwa n’uko atacyitaweho.

Iyo umwana wa mbere avutse ashobora kuba intandaro y’ubwumvikane buke hagati y’abashakanye. Inshingano za kibyeyi zishobora gutuma umwe mu bashakanye agaragaza ibimuhangayikishije, zigatuma ibibazo bitarakemuka bari bafitanye bijya ahagaragara, ndetse bikaba byarushaho kugira uburemere.

None se ababyeyi babyaye umwana wa mbere, bakora iki kugira ngo bahangane n’imihihibikano yo mu mezi ya mbere akurikira ivuka ry’umwana, igihe umwana aba akeneye kwitabwaho cyane? Abashakanye bakora iki kugira ngo bashimangire ubucuti bari bafitanye? Bakemura bate ibyo batumvikanaho ku birebana n’uburere bw’umwana? Reka turebe bimwe muri ibyo bibazo, maze dusuzume uko amahame ya Bibiliya yafasha abashakanye guhangana na byo.

IKIBAZO CYA 1: Kwita ku mwana ni byo bihita bifata umwanya wa mbere.

Umubyeyi w’umugore amara igihe kirekire yita ku ruhinja kandi arutekerezaho. Kwita ku mwana bishobora gutuma yumva anyuzwe. Hagati aho, umugabo we ashobora kumva ko atacyitaweho. Manuel uba muri Brezili, yaravuze ati “kwiyumvisha ukuntu umugore wanjye yanyirengagije akita ku mwana wenyine, byarangoye. Mbere twembi twitanagaho, ariko ngiye kubona mbona umugore wanjye asigaye yita ku mwana gusa.” Wahangana ute n’iryo hinduka rikomeye riba ribayeho?

Ibanga ryo kugira icyo ugeraho: jya wihangana.

Bibiliya igira iti ‘urukundo rurihangana kandi rukagira neza, ntirushaka inyungu zarwo, [kandi] ntirwivumbura’ (1 Abakorinto 13:​4, 5). Umugabo n’umugore bakurikiza bate iyo nama igihe bamaze kwibaruka umwana?

Umugabo w’umunyabwenge agaragaza ko akunda umugore we, mu gihe yiyigisha kugira ngo amenye ingaruka kubyara bigira ku mugore, haba mu buryo bw’umubiri no mu byiyumvo. Iyo abigenje atyo, amenya impamvu umugore we agira atya akaba arahindutse.b Adam wo mu Bufaransa ufite umwana w’umukobwa w’amezi 11, yaravuze ati “kwihanganira ukuntu umugore wanjye ahindagurika bijya bingora. Ariko nzirikana ko atari jye aba arakariye, ahubwo ko biba byatewe n’imihangayiko tutari tumenyereye.”

Ese hari igihe umugore wawe aguca intege mu gihe ugerageje kumufasha? Niba bijya bikubaho, ntukihutire kurakara (Umubwiriza 7:​9). Ahubwo jya wihangana, ushyire inyungu ze mu mwanya wa mbere aho kuba izawe, kuko ibyo bizagufasha kutamurakarira.​—Imigani 14:​29.

Ku rundi ruhande, umugore w’umunyabwenge azagerageza gutera inkunga umugabo we witoza inshingano nshya. Azereka umugabo we uko bita ku bana yihanganye, amwereke uko bahindurira umwana cyangwa uko basukura inkongoro ye, nubwo mu mizo ya mbere bishobora gusa n’aho bibangamiye umugabo.

Ellen, umugore w’imyaka 26, na we yiyemerera ko byamusabye kugira ibyo ahindura mu mibanire ye n’umugabo we. Yaravuze ati “byansabye kutibanda ku mwana cyane, kandi nkibuka ko ntagomba gukabya kunenga umugabo wanjye igihe arimo agerageza kwita ku mwana akurikije uko nabimweretse.”

IKIBAZO CYA 2: Imibanire yawe n’uwo mwashakanye irahazaharira.

