Icyo mwakora ngo igihe cyo kumenyana kibagirire akamaro

1-2. Bamwe biyumva bate mu gihe cyo kumenyana?

IGIHE cyo kumenyana, gishobora kuba igihe gishimishije cyane. Niba ubu hari umuntu muri kumenyana, nta gushidikanya ko wifuza ko bigenda neza. Kandi koko ku bantu benshi bigenda neza! Hari mushiki wacu wo muri Etiyopiya wavuze ati: “Kimwe mu bihe byanshimishije cyane, ni igihe namaze menyana n’umugabo wanjye. Twaganiraga ku bintu by’ingenzi mu buzima, ariko nanone tugaseka. Kubona umuntu unkunda nanjye mukunda, byaranshimishije cyane.”

² Icyakora umuvandimwe witwa Alessioa wo mu Buholandi we yaravuze ati: “Nishimiye kumenyana n’umugore wanjye, nubwo icyo gihe cyo kumenyana kitari cyoroshye.” Muri iki gice, turi burebe zimwe mu ngorane abavandimwe na bashiki bacu bari kumenyana bashobora guhura na zo, turebe n’amahame yabafasha. Nanone turi burebe icyo abandi bagize itorero bashobora gukora kugira ngo babashyigikire.

INTEGO Y’IGIHE CYO KUMENYANA

3. Ni iyihe ntego yo kumenyana? (Imigani 20:25)

³ Nubwo igihe cyo kumenyana gishobora gushimisha umuvandimwe na mushiki wacu, bagomba kubona ko icyo gihe ari icy’ingenzi kuko gishobora gutuma bagera ku mwanzuro wo gushyingiranwa. Ku munsi w’ubukwe, uwo musore n’inkumi barahirira imbere ya Yehova ko bazakundana kandi ko bazubahana, igihe cyose bazaba bakiriho. Icyakora mbere yo kugira ikintu icyo ari cyo cyose twiyemeza, tugomba kubanza gutekereza twitonze. (Soma mu Migani 20:25.) Ibyo ni na ko bigenda mbere yo kwiyemeza gushakana n’umuntu. Igihe cyo kumenyana gifasha umusore n’inkumi gufata umwanzuro mwiza. Hari igihe bafata umwanzuro wo gushyingiranwa, ariko hari n’igihe bafata umwanzuro wo guhagarika ubucuti bafitanye. Iyo bahagaritse ubucuti bwabo, ntibiba bivuze ko igihe cyo kumenyana nta cyo cyabamariye. Ahubwo intego y’igihe cyo kumenyana iba yagezweho. Icyo gihe gifasha umusore n’inkumi kumenya niba bazashakana cyangwa niba batazashakana.

4. Kuki dukwiriye kubona igihe cyo kumenyana mu buryo bukwiriye?

⁴ Dukwiriye kubona dute igihe cyo kumenyana? Iyo abaseribateri babona icyo gihe mu buryo bukwiriye, birinda gutangira kumenyana n’umuntu badafite intego yo gushakana na we. Icyakora abaseribateri si bo bonyine bakwiriye kubona icyo gihe mu buryo bukwiriye, ahubwo twese biratureba. Urugero, hari abatekereza ko niba abantu batangiye kumenyana, bagomba gushakana byanze bikunze. Ibyo bituma abaseribateri biyumva bate? Mushiki wacu w’umuseribateri witwa Melissa wo muri Leta Zunze Ubumwe za Amerika, yaravuze ati: “Iyo umuvandimwe na mushiki wacu batangiye kumenyana, hari Abahamya baba biteze ko bagiye gukora ubukwe. Ibyo bishobora gutuma abantu bari kumenyana batinya guhagarika ubucuti bwabo nubwo baba bumva badakwiranye. Abandi bo bahitamo kudafata igihe cyo kumenyana. Ibyo bishobora guteza ibibazo byinshi.”

