Jya wubaha uwo mwashakanye

ESE ibyabaye kuri Will na Rachel, na we bijya bikubaho? Bombi bifuzaga kuganira, ariko akenshi bararakaranyaga. Byaterwaga n’iki?

Abagabo n’abagore bagaragaza ibitekerezo mu buryo butandukanye, kandi ibyo bakenera biba bitandukanye. Umugore yumva yavuga akantu kose kamuri ku mutima kandi yisanzuye. Ku rundi ruhande, abagabo bumva bahita bakemura ikibazo bahuye na cyo, kandi bakirinda ibibazo bikomeye kugira ngo amahoro ahinde. None se, wakora iki kugira ngo ibyo utandukaniyeho n’uwo mwashakanye, bitababera imbogamizi yo gushyikirana? Ibyo wabigeraho umwubaha.

Umuntu wubaha abandi, abaha agaciro kandi akagerageza kubumva. Kuva ukiri muto, ushobora kuba waratojwe kubaha abakuru cyangwa abantu b’inararibonye kukurusha. Icyakora iyo umaze gushaka, ushobora guhura n’ikibazo cyo kubaha uwo mwashakanye kuko uba wumva nta cyo akurusha. Linda umaze imyaka umunani ashatse, yaravuze ati “nari nzi neza ko Phil atega abandi amatwi yitonze kandi akabumva. Ni yo mpamvu nanjye nifuzaga gusa ko amfata nk’uko afata abandi.” Ushobora kuba utega amatwi incuti zawe ndetse n’abantu mutaziranye, kandi ukabaganiriza ububashye. Ariko se uwo mwashakanye na we ni uko umufata?

Gusuzugurana biteza ibibazo mu muryango, kandi bigatuma abashakanye bagirana amakimbirane. Hari umwami w’umunyabwenge wavuze ati “utwokurya dukakaye turimo amahoro, turuta urugo rwuzuye ibyokurya, ariko rufite intonganya” (Imigani 17:1, Bibiliya Yera). Ku bw’ibyo, Bibiliya itera umugabo inkunga yo kubaha umugore (1 Petero 3:7). “Umugore” na we “agomba kubaha cyane umugabo we.”—Abefeso 5:33.

Wakora iki kugira ngo uganire n’uwo mwashakanye umwubashye? Reka dusuzume inama zimwe na zimwe z’ingirakamaro ziboneka muri Bibiliya zabigufashamo.

Mu gihe uwo mwashakanye ashaka kugira icyo akubwira

Aho ikibazo kiri:

Abantu benshi bakunda kuvuga kuruta gutega amatwi. Ese nawe ni uko uteye? Bibiliya ivuga ko umuntu wese “usubiza atarumva neza ikibazo,” aba ari umupfapfa (Imigani 18:13). Ku bw’ibyo, mbere yo kugira icyo uvuga, ujye ubanza utege amatwi. Kubera iki? Uwitwa Kara umaze imyaka 26 ashatse, yaravuze ati “icyo mba nifuza si uko umugabo wanjye ahita akemura ibibazo mugejejeho. Si na ngombwa ko yemeranya nanjye, cyangwa ngo agerageze gutahura impamvu ikibazo cyavutse. Icyo mba nifuza gusa ni uko anyumva kandi ibyo mubwiye akabiha agaciro.”

Ku rundi ruhande, hari abagabo n’abagore badakunda kuvuga ibibari ku mutima, kandi abo bashakanye babahatira kugira icyo bavuga, bakumva bibabangamiye. Igihe Lorrie yari amaze igihe gito ashatse, yaje kubona ko kugira ngo umugabo we umuvanemo ijambo bisaba igihe. Yaravuze ati “kugira ngo agire icyo avuga, binsaba gutegereza nihanganye.”

Umuti:

Niba wowe n’uwo mwashakanye hari ikibazo mushaka kuganiraho ariko kikaba gishobora kubateranya, mujye mukiganiraho igihe mwembi mwumva mwisanzuye kandi mutuje. Byagenda bite mu gihe uwo mwashakanye adashaka kuvuga? Ujye uzirikana ko ‘ibitekerezo by’umuntu ari nk’amazi yo mu iriba rirerire, ariko ko umuntu ufite ubushishozi abimuvomamo’ (Imigani 20:5, Today’s English Version). Uramutse urimo uvoma mu iriba rirerire, maze ukazamura indobo huti huti, hameneka amazi menshi. Mu buryo nk’ubwo, uramutse uhatiye uwo mwashakanye kukubwira ibyo atekereza, ashobora kwihagararaho, maze uburyo wari ubonye bwo kumenya ibyo atekereza bukaba burabuze. Aho kubigenza utyo, ujye umubaza ibibazo mu bugwaneza kandi umwubashye, kandi umwihanganire mu gihe adahise akubwira ibimuri ku mutima nk’uko wabyifuzaga.

Mu gihe uwo mwashakanye agize icyo akubwira, ‘ujye wihutira kumva ariko utinde kuvuga, kandi utinde kurakara’ (Yakobo 1:19). Umuntu uzi gutega amatwi, ntiyumvisha amatwi gusa, ahubwo yumvisha n’umutima. Niba uwo mwashakanye hari icyo akubwiye, gerageza kwiyumvisha icyo ashaka kuvuga. Uko utega amatwi uwo mwashakanye, ni byo bizamugaragariza niba umwubaha cyangwa utamwubaha.