Iyo abashakanye benshi bakimara kubyara umwana wabo wa mbere, bamara iminsi badasinzira, kandi bagahura n’ibibazo batari biteze, ku buryo kubona umwanya wo kuganira bibagora. Umugore w’Umufaransa witwa Vivianne akaba afite abana babiri, yaravuze ati “mu mizo ya mbere, nitaye cyane ku ruhinja ku buryo nibagiwe ko ngomba no kwita ku mugabo wanjye.”

Ku rundi ruhande, umugabo ashobora kutabona ko gutwita byashegeshe umugore we, haba mu buryo bw’umubiri no mu byiyumvo. Babyeyi, umwana w’uruhinja ashobora kubatwara igihe n’imbaraga, ku buryo umwanya mwembi mwari mufite wo kwitanaho mu birebana n’ibyiyumvo no mu birebana n’ibitsina ubura. None se mwakora iki kugira ngo uwo mwana wanyu mukunda kandi ukeneye kwitabwaho, atababuza gukomeza gushyikirana?

Ibanga ryatuma mugira icyo mugeraho: mujye mugaragarizanya ko mugikundana.

Bibiliya yavuze iby’ishyingiranwa igira iti ‘umugabo azasiga se na nyina yomatane n’umugore we, maze bombi babe umubiri umwe’ (Intangiriro 2:​24).c Yehova Imana yateganyije ko amaherezo abana bakura bagasiga ababyeyi babo. Nyamara, aba yiteze ko umugabo n’umugore we bakomeza kuba umubiri umwe igihe cyose bakiriho (Matayo 19:​3-9). None se gusobanukirwa iby’uwo murongo, byafasha bite abashakanye bakimara kubyara, gukomeza kumenya ibyo bagomba gushyira mu mwanya wa mbere?

Vivianne twigeze kuvuga, yaravuze ati “natekereje ku magambo yo mu Ntangiriro 2:​24, kandi uwo murongo wamfashije kubona ko jye n’umugabo wanjye ‘twabaye umwe,’ ko ntabaye umwe n’umwana wanjye. Nabonye ko nagombaga gushimangira imishyikirano yanjye n’uwo twashakanye.” Umubyeyi w’umugore witwa Theresa ufite umwana w’umukobwa w’imyaka ibiri, yaravuze ati “iyo ntangiye kumva ntacyitaye ku mugabo wanjye, mpita ngira icyo nkora kugira ngo mwiteho ntizigamye, nubwo nabikora umwanya muto buri munsi.”

Mugabo, wakora iki kugira ngo ukomeze kugirana imishyikirano myiza n’uwo mwashakanye? Jya ubwira umugore wawe ko umukunda, kandi umugaragarize ko umwitaho. Ujye ushyiraho imihati ikuvuye ku mutima kugira ngo umuvanireho impungenge zose zatuma yumva adakunzwe. Umugore w’imyaka 30 witwa Sarah, yaravuze ati “umugore aba akeneye kwizezwa ko agifite agaciro kandi ko agikunzwe, nubwo yaba atakimeze nk’uko yari ameze mbere yo gutwita.” Umugabo witwa Alan uba mu Budage akaba afite abana babiri b’abahungu, azirikana ko umugore we akeneye kwitabwaho. Yaravuze ati “mu gihe cyose umugore wanjye yabaga ababaye, nagiye muba hafi kugira ngo muhumurize.”

Birumvikana ko iyo umwana avutse, umugabo n’umugore bagira icyo bahindura ku birebana n’imibonano mpuzabitsina. Ku bw’ibyo rero, umugabo n’umugore baba bagomba kuganira ku byo buri wese aba akeneye. Bibiliya ivuga ko ihinduka iryo ari ryo ryose ku birebana n’imibonano mpuzabitsina hagati y’abashakanye, rigomba kubaho ari uko ‘babyemeranyijeho’ (1 Abakorinto 7:​1-5). Ibyo bisaba ko mubiganiraho. Kuganira n’uwo mwashakanye ku birebana n’ibitsina, bishobora kubabangamira bitewe n’aho mwakuriye n’umuco waho. Ariko ibyo biganiro ni iby’ingenzi cyane mu gihe murimo mwimenyereza inshingano za kibyeyi. Mujye mwihanganirana, buri wese yishyire mu mwanya wa mugenzi we kandi muganire nta cyo mukinganye (1 Abakorinto 10:​24). Ibyo bizabarinda kugirana amakimbirane kandi bishimangire urukundo mukundana.​—1 Petero 3:7, 8.