MUJYE MUMENYANA NEZA

5-6. Ni iki buri wese mu barimo kumenyana yagombye kumenya kuri mugenzi we? (1 Petero 3:4)

⁵ Niba hari umuntu muri kumenyana, ni iki cyagufasha kumenya niba muzashakana cyangwa niba mugomba guhagarika ubwo bucuti? Ni ukumenyana neza. Birashoboka ko hari ibintu bike wari uzi kuri uwo muntu mbere y’uko mutangira kumenyana. Ariko ubu bwo, ufite uburyo bwo kumenya “umuntu uhishwe mu mutima.” (Soma muri 1 Petero 3:4.) Ubu noneho ushobora kumenya niba uwo muntu akunda Yehova koko, imico ye n’uko atekereza. Hari igihe kizagera, ukibaza ibi bibazo: “Ese azambera umugabo cyangwa umugore mwiza (Imig. 31:26, 27, 30; Efe. 5:33; 1 Tim. 5:8)? Ese tuzakomeza gukundana? Ese nzashobora kwirengagiza amakosa yeb (Rom. 3:23)?” Dore ikintu ugomba kuzirikana uko muzagenda mumenyana: Icy’ingenzi si uko muba mumeze kimwe, ahubwo ni uguhuza n’ibyo utandukaniyeho na mugenzi wawe.

⁶ Ni ibihe bintu bindi wakwifuza kumenya ku muntu muri kumenyana? Mbere y’uko utangira kumva umukunze cyane, mushobora kuganira ku bintu by’ingenzi, urugero nk’intego afite. Nanone muba mukwiriye kuganira ku birebana n’uburwayi, ibibazo by’amafaranga cyangwa ibintu byamubayeho bikamugiraho ingaruka. Si ngombwa ko muganira ku bintu byose, igihe mugitangira kumenyana. (Gereranya na Yohana 16:12.) Niba hari ibibazo wumva utiteguye gusubiza, bimubwire. Uko byagenda kose ariko, umenye ko hari igihe azakenera kumenya ibisubizo byabyo, kugira ngo abone gufata umwanzuro mwiza. Ubwo rero, hari igihe muzabiganiraho ukamubwira ibikuri ku mutima byose.

7. Ni iki umuvandimwe na mushiki wacu bakundana bakora ngo barusheho kumenyana? (Reba n’agasanduku gafite umutwe uvuga ngo: “Kumenyana n’umuntu uba kure yawe.”) (Reba n’ifoto.)

⁷ None se wakora iki ngo umenye neza uwo mukundana? Kimwe mu byagufasha, ni ukuganira nta cyo mukingana, ukamubaza ibibazo kandi ukamutega amatwi witonze (Imig. 20:5; Yak. 1:19). Kugira ngo mubigereho, mushobora gushaka ibintu mwakorera hamwe bigatuma muganira, urugero nko gusangira, gutemberera ahantu hahurira abantu benshi no kubwirizanya. Nanone, kumarana igihe n’incuti zanyu na bene wanyu bishobora gutuma murushaho kumenyana. Ikindi kandi, mushobora gukora ibintu bituma umenya uko mugenzi wawe yitwara mu mimerere itandukanye, n’uko yitwara ku bantu batandukanye. Reka turebe icyo umuvandimwe wo mu Buholandi yakoze, mu gihe cyo kumenyana na mushiki wacu witwa Alicia. Yaravuze ati: “Twashakaga ibintu twakora byatuma turushaho kumenyana. Akenshi byabaga ari ibintu byoroheje, urugero nko gutekera hamwe cyangwa gukora indi mirimo yo mu rugo. Iyo twabaga dukora iyo mirimo, buri wese yamenyaga imico myiza ya mugenzi we n’aho afite intege nke.”