Yesu yatwigishije uko twagombye gutega amatwi. Urugero, igihe umuntu wari urwaye yamusabaga kumufasha, ntiyahise akemura icyo kibazo. Yabanje kumva ibyo uwo muntu yamusabaga. Arangije, yagerageje kwiyumvisha uko uwo muntu yari amerewe, maze aramukiza (Mariko 1:40-42). Ubwo rero, mu gihe uwo mwashakanye akuvugisha, na we ujye ubigenza utyo. Zirikana ko icyo ashobora kuba akeneye atari uguhita umukemurira ikibazo, ko ahubwo ari ukumwumva ubivanye ku mutima. Ku bw’ibyo, ujye umutega amatwi witonze. Gerageza kwiyumvisha uko amerewe, umukorere ibyo agusaba. Nubigenza utyo, uzaba ugaragaje ko wubaha uwo mwashakanye.

Mu gihe hari icyo ushaka kuvuga

Aho ikibazo kiri:

Uwitwa Linda twigeze kuvuga, yagize ati “amakinamico yo kuri televiziyo atuma abantu bumva ko kubwira nabi abo bashakanye, kubatuka cyangwa kubasesereza, ari ibisanzwe.” Hari abantu bakurira mu miryango ikoresha imvugo itesha abandi agaciro. Abantu nk’abo iyo bashatse, kwirinda gukoresha iyo mvugo mu miryango yabo birabagora. Ivy uba muri Kanada yaravuze ati “nakuriye mu muryango wabagamo intonganya, gukankamirana no kwitana amazina atesha agaciro.”

Umuti:

Mu gihe uvuga uwo mwashakanye umubwira abandi, “ujye uvuga ijambo ryose ryiza ryo kubaka abandi mu gihe bikenewe, kugira ngo abaryumvise ribahe ikintu cyiza” (Abefeso 4:29). Ujye umuvuga neza, ukoreshe amagambo atuma abandi bamwubaha.

Jya wirinda kubwira uwo mwashakanye amagambo yo kumusesereza no kumwita amazina amutesha agaciro, no mu gihe mwaba muri mwenyine. Urugero, Mikali wo muri Isirayeli ya kera yarakariye Umwami Dawidi wari umugabo we. Yavuze amagambo yo kumusesereza, agaragaza ko yakoze nk’“umuntu utagira ubwenge.” Ayo magambo yababaje Dawidi, kandi ababaza Imana (2 Samweli 6:20-23). Ibyo bitwigisha iki? Mu gihe uvugana n’uwo mwashakanye, jya utoranya amagambo ukoresha ubyitondeye (Abakolosayi 4:6). Phil umaze imyaka umunani ashatse, yiyemerera ko na n’ubu we n’umugore we bagifite ibintu batumvikanaho. Yiboneye ko hari igihe ibyo avuga bituma ibintu birushaho kuzamba. Yaravuze ati “nabonye ko kugisha impaka uwo mwashakanye bituma ibintu birushaho kuzamba, niyo ibyo uvuga byaba ari ukuri. Ibyiza ni ugushaka uko mwashyikirana neza, kuko bigira akamaro cyane.”

Hari umupfakazi wari ugeze mu za bukuru wo mu bihe bya kera, wifurije abakazana be ‘kubona uburuhukiro mu mazu y’abagabo babo’ (Rusi 1:9, Bibiliya Yera). Iyo abashakanye bubahana, urugo rwabo ruba ahantu ho ‘kuruhukira.’

Jya wemera ko mufite ibyo mutandukaniyeho

Aho ikibazo kiri:

Bamwe mu bamaze igihe gito bashakanye bagiye bibeshya, bakumva ko kuba Bibiliya ivuga ko babaye “umubiri umwe,” bisobanura ko bagomba kubona ibintu kimwe kandi bakagira imico imwe (Matayo 19:5). Icyakora, ntibatinda kubona ko byari inzozi. Iyo bamaze kubana, akenshi ibyo batandukaniyeho bituma batongana. Linda yaravuze ati “ikintu gikomeye ntandukaniyeho na Phil ni uko atajya ahangayika. Rimwe na rimwe, iyo mpangayitse we arikomeza. Ibyo birandakaza kuko mba mbona ko atita ku bintu nk’uko mbigenza.”

Umuti:

Buri wese ajye yemera undi uko ari, kandi mujye mwubahana nubwo hari ibyo mutandukaniyeho. Reka dufate urugero: amaso yawe atandukanye n’amatwi yawe, ariko iyo wambuka umuhanda biruzuzanya bigatuma wambuka neza. Adrienne umaze imyaka hafi mirongo itatu ashatse, yaravuze ati “igihe cyose ibitekerezo byacu bitarengera Ijambo ry’Imana, buri wese muri twe yemera igitekerezo cya mugenzi we. Nubwo twashakanye ntiduteye kimwe.”

Mu gihe wowe n’uwo mwashakanye mutabona ibintu kimwe, ntukibande ku nyungu zawe. Jya wita ku byiyumvo bye (Abafilipi 2:4). Umugabo wa Adrienne witwa Kyle, yagize ati “buri gihe si ko nemeranya n’umugore wanjye cyangwa ngo tubone ibintu kimwe. Ariko nzirikana ko mukunda kuruta uko nkunda ibitekerezo byanjye. Iyo yishimye nanjye ndishima.”

Kubahana ni kimwe mu bituma abashakanye bagira ibyishimo mu muryango kandi bakabana akaramata. Linda yaravuze ati “kubahana bituma abashakanye bagira amahoro kandi bakanyurwa. Birakwiriye rero ko tubyitoza.”