Nanone, abashakanye bashobora gushimangira urukundo rwabo buri wese ashimira mugenzi we, haba mu magambo ndetse no mu bikorwa. Umugabo w’umunyabwenge azatahura ko umubyeyi ubyaye vuba akora imirimo myinshi ariko ntigaragare. Vivianne yaravuze ati “hari igihe bigera nimugoroba ngashaka icyo nakoze nkakibura, nubwo mba niriwe nkubita hirya no hino ngo nite ku mwana.” Ku rundi ruhande, nubwo umugore w’umutima aba yakoze imirimo myinshi, yagombye kwirinda gupfobya uruhare umugabo agira mu kwita ku muryango.​—Imigani 17:17.

IKIBAZO CYA 3: Ntimwumvikana ku birebana n’uburere bw’umwana.

Abashakanye bashobora kutumvikana bitewe n’uko bakuriye ahantu hatandukanye. Umugore wo mu Buyapani witwa Asami n’umugabo we witwa Katsuro bahuye n’ikibazo nk’icyo. Asami yaravuze ati “numvaga ko Katsuro akabya kurera umwana wacu bajeyi, mu gihe we yabonaga ko nakabyaga kumusharirira.” Mwakwirinda mute guhangana?

Ibanga ryo kugira icyo ugeraho: mujye mubiganiraho kandi mushyigikirane.

Umwami w’umunyabwenge Salomo, yaravuze ati “ubwibone butera intambara gusa, ariko ubwenge bufitwe n’abajya inama” (Imigani 13:​10). Ni iki uzi ku birebana n’uko uwo mwashakanye abona ibirebana no kurera abana? Nutegereza kuzabiganiraho n’uwo mwashakanye ari uko umwana wanyu amaze kuvuka, bizatuma muhora muhanganye aho gukemura neza ikibazo mufite.

Urugero, mushobora kumvikana ku bisubizo by’ibibazo bikurikira: twakwigisha dute umwana wacu ibirebana no kurya no kuryama? Ese uko umwana arize ari ku buriri ni ko tuzajya tumuterura? Tuzajya tubigenza dute mu gihe umwana yananiwe gukurikiza amabwiriza yo kwituma twamuhaye? Birumvikana ko imyanzuro muzafata kuri ibyo bibazo izaba itandukanye n’iy’abandi. Ethan, umugabo ufite abana babiri, yaravuze ati “ni ngombwa ko muganira kuri ibyo bibazo kugira ngo mubyumvikaneho. Ibyo bizabafasha kwita ku mwana wanyu.”

Umwana ashobora gutuma abashakanye babana neza.

Nk’uko bisaba igihe no kwihangana kugira ngo ababaji babiri bataraba inararibonye bashobore gukera ingiga y’igiti bakoresheje urukero rumwe, ni na ko namwe mukeneye igihe gihagije kugira ngo mumenyere inshingano nshya za kibyeyi. Ariko amaherezo muzabigeraho.

Kurera abana bizagaragaza niba ukomeye ku muhigo wawe wo kubana akaramata n’uwo mwashakanye, kandi bizahindura burundu imibanire yawe na we. Icyakora, bizanatuma witoza kugira imico y’ingenzi. Nushyira mu bikorwa inama zirangwa n’ubwenge zo muri Bibiliya, uzumva umeze nk’umugabo witwa Kenneth wagize ati “jye n’umugore wanjye, kurera abana byatugiriye akamaro. Ubu ntitucyitekerezaho cyane kandi twarushijeho gukundana, ku buryo buri wese asigaye arushaho kwiyumvisha uko mugenzi we amerewe.” Abashakanye baba bakeneye kugira ihinduka nk’iryo.