8. Kwigira Bibiliya hamwe, byafasha bite umusore n’inkumi bari kumenyana?

⁸ Kwigira Bibiliya hamwe no kuyiganiraho, na byo bishobora gutuma murushaho kumenyana neza. Nimumara gushakana, muzajya mushaka igihe cya gahunda y’iby’umwuka mu muryango, kugira ngo Yehova abafashe mu muryango wanyu (Umubw. 4:12). Ubwo rero mu gihe murimo kumenyana mushobora gushyiraho iyo gahunda. Birumvikana ko mutaraba umugore n’umugabo, kandi umuvandimwe ataraba umutware w’umuryango. Icyakora kwigira Bibiliya hamwe buri gihe, bizatuma buri wese amenya niba mugenzi we akunda Yehova koko. Umuvandimwe witwa Max na mushiki wacu witwa Laysa bo muri Leta Zunze Ubumwe za Amerika, babonye ko ibyo byabagiriye akamaro. Uwo muvandimwe yaravuze ati: “Ngitangira kumenyana na Laysa, twigiraga hamwe ingingo zo mu bitabo byacu, zivuga ibirebana no kurambagiza, gushaka n’umuryango. Izo ngingo zamfashije kuganira na we ku bibazo by’ingenzi tutari kuganiraho mu biganiro bisanzwe.”

IBINDI BINTU MUKWIRIYE KWITAHO

9. Ni iki umuvandimwe na mushiki wacu bashobora gutekerezaho mu gihe bafata umwanzuro w’uwo bazabwira ko bari kumenyana?

⁹ Ni ba nde mushobora kubwira ko mukundana? Uwo ni umwanzuro mugomba gufatira hamwe. Iyo mugitangira kumenyana, mushobora guhitamo kubibwira abantu bake gusa (Imig. 17:27). Ibyo bishobora kubarinda ibibazo bitari ngombwa no kumva muhatiwe gukora ubukwe. Ariko iyo muhisemo kutagira uwo mubibwira, mushobora kugwa mu mutego wo kwitarura abandi, mutinya ko bashobora kubavumbura. Ibyo byabateza akaga. Ubwo rero, byaba byiza nibura mubibwiye abantu bashobora kubagira inama nziza kandi bakabashyigikira (Imig. 15:22). Urugero, mushobora kubibwira bamwe mu bagize imiryango yanyu, incuti zanyu zikuze mu buryo bw’umwuka cyangwa abasaza b’itorero.

10. Ni iki umuvandimwe na mushiki wacu bakora kugira ngo badakora ibintu bidakwiriye mu gihe bari kumenyana? (Imigani 22:3)

¹⁰ Mwakora iki kugira ngo mu gihe cyo kumenyana mudakora ibintu bidakwiriye? Uko murushaho gukundana, ni ko buri wese yumva yahora ari kumwe na mugenzi we. None se ni iki cyabafasha kugira ngo mudakora ikintu cyababaza Yehova (1 Kor. 6:18)? Mujye mwirinda amagambo yerekeza ku busambanyi, kuba muri kumwe mwenyine no kunywa inzoga nyinshi (Efe. 5:3). Ibyo bishobora kubyutsa irari ryanyu ry’ibitsina maze ntimubashe gukora ibikwiriye nk’uko mwabyiyemeje. Byaba byiza mugiye muganira ku cyo mwakora kugira ngo buri wese yubahe mugenzi we kandi mwubahe amahame ya Yehova. (Soma mu Migani 22:3.) Reka turebe icyafashije umuvandimwe witwa Dawit na mushiki wacu witwa Almaz bo muri Etiyopiya. Baravuze bati: “Twakundaga kuba turi kumwe, turi ahantu hahurira abantu benshi cyangwa turi kumwe n’incuti zacu. Nta na rimwe twigeze kuba turi twenyine mu modoka cyangwa mu nzu. Uwo mwanzuro twafashe waturinze gukora ibintu byatuma tugwa mu bishuko.”

11. Ni iki umuvandimwe na mushiki wacu bari kumenyana batekerezaho mu gihe bafata imyanzuro yo kugaragarizanya urukundo?

¹¹ Umuvandimwe na mushiki wacu bari kumenyana bagaragarizanya urukundo bate? Uko murushaho kumarana igihe, mushobora kugaragarizanya urukundo mu buryo bukwiriye. Icyakora muramutse mugize irari ryinshi ry’ibitsina, gufata umwanzuro ukwiriye bishobora kubagora (Ind. 1:2; 2:6). Nanone iyo mugaragarizanya urukundo, mushobora kunanirwa kwifata maze mugakora ikintu gishobora kubabaza Yehova (Imig. 6:27). Ubwo rero, kuva mugitangira kumenyana, mujye muganira ku mipaka mwakwishyiriraho kugira ngo mwubahirize amahame yo muri Bibiliyac (1 Tes. 4:3-7). Wowe n’uwo muri kumenyana, mushobora kwibaza muti: “Ese abandi babona bate uburyo tugaragarizanya urukundo? Ese ibyo dukora ntibishobora gutuma umwe muri twe agira irari ry’ibitsina?”

12. Ni iki umuvandimwe na mushiki wacu bari kumenyana bakora mu gihe hari ibyo batumvikanaho?

¹² Mwakemura mute ibyo mutumvikanaho? Byagenda bite se niba rimwe na rimwe hari ibintu mutumvikanaho? Ese byaba bigaragaza ko mudakwiranye? Si ko biri byanze bikunze kandi si mwe mwenyine byaba bibayeho. Uzirikane ko urugo rwiza ruba rugizwe n’abantu babiri bafatanyiriza hamwe gukemura ibibazo batumvikanaho. Ubwo rero uko mukemura ibibazo mufitanye ubu, biba bigaragaza uko muzajya mubikemura nimumara gushakana. Mushobora kwibaza muti: “Ese nta kuntu twaganira ku bibazo dutuje kandi twubahana? Ese tuba twiteguye kwemera amakosa kandi tukagerageza kwikosora? Ese tuba twiteguye kuva ku izima, gusaba imbabazi no kubabarira (Efe. 4:31, 32)?” Ariko niba muhora mutongana cyangwa mukagira ibyo mupfa mu gihe muri kumenyana, ntutekereze ko nimumara gushakana ari bwo bizagenda neza. Niba ubona mudakwiranye, mukwiriye guhagarika ubwo bucuti, kuko ari wo mwanzuro wababera mwiza mwese.d

13. Ni iki cyafasha umuvandimwe na mushiki wacu kumenya igihe bazamara bamenyana?

¹³ Mushobora kumara igihe kingana iki mumenyana? Akenshi iyo umuntu afashe imyanzuro ahubutse, bimugiraho ingaruka (Imig. 21:5). Ubwo rero mukwiriye gufata igihe gihagije cyo kumenyana kugira ngo buri wese abe azi neza mugenzi we. Icyakora igihe cyo kumenyana nticyagombye kuba kirekire bitari ngombwa. Nanone Bibiliya iravuga ngo: “Iyo icyari cyitezwe kitabonetse bitera umutima kurwara” (Imig. 13:12). Ikindi kandi, kumara igihe kirekire cyane mumenyana, bishobora gutuma mugwa mu cyaha cy’ubusambanyi (1 Kor. 7:9). Aho kwibanda ku gihe muzamara mumenyana, wagombye kwibaza uti: “Ni iki nsigaje kumenya kuri uyu muntu kugira ngo mfate umwanzuro?”

UKO ABANDI BASHYIGIKIRA UMUVANDIMWE NA MUSHIKI WACU BARI KUMENYANA?

14. Ni iki abandi bakora kugira ngo bashyigikire umuvandimwe na mushiki wacu bari kumenyana? (Reba n’ifoto.)

¹⁴ Ese niba tuzi ko hari umuvandimwe na mushiki wacu bari kumenyana, twakora iki ngo tubafashe? Dushobora kubatumira kugira ngo dusangire, twifatanye muri gahunda y’iby’umwuka mu muryango cyangwa tukajyana gutembera (Rom. 12:13). Ibyo bishobora gutuma barushaho kumenyana. Ese baba bakeneye ubaherekeza, uwo kubatwara mu modoka cyangwa bakeneye ahantu ho kuganirira bari bonyine? Niba bishoboka, ushobora kubafasha (Gal. 6:10). Mushiki wacu witwa Alicia twigeze kuvuga, yavuze icyo we n’umugabo we bishimiye. Yaravuze ati: “Twashimishijwe n’uko hari abavandimwe na bashiki bacu, batubwiye ko dushobora kubasura, igihe cyose twaba dukeneye ahantu ho kuganirira turi twenyine, ariko hari n’abandi bantu.” Niba hari umuvandimwe na mushiki wacu bagusabye kubaherekeza mu gihe bari kumenyana, ujye ubyemera. Uzirinde kubasiga bonyine, ariko nanone wibuke ko bakeneye umwanya wo kuganira hagati yabo.—Fili. 2:4.

15. Ni iki kindi incuti z’umuvandimwe na mushiki wacu bakora kugira ngo babafashe? (Imig. 12:18)

¹⁵ Kumenya ibyo dukwiriye kuvuga n’ibyo tutavuga bishobora gufasha umuvandimwe na mushiki wacu bari kumenyana. Hari igihe tuba tugomba kugaragaza umuco wo kumenya kwifata. (Soma mu Migani 12:18.) Urugero, hari igihe tuba dushishikajwe no kubwira abandi ko hari umuvandimwe na mushiki wacu bari kumenyana, kandi bo bumva ari bo bagombye kubyivugira. Ntidukwiriye gukwirakwiza amazimwe ku birebana n’abarimo kurambagizanya cyangwa ngo dutangire kubanenga tuvuga ibintu bitatureba (Imig. 20:19; Rom. 14:10; 1 Tes. 4:11). Nanone ntitwagombye kuvuga amagambo cyangwa kubaza ibibazo uwo muvandimwe na mushiki wacu, byatuma bumva bahatiwe gukora ubukwe. Mushiki wacu witwa Elise n’umugabo we, baravuze bati: “Iyo abandi batubazaga ibirebana n’ubukwe bwacu kandi tutarabiganiraho, twumvaga bitubangamiye.”

16. Dukwiriye kwitwara dute mu gihe twumvise ko umuvandimwe na mushiki wacu bahisemo guhagarika ubucuti bari bafitanye?

¹⁶ Twakora iki mu gihe umuvandimwe na mushiki wacu bahagaritse ubucuti bwabo? Twagombye kwirinda kwivanga mu bibazo byabo cyangwa kugira aho tubogamira (1 Pet. 4:15). Mushiki wacu witwa Lea yaravuze ati: “Narababaye cyane igihe numvaga abantu bagenda bavuga impamvu batekerezaga yatumye ntandukana n’umuvandimwe twakundanaga.” Nk’uko twabibonye, kuba abantu bahagaritse ubucuti bwabo, ntibivuze ko igihe cyo kumenyana cyabapfiriye ubusa. Intego iba yagezweho, kuko icyo gihe kiba cyatumye bafata umwanzuro mwiza. Icyakora uwo mwanzuro ushobora gutuma bumva bababaye, cyangwa hakagira uwumva ko ari wenyine. Ubwo rero, dushobora gushaka uko twabafasha.—Imig. 17:17.

17. Ni iki umuvandimwe na mushiki wacu bari kumenyana bakwiriye gukomeza gukora?

¹⁷ Nk’uko twabibonye muri iki gice, igihe cyo kumenyana gishobora kubamo ibibazo, ariko nanone gishobora gushimisha. Mushiki wacu witwa Jessica yaravuze ati: “Mvugishije ukuri, igihe cyo kumenyana cyabaga kirimo ibintu byinshi. Ariko nshimishwa n’uko twakoresheje icyo gihe neza, kandi tugakora uko dushoboye kose ngo tumenyane.” Niba hari umuntu murimo kumenyana, mukwiriye gukora uko mushoboye kose ngo icyo gihe kibagirire akamaro. Nimubigenza mutyo, muzarushaho kumenyana, maze mufate umwanzuro mwiza.